


The Basics of Primary Ed.

by Caera1996



Series: The Basics of Primary Ed. 'verse [1]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: AU, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-24
Updated: 2013-06-23
Packaged: 2017-12-12 19:40:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 41
Words: 129,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/815279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caera1996/pseuds/Caera1996
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dr. Leonard McCoy moves his life and his daughter across the country to San Francisco for a job opportunity that will allow him to pursue his research and raise Joanna. Fully immersed in his life as a single father, he’s not looking for, nor expecting, the interest and attention from his daughter’s kindergarten teacher, Jim Kirk. Jim offers Leonard a connection he’d been missing, and helps Joanna realize her potential. Together, they learn more about themselves and each other, developing and changing personally and as a couple, and over the course of the beginning of their relationship, their concept of “family” evolves.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter 1 Summary: Jim Kirk does not fit Leonard McCoy's preconceived ideas of what kind of kindergarten teacher will meet his daughter's needs. However, despite his misgivings, Leonard is persuaded to give Jim a chance.
> 
> Poem excerpt is courtesy of the great Dr. Seuss

Leonard eyed the child sitting next to him as he waited to speak with the principal. The boy's feet swung a good six inches over the floor, but that was where the cute ended and the surly began. His arms were crossed tightly over his chest and his face was scrunched into a scowl that rivaled Leonard's.

"So, kid…what're you in for?" Leonard asked.

"Fighting."

"Fighting? How old are you? Why were you fighting?"

"I'm eight, and a stupid dummy called me cupcake and ripped up my picture," the grumbled.

"Hmm…" Leonard said seriously. "Is he going to call you cupcake again?"

The boy looked up at him and smiled. Leonard checked his own reflexive smile. Even surly, missing two front teeth is cute. "Nope!"

"Mr. McCoy, the principal will see you now," one of the women at the front desk called to him.                                                                                                                                                

Leonard nodded and stood. "Good luck, kid."

"Are you in trouble too mister?"

Leonard stopped and considered it. "Maybe," he replied.

The boy smiled again. "Don't worry about it…Ms. Uhura pretends she's mean, but she's really nice."

"I'll keep that in mind," Leonard replied. He followed the secretary down the hall in the administrative offices of McKinley Elementary School.

They reached the principal's office and the secretary rapped on the door, pushing it open. "Ms. Uhura, Mr. McCoy," she introduced.

Principal Uhura stood as Leonard entered, coming around her desk to shake his hand. She looked a little too young and fresh-faced to be a principal, but a quick look at the walls of her office did a lot to reassure. A Communications Bachelor's, a Masters of Arts in Primary Education, a second Master's in Educational Administration and several certifications…the paperwork looked like she knew what she was doing. That however, remained to be seen.

"Mr. McCoy, it's a pleasure to meet you. Please, take a seat," she said. Leonard sat in one of the guest chairs, and instead of taking the seat behind her desk, she sat in the other chair, turning it slightly so they were facing each other at angles. "So, what can I do for you?"

"Ms. Uhura, as you know, my daughter will be starting here in a few days, and when we received her class information, I must admit I was…concerned." Leonard paused, not wanting this meeting to go badly. This was the best school in the area.

"Go on," she said, nodding.

Calmly holding her gaze, Leonard said, "I want my daughter to have a different teacher."

The principal was quiet for a moment, studying him. He held her eye unwaveringly.

"Mr. McCoy, we don't…" she began, and he could hear the "no" before she got any further.

"Ms. Uhura, it's Dr. McCoy, and this is not up for discussion," he said, using his most authoritative voice. "I don't want to, but I will pull her, and her tuition fees, and let my colleagues at San Fran General know that they may want to continue interviewing schools."

Uhura narrowed her eyes slightly, and suddenly she didn't seem quite as young and fresh-faced. She also wasn't reacting the way his interns did when he used that voice with them.  _I may have misjudged this woman,_ he thought to himself.

" _Dr._  McCoy," she said, in the voice she generally reserved for recalcitrant students. "May I ask why you want a different teacher for your child?"

And yes, he'd been expecting this question. And he was very firm in his belief that he was right. But, he knew how this was going to sound. "I'm not comfortable with the thought of my daughter in  _Mr._ Kirk's class," he said, meaning clear.

"Excuse me for a moment Doctor," she said, rising. He followed her with his eyes as she walked to the other side of the room, going first to one file cabinet and then the other, pulling one folder from each. Returning to her seat, she opened one of them.

"Let's see here," she said turning a few pages. "Oh, yes. Exhibits difficulty maintaining eye contact with peers; selects individual activities during free play time; speaks in consistently low tones or not at all--" 

Leonard recognized what she was reading. "I realize Jo has an introverted personality--" 

Uhura ignored him and flipped a page, continuing to read as if she was never interrupted. "Highly imaginative and artistically expressive. Reading comprehension two levels above age standards; displays an advanced comprehension of spatial relationships and mathematical concepts…"

"Ms. Uhura, I don't need to review Joanna's educational benchmarks," Leonard started. But again, she ignored him as she set Joanna's folder aside and opened the other one.

"Undergraduate degrees in General Psychology and Elementary Education. Master's Degree in Primary Educational Development, with a focus on psychological development, certification to teach students with exceptionalities, developed the Education of the Gifted Child teacher education program at the Teacher's College within the University of California…"

"That is the kind of teacher Joanna should have. Not some guy who…"

"Dr. McCoy," Uhura said sharply. Leonard clenched his jaw at being interrupted for the  _third time._ "Have you met Mr. Kirk?"

Drawing on every reserve of southern gentlemanliness he had, he forced himself to answer levelly.

"No," he said shortly.

"Have you taken the opportunity to observe him while class is in session?"

"No."

"Dr. McCoy," and now her voice was gentler. "Did you ever have a male elementary school teacher?"

"Me? No, I didn't."

Uhura nodded. "Things are different now. More men are teaching elementary and middle school… almost as many as in the high schools. All of our teachers are thoroughly vetted with background checks, psychological clearances, and unannounced observations every quarter." Uhura sat back in her chair, closing the folder she'd been reading from and holding it up. "These qualifications do belong to your daughter's teacher. They belong to Mr. Kirk."

Leonard remained quiet as she checked her watch, feeling a little foolish.

"School will be over in about 25 minutes. Why don't we walk down to his room, and then you and he can meet for a while. Do you have time for that?" she asked kindly.

And how could he say no? He still thought he would prefer his little girl with a different teacher, but what harm could come from taking her up on her offer.

* * *

 

"Okay guys!" Jim called as free play ended. He clapped his hands five times in a rhythmic pattern and the kids echoed it with their own surprisingly on beat claps. The noise in the room quieted and all fourteen of them turned to look at him. "Good job everyone! Free play is over…are you ready for…"

"THE CLEAN-UP SONG!" the kids yelled.

Jim beamed as they started singing.

_"Clean up, clean up, everybody clean up!_   
_We had fun but the time has come_   
_For everyone to clean up, clean up, everybody clean up!_   
_We had fun but the time has come…"_

The simple refrain was repeated a couple of times as the children carried toys to their correct cubbies and moved building blocks from the floor to the bins. Leonard watched as Mr. Kirk and his classroom assistant moved from area to area, pitching in. He noticed that although they were standing at a large window right above where Jim Kirk was currently crouched with a couple of students, none of them even glanced their way. "Is this a one-way window?" Leonard asked the principal.

"Yes. All of the classrooms have one. We frequently have visitors and we don't want to disrupt class every time someone wants to observe. On the other side it's just a mirror."

Leonard nodded. He liked that. A lot.

After just a couple of minutes, the teacher declared the room clean enough for the final story.

"Everyone to the round red rug!"

"Does he always sound so energetic?" Leonard asked. Ms. Uhura snorted gently beside him.

"Yes," she said simply. "All the time." Leonard glanced down at her and noticed the fond look on her face.

"Okay, kiddos," Jim was saying to the kids gathered around him. Everyone was seated on the round, brightly colored rug in the center of the room. He had their rapt attention. "Do you want to know what we're going to read today?"

"Yes!" They answered in unison. 

He turned to look at the assistant. "Miss Kelley, did they all fall asleep?" he asked. "I can't hear anything…"

"YES!" the kids yelled again. "Mr. Kirk, Mr. Kirk…what are we reading? What story is it?"

"Ohhh…there you all are! Okay today we're going to read my  _favorite_ book…" he paused while the kids all laughed. Leonard glanced at Ms. Uhura in askance.

"They're all his favorites," she explained.

They listened while Jim Kirk read. The exuberance in his voice held through the whole rhymed story…that happened to be one Leonard knew well. It was one of Jo's favorites

"…You'll get mixed up, of course,  
as you already know.  
You'll get mixed up  
with many strange birds as you go.  
So be sure when you step.  
Step with care and great tact  
and remember that Life's  
a Great Balancing Act.  
Just never foget to be dexterous and deft.  
And never mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed?  
Yes! You will, indeed!  
(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)

KID, YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!

So...  
be your name Robert or Robin or Rosie McCray  
or Michael, Alison, Vance, Allan, or Kay,  
You're off to Great Places!  
Today is your day!  
Your mountain is waiting.  
So...get on your way!"

"At the end…" Leonard started. 

Ms. Uhura smiled. "He always substitutes students' names in the stories he reads."

Leonard nodded. He watched as the kids got up to collect their belongings. The bell rang, and instead of the stampede he was expecting, the kids lined up at the door.

"Teachers walk their students to aftercare, parent pick-up and the bus loop," Uhura said as Jim opened the door.

"Oh, hi Ms. Uhura. Say hello to Ms. Uhura guys!" Jim called to the childrend talking excitedly in the line.

"HI MS. UHURA!"

"Hi everyone! Have a good day?"

"YEAH!!"

Uhura leaned over to Jim, speaking quickly. Jim nodded.

"Alrighty, my mighty little ones. Ms. Uhura is going to walk you today. See you tomorrow!"

Leonard waited as the kids filed out, each slapping the teacher a high five as they went and Jim giving each of them a personal goodbye. The assistant was the last person in line, and when the door finally closed, the quiet was deafening.

"So," the teacher said, turning to Leonard. "I'm Jim Kirk. Please call me Jim." He held out his hand and shook Leonard's firmly. "You're Joanna McCoy's father."

"Leonard McCoy," he said. "Leonard's fine."

"Good to meet you Leonard. Did you get the chance to observe some of the day?"

"Just the last few minutes."

"Well, you're welcome to come by any time," he gestured at the window. "Though, if you want to actually come in the classroom during class time we'd need to schedule that in advance."

"Of course," Leonard said. He was quiet for a moment…he wasn't quite sure what to ask. Somehow "You're not actually a pedophile, are you?" didn't seem appropriate. Jim watched as he looked around the room.

"Would you like to tour the stations?" he asked.

"Yes, let's do that," Leonard said, grateful for the guidance. The two spent a good 15 minutes visiting the different stations that the kids rotated through during the day. Jim explained that the kids were broken into small groups that traveled through the stations together when working individually or in pairs. He talked about whole class learning, when the groups came together, and lead-ins for the next day.

"For example," Jim said. "That story I read at the end of the day will be the theme of our day tomorrow. We'll talk about mountainous regions in social studies, we'll discuss imagery as creating pictures with words in language arts, we'll talk about the way the brain controls the feet in science, and so on."

"Mr. Kirk," Leonard started.

"Jim," he interrupted.

"Jim," Leonard started again. "Wasn't that story kind of advanced for kindergarten?"

"Oh, definitely. But that doesn't really matter. Kids grow intellectually when they are asked to stretch. They didn't understand most of the story, but they felt the excitement and the hope, and when we use pieces of it tomorrow for the various stations, they'll make connections to the story, to their lives. True comprehension for a story like that will come later. For now, it's more about the fun."

"This all looks great, but I don't know how well it's going to suite Joanna."

"Yes, I did read her file. Do you want to sit?" he offered. 

Leonard looked around at the miniature chairs. "Umm…"

"My desk is over in the corner."

"Oh, okay sure."

They settled and Jim pulled a file out of a desk drawer.

"So, this is Joanna's file…I've got her aptitude results as well as the evaluations. I know this is the first classroom Joanna's going to be in, and you're right in thinking it's not going to be a cakewalk for her at first."

"I just want to make sure she's comfortable," Leonard said.

"Of course. I understand that. But here's the thing…if you let her be comfortable as she is, this relatively mild introversion is not going to be something she grows out of. It's easier to get young children to change the way they interact with their peers and surroundings. If things don't change for Joanna early, it will be much harder for her later on, and she'll never be comfortable in a classroom situation."

They talked for a few more minutes, and Jim asked some very pointed questions that assured Leonard he did really know what he was doing. It also reassured him of Jim's professionalism, and after a while, he thought that maybe this Mr. Kirk actually would be a good teacher for his daughter.

Maybe Ms. Uhura was right after all.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim and Joanna meet for the first time.

"But Daddy," Joanna said, "How come I can't have lessons at home anymore?"

Leonard paused as he was chopping vegetables for their dinner. He turned to look at his little girl, who was coloring at the kitchen table. She appeared to be engrossed in what she was doing, but he knew better.

"I thought you said you wanted to go to school and meet some new friends. Remember we talked about all the cool stuff Mr. Kirk has in the classroom and how much fun it's going to be?"

"I remember," she mumbled. "But I changed my mind."

Abandoning his attempts at properly dicing an onion, he washed his hands and pulled out a chair at the table to sit beside Joanna.

"What're you drawing?" he asked. She slid the page she'd been working on over to him. Studying the picture he felt his heart sink a little. He thought that over the last month and half they'd worked through this. Apparently not. "Is this Buttons?" Leonard asked. Joanna nodded. "Why is he crying?"

"He misses me. He doesn't like being at Mr. Cory's farm. No one ever rides him," Joanna replied. "And I miss him too. Can we go home? Please, Daddy?"

The cross-country move from Georgia to California had been hard on Joanna. The initial excitement of the adventure of moving had quickly evaporated, and she'd dealt with intense homesickness for the first week in San Francisco as she began to really understand that they weren't going back. There weren't a lot of kids who'd lived around them in the country, but she'd had a few friends, and her feelings of missing them were amplified in that way that works with five year olds. He knew she missed their house and the freedom of the surrounding land – living in an apartment in a suburb of a major city was very different – and most of all she missed her beloved horse. Buttons, promptly named by Joanna because of a series of circular marks on his side, had been a gift to her two years ago from a relative. He was exceedingly good natured, and they took to each other quickly. Missing Buttons had been a topic of many tearful bedtimes, though recently that had stopped altogether, much to his relief.

"C'mere, sweetie," he said, pulling her chair closer to his so she could climb into his lap. She sat facing him and clung to his shirt with her little hands. He held her securely, one hand gently running through her dark hair. "We live here now, darlin'. I know it's different, but this is home. And we talked to Mr. Cory just a little while ago, remember? He told us all about how Buttons is helping kids who have trouble walking because he's the best horse for the job. He gets to help make people better when they ride him…don't you think that's neat?"

Joanna was quiet for a moment, but then she nodded, as he knew she would.

"Yeah, that is neat. I like that he's helping kids," she said. And she was definitely her father's daughter. Leonard dropped a kiss to the top of her head. Now back to the real problem…starting school.

"Jo, would you like to visit Mr. Kirk's classroom? That way you can see everything and say hello to the teacher…maybe you could show him some of the pictures you drew."

"What about all the other kids?" she asked.

"We'll go when school is over, so you can see everything first, and then meet the kids later. How does that sound?"

"Good," Joanna answered. "Daddy? Can we get back to the important stuff?"

"Of course. What's the important stuff?"  _Please let this not be about Buttons again._

"Is dinner almost ready? I'm hungry." Leonard laughed. He loved five-year-old priorities.

* * *

Later that night, a quickly called in favor made it possible for Leonard to take Joanna in to visit the classroom at the end of the school day. Now, he sat at the computer to compose an email to Jim Kirk to make sure that dropping by tomorrow was okay.

Leonard hated email. He hated being cc'd on emails that didn't actually have anything to do with him, he hated the "round robin" arguments by email that his colleagues couldn't seem to avoid, and he didn't trust that important information was definitely going to get where it was supposed to and not be lost in cyberspace. He much preferred calling people and having a real, live conversation. Or sending things by fax machine so that you would know right then if something didn't get through. Sighing, he checked the clock and considered just calling Kirk. It was only 9:30, and when Kirk had handed him a business card (since when do kindergarten teachers need business cards?) that listed an email address and personal cell number, he had said to call anytime. Picking up the phone, he hesitated, unsure.

_I'll just email him now, and if I don't hear back from him around lunch tomorrow, I'll the call the school,_  Leonard compromised. Opening a new message box, he composed a simple message:

> Mr. Kirk,
> 
> This is Leonard McCoy. We met today when I visited your classroom with Ms. Uhura. As we discussed, Jo's anxious about starting at the school, and I think having her visit your classroom before she starts will help. I am available tomorrow afternoon, and I was hoping it would be okay if we dropped by at the end of the school day so she can meet you and take a look around.
> 
> Please let me know as soon as possible if this is okay with you. You can reach me by email or call 415-555-9326.
> 
> Thanks,
> 
> Leonard McCoy

After checking for any glaring errors, he hit "Send". Minimizing Outlook, he logged in to San Fran Gen's secure network to get started on reviewing some of the ALS patient files that were part of his study. The abbreviated day tomorrow meant that he would have less time to accomplish some of the things he'd been planning to do, and he didn't want to fall behind. This was too important.

ALS had eaten away at his father, ending his vivacious life before ultimately killing him, and for a few terrifying weeks while he waited for his and Joanna's genetic tests to come back, he was plagued with nightmarish possibilities for his daughter. To his great relief, both he and Joanna were clear. Unfortunately, that didn't mean they definitely wouldn't get sick, but at least they weren't genetically predisposed.

Leonard's research into an effective treatment for ALS was stymied out in Georgia by a lack of funds. In demand as a neurological surgeon, he hadn't had time enough to devote to his neurology research, and in the "publish or perish" world of medical advancement, he was looking at the very real possibility of becoming extinct. So far, his findings were interesting and may open up new avenues of possibilities for a more effective treatment, but unless he kept his name out there, he'd never be recognized enough as a researcher to sustain him. He wasn't willing to give up though, and continued to apply for every available grant while maintaining his position as a physician. And then, the offer from San Francisco General came through.

It was, essentially, a teaching position that came about because of the hospital's affiliation with the University of California at San Francisco's new College of Neurological Sciences. And while Leonard didn't particularly care about teaching, the flip side was he would have access to the hospital as a member of the medical staff and be able to conduct his research within their neurology department. It was actually a pretty good deal. The pay was good, and he'd have regular hours with a set class schedule. Residents in the program would act as TA's to help with some of the workload from the med students, and he'd have time for his research without having to sacrifice time with his daughter. The caveat was that the Neurological Sciences Research Division of Pfizer Pharmaceuticals would have the patent rights to whatever resulted from his work because they were funding the research through the hospital. That was a standard arrangement though, his lawyer had assured him, and the contract Leonard had with the hospital was backed by Pfizer so that he wouldn't be cut out of any resulting profits. Not that he really cared about the resulting profits. He just wanted to give other families the fighting chance his father never had.

After a couple of hours, he was ready to call it a night. He logged out of the system and opened the Outlook screen, just to check. To his surprise, Kirk had already emailed him back, assuring him that he and Joanna were welcome to come tomorrow, and that he didn't need to go to the Main Office first, just head on down to his room. Leonard sent a quick response and shut down the computer. Time for bed.

* * *

"Daddy, I changed my mind. I don't want to go," Joanna said from the back seat. Leonard checked a sigh and turned to look at her.

"Jo, we're already here," he said, trying to not let the exasperation he was feeling creep into his voice. She was nervous, and this is how she expressed it. Sometimes it was a little difficult to keep it in his head that she was just a baby, really. Intelligence didn't equal emotional maturity. "Why don't we just go in and take a look around for a few minutes?"

"I don't want to," she said, tears forming. And, oh, god, she was doing the lip thing. He rolled his eyes at himself. He was going to be in so much trouble when she hit the teen years.

"Baby…how about this…if you come inside with me and act like a big girl, we'll go for ice cream afterwards. Does that sound like a good deal?" He watched as Joanna considered it.

"We're gonna get ice cream  _before_  dinner?" she clarified.

"I promise," Leonard answered.

"Okay!" And just like that the unshed tears cleared and she was ready to go. If any medicine was ever invented that was effective as ice cream, that person would become a household name. Turning back around, he chuckled to himself and turned the car off. He helped Joanna with the booster seat, took her hand, and they headed to the entrance. They were a few minutes early; school hadn't ended yet, and the parking lot was still full. Joanna swung their hands back and forth and took some skipping steps. Leonard smiled watching her. He hoped that she would be happy here. That's all he wanted…for his little girl to be happy and healthy.

Upon entering the school, Leonard stopped to get his bearings. He recognized where he was from when he took that initial tour with one of the assistant principals.

"This way, darlin'," he said, directing them down one of the brightly lit hallways. He watched Joanna take in the surroundings with wide eyes. This was the first school she'd ever been in...everything was something new to see. The walls were lined with brightly colored pictures and posters of all types, and Joanna wanted to look in all the classroom windows. Slowly, letting her set the pace, they made their way to the K-1 wing. They passed a set of doors, and she stopped to read the sign above it.

"Med-eye-a," she tried. "Meed-eye-a…Daddy?"

"Meed is right," Leonard said. "Remember the word for the big room where everyone eats lunch?"

"Cafeteria!" she said.

"That's right…try that ending."

"Cafeter-ia…ee-ah…meed-ee-ah…Media?"

"Good job! What's the second word?"

"Cen-ter. Media Center! What's that?"

"It's a library for the students."

"They have a whole library in the school? Am I allowed to go there?"

"All the students are allowed to go there," Leonard answered with a smile. "Come on, sweetie...we're almost to Mr. Kirk's room."

"Excuse me, sir. Can I help you?" Leonard turned around at the question, spoken in a heavily accented voice. In sweat pants and a McKinley t-shirt, with a whistle around his neck, Leonard realized he was probably the P.E. teacher – who was currently looking at him suspiciously.

"Leonard McCoy," he said, holding out his hand. Joanna pressed against his left leg, holding his other hand tightly. "This is Joanna…she's going to be starting here in a couple of days and we're here to meet Jim Kirk."

"Ah…that's a good one, Mr. Kirk. And hello to you, Joanna," he said, crouching to her level. "I'm Mr. Scott…but you can just call me Coach."

Joanna studied her shoes.

"Can you say hello to Mr. Scott?" Leonard prompted, giving her hand a gentle squeeze. 

She peaked at him. "Hi," she said in a small voice.

He gave her a friendly smile. "Hi there lassie, it's nice to make your acquaintance." Mr. Scott stood up to his full height.

"Do you know the way to Mr. Kirk's room?" he asked.

"Yes, thank you. We're just taking the scenic route."

"Alright, then. See you soon Joanna," he said.

She didn't answer and was studying her shoes again. He and Leonard shared a smile and Leonard shrugged slightly.

"Thanks, Mr. Scott."

They continued down the hall, still hand in hand.

"You know, you're going to have to talk to people more…show them how smart you are," Leonard said.

"I talk, Daddy. You tell me I could talk the ear offa corn," she said. Leonard laughed. Just then, the bell rang, causing Joanna to jump. "What's that?" she asked.

"It means school's over," Leonard answered. All up and down the hallway doors opened and students filed out. Led by teachers, the lines of students were pretty well-behaved, but it was the end of the school day, and they were kids…so they were loud and exuberant.

"Daddy, daddy…pick me up," Joanna said as the hall filled with students. She moved around to stand in front of him and raised her arms to him. Not wanting her to become scared or overwhelmed before meeting the teacher, he acquiesced and lifted her, settling her on his hip. From her perch she watched the activity in the hallway with interest. He made his way quickly to Kirk's room.

When they got there, the room was empty, but the light was on. There was a note taped to the door.

"What does it say, Daddy?"

"It says we should go in and you can look around. Mr. Kirk will be right back." Leonard pushed the door open, and once inside set Joanna down. She looked around, taking in the room quietly. Leonard gently urged her forward with a hand on her back. He could understand her hesitation, though. There was a lot to look at. "Why don't we look over here first?" he suggested, guiding her to the cubbies where students put their belongings. She looked at the rows of cubby holes for a moment before Leonard pointed to one in particular. "Look at that one."

"Joanna M." she read. "Daddy, is that mine?" she asked excitedly.

"It must be. That's where you'll keep your lunch box and put all of your school papers every day," Leonard answered. They moved on to the letter board, the number chart, and Joanna examined a map of the U.S., showing her father where Georgia and California are. After a few minutes they ended up in front of a terrarium. Joanna stared at the bearded dragon inside, her nose pressed to the glass.

"Oooh….look at the lizard Daddy. I bet he runs fast, like the ones in Georgia. What's his name?" Leonard was just about to say they'd have to ask the teacher just as he returned.

"Hi there," Jim said. "The kids named it Sam…Samantha if it's a girl, Samuel if it's a boy. Generally, the girls call her Samantha and the boys call him Sammy."

Joanna giggled, pressing a hand to her mouth.

"That's pretty silly, isn't it?" Jim asked her, smiling. "I'm Mr. Kirk…what's your name?" He watched as she pressed herself to her father's side, reaching for his hand and fixing her gaze on the floor. After a moment, Leonard prompted her.

"Mr. Kirk asked you a question, can you be polite and answer him?"

"Joanna," she said quietly.

"Joanna…that's a pretty name. Did you see your cubby over by the door?" Looking up at him through her lashes she nodded, a small smile on her face. "Did you see what's in it?" He waited for a couple of seconds, but Joanna didn't answer. "Why don't you go see?" It took her a moment, but curiosity won out and she moved away from them to investigate.

"Hey there," Jim said, shaking Leonard's hand. "Welcome back."

"Thanks…and thank you for being available for this."

"Not a problem."

They watched as Joanna turned the pages of a stapled-together, construction paper booklet. Leonard looked at him curiously. Jim smiled.

"It's a 'Welcome Book'," he answered. "I asked each student to write 'Welcome to the class Joanna. My name is, fill in the blank, and my favorite thing to do in the classroom is, fill in the blank' and then draw a picture. They're so excited to get a new classmate. How about Joanna? Is she excited to come?"

"Well, I'm not quite sure excited is the word I would use. I had to bribe her with ice cream to get her out of the car without tears. But, seeing all of this definitely has grabbed her interest…and that's half the battle," Leonard answered. "She was particularly excited about the Media Center."

Jim smiled. "Well, I think it'll probably take a couple of days, but it shouldn't be too hard an adjustment for her."

"Yeah?" Leonard asked. "I hope so," he sighed. Jim looked at him sympathetically.

"Yeah, really. She separated from you to explore on her own with no problem, and even though you had to prompt her to answer me, she  _did_ answer. I've had kids come to me much more shy than your daughter.. And, bringing her here beforehand was a great idea. Trust me, she'll be fine."

They watched as Joanna peered into a bin of building blocks. She looked up at them and then made her way back over to her father, carefully not looking at Jim.

"Daddy," she said quietly, pulling on his hand. She gestured that he should lean down to her. He did and she whispered a question to him.

"I don't know, sweetie," he said, straightening up again. "I think you should ask Mr. Kirk." Holding on to her father's hand and leaning against him, she looked up at Jim with a small smile on her face. Jim looked back at her expectantly.

"Can I play with the blocks please?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper. 

Jim smiled brightly at her. "Sure, go right ahead. Thank you for asking so nicely!"

Joanna hurried back over to the blocks that caught her attention and settled down to build while Jim and Leonard talked quietly.

Twenty minutes later, after they'd said goodbye to Jim and Leonard had reassured her that she would be able to come back and play some more, he felt like he could breathe a bit easier.

As difficult as the transition had been over this last month, he finally really believed that she would be okay and everything was going to work out for both of them.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim and Leonard meet outside of school, and Joanna has her first day.

“How ‘bout this one?” Leonard asked, pulling a white long-sleeved shirt with pink flowers off a nearby rack.

“That’s pretty,” Joanna replied after glancing at it. Leonard checked the size tag and tossed it over his arm. “Can I have this Daddy?” He looked to see what she was holding, and shook his head in amusement.

“Sweetie…that’s a little big for you, don’t you think?” The button-down sweater draped over her small body, the bottom dragging on the ground. Her hands were completely hidden by the sleeves. She was looking up at him with a smile on her face and arched eyebrows, obviously waiting for him to get the joke. “You’re pullin’ my leg, aren’t you?”

“Yes!” she exclaimed, giggling as she shrugged out of the too-large garment. She lifted it up to him and he took it from her.

“You’re such a silly goose. Where did you even find it?”

“Back there,” she replied pointing in the general direction of the rack she’d pulled it from.

“Well, this one isn’t going to work, but a sweater isn’t a bad idea. Why don’t you see if you can find one you like and I’ll go put this back, okay?”

“Okay!”

He watched her move to a nearby rack of sweaters and glanced around the area once more before moving away from her. There were just a few people in this area...moms with young children…so he didn’t worry about letting her look around.

This was the last weekend before she started school and they were doing the prerequisite shopping. Leonard didn’t particularly like shopping with Joanna for her clothes, and it had nothing to do with Joanna. He just still hadn’t gotten used to the amount of scrutiny it opened him up to from mothers with their own little ones – everything from mild interest to downright suspicion. But today it wasn’t crowded in the children’s section of the large department store that was smack dab in the middle of an overly large shopping mall, and he was having fun choosing new school outfits with his little girl.

After a moment, he found the rack with the larger kids’ sizes and hung the sweater up. He was making his way back to Joanna when he heard another man’s voice.

“Hey, there Joanna! Are you shopping with your dad?” 

_What the hell…_ Leonard thought, heading in the direction he last saw her. Rounding a display he came up behind the man, recognizing him almost right away.  _Maybe he is a pedophile after all._

“Jim. What are you doing here?” Leonard asked, not caring if he sounded suspicious. His eyes flicked between the teacher and Joanna, who was keeping her eyes averted while nervously twisting a lock of hair. Leonard moved to her side and took her hand.

“Hey Leonard. Good to see you two,” JIm smiled. “I’m shopping for my niece’s birthday.” He held up the dress he was holding. “She’s going to be six, and her mom said she’s wanted this dress forever. What do you think Joanna, do you think it’s pretty?”

Leonard felt some of the tension that had been coiling within him relax slightly, and it was all he could do to not shake his head at himself.  _Really, you’re no better than the mothers who stare at you!_ Joanna was looking at the dress that wasn’t really appropriate for every-day wear, and reached out a hand to touch the material. She stopped short of it though and after a moment nodded her agreement. Jim smiled. He looked at Leonard with a small shrug.

“She’ll probably outgrow it pretty fast, and I doubt she’ll wear it to school or anything like that, but she wanted it and I figured she could play dress-up or something. How about you Joanna? Do you like to play dress-up?” Jim asked, trying to engage her.

Joanna shrugged again, and still kept her eyes averted. She’d started pulling at Leonard’s hand too, which he knew meant, “C’mon, Daddy, let’s go.”

The thing was, Joanna loved to play dress-up. She had a whole trunk of clothes specifically for that very purpose. And not all dresses either…though he was often the handsome prince to her princess. Sometimes she was a doctor, or a cowgirl, or magician. She even had an astronaut’s helmet and a white jumpsuit that had NASA’s logo embroidered on it. In Georgia she roamed the alien landscape of their backyard looking for new life forms and civilizations. Her imagination was surprisingly expansive for someone so young, and she never ran out of things to do when she was playing dress-up, narrating her stories to herself, or to her father, while she played.

It hurt his heart that his little girl was only able to shrug and look at her shoes when asked about her favorite game.

“So, what do you guys have planned for the rest of the day?” Jim asked, refocusing on Leonard.

“We’re just about finished here, then I guess grab some lunch, and then I don’t know…no real plans.”

“Well, I’m going to be picking up my niece, do lunch and then take her to the park. Would you guys like to come? I know she'll have a lot of fun with you Joanna…you're nearly the same age as Janie.”

Leonard considered it. He liked the idea of Joanna spending time with people other than him. Bonus that it would give her more time to acclimate to Jim before her first day of school on Monday.

“Sure,” Leonard answered. “Doesn’t that sound like it will be fun Jo? Mr. Kirk is going to show us a new playground.”

“Yeah,” she answered quietly, looking up at the two of them briefly.

“Great!” Jim said. “The park is really cool, you’ll love it. It’s a science park called Sugarsand. Everything in it has to do with science stuff.”

“Science stuff?” Leonard repeated, amused at Jim’s exuberance. Jim just smiled. “So, how do you want to do this?”

“How about I pick up Janie, and we meet you two at the Friendly’s on Madison. They have the  _best_  ice cream.”

Leonard rolled his eyes.  _He’s such a kid._  “Sounds like a plan.”

 

* * *

 

 Leonard and Jim watched as Joanna and Janie played in the large sand feature, making up stories together as they went along.

 “They seem to have really hit it off,” Jim said. Leonard nodded, a small smile on his face.

 Janie was a petite, strawberry-blond, blue-eyed, outgoing little girl. When introduced to Leonard she’d unhesitatingly stuck out her right hand. Throwing an amused glance at Jim, Leonard shook her hand.

“Nice to meet ya!” she said to him. Then turning to Joanna, who was watching the exchange between them with interest, she said, “Uncle Jim told me you’re going to be in his class. That’s lucky because did you know he has a lizard called a bearded dragon?” 

Joanna nodded. “I already saw it,” she’d replied…and that was that.

 “This was a good idea. Thanks.”

 “No problem, Bones.” Leonard rolled his eyes and huffed a little. Stupid nickname. The park had an oversized model of a human skeleton, connected by magnets, that kids could take apart and reassemble.

 “I sometimes forget where the arm bones go,” Jim had said, teasingly. “Do they go down here?”

“No, Uncle Jim!” Janie laughed.

“Daddy knows all the names of the bones,” Joanna added. Jim had brightened at her declaration…the first unsolicited statement she’d made in his presence. Hence the stupid nickname.

 “So…” Jim said, trailing off and looking at Leonard speculatively.

Leonard refocused his attention on Jim at the drawn out word. Jim didn’t continue, though, prompting Leonard to look at him in askance, eyebrow raised.

 “Yes?” Leonard asked, when it didn’t seem like Jim was going to continue. He watched as a faint flush suffused Jim’s face. Then Jim cleared his throat.

 “So, got a girlfriend or anything like that?” he finally asked.

Leonard snorted. Not likely. Between Joanna and work, don’t really have the time.”

 Jim nodded. He didn’t ask about Joanna’s mother. It was in the child’s school file already…Joanna hadn’t actually been a planned baby, and Leonard had been a single father ever since her mother had decided that while she was happy enough being Leonard’s wife, being a mother was not really something she cared to do. By agreement, Leonard had been given full custody of 11 month old Joanna, and her mother was not in her life. Not the best situation, Leonard easily admitted at the interview for McKinley, but better than forcing a relationship on someone who didn’t want it. His little girl deserved better than that.

“What about you?” Leonard asked.

Jim shrugged. “Nah. Haven’t really been able to find the right girl. Or guy,” he added, keeping his eyes on Leonard.

“Guy?” Leonard repeated.

“That a problem?”

“Nope, not at all. You make it a point to announce your sexual preference to all your students’ parents?” Leonard asked, genuinely curious about the very personal disclosure.

“Not unless it’s relevant,” Jim replied.

Leonard turned his attention back to the girls, still engrossed in their game. “And it’s relevant now?” he asked.

Jim turned to look at him, a slightly amused expression on his face. “Well, Bones, that’s up to you,” he replied.

 

* * *

 

Leonard never particularly felt one way or the other about Mondays. As a doctor, his schedule was so variable; he’d only ever had a handful of real, after-two-days-off Mondays. He for damn sure hated this Monday, though.

“Daddy, please,” Joanna cried, holding him around the neck as he crouched in front of her. “Don’t leave me!”

This was not going well. Kids were filing into the classroom around them. Some were being walked by parents who glanced at him sympathetically. Best of all was the occasional obnoxious kid loudly asking “why is she crying?” as they passed by. He just held her, ignoring the bustle around him.

“Jo, honey, I’m coming back to get you at the end of the day. You’re going to play and read, and make some more friends like Janie, and then I’m going to come pick you up,” he said.

“Noo, I d-don’t want t-to stay here,” she stuttered out. He pulled back to look at her, and gently wiped away her tears with his fingers. Maybe it was too soon. It wouldn’t really matter if he home-schooled her this year…

“Bones,” Jim said, from above him. He looked up, registering that the noise in the hallway had lessened, and it was almost clear. Most of the kids were in their classrooms. He moved to unwind Joanna’s arms from his neck. She responded by crying harder and fairly choking him.

“Darlin’, I just want to stand up to talk to Mr. Kirk for a minute. I’m not leaving,” he reassured her. After a moment she allowed him to stand, and shifted her hold to his leg, pressing her face to him. He kept a hand comfortingly on her back, patting her softly. Jim was looking at him with compassion shining in his blue eyes.

“Bones, I know this sucks, but the best thing you can do is kiss her goodbye and leave,” Jim said quietly. “She’ll cry for a little while, but then she will be fine.” 

Leonard was shaking his head before Jim even finished. “I don’t think that’s such a good idea, Jim. She’s--”

“She’s learning that if she carries on like this, she’ll get her way,” Jim said, gently but firmly. He watched as Bones sighed and looked down at her, cupping the back of her head with his hand.

“I don’t know if  _I_  can do it,” Leonard admitted. But Jim was right. Leonard knew it. Jim knew he knew it. They stood quietly, listening to Joanna’s hiccupping breaths. Finally, he looked Jim in the eye. “You will call me if she doesn’t calm down in half an hour,” he said, handing Joanna’s lunchbox to him. 

Jim nodded. “Of course.”

“Okay,” Leonard took a deep breath, steeling himself. This was quite possibly the hardest thing he had ever done. He watched Jim’s assistant, Ms. Kelley, lead the kids in the Pledge of Allegiance through the classroom window.

“Bones, she’ll be fine,” Jim said again, knowing that he was stalling.

“Okay. Joanna, darlin’,” he crouched back down in front of her. “Now I want you to listen to me. You have a good day at school, and I’ll see you in just a little while. Okay?”

“No, Daddy, Daddy, I want to go with you!” she cried. 

Leonard shook his head. “Give me a kiss baby,” he said. He gave her one more hug, then gently loosened her hands from his shirt. Jim took her hand and quickly turned her towards the classroom as Leonard turned away. He heard Jim’s classroom door close behind him, and he made it all of five steps before turning around and walking back to look through the classroom window.

 

* * *

 

 The first impression Joanna had inside Mr. Kirk’s classroom was that it was really loud. And there were a lot of kids. Now that she was in the room, she was trying not to cry. No one else was crying and she didn’t want anyone to think she was a baby. Especially not the stupid boys. Mr. Kirk still had her hand and was guiding her to the cubby holes.

 “Joanna, why don’t you put your sweater and your lunchbox in your cubby. Then, when you feel ready, come and sit down with us on the round, red rug. Okay?”

Joanna didn’t want to look at Mr. Kirk because she was kind of angry and a little scared, and she was trying real hard to stop crying, so she just nodded.

“See the sink over here?” he asked, gesturing to the side.

She nodded again. It was just the right size…she wouldn’t have to stand on a chair like she did at home to use it.

“And there are the paper towels. You can wash your face…that’ll make you feel better, okay? Do you need Ms. Kelley to help you?”

Numbly, Joanna shook her head no. She wasn’t a baby, she could blow her own nose.

“Okay, sweetie,” Jim said. He let go of her hand and knelt down in front of her. She’d mostly stopped crying, but she still didn’t want to look at him, even though she knew he was trying to get her to look up. “Don’t take too long. We’re going to have a lot of fun today and I want you to get to be a part of it.” Then he stood up and left her standing in front of the cubby holes.

 “Okay, everyone, it’s Monday…did you all have an awesome weekend?” Jim asked, addressing the class.

“Mr. Kirk, who’s that?”

 “Is she the new girl?”

 “Why is she crying?”

 “I bet she misses her mommy.”

 Jim easily deflected their questions and got the munchkins to focus on him while they went through attendance and he told a story about his weekend, all the while keeping one eye on Joanna. She looked like she was doing okay.  _Good girl,_ he thought. She’d washed her face and had stopped crying entirely, but she was still standing by the sink. Looking around at the kids, his eyes stopped on a six-year-old girl who had a little sister in the preschool program here. She would be a good choice.

“Are you guys ready for Monday stories?” Jim asked them. A chorus of yes’s rose up from the kids. “Okay…start thinking about one story you want to tell about something you did this weekend. We’re going to get started in just a minute. Ms. Kelley, can you…” he gestured to her and she came to take over, asking who wanted to go first.

Jim stepped away from the rug, “Stephanie, can I talk to you for just a minute?” Stephanie jumped up and went over to him. “Joanna is starting here today and she feels a little shy. Do you think you can go introduce yourself to her and maybe make her feel better?” 

Stephanie nodded solemnly. “I can show her everything that we drew in…in the book. The Welcome Book,” she said. 

Jim nodded. “That’s a great idea for a little later. Do you think you can ask her if she wants to sit down with us now?”

Stephanie nodded and Jim watched as she made her way to where Joanna was standing by the sink.

Leonard watched as Jim spoke to one of the students -- a little Asian girl with straight black hair secured in a ponytail that fell down her back to her waist. His eyes shifted to his daughter, who was standing at the back of the room, watching the kids on the rug with wide, uncertain eyes. She wasn’t crying anymore, thank god, but he was getting impatient with Jim for leaving her alone for so long.  _What the hell is he doing?_ Consternation turned to understanding, though, as he watched the girl Jim had been talking to come up to Joanna. From where he was standing, he could see both of them in profile. After they talked for a couple of moments, Joanna allowed herself to be led over to rug and sit down next to her new friend and Leonard let himself relax slightly.

 Jim smiled at her as she joined the group, and she quickly looked away again. Leonard watched a few more minutes as another child stood up to tell a story about his weekend, and he smiled as he watched his daughter laugh along with the other students. Finally, the knot in his chest loosened and he felt like he could go without being the worst father in existence.

Just as he was about to turn away, Jim looked up at the mirror, smiled, and winked, as if he could see him through the one-way glass.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leonard and Jim get to know each other a little better; Joanna adjusts to school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I received a request to write a companion one-shot that shows Jim in his own home thinking about the consequences and possibilities of getting involved with a parent of his student just before he initiates the IM chat. That story is available within TBoPE 'verse series on this site, and it's called "01 - In the Beginning".

 

By Friday morning, things were better. Not perfect, but better, and definitely (finally) moving in the right direction, much to Leonard’s great relief.

Tuesday had really been no better than Monday. Not only did Joanna repeat the crying, the clinging, and the “please Daddy’s”, but this time she started at home, staring morosely into her cereal and doing everything she could to slow the morning down. It was Joanna’s “Side B”, as Leonard had come to think of it over the years. Not something she usually exhibited, thank all that was holy, but she could pitch a hell of a fit when she wanted to.

The kicker of it was there didn’t seem to be a reason for the tears. She’d met him Monday afternoon at parent-pick up happily, shyly showing off her first smiley face on her first piece of schoolwork, and talked all about how Stephanie had taken her all over the classroom, showing her some of the things the other kids had written about in the Welcome Book. But, as Leonard had learned, kids didn’t need reasons, and they weren’t reasonable. So, yeah…Tuesday wasn’t so great.

Wednesday, Jim (who Leonard was starting to think was a little bit brilliant when it came to child psychology) asked Stephanie to meet them at the door in the morning. She did, and that seemed to do wonders for Joanna. Unable to resist Stephanie’s enticement of getting to hold the class pet Samantha/Samuel (something she’d wanted to do, but wouldn’t ask Jim), she’d parted from Leonard easily enough, with just one “Can you stay with me?” – but Stephanie’s insistent pull on her hand saved him from having to answer. He did later learn that when she realized he was gone she succumbed to a few minutes of tears, saying she didn’t get to say goodbye, but calmed quickly enough. Leonard felt bad about that, because technically she was right. He was careful to make the “goodbye” at the beginning of the day clear from then on.

At the end of the next day Leonard got there a little early and met the kids and Jim at the door just as they were leaving in their line. To his surprise, everyone was carrying crayon-colored maps of Georgia with pictures of the state flower, bird, and flag inset with descriptions. Jim had asked him to wait with Joanna for his return as he led the rest of the class out. Puzzled, Leonard agreed, and he and Joanna spent the few minutes looking at the many books Jim had on the shelves and around the room.

“Bones,” Jim said, coming back into the room. “Thanks for staying.”

“No problem. What’s up?”

Instead of answering, Jim asked Joanna if she would mind tidying up the arts and crafts area. Without looking at him, Joanna nodded and went to the other side of the room.

“Er…not sure how much tidying she’s actually going to do,” Leonard said.

Jim shrugged. “It doesn’t matter…I just need a few minutes. I wanted to let you know that some of the kids were teasing Joanna a little bit today. Nothing serious,” he said quickly, holding his hands out in a placating gesture at the look on Leonard’s face. “I’m not even sure she heard any of it.”

“What about then?” Leonard asked, watching Joanna put crayons in baskets. She hadn’t seemed upset at all.

“She still isn’t talking much…really just to Stephanie…and some of the kids started to say it was because she sounded funny – like an alien,” Jim replied.

“Sounded funny?” Leonard repeated, confused. “What does that mean?” 

Jim smiled, amused. “Her accent, Bones… _your_  accent. Neither of you sound like you’re from California.”

“Oh. I hadn’t really thought about that,” Leonard replied. “So what are you saying? You’re not suggesting speech therapy are you?”

“No, of course not! Her accent is absolutely adorable on her, and se…uh, subtle on you,” Jim winced inwardly, wondering if that sounded as awkward to Leonard as it had to his own ears.

“So that’s what the maps of Georgia were all about,” Leonard said, seeming to not notice Jim’s momentary discomfiture.

“Yup…we’re going to spend the next few days learning about the states students have family in. Georgia was up first.”

“That’s going to be a long lesson,” Leonard said, impressed at how Jim had handled the situation.

“Whatever,” Jim replied. “It’s kindergarten. Anything we do that helps develop fine motor skills, letter comprehension, and number sense, and relates to them in some fun way, makes for a good unit.”

Finished with her assigned task, Joanna wandered back over to the books.

“Well, thanks for handling it right away. How is she doing otherwise? She’s not talking?”

“She’s doing fine…obviously, she’s very intelligent. She’s one of the younger kids in this class and she reads very well on her own – her comprehension is amazing – and she has no trouble with the concept of basic mathematic problem solving. And no, she’s not really talking to anyone but Stephanie, but I wouldn’t worry about that yet. It’s only her fourth day.”

Leonard sighed. “I can’t help but worry to hear that. I know you’ve never seen it, but normally the trick is getting her to stop talking. I just hope it changes soon.”

“You’re not the first parent to have to deal with moving their kid across country. It’s traumatic for everyone, and it takes time, but nothing I’ve seen in Joanna suggests that she won’t be back to her normal self. And even though she’s very talkative around you, she may never be completely like that around kids her own age. She’s a lot like you, I think. I bet you weren’t all that gregarious in school either.” Leonard shrugged and nodded slightly, surprised to be conceding the point. Jim smiled sympathetically, seeing that the concern was still there. “And you don’t seem to have turned out too badly. So, just do what you’re doing. If I think there’s something we need to be concerned about, I’ll let you know.”

 

* * *

 

Friday evening, after Joanna was in bed, Leonard sat at his computer. Logged in to SFG’s secure network, he reviewed test results from the control group for a couple of hours, making notes as he worked. As he logged out, a quiet  _ping_ indicated the presence of an instant message notification.

Immediately suspicious – he never instant messaged anyone – Leonard considered simply shutting the computer down. Eventually, though, he gave into curiosity and opened the message.

**[JKirk@mckinley.edu](mailto:JKirk@mckinley.edu)**   **is inviting you to chat. Do you accept?**

_What the hell?_ Leonard thought to himself. He let the mouse hover over “Decline” for a moment, then changed his mind and clicked on “Accept”.

> **JKirk:**  Hey Bones…you’re still up.
> 
> **LMccoy:** Apparently so. Why are you messaging me?
> 
> **JKirk:** To the point then. Want to get together tomorrow?

McCoy sat back in his chair, arms crossed over his chest, staring at the screen.  _What the hell does that mean?_  He thought back to the previous Saturday when Jim had basically announced that he was interested in him. He hadn’t known what to say at the time, and wasn’t much better off now. He decided to play it safe. Dumb. Whatever.

> **LMccoy** : You have Janie again?
> 
> **JKirk** : I could…but do I need to have a kid with me to see you?

McCoy rubbed a hand over his face. That was actually a very good question. Obviously, this could be a play date for the girls, or a date date for the two of them. And wasn’t that thought more than a little scary. For the last four years, ever since Jocelyn made her decision to walk away, his life had been devoted to Joanna. There hadn’t been any room for anyone else, and he’d been fine with that.

> **JKirk** : You still there Bones?

And then there was the fact that Jim was a guy. Leonard married a woman, but he’d been…much more liberal with his sexuality when he was in college, something that he’d never disclosed to his fairly religious, very conservative family. He’d honestly thought it was just a college phase…but now he had cause to rethink that. Apparently, it wasn’t as much a phase as a part of who he was. Not a problem, just a bit…unexpected. Especially after all this time.

> **JKirk** : So…I’m guessing you’ve decided against relevancy.

Leonard sat still for a moment, his fingers poised over the keyboard. After another beat, he stopped thinking and just let himself type.

> **LMccoy** : I have to see if my babysitter’s available.
> 
> **JKirk** :  Awesome! :-)

Leonard rolled his eyes, and with a nervous feeling in his stomach that he hadn’t had in years, he finally logged off and let himself fall on his bed.

_Like I’m going to be able to get to sleep now._

* * *

 

Leonard sat in his car, gripping the steering wheel.  _This is crazy. What the hell am I doing?_ Taking a deep breath, he tried to will his nerves under control. This was ridiculous. He was not some teenager on a first date. He was a grown man…a doctor.  _It’s just dinner, Leonard. Get a grip._

Taking another breath, he exited the car and made his way into the restaurant. He hadn’t been sure what to expect…Jim was a few years younger than him, and he’d always had old-fashioned tastes anyway…but the restaurant Jim chose actually seemed really nice. Understated, quiet, tastefully decorated…it was the kind of place he would have chosen himself.

Leonard wasn’t sure if Jim would already be seated, or if…

“Bones,” Leonard turned at the sound of Jim’s voice. He caught sight of him standing against the wall near the door, a smile on his face. Leonard took in Jim’s appearance, noting how the blue shirt he’d chosen to wear brought out the color of his eyes, even in the relatively low lighting.

Feeling unbelievably awkward, Leonard was trying to make a split second decision about whether or not to offer his hand to shake when Jim reached out and warmly grasped his shoulder.

“Gentlemen, if you’ll follow me?" One of the hostesses led them through the restaurant to an out-of-the-way table. She handed them menus with the assurance that their server would be along shortly.

“I’m really happy you were able to get that babysitter,” Jim said after she left.

“Yeah, she’s a freshman at the university. Her father and I were colleagues in Georgia. Jo loves her.”

Jim studied the man in front of him, a small smile on his face. Leonard’s nervousness was obvious, from the tension in his shoulders to the hesitant pitch of his voice to the way he used his menu to hide by keeping his eyes trained on it  _(like father, like daughter,_ Jim thought), and he wanted to do what he could to make him more comfortable. He liked Leonard…he liked how dedicated he was to his daughter, he liked his obvious intellect, and he was sexy as hell too, lean lines and dark eyes flecked with hazel – and didn’t seem to realize it at all. He wanted Leonard to have a good time with him tonight, because he had no doubt that if he didn’t there wouldn’t be a second chance. He just wasn’t that type of guy.

“Have you been to this restaurant yet, Bones?” Jim asked. 

Leonard shook his head. “I’ve really not been anywhere that didn’t have a kid’s menu in years,” he replied. 

Jim laughed. “We’re going to have to change that…broaden your horizons a little. So, how are you settling in to your position at the university?”

Jim spent the evening drawing Leonard out with open ended questions that helped to keep the conversation moving and let them get to know each other. Jim didn’t mind it at all though, and when Leonard finally started meeting and holding his gaze as they laughed through stories or commiserated over obstacles, he felt a little thrill of success. They talked through the whole meal, and before either of them realized it, it was after eleven.

“Oh, shit!” Leonard exclaimed. “I have to get going.” 

Jim nodded, taking a sip of his water to hide his automatic disappointment. “You going to turn into a pumpkin?” he asked lightly. 

Leonard smirked. “No, but the babysitter might,” he replied. Having settled the check a while ago, which ended with Jim paying it…  _I asked you Bones. Next time you ask me, and you can pay_...they stood and made their way out to the parking lot. The temperature had dropped a few degrees, and Leonard suppressed a shiver when a breeze blew.

“I really had a good time with you tonight. I’m just sorry it had to end so soon,” Jim said sincerely.

Leonard turned to look at him. "I did too. Thanks for asking me.” 

Jim flashed him a brilliant smile. “Thanks for saying yes,” he replied.

Leonard felt himself flush and the discomfort he’d felt at the beginning of the evening started to edge back. To save himself from trying to think of something witty to say, he scanned the parking lot.

“Where’s your car?” he asked.

“I don’t live far from here…I walked,” Jim replied.

“Well, you shouldn’t walk home this time of night. I’ll drive you,” Leonard said.

“Thanks, Bones!” Jim said quickly, eyes lighting up, and Leonard immediately got the impression that he’d planned this.

In the car, headed to Jim’s place, Leonard surprised himself by realizing that he didn’t want the evening to end. It had been a long time since he’d had the chance to have a conversation that wasn’t work related with another adult, and he was enjoying himself. Jim was surprisingly well-traveled, and very well-spoken, and Leonard felt attracted to his intelligence and confident attitude as much as his good looks. It definitely made Leonard wonder what Jim saw in him, but his interest seemed genuine enough.

“Would you like to come to my place instead?” Leonard asked suddenly, cutting Jim off in the middle of a sentence.  _What the hell did I just say?_  Leonard thought, but he didn’t seem able to stop talking. “I mean, we could have a drink or something. But you wouldn’t be able to get home, so maybe--”

“Bones,” Jim said, shutting Leonard up by placing a gentle hand on his arm, amusement in his voice. “That would be great. We’re almost to my place anyway…I can just grab my car and follow you. Okay?” 

Leonard swallowed all the reasons this probably wasn’t a good idea.

“Yeah, okay.”

 

* * *

 

“Thanks, Dr. McCoy – see you later.”

“Goodnight Sarah. Call me when you get back to your dorm, okay?” Leonard said. 

Sarah tossed him an amused look, but replied, “Sure – it’ll be about half an hour. Goodnight,” she added, passing the kitchen where Jim was getting a glass of water.

“’Night,” he called.

Leonard watched Sarah’s little car pull out of the lot, and then turned back to Jim, who was staring at him with a smirk.

“What?” he asked. 

Jim shrugged. “Call me when you get back to the dorm? Really? You know, she’s probably going out with some friends…it is Saturday, Bones.” 

Leonard scowled. “But it’s after midnight!” he said.

Jim just chuckled and shook his head. Leonard looked annoyed for a moment, but then a faintly surprised expression took over.

“Oh, god. I think I just became my father.”

Jim laughed out loud at that, and slapped his shoulder as he moved past him to the living room.

Leonard grabbed a couple of beers out of the fridge and joined Jim. They sat and talked…the conversation moving across several topics easily, and the time just slid by. The discomfort Leonard had felt at the beginning of the evening, and then in the car on the way to Jim’s, never made a reappearance, and he found himself hardly able to believe that he’d only met this man earlier in the week. It wasn’t so much that they had a lot in common…their lives were very different…but it was as if they’d known each other much longer. It was a new experience for both of them, and it made it easy for Leonard to be more open with Jim than he had been with anyone since Jocelyn. He’d been more open with Jim than he’d ever felt he wanted to be with Jocelyn…even after three years together.

“It’s late,” Leonard said quietly at a lull.

“After three already,” Jim replied. They were slumped comfortably on the couch and Jim turned his head, catching Leonard staring at his profile. Leonard flushed and looked away and Jim didn’t try to conceal the fondness he felt.

“Bones,” he said softly. “Should I go?”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim and Leonard pick up where they left off.

"Goodnight, Jim."

"'Night, Bones."

Leonard closed the door softly, and Jim sighed, turning to look at the pull-out bed, freshly made up with sheets and blankets and pillows. It looked comfortable enough, for a pull-out bed…but it wasn't exactly what he'd been expecting. Jim hadn't started this night with any preconceived ideas about where it would end up, and he certainly had no problem with letting things progress however they may, while possibly providing a nudge or two. Though he'd felt prepared for almost anything, this still managed to surprise him. Changing quickly into the borrowed sweats and t-shirt, he turned off the lights and lie down, waiting for sleep. He should've been out like a light, but he just couldn't get his brain to turn off. He kept replaying the last half hour in his head.

" _Bones, should I go?"_

_Leonard drew his bottom lip between his teeth momentarily and looked over at Jim with an almost wary expression. Jim waited him out, not wanting to say anything that would influence him one way or the other._

" _Do…do you want to stay?" Leonard asked, letting his gaze slip from Jim's. Jim knew there was more to that question than just the meaning of the words. He smiled gently, wanting to reach out and smooth the anxiousness from Leonard's face. He kept his hands to himself, though, and sat back, waiting until Leonard looked back at him._

" _I think I've been pretty clear, Bones. I'm interested in having you in my life beyond the capacity of just a parent of one of my students," Jim replied honestly. "What that is, is pretty much up to you. I'd be happy with your friendship, but I'm not going to deny I'd be very happy with…something more. So, I guess the real question is, what do you want?"_

_Bones stared at some point between them for a couple of moments._

" _Jim," he said hesitantly. "I – I just…"  shaking his head, he stopped and stood, walking to the window that looked out over a small common garden. His hands were fisted and his arms were crossed over his chest. Everything about his posture said he was trying to protect himself._

_After a moment, Jim followed, standing slightly to the side and behind Bones, meeting his eyes in their reflections. Jim waited him out, and after a moment he spoke hesitantly. "I want you in my life, too…as something more," he said quietly, self-consciousness coloring his tone. Jim smiled, his eyes urging Leonard on, the illusion of distance making it possible for Bones to continue. "But…It's been a really long time since--" he broke off._

_Jim stepped forward and placed his hands on his shoulders, squeezing comfortingly._ " _It's been a long time since you've let anyone in," Jim supplied._

_Leonard let out a breath._ " _Yeah," he said, slowly relaxing under Jim's hands. "I don't know…I guess I just haven't even considered a relationship for so long…I'm out of practice."_

_Jim used the pressure on Leonard's shoulders to urge him to turn around._ " _So let's figure it out together," Jim suggested._

_Bones offered him a small smile, uncertainty still in his eyes. After a moment, Jim decided to chance it and wrapped his arms around Leonard. Jim felt Bones' frame tense, and for a moment worried that he'd completely miscalculated. Just as JIm was about to pull back and apologize, his body relaxed against him. His arms came up around Jim, hugging back. Jim felt the emotion behind the embrace, and was fairly certain that he was the first person to offer Bones this kind of connection…this comfort…since his divorce, and maybe even before it, if he'd read the situation that he'd described with his ex correctly._

_That was a lot of trust. He wasn't about to take advantage of it. Jim pulled back after a couple of moments._

" _I should go," he said quietly. "Getting late."_

_Leonard huffed a laugh and examined Jim's face. His eyes were tired…and no wonder._ " _You're not going anywhere. You're exhausted. Stay here tonight…the third bedroom is a library, but there's a pull-out bed that's really comfortable."_

Picturing the finally unguarded expression on Leonard's face, sleep at last came.

 

* * *

 

Just a few hours later…much too soon…Jim awoke with a start and jerked back in surprise, Joanna's little face inches from his own. Willing his heart rate to slow to normal, he took a deep breath and rubbed a hand over his face.  _Great,_  he thought. He had no idea how Bones wanted to handle Joanna in this situation.

"Uh…hi, Joanna," Jim said.

"This is my house," she said very matter-of-factly. Jim blinked in surprise. This was a breakthrough for her…she'd never spoken directly to him before. 

_I guess being in her house changes the game,_ Jim thought wryly.

"Yes, it is," he replied with a yawn.

"What are you doing in here?" she asked, genuine confusion on her little face.

"Sleeping. What are you doing in here?"

"Looking for Sidney," she replied. He watched as she left the side of the bed, moving about the room, eyes trained on the ground. She was paying close attention to the corners created by the bookcases. Jim wondered where Bones was.

"Who's Sidney?" Jim asked, his eyes automatically searching the floor as well.

"He's my snake," she replied.

Jim felt a rush of adrenaline flood his system and shoved himself upright, suddenly wide awake.

"Wh--" His voice cracked and he had to clear his voice and try again. "Why do you think it's in here?" Jim could feel the panic taking over and tried to breathe calmly. His heart was knocking against his chest, so that wasn't working so well. Without thinking, he'd moved to the center of the bed, kicking the blankets off, petrified at the thought of the snake somehow making it's way under the covers, sharing the bed with him. Joanna was talking, so he tried to focus on what she was saying as she moved about the room.

"—not really my pet. Daddy said I could keep him overnight, but then I'd have to let him go in the garden. He got out though, and I didn't find him in my room." 

_Oh, god._ Jim closed his eyes and tried to breathe. He was just about to ask Joanna to get her father, when he heard him coming down the hall.

"Joanna," he said, sounding exasperated. "I told you to check everywhere  _but_  the library. I'm sorry if she woke…" Leonard trailed off as he took in the expression on Jim's face. "What's wrong?"

Jim swallowed and tried to make his voice work.

"I can't find him, Daddy," Joanna said. "He might be under the bed."

Jim made a strangled sound, and fairly leapt from where he sat in the middle of the bed to the doorway where Leonard still stood. He was pale and breathing as if he'd run a mile. It took Leonard just a moment to put it together, and then it was all he could do to keep a straight face.

"Oh, you've got to be kidding me! Really, Jim? You have a bearded dragon in your classroom!"

Jim glared at him,daring him to laugh.

"A bearded dragon is not a  _snake,_ Leonard! They're just… _uugghh_!" Jim shuddered convulsively and shook out his arms, trying to rid himself of the creepy sensation just the thought of a snake brought over him. Leonard choked back his laughter, trying to be sensitive to Jim's obviously real fear.

"I don't think he's in here, Daddy," Joanna announced.

"Okay, darlin'. He'll turn up. Let's go make some breakfast."

"Pancakes?" Joanna asked, all smiles as she ran up to her father. Jim glanced at Leonard, amazed at the difference in Joanna's demeanor. "Blueberry, please!"

"That sound good to you Jim?" Leonard asked.

"Are you sure the snake isn't in the kitchen?"

* * *

 

A quick call to Jim's brother secured Janie for the day, and Jim and Leonard took the girls to the San Francisco Zoo. They spent the morning and early afternoon wandering through the various exhibits, and then the girls discovered the petting zoo and the touch tank. Leonard watched as Jim showed them how to gently stroke a sea cucumber with just two fingers, and feed baitfish to sting rays. He flatly refused to enter the reptile house, and no amount of cajoling from his niece even came close to getting him to change his mind. Janie then spent the rest of the time teasing him by having him hold the stuffed purple snake plushie she'd won in a ping pong ball tossing game.

As previously arranged, they dropped Joanna and Janie off at Janie's house –  _They have a pool Daddy!_ – and then headed back to Leonard's so Jim could get his car.

"Do you want to come in?" Leonard asked.

"No," Jim replied. "Not until you find that snake. I won't be able to sit anywhere without wondering if it was about to slither up my jeans. Let's go to my place."

"Oh, don't be such an infant," Leonard replied, teasingly. Jim just gently cuffed his head.

"Don't make fun of me…I was traumatized as a child."

Leonard rolled his eyes and found he couldn't wipe the smile off his face as he watched Jim head to his car.

Following Jim to his place, Leonard's mind wandered to the night before, and the time today, and he realized how happy he was, right now. He had a good life, a good career, loved his daughter more than anything…and hadn't realized how much he didn't have, maybe never had, until Jim's appearance. That was both exhilarating and slightly daunting…he knew first hand just how much one person could affect another's life, and he realized he was giving Jim that power by falling for him…and falling hard. Strangely, though, he didn't find that nearly as frightening as he thought he would.

After a quick tour of Jim's apartment, they ended up on the couch with a couple of beers and some snacks watching the 49ers get their asses kicked by the Patriots. They idly talked while they watched, neither all that interested in the game, and somehow the conversation got around to past relationships.

"So, you have. Huh. I wouldn't have guessed that," Jim said. 

Leonard shrugged. "I wasn't always an old traditionalist, Jim."

"Bones, you're like six years older than me. You're not old, man. Did you like it?" Jim asked.

Leonard blushed, but rolled his eyes. "How old are you again? Sixteen?"

"C'mon Bones. I told you about my last boyfriend. I want to hear about yours," Jim said lightly, knocking his foot against Leonard's. 

Keeping his eyes trained on the TV screen, Leonard shrugged uncomfortably. "I was nineteen, Jim. Anything having to do with sex was interesting to me," he replied.

Jim studied him, sensing there was a lot more to it than that.

"So…how long were you together?"

"Well, he wasn't exactly my boyfriend. He was a little older, we were at a party…and we got together a few more times after that. There's not much more to tell," Bones replied.

Jim had no doubt that wasn't true at all, but he wasn't going to force it out of him.

"And that was the only time you were with a guy?"

"That a problem?" Leonard asked. This conversation was making him feel defensive, and he wasn't quite sure why.

"Not at all," Jim replied easily. "I was just curious." He moved closer to Leonard, holding his eyes deliberately. "And I wondered if it would be okay if I kissed you?" Jim watched as Leonard's eyes flicked over his face.

"Yeah," it came out as a quiet rasp. "That'd be fine."

Jim's smile reached his eyes. The kiss started out as a gentle, experimental press of their lips, Jim raising his hands to Leonard's shoulders, feeling the tension there even as Leonard started to kiss back, opening to allow Jim inside. It was sweet and tender, a slow exploration of each other. He trailed his hands across Leonard's back, urging him to allow Jim to support some of his weight, and Leonard finally responded by carding his hands though Jim's hair at his nape, rubbing gentle circles behind his ear. Turned toward each other as they were was slightly awkward, and they broke apart panting lightly, mere inches from each other. Jim saw the moment self-consciousness started to reassert itself in Leonard's eyes.

"I don't know about you," Jim said quietly, still close enough that Leonard could feel his breath as he talked. "But this position is killing my back." Leonard's eyes widened in surprise and he chuckled, feeling a little lighter all of a sudden. Jim pulled back, and smiled too, glad to see the levity seemed to have the desired effect on Leonard. He cocked his head to the side, assessing. "Want to move this somewhere more comfortable?" Jim asked.

Leonard licked his lips in an unconscious gesture of nerves and shifted slightly.  _Do I? Yes. Should we?_

Unsure and feeling like he was on unsteady ground, Leonard deflected. "Uh…I have to get Joanna pretty soon. I don't want her out too late on a school night." 

Jim shook his head. "No school tomorrow. She can stay later…we can call to check, but I'm sure they won't mind having her longer."

"Wait – what? No school tomorrow? I have class…"

"It's a Teacher Work Day, Bones. But don't worry…if you have to work Joanna can hang out with me, or stay with Janie. Let's call them."

Jim wanted to make Bones as comfortable as possible, and he easily accepted that they weren't going to be able to focus on them if he was worried about plans for his daughter tomorrow. As it should be. Although not a parent himself, nothing irked Jim more than those parents who seemed to think they still came first. Even at McKinley, where most of the kids came from backgrounds of security and comfort, he saw more than a few parents who just didn't get that having kids changed the priorities in their lives. Joanna was obviously first in Bones' life…Jim would never try to change that or downplay it in any way.

He retrieved the phone from the kitchen, dialed, and handed it to Leonard. A few minutes later, after a conversation with Jim's sister-in-law Aurelan, and a quick check with his daughter, everything was arranged. Joanna would have dinner and play there, and if Jim and Leonard were done with…whatever they were doing tonight (Leonard felt himself flush as his mind skittered around what could possibly fill in that statement) …too late, she would sleep over and then Jim would pick up she and Janie sometime the next day.

"Thank you so much Aurelan. I had no idea that there was no school on Monday. I thought I was going to find someone to teach my university classes for me," Leonard said.

"No problem! Joanna is so polite, and she and Janie play so well together…it's really a nice break for me. And don't worry about tonight or tomorrow. They're about the same size, so Joanna can borrow whatever she needs from Janie."

"Well, thanks again, really. Janie is welcome to our house any time. Could you put Joanna on the phone?"

"I'm going to hold you to that," she said playfully. "Hold on one second…Joanna, honey, your dad…"

"Hi Daddy!"

"Hi sweetheart. You having fun and being good for Mrs. Kirk?"

"Yup…we're going to go swimming pretty soon, and then Mrs. Kirk said we're going to get to make our own pizzas for dinner!"

"That sounds fantastic! Do you mind maybe staying over there tonight and playing with Janie tomorrow while I go to work?"

"You mean I get to stay all night?"

 Leonard chuckled at the excitement in her voice. "Yes…but you be good and go to bed when Mrs. Kirk tells you to. Understand missy?"

"Okay, daddy! I promise!"

"Okay, love you baby. See you soon."

"Love you daddy! Bye!"

Leonard hung up and brought the phone back into the kitchen where Jim stood at the stove stirring something. He stopped short, taking in the sight of Jim with his back to him in a plain t-shirt, his jeans, and his white socks. He was hit by just how attractive Jim was and how good he looked to him. Shaking his head, Leonard hung up the phone, and Jim glanced over his shoulder.

"All set?"

"Yes…I'm going to have to take Sam and Aurelan out as a thank you for saving my ass tomorrow."

"Nah – just take Janie for a weekend. They'll send Kim to a friend's house, and they'll consider the debt repaid in full plus interest if they get some time alone together." Jim turned back to the stove. Leonard came up behind him, peering over his shoulder.

"What're you making?"

"Just some sauce for pasta."

"Can it be put on hold?"

Jim smiled, turning to look at Leonard, his blue eyes interested. "What did you have in mind Bones?" he asked.

Leonard smiled, glancing away before meeting Jim's eyes again. "I thought we could pick up where we left off."

"Sounds good to me," Jim said. He turned off the stove then turned around, putting his arms around Bones and kissing him soundly. "Wanna see my bedroom again?" he asked playfully.

 

* * *

 

Lying together, Jim took the lead, and took his cues from Leonard. They kissed, passion building between them as Jim's hands roamed up and down Leonard's back. Although still a little hesitant, Leonard reciprocated, letting his hands wander up and down the length of Jim's torso. When Jim moved his hands to the buttons of Leonard's shirt, he pulled away to check.

"Off?" he asked. After a moment, Leonard nodded. About halfway down Leonard's shirt, he felt something change. "Bones?" he questioned.

Leonard let out a little huff of air and turned to press his face to Jim's neck. "Let's turn the lights off," Leonard said softly.  

 Jim was quiet for a moment, feeling the heat in Bones' face against his skin.

"You going shy on me Bones?" he asked gently.

Leonard sighed. "It's just...it's been a really long time," he said after a couple of moments. "I want this with you…I do. But…"

"You don't have to explain, Bones. But just so you know, you have nothing to worry about. I think you're about the hottest thing I've ever seen." Jim reached over to the bedside lamp, snapping it off. The room was much darker, though not completely, and Leonard seemed to relax further.  _That,_ Jim decided  _is something that we will work on. Later._

Under the cover of darkness, Leonard was much bolder. He matched Jim's enthusiasm, and soon they were in just their underwear.

"What do you want Bones?" Jim asked, breathing hard as pulled away for air. They were both hard, the friction from rubbing together deliciously teasing and not enough…not nearly enough. Leonard tried to engage his brain again, make sense of what Jim was asking him. "Can I touch you?"

"Yeah...wanna touch you too," he replied, his voice shaky with his arousal. He felt Jim pulling at his shorts, and he reached down to take them off. "You too," he said breathlessly.

Jim complied quickly, dropping their garments on the floor and reaching for the little bottle of lube on the nightstand. He put a few drops in his hand, and then grasped Leonard's erection, taking a slow stroke up, his other hand teasing a nipple.

Bones tore his mouth away from Jim. "Oh, god," he groaned. "So good, Jim."

Mimicking Jim's actions, Leonard matched Jim stroke for stroke, moaning at the slick feel and shaking as it got to be too much and just wasn't enough. Soon, Bones was desperate for more than the excruciatingly slow pace and he was unable to stop his hips from thrusting. Jim gripped harder and slid his fist over him faster, firmer causing Bones bite down on his lip hard. Jim cried out and his rhythm faltered as Leonard dragged the pad of his thumb over the head of Jim's cock. He did it again and again, and Jim gripped his shoulder so hard Leonard was sure he was going to have bruises.

Despite the dim light in the room, Leonard could see Jim's eyes were squeezed shut, could hear him breathing harshly. Leonard let up a little, and Jim redoubled his efforts, causing Leonard to arch and go stiff. He wasn't going to be able to hold off.

"J-Jim," he gasped. "Going to…"

"Come for Bones, come on," Jim stroked him firmly as Leonard's whole body went still for a few overwhelming seconds, and then he was shaking and bucking, a shout not entirely trapped behind his clenched jaw. Jim stroked him through it, pulling all he could out of him until Leonard gripped his wrist weakly. Still trying to catch his breath, Leonard brought Jim right to the edge, and then on the final stroke up, twisted and rubbed at the head and then Jim was shuddering as he came, a hand gripping Leonard's hair almost painfully, hips thrusting against Leonard. Jim let out a groan that seemed to come from the depths of his chest.

When Jim seemed to come down slightly, Leonard gave on more stroke that made Jim gasp and then they lay tangled together, sweating with exertion.

"That was…" Leonard paused, trying to put into words what he was feeling.

"Awesome!" Jim helpfully supplied. 

Leonard snorted. "Yeah," he agreed.

"Next time, we leave the lights on," Jim said, kissing Bones hard.

"Yeah."


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Afterwards, with Jim and Bones. And then the next day, while Jim has the girls.

Tangled together, the sheet thrown haphazardly over their bodies, Leonard watched Jim's outline in the dark of the room. Jim had dozed off, so Leonard let himself stare as much as he wanted. Feeling quite lethargic himself, he was tempted to nap. It was still early in the evening, just after 7:00, so a little while wouldn't affect his ability to sleep later. Laying there, though, more pragmatic concerns started to make napping sound less and less desirable. They'd cleaned up a little using tissues, but Leonard felt sticky from sweat and he needed to use the bathroom.

Mind made up, he moved carefully, withdrawing his limbs and shifting away from Jim slowly. Jim turned over and Leonard froze, waiting to see if he was going to wake up. He slumbered on, though, so Leonard quietly made his way out of and around the bed, gathering clothes as he went, trying to identify his in the dark. Pulling on his shorts, he stepped out of the room, and gently closed the door. There was another bathroom down the hall; he would use that one.

Once the door to his bedroom closed, Jim opened his eyes. He lay still, straining to hear what would happen next. After a moment, he heard the shower turn on in the second bathroom, and he smiled in relief. When he'd felt Bones pulling away from him on the bed, he almost went ahead and let him see that he was awake, but the furtive nature of Bones' movements, and his obvious, if not entirely successful, attempts at staying quiet while fumbling in the dark for his clothing, was loud and clear. Bones didn't want to wake him. And while it was entirely possible that it was simply Bones being considerate, it was also possible that he was trying to leave. Jim was extremely pleased that leaving didn't appear to be Bones' objective just yet.

Jim stretched languidly, a smile cracking his face. Although not necessarily the best sex he'd had in his life, it was right up there because it was with Bones. Not a monk by any stretch of the imagination, he also wasn't one to sleep around a whole lot, and he hadn't actually ever been head over heels in love with anyone, either. He wasn't sure if that was what this was with Bones – if it was actually love yet – but he knew this was different from any other experience he'd had. It was hard to categorize. Bones wasn't like his other relationships that were primarily two people looking for a good time for however long was convenient and desirable to both. Everything about him, especially fact that he'd married the woman who was his first real relationship as an adult and then hadn't had anyone else in his life since his divorce, told Jim that Bones didn't do casual. He might've when he was a kid in college (Jim still wondered about the actual circumstances between Bones and his first and only male partner), but he obviously wasn't that kid anymore.

And, surprisingly enough, that was okay with Jim. He was self-aware enough to know that he harbored some commitment issues that stemmed from the way he grew up, but he didn't feel insecure or unsure about letting this developing relationship with Bones possibly grow into something more permanent and stable. Of course, he recognized, that might be because it appeared Bones had enough insecurities for the both of them. If he'd been more confident and more aggressive, Jim was honest enough to admit that he might have had second thoughts about wanting to become involved enough to explore the feelings he had for him.

Shaking his head at himself and his habit of self-analysis, he sat up, idly scratching at his stomach. The water in the other bathroom shut off, and Jim decided that a shower sounded pretty good to him, too. Shame they didn't take the chance to conserve water by showering together.

_Oh, well. Maybe next time._

* * *

 

Leonard pulled the sauce pan out of the fridge. Taking the cover off, he stirred the contents and then set it on the stove. Rummaging though the fridge for ingredients to add to the somewhat bland store-bought sauce, he was pleased to find an onion and garlic. A search of the cabinets turned up an Italian herb seasoning mix and a box of spaghetti.

He set to work as the sounds of a shower starting came from the other side of the apartment. Knowing that Jim would be joining him shortly, Leonard paused and took a breath, willing his heart to slow down a bit. He was nervous. Jim made him nervous. Not only was he the first person he was interested enough in to keep in his life since his divorce, Leonard just got the feeling that when he revealed things about himself, Jim was seeing more…deeper. It made him feel exposed…and vulnerable. And he didn't really like that. He wasn't used to it and it made him, well, more timid than he'd ever been. And how embarrassing was that? He was a grown man for chrissake, but he couldn't seem to help it. On the flip side, though, he wanted to keep letting Jim in, despite his discomfort. Adding the new ingredients to the sauce pan, he set another pot of water to boil.

"Smells good," Jim said a little while later, startling him enough to make his hand jerk and splatter the sauce he'd been stirring on the stove.

"Jesus, Jim. Give a man some warning," Leonard said, glancing over his shoulder. Jim smiled.

"Sorry," he said, not sounding sorry at all. Leonard felt his heat as his back, and then Jim's arms were around him, his chin on his shoulder, observing the mess Leonard just made. "I thought surgeons were supposed to have steady hands," he teased. 

Leonard attempted to focus enough to come up with a witty response. "I do," he said. "But not when people are sneaking up behind me." Okay, so, not witty, but it was the best he could do under the circumstances, and it was true anyway.

"Mm…well, your hands certainly seemed steady earlier," Jim said. His tone was more suggestive than the words themselves, but Leonard knew exactly what he was referring to and blushed, giving his undivided attention to stirring the sauce. After a moment, Jim chuckled and gave him a squeeze. "I'll get plates and stuff. Do you think the spaghetti is done? I'm starving."

"I just put it in – give it a couple of minutes," Leonard replied. 

Jim moved about the kitchen, gathering plates and silverware. "What do you want to drink?" Jim asked.

"Whatever. Water's fine."

Opting to sit at the breakfast table in the kitchen instead of on the couch, a couple of minutes later they were settled with their simple meal. They ate in silence, Jim quietly observing Leonard. He seemed to have withdrawn into himself a little. It reminded him of the beginning of their date on…god, was that really only yesterday? He paused and really considered this. Maybe it was too much, too fast. Maybe Bones was overwhelmed. Maybe he should stop speculating and just ask.

"Uh…so. Not to sound like a chick or anything, but…do you want to talk about this?" Jim asked, deciding the direct route was the best. 

Leonard glanced up at him before looking back at his plate. "What is there to talk about?"

"I've had a really, really good time with you these last couple of days Bones," Jim said, putting as much sincerity into his words as he could. It got the desired effect. Leonard looked up at him, with a smile and warm look in his eyes. "You're an amazing father, Joanna is fantastic, and--" he paused, looking down briefly, aware how hokey this was going to sound, even if it was true. "And I can't wait for us to get to know each other even better."

"Me too, Jim," Leonard replied. "These last couple of days have been…amazing. Better than I ever thought I'd ever have – because of you. But I can hear a "but" in your tone…"

Jim was slightly taken aback by Leonard's candor, and it took him a moment to get back to what he was saying. He nodded, and almost wished he hadn't even opened his big mouth.

"But…I'm wondering if you think it's too much too soon," Jim said, holding Leonard's eyes. 

Leonard was quiet for a moment, considering. "Do you think it's too much too soon?" he asked. 

Jim shook his head. "No, I think it's perfect," he said honestly. "But we're different. I'm more…"

"Experienced?" Leonard suggested with a smirk. 

Jim chuckled easily. "Yes, exactly. I – I just want to make sure you don't feel like I'm rushing things or pressuring you…Cause, like I said, I want you in my life. And I don't want to do anything to mess it up, include seeming impatient. I'm not, and I want what you want. When you want it."

Leonard fiddled with what was left of the spaghetti on his plate. He'd already realized that Jim was awfully perceptive, so he really shouldn't be surprised at his concern, Leonard knew. Apparently, his hesitance was more pronounced than he'd been aware of, even though it had nothing to do with Jim, and everything to do with his own issues.  _Damn,_ Leonard thought.  _Two days and I've already given him enough reason to question this._ Wanting to be perfectly clear so that Jim didn't have any doubt, he forced himself to maintain eye contact, even though it was that much harder to talk without sounding like an idiot.

"I don't do anything I don't want to do, Jim," he said. "I know I'm not the most…open person, but trust me…if something doesn't sit well with me, you'll know it. I don't think it's too much too soon, even if I might act like it. I'm working on that, but like you said the other night, it's been a long time since I've let anyone in. I...I want to let you in…and I am trying to be more open," Leonard paused, finally looking away…needing to. "But if you ever have any doubt, just ask. I don't want to do anything to mess this up, either."

Watching Bones, and hearing how earnest he was, despite the fact that it was obviously difficult for him, flooded Jim with warmth. He had to even roll his eyes at himself…at how ridiculously happy that made him. Standing to lean over the small table, he kissed Bones soundly. Jim surprised him, but Bones met him eagerly anyway, kissing Jim back just as thoroughly.

"Good to know," he said, smiling against Bones' mouth. He pulled away completely and sat back down. "Glad we got that cleared up."

Leonard chuckled and shook his head as Jim attacked his plate with a gusto that wasn't there earlier. "You can cook here anytime, Bones. Spaghetti never tastes like this when I make it. What'd you do to the sauce, man?"

They finished dinner, and Leonard gave the Kirk household another call, just before bedtime to make sure everything was still good and to say goodnight to Joanna. She was happy as ever, rattling on about Janie's cat, her princess bedroom, the pool, and how yummy dinner was.

"And then Daddy, we made sugar cookies and we got to decorate them with food coloring in pens. Can we get those too?" 

Puzzled about what his daughter was trying to describe, he did what all parents do…compromise. "If you're good for Mrs. Kirk tonight and tomorrow, we'll ask where she got them, okay?"

"I'll be good, Daddy! I promise!"

"Okay…now, remember…Mr. Kirk, your teacher, is going to pick you up from Janie's and bring you to school for just a little while tomorrow while Daddy is at work, okay?" Joanna was quiet, not answering right away. "Joanna?"

"Can Janie come? I don't want to go if Janie can't come," she said. Leonard sighed and rolled his eyes. Jim was watching curiously. "I think Janie is going too…but if not, you still need to be a big girl and do what Mr. Kirk says, okay?"

"Okay, Daddy. I promise."

"All right. You have a good night darlin' and I'll see you tomorrow."

"Everything okay?" Jim asked when Leonard hung up. Leonard nodded.

"I don't know what it is, but she's still balking at going to school tomorrow. She said she didn't want to go if Janie wasn't also going." 

Jim shrugged. "Shouldn't be a problem. Janie hangs out with me on Teacher Work Days quite a bit. I'm cheaper than daycare. So…it's still early, want to do something?"

"What did you have in mind?"

"How about we go to a movie? There are a couple out I've been wanting to see."

"A movie?" Leonard said, surprised. 

"Or not…"

"No, no…a movie would be great. I haven't been to a movie in years."

Jim looked at him incredulously.

"No seriously! Not since I've had Joanna by myself…trust me…one to five year olds, especially mine, do not belong in movie theaters." 

Jim smiled. "Broadening those horizons, Bones," he replied.

 

* * *

 

"Okay girls," Jim said, flipping on the lights in his room. "I'm going to be working at my desk. You can play with whatever you want. Just please put things away when you're finished okay?"

"Okay, Uncle Jim!" Janie agreed. "Can I hold Sam?"

Jim smiled down at his niece. God she was cute. "Let's wait a bit for that, okay? I'll help you hold him after we have lunch." Jim shifted his gaze to Joanna. She'd been relatively quiet since Jim picked them up. While that was not uncommon for her, Janie was so talkative Jim doubted Joanna would be assertive enough with him to say anything she had to, so he was making a point to check with her specifically. "How 'bout that Joanna? Would you like to hold Sam after lunch too?" She smiled and nodded shyly, glancing at him. Jim smiled. "Great! And guess what…we're going to eat on the playground so you guys can stay on the swings as long as you want, okay?"

"Yeah!" Janie exclaimed. 

Joanna looked excited at that. "That's my favorite," she said.

"I know it is," Jim replied. "And it'll be all yours and Janie's today." He'd noticed that during recess Joanna would, more often than not, choose to play in the sandbox instead of on the equipment, unless Stephanie came over to get her. Then, they would wait in line for the swings, taking several turns…unfettered joy on her face as she worked herself to swinging as high as she could. Jim watched as Janie led them to kitchen set up. She fished a doll out of the toy box and the game of "House" started. Smiling to himself, he settled at his desk and got to work.

With the girls providing background noise, and damn, but they really did play very well together – it was a shame Janie didn't go to school here – Jim moved quickly through the administrative side of teaching. Progress reports, letters to parents, answering emails, preparing lesson plans for submission to his unit leader – all stuff that just didn't get done when there were 15 kids in the room – occupied his attention. He also needed to finish some assessments that had been referred to him with the question of whether or not the child in question qualified for the "gifted" track. With his background, he took on assessments like that for all of the grades, not just his own, and if he wasn't careful, things could easily pile up.

He glanced at the girls every now and then, noting their progress around the room. They were doing a fairly good job of cleaning up after themselves, and he'd only been interrupted once. Now they were drawing with the colored chalk on the board. Just as he was about to turn his attention to the final report he wanted done before taking the girls outside for lunch, he heard his door open.

"Jim, any chance those assessments—Oh, hi girls. Hi Janie, how are you sweetie?"

"I'm good. I forget your name."

"I'm Miss Uhura. And how are you Joanna? Having fun playing with Janie?"

Jim turned in his seat, watching the interaction...and then noticed what Janie was drawing on the board. So did Nyota.

"That's a good drawing Janie. Can you tell me about it?"

"Yup…that's me and Joanna and Uncle Jim and Mr. McCoy and that's the purple snake I won and made Uncle Jim hold when we went to the zoo," Janie replied proudly.

"That must have been pretty fun," Uhura replied meeting Jim's eyes across the classroom and Jim looked back steadily. 

Janie nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah, it was a lot of fun."

"Well, good. I'm just going to talk to Mr. Kirk for a minute. You have fun playing." She left the girls and took a seat at Jim's desk, crossing her arms and looking at him with her eyebrows slightly raised. She stayed quiet, waiting Jim out.

"What?" Jim finally said. "So we went to the zoo, Nyota. That's not a problem is it?"

"No," she replied. "Going to the zoo isn't a problem. What happened  _after_  the zoo?"

"Oh, come on. You're not serious are you? Not that it's any of your business, but if there even was an "after the zoo" what difference would it make?"

"Jim – you're a teacher at this school, and this school is a small community. Leonard McCoy is the father of one of your students," Uhura said, as if that explained everything she might have a problem with.

"So what? I'm not on the admittance committee. I didn't do her assessment. It's not like I'm trading favors for kindergarten grades. What possible problem could there be?" 

Nyota shook her head. "You're missing the point. And I know you're smart enough to get it, so you must be doing it on purpose. This is a prestigious school. It's a small, closely knit community. We all know that teachers are held to stricter standards and values."

Jim bristled at the implication in that statement and did his best to keep his temper under wraps. They were still talking in low voices and this was not something he wanted either of the girls to pick up.

"We're a prestigious, closely knit community in the middle of San Francisco, Nyota," he said levelly. "And I assure you, I'm not compromising my standards or my values."

Uhura looked at him with understanding. "I know you're not.  _I_  know. But you know as well as I do that what I know isn't the issue here. Just…be careful."

Jim softened. He knew Nyota wasn't questioning his judgment or his choices personally. But she did have a point professionally, and he could concede that.

"I will. Thank you. Now, those assessments you wanted should be in your inbox. I just sent them over." Standing, he gave her shoulder a squeeze to let her know he wasn't upset.

"Girls," he said, turning to them. "How about some lunch?"


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim and Joanna have a breakthrough. Jim and Leonard do as well.

When it was time to bring it in, Jim helped Janie and Joanna brush as much sand off themselves as possible, and had them sit on a bench while he took off their shoes and emptied the sandbox they managed to collect in their sneakers.

"Did you have fun?" Jim asked, smiling at their two happy faces as he dodged little, swinging pink- and yellow-stockinged feet.

"Uncle Jim, did you see how high we were swinging?" Janie asked excitedly.

"Yes, I did. It looked like you could almost touch the sky," Jim replied.

"Almost," Janie replied so seriously that Jim had to focus his attention on retying her shoes to contain his amusement. Finished with hers, Jim moved on to Joanna's. "Who swung higher, me or Joanna?"

"Umm…" Jim squinted, pretending to consider. He was really trying to think of a diplomatic way to answer that question. He knew very well what Janie was doing, whether or not she did. He glanced at Joanna, who was watching him with an expression on her face that reminded him so strongly of Bones, it took him by surprise. Catching her eyes, she looked away again.  _It's the eyebrows,_ Jim decided. "I think you were both swinging so high, I couldn't tell! I think…you were probably almost exactly the same." Janie accepted his assessment and Joanna didn't seem to have anything to add, as usual, though Jim thought the little smile on her face was more knowing than usual for a five-year-old.

"Are we going home now, Uncle Jim?" Janie asked as they headed back into the school building.

"Not quite yet. Remember that big meeting I told you about? We still have to go to that, and then we can get going."

"Oh, yeah…I forgot that."

"So, what we're going to do," Jim continued. "Is go back to my room, get your stuff, and then go to the meeting. You can each choose a couple of books or puzzles or coloring books to bring with you, but I need you to remember to be quiet while Miss Uhura and the other teachers are talking, okay?"

"Yup!" Janie replied. "I will!"

"Can I…" Joanna started, before breaking off.

Jim looked down at Joanna in surprise. She sounded like she was going to ask him for something. That…was totally awesome. Most of the time if she needed something she'd ask through another person…Stephanie, or Janie or her father. This was another little breakthrough, and he wanted to encourage it.

"Joanna?" he prompted. "Did you have a question?" He pulled open the door for them when they got to his room, and Jim was careful to not look at her. He didn't want her to feel like she was being put on the spot.

"Can we still hold Samantha? Please?" she asked quietly.

Jim could not contain his smile. He'd completely forgotten he'd made that deal with them, and Joanna had taken it upon herself to remind him about something she wanted.

"Yes, of course! Thank you for reminding me Joanna," he said. Wanting to positively reinforce that behavior, he took Samantha/Sammy out of the terrarium and handed the lizard to Joanna first. "You'll get a turn," he assured Janie, as she fairly bounced on her feet.

A little while later, after the promise was kept, the three made their way down the quiet, darkened halls to the Media Center, where the faculty meeting was about to take place. Each girl carried a couple of things to keep busy with, and their various drawings they'd done earlier. Before opening the doors, Jim turned to them.

"Remember, now," he said. "We're going to go sit in the back, and you need to be quiet while the teachers are talking, okay?" Janie and Joanna each nodded solemnly. Opening the door, the three made their way inside. The room was full, and the placement of the doors had them walking in at the front of the room. At the sight of so many adults, Joanna froze in her tracks, and instinctively tried to step back. She bumped into Jim, stepping on his foot. "Joanna, it's okay," he said quietly. "We're just going to go sit in the back, okay?" She reached for his hand and held it tightly as he led them through the grouping of round and square tables. He guided her carefully, as she kept her eyes on the ground and wasn't really watching where she was going. Janie fearlessly led them both, heading towards the table that Jim indicated.

_She reached out for me!_ Jim thought gleefully, feeling an unfamiliar warmth spread through him as she clutched two of his fingers. He rubbed his thumb comfortingly on the back of her little hand, nodding and murmuring quiet greetings to his colleagues as they went. He felt bad that she was uncomfortable, but he wasn't going to deny to himself the triumph he felt at this wordless acceptance. Being okay with her was so important to him. Winning over only one of the two McCoys just wasn't good enough, he knew – for any of them.

Nyota's warning had been playing over and over in the back of his mind all afternoon. Now that the seed was planted, his overactive imagination could come up with any number of scenarios that could possibly lead to trouble for one or both of them – Leonard held a position of prominence and responsibility too – different circles than Jim traveled in, but his risk was no less substantial, and perhaps more so, in some ways. Looking at the dark and light heads bent together over a shared book, and remembering the feel of Joanna's hand in his, he decided that he didn't give a damn about any of it. Leonard would have to make his own decision, eventually, but Jim knew what his was.

With the girls settled, he turned his attention to the meeting as Nyota called for attention at the front.

 

* * *

 

Leonard shouldered the front door open, weighed down with his computer bag, some groceries, and a couple of text books he was requiring for his med students.

"Hello?" he said as he kicked the door closed and dropped his keys on the entry table. Jim's car was parked outside, so he knew they were here. Detouring to the kitchen, he put the groceries down, dealing with the things that had to be refrigerated, and dropped his computer bag and text books on the dining table.

Leonard loosened his tie and made his way down the hall. Now he could hear Joanna's voice; she was in her bedroom. Peering in the half-opened door, he froze in surprise and then leaned stealthily against the doorjamb, taking in the scene. Joanna was sitting cross-legged against her bed on the floor, a book in her hands. Jim was lying on the floor next to her, face-up, arms pillowing his head, eyes closed. She was reading out loud, another favorite by Dr. Seuss, and the steady rise and fall of Jim's chest suggested he might have fallen asleep. Leonard found he really, really liked the scene in front of him. It just looked right to him in a way he couldn't exactly explain.

"…So Yertle the Turtle King, lifted his hand  
And Yertle, the Turtle King, gave a command.  
He ordered nine turtles to swim to his stone  
And, using these turtles, he built a new throne..."

His little girl's voice was steady, and Leonard listened with pride as she read the text with very little trouble, able to sound words out when necessary.

When she came to a natural stop in the text, Leonard knocked on the door softly. Joanna looked up and a big smile lit up her beautiful face.

"Hi Daddy!" she said quietly. Shifting her eyes to Jim, she put a finger to her lips. Leonard smiled and nodded. She put her book down and carefully stepped over Jim's legs. Leonard lifted her, giving her a squeeze and a kiss.

"Hi Baby." He headed down the hall, Joanna securely in his arms. "You wore him out, didn't you?" 

Joanna giggled and shrugged and Leonard smiled at his little girl. "He needed a nap," she said.

"Well, let's let him sleep while we make dinner. Want to help me?"

"Yes! What are we having?" she asked.

"Your choice, Darlin'. Would you like chicken and rice, or tuna casserole?"

"Ummm…pizza?" Joanna suggested hopefully.

"Tuna casserole?"

"Oh, okay. Chicken and rice."

"Chicken and rice it is," he said, sitting her on the counter by the sink. "Will you wash the lettuce and tomatoes for me for the salad?" He turned on the water and set the bags of vegetables by her.

"Yup."

"And I want to hear all about your day."

"Daddy, we had so much fun!"

 

* * *

 

Later that evening, after Joanna was bathed and settled in for the night, Leonard and Jim were relaxing on the couch, working separately and quietly in the living room, the local news station on low for background noise. Leonard flipped through one of the textbooks, making notes as he went. Jim was revising a proposal for a set of seminars at the next National Council of Teachers of Mathematics conference. Mostly. Some of the time was spent contemplating Bones…but he got some work done, too.

"Got something on your mind Jim?" Leonard asked, without looking up from what he was doing. Jim started slightly, then shook his head.

"Not really," Jim replied. "Just thinking about stuff."

"You and Joanna seemed to make some leaps and bounds today." Leonard sat back, stretching enough to feel a couple of satisfying pops in his back. God he was getting old.

"Yeah. She's a real sweetie." Jim was quiet for a moment, a fond expression in his eyes as he stared into space. "She held my hand today," he said. Leonard smiled at Jim's obvious delight. "I was starting to think she didn't like me," he admitted after a moment. "I mean, she has no problem with Aurelan or Sam."

"Oh, Jim…I think she always liked you just fine. She's just starting to show it now, and I think she's starting to separate you from school," Leonard said.

Jim thought about that. It was a pretty good point, and one he was surprised he didn't think of. Of course if she was uncomfortable at school, that discomfort would transfer to the people associated with it.

Jim shook his head at himself and grinned wryly.

"I guess I was just so intent on impressing you McCoys I didn't think of that."

"Well, you can stop trying. Consider me impressed," Leonard said. Jim met Leonard's eyes, and Leonard felt himself flush at the way he looked at him.

"Oh, yeah?" Jim said, setting aside the binder on his lap and moving to lean into Leonard's space. "How impressed, Bones?"

Leonard allowed Jim to take the things he was working on out of his hands and move them to the floor.

"Pretty impressed," he said in low voice.

"Yeah?" Jim leaned up and supported his weight on his arms, hands on the couch at either side of Leonard's shoulders. "Good to know." Jim brushed their lips together, kissing him gently, then pulled back…obviously letting Leonard decide what happened next. Jim closed his eyes as Leonard carded his hands through his hair, hands coming to rest on the back of Jim's neck.

"You feel tense," he murmured.

"I'm fine," Jim answered, but didn't resist when Leonard pressed strong fingers against the muscles of his neck. Jim sighed. "Feels good," he said. "I might fall back asleep."

"Hm. That'd be fine, if you're planning on staying. Want me to make up the pull out?"

"Not really," Jim said. "There are other places I'd rather sleep if I'm going to sleep here."

Leonard sighed and gently tugged, urging Jim to let himself rest on him. Jim lowered himself slowly, both shifting to accommodate Jim's weight. Leonard was quiet for a couple of moments, his strong fingers still working at the base of Jim's skull.

"I just don't think that's a good idea yet, Jim. Joanna could wake up, and I just wouldn't know how to explain it to a five-year-old if she found us sharing a bed."

"No problem, I understand," Jim said. Leonard paused his ministrations and craned his neck to catch Jim's eyes.

"Do you really? You're not upset?"

"No," he said sincerely. "I'm not at all. I completely understand. Kids make things tricky, and of course you have to think of her first. I wouldn't know what to say either. I actually worried about what to say when she walked into the library that morning because I didn't know what you wanted me to say. Being in the same bed as her father would be a lot harder to explain. Uh…by the way," Jim said, his muscles suddenly tense. "Did you find that snake?" 

Leonard laughed and Jim smiled too, as he felt a playful tug on his hair. "I don't know what I did to deserve someone like you, Jim, but whatever it was, I'm so grateful for who you are. Thank you."

"Bones, I think you're totally worth it. You and Joanna both. If I didn't, I wouldn't be here." He pulled back enough to kiss Leonard, trying to convey the honest sincerity behind the words. Judging by the look on Bones' face, he'd succeeded. "But seriously," he continued. "You  _did_  find the snake, right?"


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arguments abound.

“No he’s NOT!” 

“Yes he is! Kimmie said so!” 

“Well, she’s stupid, and so are you!” 

“I’m telling you said that!” 

“I don’t care! And you’re not allowed in my room anymore!”

**SLAM!**

Jim and Leonard stared at each other over the table as the angrily yelled exchange came to that definitive end. The next second they heard feet stomping down the hallway towards the kitchen. Jim shrugged and offered Leonard a little smile.

“Their first fight,” he sighed. “They are now officially bff’s.”

 Leonard rolled his eyes. “Wonderful…and what the hell does that mean?”

Before Jim could answer, Janie stalked into the kitchen, her fair complexion flushed and her blue eyes swimming with unshed tears. A tomboy already, she swiped at her eyes angrily. 

“Uncle Jim, I want to go home!” she demanded, staring up at him.

Jim reached down to pick her up; her little body tense with anger. She didn’t want to be comforted, he knew, but he set her on his lap anyway. 

“What happened? Did you and Joanna have a fight?” Jim asked, catching Leonard’s eyes. Janie huffed and crossed her arms over her chest.

“Yes.” She turned to glare at Leonard. “Joanna called me stupid! And she said Kimmie was stupid. And I don’t want to play with her anymore.”

Leonard opened his mouth to apologize to her for what Joanna said, but Jim shook his head slightly. Deciding that it would be wise to yield to the man who refereed kids for a living, he maintained his silence and waited.

“Well, that wasn’t a very nice thing for Joanna to say about anyone, but did you say something first that made her mad?”

“I didn’t say anything  _bad_!” Janie insisted. “I just told her what Kimmie said about Mr. McCoy.”

Jim cringed slightly at this. Kim was Janie’s older sister. She’d already cornered Jim to ask if he and Leonard were boyfriends at a family dinner a couple of nights ago.

 _“Why would you think that, Kimmie?” Jim asked, stalling for time and trying to figure out what was going on in that 10-year-old brain of hers. She’d shrugged nonchalantly; completely unaware of the mild panic Jim was feeling. He didn’t care one whit about labels, beyond the fact that Bones didn’t seem to be the kind of person who would want to be called a ‘boyfriend’ by anyone. Too immature. And he knew that his brother and sister-in-law were relatively liberal-minded…or at least they were about him…but he really didn’t want to be having this conversation with his niece._

_“I was just wondering. My friend at school said her mom was spending a lot of time with another lady and they decided to be girlfriends. Whenever you come over you talk about Mr. McCoy a lot so I thought maybe you were boyfriends.”_

_Jim felt himself redden. He didn’t talk about Bones that much. Did he?_

_“Uh, well…we’re just really good friends right now,” he said, deciding to keep it very simple. Kimmie had nodded, and moved on to the ever-important topic of which of her friends she should share a tent with during the upcoming Girl Scout camping trip._  

At the time, Jim had breathed a sigh of relief when she accepted his response without question, and promptly forgot all about it, considering it done. 

Apparently it wasn’t.

“What about me?” Leonard asked. 

“That you were going to be Uncle Jim’s boyfriend,” Janie lifted her chin defiantly, as if daring them to call her big sister stupid in her presence. Leonard’s eyebrows registered his surprise. He didn’t say anything, but crossed his arms over his chest and leveled a glare at Jim. He got the message. 

“Janie,” Jim said, setting her down. “Why don’t you go watch tv for a couple of minutes, okay? I think SpongeBob is on.” 

“Are we leaving?” Janie asked stubbornly. 

“Not just yet. Do you want a snack?” 

“Can I have some goldfish and juice?”

“Sure. Go ahead and I’ll bring it to you.” Momentarily mollified by the promise of snacks, Janie left the kitchen. Leonard was already pouring the crackers into a bowl and Jim pulled a juice box out of the fridge. 

“Jim…”

“Just give me a second, Bones.” He joined Janie in the living room, and a couple of seconds later Leonard heard the strains of that absolutely imbecilic opening song.

“What the hell, Jim?” Leonard asked when Jim came back into the kitchen. 

“It’s not what you think, Bones. Let me explain.” Jim told him about the conversation he had with Kim a couple of nights ago, skipping over Kim’s opinion on how often Bones was the topic of conversation. 

“And you didn’t think to give me a head’s up?” Leonard asked when he was done. 

“I didn’t think there was anything to give you a head’s up about,” Jim replied. “I thought I took care of it.” 

Leonard snorted. “Not well,” he said. “She obviously didn’t take that as a ‘no’, Jim. Why didn’t you just say no we’re not, and leave it at that?”

Jim didn’t answer right away, glancing away from Leonard. That hurt more than he’d expected. Jim hadn’t wanted to lie to Kimmie…and he’d thought a straight “no” would’ve been a complete lie.  But…maybe it wasn’t. Bones seemed to be a lot angrier than Jim thought he would be.

“Now I have to go figure out what to tell my daughter,” Bones continued, sounding more irritated than Jim had ever heard him. 

Jim felt his temper rising, and strove to contain it. “And what’s that going to be Bones? I didn’t want to lie outright to my niece. Are you going to lie to your daughter? Or, maybe when you tell her that Kim made a mistake and we really are just friends that will be the truth.” 

“That has nothing to do with it!” Bones exclaimed, sidestepping the question. “Joanna’s just five--”

“I know how old she is, Leonard,” Jim cut him off, his voice hard enough to cover the hurt. “And I don’t really get why that matters. What possible difference could it make to Joanna what we call ourselves? It doesn’t change the amount of time she spends with us together or with me outside of the classroom! Or is it that it matters more to you?”

Leonard looked like he was going to say something else, but he just shook his head, running a hand through his hair. 

“I can’t do this now,” he said. “I have to go talk to Joanna.” He paused on his way out of the kitchen. “Are you leaving?”

 _Maybe I should._  “No,” he said grudgingly. “They need to make up – and you’re supposed to have Janie all weekend. We can’t let them spend the time angry with each other.”

“Fine. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

“Fine. I’ll be watching SpongeBob,” Jim replied.

Bones resisted the urge to roll his eyes – barely.  _Infant._

Heading down the hall to Joanna’s room, Leonard tried to figure out the best way to handle this. He thought he knew why what Janie said sparked his daughter’s ire, and it had nothing to do with Jim, and everything to do with anyone who might start sharing Leonard’s life. He knocked on Joanna’s door, and opened it, sweeping his eyes over the space. It looked like the girls had been playing dress-up when their fight erupted. Joanna was lying on her bed, facing the wall.

“Hey baby doll.”

“Hi Daddy.” She sounded congested; she’d been crying. He entered the room and sat beside her on the bed. She turned around, and curled her body around him, resting her head on his thigh. He sighed, gently brushing her hair away from her face. Her dark lashes were wet with tears.

“Janie told us what you were fighting about,” Leonard said. “Can you tell me why you were upset?” 

Joanna sniffed and pressed her face against his leg as he rubbed her back. “Janie said you and Mr. Kirk were going to be boyfriends.”

Leonard remained quiet for a moment, wondering how to make Joanna understand this when he was kind of still struggling with it himself.  _Maybe we shouldn’t focus on understanding anything right now,_  he thought.

“How would you feel about it if we were?” he asked instead. Joanna shrugged. He decided to try a different tactic. “Do you like Mr. Kirk?”

“Yeah, he’s nice. And I like that you laugh.” 

Leonard paused, considering that. “What do you mean, darlin’?” Joanna rolled over so she was looking up at him…and there was the smile that belonged on her face. 

“He makes you laugh a lot. I like that,” she said.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right…he does. So, if we were…boyfriends  _(god, he hated that word)_ …would that be okay with you?”  

She focused her eyes on a point on his shirt and reached up to fiddle with one of the buttons. “I don’t know,” she said in a small voice. He picked her up off the bed and settled her against his chest, her head resting on his shoulder. They were obviously going to have to revisit this at some point. Maybe. Jim had seemed pretty pissed. 

“I love you so much, baby. No matter what, you’re always going to be the most important person in my life.” 

“I love you too, Daddy. I’m sorry I called Janie and Kimmie stupid.” Leonard sighed. 

“Yeah, I think you hurt Janie’s feelings. What do you think you should do about that?”

“I should apologize,” she said.

“Yeah, I think you should.” Leonard set Joanna on her feet and pulled a tissue from the box on her nightstand. “Blow,” he said, holding it to her nose. “Again.” Taking another, he wiped her face. “Feel better?” 

“Yup,” she said. “Is Sarah still coming?”

“As far as I know. She should be here in a little while.” Leonard and Joanna walked to the living room where Jim and Jaine were laughing at the starfish’s antics with a butterfly net as he chased a school of jellyfish. Joanna stood in front of Janie. 

“What do you want?” she asked, an insolent expression on her face. 

“Janie. Remember what we talked about,” Jim said from his position on the floor. Janie rolled her eyes and huffed a little, but remained quiet. Joanna flicked her eyes between her father and Jim before refocusing on Janie.

“I’m sorry I called you and Kimmie stupid,” she said quietly. “And I didn’t mean it when I said you weren’t allowed in my room.” She paused and looked over at Jim again, self-consciously. “Will you still be my friend?”

“Okay,” Janie agreed. “But don’t say anything mean anymore.”

“I won’t,” Joanna agreed.

“Do you want some goldfish?” Joanna sat next to Janie on the couch, the bowl of snacks between them.

“Daddy, can I have a juice box too?”

And just like that, they were friends again. If only it was always that easy.

 

* * *

 

Jim was driving this time, and Leonard felt as tense as he had during that first date exactly one week ago today.

Sarah had arrived as scheduled, Janie and Joanna excited for a “girl’s night” of painting nails, doing their hair, and watching Disney princess movies. Leonard had really been looking forward to this evening, too…it was the first time he’d seen Jim all week since Monday, except for a quick hello at the McKinley parent pick-up loop. They’d talked nearly every night on the phone, and sometimes over IM too, but it wasn’t the same. And now, Leonard was torn between just calling the evening off and figuring out what to say to end the tension. The decision was taken out of his hands, though, before they’d even made it five blocks.

Jim sighed, and glanced over at Leonard, noting the shuttered expression on his face…it reminded him of the first day they met in his classroom.

“Look, Bones. I don’t want to fight. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about what Kim asked. I honestly didn’t think it was an issue.” Jim said sincerely. 

Leonard was quiet for a moment, trying to put his thoughts in order. He didn’t just want to apologize. He wanted Jim to understand. “Jim, you’ve only been Joanna’s teacher for two weeks, and I’m really, really glad she’s opening up to you. But you don’t know her yet. You don’t know that sometimes she cries because she wishes she could see a mother she doesn’t even remember. You don’t know that when she overheard me talking about moving to San Francisco, she had nightmares for two days because she thought I was going without her. And you didn’t know that what Janie said about us scared her because she’s never had to share me with anyone…and she doesn’t know what that means to her. Not yet, anyway. We’ll show her, of course, that it just means there’s another person who cares about her. But for now, she doesn’t know… _that’s_  why it matters and makes a difference to Joanna. And that’s the  _only_ reason it matters to me.”

Jim was silent, keeping his gaze focused on the road in front of him. Leonard turned his attention to where they were headed, and was surprised when Jim turned on to his street. They’d planned to go out to dinner. Apparently, the plans changed.

“You’re absolutely right,” Jim said after a moment. “I didn’t think of any of that, and I never wanted to put you or Joanna in a situation that you weren’t ready for or comfortable with.”

“I know you didn’t, Jim…but this brilliant elementary school teacher once told me that if I let her stay comfortable the way she is, she might never be comfortable the way she should be." Jim smiled at that. Leonard continued, "I wanted you to understand because I’m not willing to let what we have go. I just tend to get a little…tunnel-visioned when it comes to Joanna.”

Jim nodded. “I do understand.” A moment later they were pulling up in front of his place.

“So…I guess we’re not going out?” Leonard questioned.

“I thought maybe we should stay in,” Jim said. “We can order, or I can cook something. I think I would just prefer to be a little selfish with my time with you. Is that okay?” Jim looked over at Leonard uncertainly.

“That sounds like an excellent idea,” Leonard replied.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim and Leonard have a night in.

Relieved that everything seemed to be back to normal, Jim asked, “What time did you want to be home tonight?” as Leonard followed him into his house.

“Sarah is planning to stay over. She knows that I might be late.” 

Jim turned to look at him, a suggestive smile on his face. “Oh, you will…if I have anything to say about it.” Jim said, purposefully holding his gaze. He winked teasingly at the expression on Leonard’s face – something between bashfulness and surprise – until he glanced away from Jim. Bones just didn’t seem to realize how attractive and enticing he was. Jim didn’t know what kind of relationship he’d had with his wife that made it so difficult for him to accept that he genuinely desired him, but Jim hoped he’d have a long time to show him.   

After a moment, when Leonard had failed to come up with a response, Jim chuckled and leaned in to give him a quick kiss before turning away to head into the kitchen. Leonard swallowed and followed him, not for the first time wondering what the hell he was doing. Not that he hadn’t enjoyed the time they’d spent together…especially that one night, but Jim was sometimes so…overwhelming. So confident. And Leonard wasn’t kidding the other day...Jim was a lot more experienced than he was, despite (or maybe because of) the fact that he’d been married. It made him feel out of his depth.

“Uhh…so, what do you want to do for dinner?” Leonard asked, trying to regain some equilibrium. Jim opened his fridge and freezer, and did a quick survey.

“Well, choices here are a couple of Stouffer’s frozen dinners, meatloaf and uh, meatloaf,” he said, examining the packages. “Or…I have some left over pizza…pepperoni and mushroom…” He moved to the cabinets. “Spaghetti…you could make that sauce again. I don’t know what this is…I don’t even remember buying it…” Jim trailed off as Leonard chuckled. “What?”

“I forgot what it was like to only have to feed myself,” Leonard said. 

Jim smiled sheepishly and shrugged. “What can I say? I’m not big on cooking for one.”

Leonard smiled and shook his head. “What’s good for take-out?”

“Have you tried Chinese yet?”

“Well…I’ve had it in Georgia. Can’t be too different, right?”  

“Seriously, Bones? Chinese it is, then.”

 

* * *

 

Jim was down the hall, helping one of his neighbors – an elderly gentleman who’d knocked on his door with a minor plumbing emergency in his bathroom.

“I’m sorry to bother you, Jimmy, but could you come take a look before the whole damn place floods?”

“Sure Mr. Garrett. Bones, I’ll just…”

“Go ahead. I’ll finish cleaning up.”

Leonard put away the leftovers and grabbed a bottle of water. Wandering into the living room, he studied the books on the shelves. Jim had everything from Steinbeck and Fitzgerald to Koontz and King – from Shakespeare and Kafka to Patterson and Sheldon. With a smirk he realized that the books were arranged first by genre, and then alphabetical by the author’s last name. That struck Leonard as funny. Jim didn’t seem to be a stickler for order in other areas of his apartment (at all), but he was apparently a bit OCD about his bookcases.

Studying the titles, he realized there was even a copy of  _Alice in Wonderland_. It looked old, and like it had been read often. Curious, Leonard pulled that book off the shelf and opened it. There was an inscription on the front inside cover:

“To Chrissy, because sometimes the difference between genius and crazy is kinda hard to tell. Love ya! Jim”

_Huh, interesting,_ Leonard thought. He slid the book back into place. Obviously, it had been a gift to someone, but it ended up back in Jim’s hands. He moved on to another section of the shelves, and here were a large collection of professional texts that covered everything from elementary education to psychology to learning disabilities – all topics that were necessary to Jim’s work.

Looking around, he realized that there were very few pictures in Jim’s apartment – just a couple in mismatched frames on the side table and on top of the tv cabinet. There were two of Janie and Kim, and a professional family portrait of Sam, Aurelan, and the girls. That one looked recent. There was Jim standing with an older woman, arms around each other, smiling. The background looked like the room they were in was decorated for Christmas. Leonard picked it up to better study it. Jim looked to be a little younger, and he looked enough like the woman that Leonard surmised she was his mother. There were no pictures of any that looked like his father. And none of anyone who looked like she could be named Chrissy.

Replacing the framed photo, Leonard reflected on how little of Jim’s background he knew. Sometimes it was hard to remember that they really didn’t know each other all that well. Yes, they’d spent at least part of the last three weekends together, and they’d talked quite a bit during the weeks, but the sense of familiarity they had with each other was…not artificial...but, well, he couldn’t really think of a way to describe it. Leonard  _felt_ as if he’d known Jim for a long time, though what he  _knew_  was actually very different. He’d never experienced a connection to another person like this before. It was kind of thrilling.

Glancing at the clock, he saw that it was coming up on nine. He couldn’t believe how much time had flown by since they first got there nearly four hours ago. Jim was engaging, and fun, and really intelligent...and Leonard wished he’d hurry up and get back.

It was technically Joanna’s bedtime, though tonight there was a little more latitude because of the sleepover. Pulling out his cell, he dialed home, wanting to check in.

“McCoy residence,” Sarah answered.

“Hi Sarah, it’s Leonard.”

“Oh, hello Dr. McCoy.” Leonard smiled. No matter how many times he told her it was okay, she just couldn’t bring herself to use his first name. It made him feel old. 

“Just calling to check in. Everything okay?” 

“Everything’s fine. No fighting or anything like that. They’ve been perfect.” 

“Good. I know you’re still probably doing hair or whatnot, but bedtime by ten at the latest, okay?”

“No problem. We’re actually just settling down to watch another movie…they both look pretty tuckered out. They’ll probably fall asleep before then.”

“And you’re all set, right? I made up the pull out bed – pillows, blankets, you have everything you need?”

“Yup, I’m all set.”

“Okay…I’m not sure what time I’ll be home, so if you want to go to bed before I get there, please feel free to. Just make sure everything is locked up tight.”

“Of course…and, um…you know, I can take care of the girls in the morning if you…”

“No, I’ll be there in the morning,” Leonard said quickly, his face suddenly hot.  _Oh, god. I am not having this conversation with my babysitter._

Sarah sounded amused when she replied, “Okay, see you then. Have…a good time.”

Suddenly in a rush to end this conversation, Leonard said, “Call if you need anything,” and hung up just as he realized that he hadn’t asked to talk to Joanna. After a moment, he shrugged to himself. Sarah could call if Joanna wanted to talk to him. He was not calling back now. He settled himself in the living room, turning on the news, while he waited for Jim to get back. He didn’t have to wait long. After just a few minutes, he heard the front door open. He got up and turned the tv off

“Took you long enough,” he said as he met Jim in the hallway. He stopped short in surprise. “What the hell happened over there?” Leonard asked. Jim’s upper body was drenched. He rolled his eyes.

“Obviously, I’m not a very good plumber,” he replied. Jim stripped the wet shirt off, noticing that Leonard’s eyes had gone a little wider, and then toed off his sneakers as well. Carrying the wet shirt, Jim headed into the bedroom. Leonard hesitated, not wanting to follow if Jim was going to be changing.

“So…does Mr. Garrett have a pool in his bathroom now?” he asked, voice slightly raised in order to be heard.

“Nah…it’s actually not as bad as I make it look,” Jim called back. He walked back into the living room in a dry shirt, rubbing a towel over his head. “The pipe that was leaking split a seal while I was trying to tighten it. I just got sprayed before I managed to turn the water off.” 

Leonard’s lips quirked in amusement. “Aren’t you supposed to turn the water off before working on the pipes?” 

Jim made a sour face. “I’m a teacher, not a plumber! How the hell would I know? Next time, I'll let you fix it.” He looked back up at Leonard. “Do you need to call home?”

“What?” Leonard asked, taken aback by the non sequitur. “Oh, no…I did already. Just now, as a matter of fact. Uh – why?” Jim shrugged, and tossed the towel over the back of the desk chair.

“Just checking. So…what do you want to do?” Jim knew what  _he_  wanted to do, and he’d wanted to minimize the possibility for distractions, hence the question about calling home. He also thought he’d noticed that when he made the first move Bones tended to pull back. The one time they’d been together, Bones was the one to approach Jim. He was well-aware that Bones was still slightly nervous about the physical side of their relationship; he wouldn’t have been surprised if it had something to do with the guy he hooked up with in college. Jim didn’t want Bones to be nervous because of him.   

Leonard shrugged, looking around the living room, avoiding Jim’s eyes. His gaze fell on the picture he’d studied earlier.

“Is that your mom?” Leonard asked. Clearly, Jim hadn’t been expecting that and he blinked in surprise. To his credit, he recovered quickly.

“Yup, that’s her. Winona.”

“You look like her. Same eyes.”

“Yeah…that picture is about three years old,” Jim’s tone got Leonard’s attention. He sounded…wistful, and maybe a little sad. He looked at Jim, a question in his eyes. Leonard was curious, but he didn’t want to seem nosy. The need to ask, though, disappeared when Jim sighed and picked the framed picture up, seating himself on the couch. The doctor in him recognized that tone and look, but he waited for Jim, taking a seat next to him.

“She doesn’t look like she was sick here, does she?” Jim wasn’t really asking, Leonard knew, but he shook his ‘no’ anyway. “Pancreatic cancer. They found it while doing a PET scan for something else about two months after this.” 

Leonard winced. Pancreatic cancer was particularly insidious. Difficult to detect and treat, usually by the time it’s found it’s already too late for the patient.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly. Losing a parent was painful no matter how old the child is.  _I would know,_ he thought. “Were you close with her?” 

Jim shrugged. “For the most part. There were…things…we didn’t talk about in my family. You know -- if you don’t acknowledge it, it doesn’t exist. As long as we stayed in safe territory, everything was okay.” 

Leonard nodded. He did know. Jim seemed melancholy now, and Leonard was sorry he even brought it up. He said as much, and Jim looked at him with an expression that Leonard couldn’t quite place.

“Nah…don’t worry about it. I’m glad you asked. I want you to know about me – and I know that you of all people can understand what it’s like to go through something like that.” 

Leonard had already told Jim about his father when they were talking about how his research landed him in California. He was fortunate that his mama was still alive and well, living in Savannah with her sister. He wondered about Jim’s father, and decided against asking about that, for now. Jim hadn’t offered anything, and that would really be prying…very different from asking about a photograph in plain sight.

Leonard took the frame from Jim and placed on the end table. Enough of that. Jim looked at him, a small smile on his face.

“I’m sorry you had to go through that,” Leonard said. Hesitantly, he reached a hand to trace down the side of Jim’s face. Jim closed his eyes and leaned into the touch slightly. Before he could change his mind, Bones leaned in and kissed Jim softly. Jim responded immediately, wanting to encourage without pursuing. When Bones pulled away, Jim opened his eyes and smiled. Leonard smiled back, dropping his gaze after a moment and moving to withdraw from Jim’s personal space. Jim stopped him with a shake of his head.

“Don’t stop,” he said softly. Leonard froze, uncertainty creeping into his eyes. “What do you want Bones?” 

Leonard licked his lips and took a breath, trying to calm his heart rate. “I – I don’t know,” he said. Jim watched as his eyes flicked around him, and Jim realized what was making him hesitate.

“Want to move this to the bedroom?” Jim suggested. After a moment, Leonard nodded and Jim stood, urging him up too, and led him down the hall. “Take off your shoes, Bones. Be comfortable,” Jim said. 

Leonard complied, feeling ungainly and uncoordinated. The bedside table light was on, and he remembered their first time in this bed together. He felt a flush working its way up his neck, and decided that he wasn’t removing anything else, for now. Seeing this, Jim didn’t either. He pulled the bedspread down and then turned to envelop Leonard in a hug. Jim again felt the tension in his body, but after a moment, that dissipated and they held each other, just enjoying the comfort of being close.

After a few moments, Jim pulled away and tugged him gently towards the bed. Leonard went easily enough. Lying on their sides facing each other, Jim kissed Leonard, not holding back any of his desire. He wanted Leonard to realize how he felt, and how much he wanted him. After a few minutes, Leonard took the initiative and brought their bodies in closer contact. Jim gently held Leonard’s face, but let Leonard control the kiss. Jim moved his hips slowly, deliberately, knowing the teasing pressure would be just enough to further excite, but not satisfy. Leonard broke away, panting, and squeezed his eyes closed as Jim’s movements fell into a rhythm. Leonard’s hips had started to move against Jim’s, his hands clenching the material of Jim’s shirt at his back.

Jim moved his hands to Bones’ shirt and undid the first few buttons, waiting for a reaction. He did a couple others, and he could feel Bones start to tense. Soon after, Leonard grasped Jim’s wrists gently, his forehead pressed to Jim’s shoulder.

“I just want to make you feel good, Bones. Can I?” He could feel Bones’ breath as he panted against his shoulder, and he could feel that Bones was shaking a little. Jim forced himself to think, no easy feat given the situation. It was becoming obvious that Bones needed the control in this situation. Jim could do that. “What do you want Bones? Tell me…I want to do what you want.” It took a moment, but Leonard couldn’t resist an offer like that from this man. Didn’t even want to try.

“Can I…can I explore you?” he asked hesitantly, feeling his face heat.  

_Explore me?_  Jim thought. That sounded…really, really good, actually. “What do you want me to do?” Jim asked, letting his hands travel up and down the expanse of Bones’ strong back. He did not want to give Bones any reason to think he wasn’t totally on board, including seeming too hesitant. He got the feeling it wouldn’t take much to make Bones pull back into himself right now. Bones pulled away and studied Jim’s face carefully. Jim did his best to project all the confidence and ease and interest he had in Bones’ request that he was feeling.

“Will you take your shirt off?” he asked. Jim smiled, his eyes crinkling at the corners. They both sat up and Jim pulled the shirt over his head, tossing it on the floor. He raised an eyebrow…the question obvious.  _What now?_  “Lie back?” Bones asked. Jim complied, watching Bones look at him, carefully avoiding Jim’s eyes.

“Bones?” Jim said after a couple of moments. His gaze landed on Jim’s. “Are you going to touch me?”

“Yeah...” He sat beside Jim, and starting at his shoulders, Leonard gently drew his hands across Jim’s body and down the center of his chest and stomach. Jim jerked and huffed out a laugh. Bones looked up at Jim.

“Ticklish,” Jim said, with a little shrug. Bones grinned at him playfully and swiped his hand across his stomach again, and again Jim jerked a little, catching his breath. Bones leaned down to kiss him, and Jim opened to him easily, raising his hands to Bones’ shoulders and holding on. The kiss ended sooner than Jim would’ve liked, until Bones continued down, lips and tongue playing over Jim’s neck. He gasped when Bones found a particularly sensitive spot, and he lingered there so long it got hard to stay still. Needing…something…he turned his head, gripping Bones’ arms tightly. Finally, Bones pulled back and looked at Jim, relishing the way he managed to make him react this way.     

Jim was embarrassingly out of breath, surprised at how easily Bones could reduce him to this. No one else had; not this easily. He opened his eyes, and for the first time since they started, they held each other’s gazes for longer than a moment. Caught up as he was in the dark hazel of Bones’ surprisingly direct stare, he gasped when he felt his nipple being gently rubbed and teased. Aroused as he already was, it didn’t take long for the touch to become intense, and Jim arched his back slightly, barely a breath away from asking…for more, for him to stop…he wasn’t sure which. Finally, Bones left that nipple, and moved on to the other, his fingers circling it gently, stopping to run gently over the very tip, sensitizing it as much as the other. When Bones dipped his head, flicking his tongue over the first while his fingers continued to stimulate the other, Jim jerked. He switched his hand and mouth, and continued to tease.

Jim groaned and pressed his head back on the pillow, his hips raising slightly, looking for pressure that just wasn’t there. His grip on Bones’ shoulders was becoming more like pushing away the longer Bones continued, and his breath was coming as harsher pants.

Finally, Bones pulled back and stopped, again studying Jim’s face. After a couple of moments, Jim opened his eyes. Leonard smiled at him a little cheekily, and Jim raised his eyebrows.

“Having fun?” Jim asked.

 Bones flushed, but didn’t back down. “Yes. You?”    

“Oh, yes,” Jim replied. “But, I’m getting a little uncomfortable,” he raised his hips, his meaning clear. Bones glanced down the length of his body, and moved his hand to the button of Jim’s jeans.

“Can I?”

“God, yes,” Jim said. Bones undid his button and zipper, and Jim lifted his hips, allowing Bones to tug them over his hips and off, to join his shirt on the floor. Freed of the confines of his jeans, Jim’s erection was much more evident, pressing against his underwear. Bones seemed to stall, and started to look less comfortable again, less sure of himself. “Bones,” Jim said, trying to keep him focused. “What do you want?”

“I want to see you. All of you,” he answered, voice a little gruff. Not needing any other invitation, Jim quickly stripped himself of his underwear, and lay back down, letting Bones look. Generally, Jim had no problem with being naked with someone; he didn’t have any hang-ups about his body. But to be the focus of such direct interest was a little intimidating, nonetheless, and an uncharacteristic flush gently suffused his fairer-colored skin. Still sitting beside him, Bones noticed and his brow furrowed a little. He caught Jim’s eyes. “Is this okay?” he asked, obviously needing confirmation that Jim was still on board.

“Yes, oh yes. Do you want to touch me?” Jim asked, reaching for him. Bones leaned down and kissed Jim, his hands taking another pass down Jim’s chest, rubbing first one nipple than the other. Jim broke away to gasp at this, and Bones kept it up for a couple more moments, moving from one to the other. Eventually, his hand continued downward, and came to a rest just above Jim’s naval. “Bones,” Jim groaned, hips thrusting into nothing as Leonard mouthed at Jim’s neck. “Please touch me.” He felt Leonard chuckle against him.

“Eager?”

“Getting desperate, is more like it,” Jim replied breathlessly. 

Bones hummed a little and finally,  _finally,_ took Jim’s erection in his hand. Bones sat up and Jim’s body prickled with goosepimples at the wash of cooler air over his flesh. He bit his lip and dug his heels into the mattress as Bones took some slow, gentle strokes up and down Jim’s length. 

“Oh, god,” Jim groaned. After just a couple of minutes of the pace Bones set, Jim was struggling to stay still. He was fisting the sheets tightly, his brow furrowed.

No matter how Jim moved, Bones kept the same slow pace, his grip just tight enough to be maddening, and not nearly enough. Eventually, his hips moved with the strokes, following Bones’ hand up, thrusting further, trying to prolong the contact. He could feel everything tightening…all his muscles, his stomach…the pleasure building and coiling, but it was  _too_   _slow._

“B-bones… _please_ ,” Jim hissed. He was breathing hard and fast, his body alternately bowing and arching, fighting to let Bones stay in control…losing control over his own reactions. Each stroke was accompanied by an almost pained grunt.

“Jim,” Bones said. Jim fought to open his eyes and focus on Bones’ face above him. “What do you want Jim?”

“ _Uuuhhh,_  I – oh, god – I need more –  I need to come,” Jim managed to say between gasps for breath. Jim wasn’t paying attention to Leonard anymore, beyond what he was, or wasn’t doing to get him off, and he found it easier to stare at the results of his touch. That he could reduce Jim to this – shaking, sweating, gasping,  _needing_  – was powerful and empowering. That Jim would give this to him, was humbling. A rush of possessiveness, the desire to comfort and love, rolled through him with a force he’d never experienced before.

Leaning down over Jim, he captured his mouth in a kiss made desperate by Jim’s state. The kiss was needfully brief, as Jim couldn’t breathe quickly enough. Jim relinquished his grip on the sheets and clutched at Leonard, holding on as he suddenly gave Jim what he’d been craving…stroking harder and faster without a pause without breaking rhythm. Jim’s whole body tightened, arched and went still as the intense pleasure came to an explosive peak.

Watching the total abandon as Jim’s orgasm crashed over him, Leonard stroked continuously, Jim’s body undulating under him, bucking hard…his head rolling back and forth. He cried out when he was finally able to get the breath to do it, and Leonard slowed his motions as the tension in Jim’s body lessened.

Finally, Jim’s body relaxed onto the bed, completely spent. His lashes fluttered and Bones held him, tenderly brushing his hair off his face. He shuddered periodically, still gasping, as he came down. Taking his eyes off Jim, he rolled half way over to grab the box of tissues. He wiped his hand, and gently cleaned Jim off who jerked slightly with sensitivity, even in his semi-conscious state.

Done with his ministrations, Bones lay down beside Jim, listening to the sound of his calmed breathing and basking in the feelings of overwhelming trust and belonging, and maybe even love…and wondering how he’d gotten so damn lucky.  


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim uses his talents and Leonard opens up a bit. Then Jim uses a completely different set of talents.

Jim lay still, his eyes closed as his breathing slowly evened out and the shivering from the rush of endorphins and adrenaline abated. He felt Bones moving around him, cleaning him, and felt a light blanket being drawn over his body. He felt the mattress dip, and a solid, comforting warmth at his side as Bones lay down next to him. That had been an incredibly erotic and intense experience, and he needed a few moments to collect himself, and try to get his brain reengaged. He felt Bones entwine their hands together, between them. The gesture was unexpected and so sweet…in the aftermath of the flood of such intense emotion, Jim found he had to swallow around an ache in his throat as he felt his eyes burn under his closed lids. Bones deserved so much more than he was allowing himself to receive.

After a little while, he felt Bones press a kiss to his temple and he turned his head toward where Bones lay on his back, a content smile on his face. Opening his eyes, he found himself just inches from Bones’ dark hazel gaze.

“Hi,” Jim said quietly.

“Hi…welcome back.” Leonard said, a small smile tugging at his lips.  He paused, looking uncertain. “You okay?”

“Are you kidding? That was the best idea ever, Bones. I’m fantastic.” He reached over, running a hand through Leonard’s dark hair. “You made me feel so good,” he murmured. He searched Bones’ gaze for some clue as to what he was feeling until Bones lowered his eyes. “I’m feeling kind of selfish, though,” Jim continued. “I shouldn’t get to have all the fun.” Leonard shook his head, keeping his eyes averted.

“I’m fine,” he replied. “And I need to get going pretty soon,” 

Pressing his lips together, Jim glanced at the clock. Not even midnight. Deciding it was time to push things a little, he turned on his side, bringing their joined hands up between them. He pressed a kiss to the back of Leonard’s hand and sighed. 

“Bones, what can I do to make you more comfortable with this…with us?” he asked, deciding to take the direct route. Leonard kept his eyes down and drew his bottom lip between his teeth.

“It – it isn’t you, Jim. You’ve been so much more patient than I even had the right to ask of you…” he trailed off as Jim started shaking his head.

“No…no Bones. You have  _every_  right to expect someone to be as patient as you need them to be. People in a relationship have to move at the same speed, or it won’t work. And we’ve talked about this before. You know how I feel.  I’m willing to wait for you.” He paused. This was tricky ground he was about to step on…and he very much wanted to avoid stepping in it, if he could.

“But…if something’s wrong…if there’s something that’s making you feel…( _in for a penny, Jim_ )…apprehensive, I would like to know what it is, so I can help, if you’ll let me.”

Leonard was quiet for a long time, and Jim let him process what he’d said in silence. This wasn’t going to be an easy conversation for Bones…no matter when they had it. As far as circumstances go, now was as good a time as any. In this situation, Jim was in the more vulnerable, less intimidating position…lying there naked while Bones was clothed. It didn’t bother Jim at all, but there were undoubtedly unconscious psychological influences in play, so why not use whatever was available if it made it any easier for Bones?

“What…what makes you think there’s something actually wrong? Maybe I’m just…more reserved.” Bones met Jim’s eyes briefly, and Jim smiled softly, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze.

“I know you’re more reserved,” Jim said, purposefully echoing the term. “But…that’s not what I’m talking about. I think you’re more comfortable when you’re in control…maybe to the point where you can’t let yourself  _not_ be in control.” He cut himself off at that. There was more he wanted to say, but he didn’t want to push his luck. So far, Bones seemed pretty receptive. He didn’t want to mess that up. After a moment, Bones chuckled a little and brought his other hand up to cover his eyes.

“You sure you just have a Master’s in psych?” he said dryly. When Jim didn’t answer, he uncovered his eyes and turned to look at Jim directly. “Jim?”

“I’m…nearly done with my Ph.D.,” he replied, a bit sheepishly. 

Leonard tried to glare at him, but he didn’t have any real heart for it. Truth was, that really didn’t surprise him at all. It was obvious that Jim was pretty brilliant. A Ph.D. by 26 in addition to an established career and recognition within his field? Yeah, Leonard could totally see that.

“Are you angry?” 

“About what? The fact that you’re intelligent man who also is empathetic enough to give a damn about a divorced single parent with a shitload of baggage? No. I’m not angry with you. I’m kind of disgusted at myself, though.”

“Aw, Bones, you’re not that bad,” Jim replied, trying to lighten the tone of the conversation a bit. Bones smiled half-heartedly and turned on his side, too, so that they were face to face.

“You’re not wrong,” Bones said in a low voice, unable to meet Jim’s eyes. “Michael…wasn’t a nice guy.”  Leonard had never talked about his relationship in college, beyond that one time when Jim had pressed him about it, and he didn’t want to do anything to interrupt. “…and I was young and stupid.” Jim gently stroked Leonard’s hair, following the curve around his ear. Leonard was quiet for a few minutes, and a couple of times it looked like he was going to say something before he actually did speak again. He lowered his head further, his face almost completely hidden from Jim. “He – it wasn’t exactly a relationship,” he admitted. “And I guess there’s still some bad memories rattling around.”

_Hm…that’s going to be a huge fucking understatement,_  Jim thought. Still, it was a beginning. As he stroked Bones’ hair comfortingly, he entertained some satisfyingly murderous thoughts about the faceless Michael. What had he done to affect Bones so profoundly?

“If you ever want to talk about it, I’m here. And I’m here however you need me to be,” Jim said softly.

“I – I’m just not quite sure what to do with that Jim,” Leonard replied honestly. Jim shrugged.

“Do whatever you want with it. I know you’re not used to having any type of support from anyone, but it doesn’t have to be that way anymore. I want to be someone you can depend on.”

Leonard didn’t reply, and Jim didn’t mind. There were other things they would probably need to talk about, but not tonight. Lying together, Jim listened to the quiet sounds of their breathing. He closed his eyes and allowed himself to drift. After a little while, he felt Bones shift and try to settle again, but it was obvious that he wasn’t very comfortable. Not surprising, considering that while Jim had been thoroughly tended to, Bones had deflected Jim’s earlier observation using the excuse of getting home.

“You know,” Jim said. “It’s only twelve-thirty. Not that late at all; we have some time. Can I make you a good memory?” Jim asked, his meaning clear. 

He opened his eyes to look at Bones, who had raised his head and was looking steadily back. He looked away, and then sat up. Jim felt a flash of disappointment before he realized that Bones was pulling his shirt off. Letting it fall on the floor, he sat for a moment, hunched slightly, before taking a breath and standing. With his back to Jim, he undid his pants and pushed them down. Stepping out of them, he hooked his fingers in the waistband of his underwear and hesitated long enough that Jim wondered if he would get any further. Finally, though, Bones did pull the underwear down and off, and sat at the side of the bed, still facing away. Jim lifted the edge of the blanket that was covering him. 

“Lie down with me Bones,” he said softly.

Leonard did, turning so that again they were lying face to face. Jim lowered the blanket on him, and cocooned them together, wanting Bones to feel safe. Jim held him, rubbing his back gently, as he felt the intensity of Bones’ blush against the bare skin of his shoulder. Frowning slightly, he wondered about the body shyness Bones consistently displayed. It’d surprised Jim, that first night when he’d asked for the light to be turned off. He supposed it could be a result of going so long without any intimacy in his life. Although he’d never said specifically that there hadn’t been anyone else since he and his ex divorced, Jim got the distinct impression that was probably the case. And if his first encounter with a man had been...harmful...in someway, the intense self-consciousness made a sad sort of sense.

Jim could feel him against his hip, half hard, and he longed to reach down and bring him off, but he wouldn’t without knowing for sure that was what Bones wanted. After a couple of minutes, being pressed against another body the way he was started to have the typical effect on Jim, though he was still worn out enough from earlier that he wasn’t sure he could do it again. That didn’t matter though, because right now the center of Jim’s attention was Leonard, and making him feel as good and loved and wanted as he’d made Jim feel earlier. Pulling back slightly, he urged Leonard’s head up with a hand beneath his chin. His blush was slowly fading, and Jim smiled when Leonard’s eyes met his. Jim kissed him, drawing it out, encouraging Bones to open to him. Bones responded, his hand coming up to frame Jim’s face as he explored Jim’s mouth, and allowed Jim to do the same.

For a while, they broke apart only when they needed to breathe. When Jim felt Bones begin to harden further, he let his hands wander to the front of Bones’ chest, fingers lightly playing over his nipples. It didn’t get much of a reaction out of him, save for a quiet gasp, at first. After a couple of minutes, though, Bones was started to twist his upper body slightly as he squeezed his eyes closed. His hips had started to thrust against Jim slightly, and he drew his bottom lip between his teeth. Jim slung a leg over Leonard’s and drew him closer, holding him tightly.

“Bones,” Jim said. He stroked one hand down the side of Leonard’s face and waited until his eyes were fixed on him. “What do you want?” Bones clutched at Jim’s shoulders and buried his face against his neck. 

“Touch me, Jim,  _please_ ,” Leonard groaned. Jim smiled at him and reached down, taking his erection in hand and stroking. Leonard thrust into his grip, and panted. He was otherwise quiet though, clutching Jim and the pillow behind him, obviously straining to control his reaction. Jim wished he’d just let go, but knew that probably wouldn’t happen this time.

It didn’t take long for Leonard to arch, going still for a few seconds before shuddering out his orgasm. He breathed harshly, but was otherwise quiet, his face betraying the intensity of the feelings rushing through him.

When it was over, Jim wiped his hand on the other side from where they were laying. Bones had kept his eyes closed nearly the whole time, and that didn’t change while Jim rearranged the blanket over them and slightly adjusted their position. Bones’ breathing had slowed and the tremors that had wracked his frame as he tried to maintain some control over his reactions had subsided. Jim kissed his temple, as he’d done earlier. Succumbing to the hour and the exertion, both fell into a light slumber.

The light on.       

 

* * *

 

“Ow!”

“Shh…everyone should still be asleep,” Leonard said, trying to juggle shifting a couple of bags of groceries to one hand in order to unlock the door.

“Well watch where you step.”

“Oh, don’t be such an infant. Can you get the alarm when I open the door?”

“Yeah, what is it again?”

“1-7-0-1 Off.” Leonard felt a little ridiculous sneaking into his own house at 6:45 in the morning after a night out, but he’d told Sarah he would be there for breakfast, and there was no way he wasn’t going to be. He and Jim had fallen asleep, but it wasn’t completely restful for him…it’d been a long time since he’d shared a bed with anyone for any extended period of time, and Jim clung like a spider monkey.

Entering the kitchen through the back door, Jim quickly put in the code, but not before it beeped a couple of times. Leonard placed the bags on the counter and flipped the lights on.

“I’m going to go check on them,” Leonard said. “You want to make some coffee?”

“Sure,” Jim replied. 

Leonard paused, watching Jim move around his kitchen with ease. He got that same feeling of  _this is right_  that he’d experienced when he found Joanna reading Jim to sleep in her bedroom. Turning, Jim caught Leonard staring, with what was undoubtedly a goofy expression on his face. 

“What?” Jim asked. Leonard shook his head, unable to stop a smile.

“Nothing,” he replied. Jim threw him a wink as he left the kitchen to check on the girls.

Grinning to himself, Jim turned back to task of making the coffee. The previous night had been incredible, for several reasons. Not the least of which being Jim was relatively certain he was falling in love. Yup, he was pretty sure that’s what this was. He thought he’d been in love before, but when he compared it to this, he realized that while he may have been deeply attracted to someone and very fond of them, it wasn’t the same as this. This…was almost indescribable. Sure there was fondness, and of course attraction. Definitely attraction. But there was also this sense of…fulfillment, of contentment when they were together. And a desire to protect and take away the things that hurt or threatened him. Yeah…this was very different.

Leonard quietly opened the door to Joanna’s room and peeked in. Frowning, he opened the door a little wider. Empty. Joanna and Janie weren’t in here. Turning, he made his way back down the hall towards the living room. The door to the library, where Sarah was sleeping, was closed. The girls weren’t in the family room, and more than likely they were in with her, but his parental instincts were demanding that he see that for himself. Standing outside the door, he was in a bit of a quandary. He didn’t feel right opening it and peeking in, even though his daughter was in there, because someone else’s grown daughter was in there too. It’d be different if she left the door cracked, but no such luck. As he debated on whether or not to knock on the door, or just suck it up and trust that no one had cleaned the living room, kidnapped the girls, and thoughtfully reset the alarm and lock the door on their way out, the question became moot. Leonard turned around as the door opened, and he moved away quickly so that he wouldn’t scare the bejesus out of whoever was exiting the room. It didn’t work all that well.

“Oh, my god, Mr. McCoy,” Sarah gasped, clutching her chest as she came out into the hallway. “What are you – you scared the sh…crap out of me!”

“I’m so sorry Sarah…I just wanted to check on the girls.” 

She gestured toward the library. “They’re in there.”

“You all slept in there?” Leonard looked in the room. Joanna and Janie were sleeping head to toe, little arms and legs akimbo. He quietly shut the door and joined Sarah as she headed to the kitchen.

“Yeah, they wanted too. They started out in Joanna’s room, but I think they were telling each other ghost stories because the next thing I knew, they were dragging pillows and blankets into bed with me.” 

Leonard grimaced. “That would be Joanna. Sorry about that,” he replied.

“What would be Joanna?” Jim asked as they entered the kitchen. “Hey Sarah.”

“Oh…uh, hi Jim.” Of course she was wearing her old Ren and Stimpy…

“Cute pj’s,” he said, grinning. 

She rolled her eyes. “Thanks. So…” she said, looking at each of them. “Made it back in time for breakfast, huh?”


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back at school, Joanna shows Jim some of what she can do. Then, later, everyone prepares for a family cookout.

Joanna kept her head down over the worksheet she had long after she was finished with the questions. Most of the kids were still working. They were talking and working together, and she'd already finished it, but Miss Kelley was with them at the Math Works station and she didn't want Miss Kelley to know.

Miss Kelley was nice, but she liked to talk about why Joanna had answered the questions the way she did, or asked her to explain something she drew, or asked her to read what she wrote. She was always asking Joanna to talk about her work, and she didn't want to, so she pretended she wasn't done yet.

It was so loud in the classroom…it was always loud in Mr. Kirk's classroom…and sometimes Mr. Kirk was the loudest one of all. Letting her hair fall over her shoulders, she peeked at the other kids at the Math Works station. There were two others. There should have been three others, but Stephanie wasn't in school today. Christy and Paige were on the other side of the table, working together. Joanna liked Christy okay. Sometimes Stephanie ate lunch with Christy, so Joanna would too, and Joanna and Christy would talk a little, but she didn't feel like it today. Paige liked to play hopscotch with Stephanie. Joanna was pretty good at hopscotch, but she didn't want people to watch her, so she never played. But a lot of the time she thought she could hop on one foot better than the other kids. She looked back down on her paper. Miss Kelley was still watching them work.

They were going to the Media Center today…Joanna liked to call it a Media Center instead of a library. It sounded more grown up that way. She wished they would hurry up and go. It was much quieter in the Media Center, because you weren't supposed to talk. Joanna knew she could sit and read, and no one would expect her to answer questions or explain the story or ask her to read out loud. She loved going to the Media Center.

Sighing, Joanna glanced up from her paper and accidentally caught Miss Kelley's eyes. She quickly looked back down.

"I'm not done," she murmured, when Miss Kelley crouched down next to her.

"Do you need any help Joanna?"

She shook her head no.

"Can you tell me how you figured this one out?"

Joanna shrugged. Miss Kelley stayed by her side for a moment longer. "Okay, sweetie. I'll check to see if you need any help in a few minutes, okay?"

Joanna just nodded. A few minutes later, she decided she was bored just sitting there. She was done. Looking up, she saw that Mr. Kirk had put the collection basket out on the table in front of his desk. She decided she would go turn in her paper and say hi to Samantha, and then maybe it would finally be time to go to the Media Center.

Picking her paper up, she made her way across the room. Miss Kelley saw her go, but she was talking to someone else at the nearby science station. Looking around, she saw most of the kids were busy talking or playing or working on their worksheets. Mr. Kirk was over at the social studies table, but he looked up as she walked by.

"Joanna?" Joanna stopped and walked over to him. He was sitting on the floor next to the table, so she was taller than he was right now. Mr. Kirk was smiling at her. She liked his smile. His eyes kind of smiled too. "You seem especially quiet today. Are you okay?"

Joanna shrugged and nodded. "Stephanie's not here," she replied.

"Oh, I see…You know, you could talk to Christy even if Stephanie's not here," he said. She shrugged again and scuffed her shoe against the floor. "I bet she'll be back tomorrow, though, okay?"

"Yes."

"You finished your math?"

"Yes."

"Can I see it?"

She handed it over to him. A moment later he looked back up at her. "This is very good. How did you learn to count by two's?"

Joanna bit her lip and took her paper back. She didn't mind talking to Mr. Kirk as much as she minded talking to Miss Kelley.

"You just count the numbers that split," Joanna said. Mr. Kirk nodded encouragingly.

"What do you mean 'split'?" he asked. He watched as she struggled to put what just kind of made sense to her into words.

"Like if you have two pennies? That splits. One and one."

"Oh, I see…so if I have four pennies…"

"That splits two and two."

"Okay, I see what you mean," Mr. Kirk nodded. Joanna smiled a little. Now he was teasing her. Of course he saw…he was the teacher! "But…what if I had…seven pennies?"

Joanna shook her head right away. "That doesn't split. Six splits three and three, so seven can't."

"Exactly right! What numbers add up to make seven?"

Joanna thought about that. Three and three was six. Seven was one more than six, so…

"Three and four." She paused, her eyebrows furrowed as she thought about that. "Or four and three…I think. It doesn't matter which one gets the extra." Mr. Kirk's eyebrows went up high on his forehead when she said that.

"That's very, very good. Do you know another two numbers that could make seven?"

"Umm…" Joanna was trying to think, but the kids at the social studies table were listening to her and it was getting harder to figure it out because she didn't want them to watch her like that. Her face felt hot and she wanted to go. Joanna studied her shoes as she unconsciously crumpled her paper a little bit in her hand. These questions weren't fun anymore. Mr. Kirk glanced over at the kids.

"That's okay, Joanna," he said. "We can try that one later…But you did really, really good work."

"Thank you. May I look at Samantha?"

"Sure." He watched as she placed her paper in the turn-in basket and then go to the terrarium.

_That is one smart little cookie,_ Jim thought.

 

* * *

 

"Daddy?"

"Yes, Baby?"

"I'm five."

Leonard smiled, glancing at Joanna as she picked grapes off the stems and dropped them in a colander. "I know you're five. Pretty soon you'll be too big to sit on the counter."

 Joanna rolled her eyes. "Five isn't a baby, you know."

"Oh, it isn't? I thought you were always going to be my baby," he replied, reaching over to gently tweak her nose. She pushed his hand away, giggling.

"Can Stephanie come over some day?"

"Sure," he said. "We can ask her mom the next time we see her at parent pick-up, okay?" 

Joanna nodded happily. "Okay."

Leonard couldn't wipe the smile off his face. Jim's idea of asking Stephanie to be responsible for showing Joanna around the classroom had been a stroke of genius. Not only did she manage to draw Joanna into the class a little more, she'd made dropping off at the beginning much easier, and Jim had said that Joanna was speaking more to the other kids Stephanie played with. And now Joanna wanted to have her friend over for a visit. It was great – and so much better than it was when she'd just started…nearly a month ago now. God, time flies.

When Leonard asked Jim what made him choose Stephanie for this particular role that day, he'd just kind of shrugged.

"Stephanie's always been pretty low-key. She plays and has friends, but she's not one of the kids who are bouncing off the walls. I also know she has at least one younger sibling, and I just thought she'd be the right temperament for Joanna."

Jim's assessment was spot on.

"I'm done Daddy," Joanna announced. He looked over at her handiwork. The stems were indeed picked clean of red and green grapes.

"Okay, thank you for helping. Do you want to do something else, or do you want to go play?"

"Go play," Joanna answered.

"All right." Leonard wiped her hands with a damp cloth, and lifted her down from the counter, kissing her forehead in the process. "Try not to make too much of a mess in your room. Mr. Kirk should be here pretty soon, and then we'll get going."

"Okay…Daddy, why do you call him Mr. Kirk?"

Leonard looked down at her in surprise. "Uh…well, that's his name."

"But then why doesn't he call you Mr. McCoy?" she asked, quite reasonably. While Leonard was trying to come up with a reason that made sense, because really, that was a pretty good question, Joanna said, "You can call him by his real name if you want to. I won't mind."

"Oh no?" he asked, amused by her precociousness. Joanna shook her head. "What will you call him?" Joanna gave him a look that he recognized as one of his own…used to convey the idea that the person he was talking to couldn't possibly be as dense as he or she sounded.

"Mr. Kirk! He's my teacher!" she exclaimed. "'Bye Daddy…I'm going to play in my room."

Turning back to cutting up melon, he shook his head. It was incredible how much he loved her. She was the best thing in his life.

_Maybe one of the best_ , he amended to himself. Jim was also turning into one of the best things in his life. And how amazing was that? He never, ever thought he'd have an opportunity like this with someone like Jim. Honestly, he didn't even know he wanted it until it he realized how much he would miss without Jim in his life. But, he was still kind of waiting for the other to shoe to drop and Jim to come to his senses.

Leonard was nothing if not completely honest with himself…and he had a lot of baggage. A divorce, a child, and a whole lot of issues that he'd never bothered to confront, because being with Jocelyn had kind of negated them. He'd been so sure that Jim would get fed up with him quickly. They'd been seeing each other every weekend for a month, and a few times during the weeks as well…and they'd only been in bed together twice, though heavy make-out sessions were slightly more frequent. What twenty-six year old guy would be okay with all of that? And not only be okay with it, but be patient and compassionate?

Apparently, somehow he'd been lucky enough to stumble across the only one in known existence.

Or, more likely, there was another shoe around somewhere just biding its time.

"Bones?" A few gentle thumps on the bottom of the back door meant that Jim was using his foot to knock. "Can you let me in?"

Leaving the melon on the cutting board, Leonard wiped his hands and pulled it open for him. Jim had two handfuls of grocery bags.

"What's all this?" Leonard asked, taking some of the bags from him.

"Just some stuff for the cookout. You're making a fruit salad and brownies…which smell amazing by the way…so I thought I'd make a macaroni salad."

"Okay…but why are you making it here?" Leonard asked. Jim put the rest of the bags down on the kitchen table and smiled.

"So I have an excuse to spend more time with you," he said simply. "Where's the munchkin?"

"In her room."

"Good." Jim leaned in for a kiss, wrapping his arms around Leonard and responding enthusiastically when he felt Leonard reciprocate quickly. He was getting much better at accepting these displays of affection. He didn't automatically tense up in Jim's arms as much anymore, and he stopped being more of a passive participant and kissed back.

Letting his hands roam Leonard's back, he stroked lower, eventually hitting the waistband of his jeans. That made Leonard stiffen, and he broke off the kiss, moving away from Jim. There was a small smile on his face, but a slightly guarded look in his eyes.

"Joanna could come back in here any second," he said quietly, explaining. Jim nodded, smiling reassuringly. He knew that wasn't what called the abrupt halt to the kiss, but now was not the time or the place.

"You know, I wanted to talk to you about her," Jim said easily, turning his attention to the grocery bags and giving Leonard the space he needed.

"Yeah? Everything okay?"

"Everything's just fine. Have you ever had her formally assessed for intellectual ability?"

Leonard watched as Jim fetched a pot and filled it with water for the macaroni. He wondered where this was going.

"Well, there was a series of simple tests for McKinley – as you know," he answered and Jim nodded. "Aside from that, when she was three, I did try to assess her formally because I realized she was actually reading her books and not just looking at the pictures."

"How did that go?" Jim asked, though he thought he could guess. Leonard shook his head.

"It didn't go at all. She wouldn't let me leave the room without pitching a fit, and she wouldn't talk to the person trying to test her. They told me to wait until she was more socially developed and try again in a year or two. I haven't tried it again yet."

"I think you may want to. She did some math work with even numbers yesterday that was pretty fantastic for a five year old. This was in stations…she did it by herself, finished before anyone else, and didn't get one wrong." He paused what he was doing and turned to look at Leonard. "What really amazed me, though, was her ability to extrapolate number relationships based on identifying even numbers versus odd."

_This is why he's a teacher_ , Leonard realized. Jim's affection for all of his students, his obvious pride in their abilities, and his excitement for the whole educational process translated into his love for teaching and his desire to provide his charges with the best experiences he could.

"I'll look into it again," Leonard said. "Maybe now that she's older she'll be a little more cooperative. Or…could you do it?"

"Me?" Jim paused, thinking. "Well…that might be a possibility."

"She likes and trusts you…It's a pretty safe bet she'd cooperate for you." 

Leonard had a point. But… "I have to think about it, Bones. I might not be the best person to do it," he said, thinking back to Nyota's earlier warning. Leonard looked up.

"Our relationship?" he asked. Hesitantly, Jim nodded. To his relief, Leonard just shrugged. "Well, as long as you're her teacher, I honestly don't care if she's formally assessed or not right now. She's only been in school for three weeks. I know she's smart as a whip. I just want to make sure her social development continues as well."

Jim nodded again. He totally agreed with Bones on this, and it was such a refreshing change from dealing with some of the more hyper-concerned parents. Running the cooked macaroni under the cold tap, he turned to throw Bones a smile.

"Let me just pull this together, and then let's get going. I told Sam and Aurelan we'd be there by eleven."

"Hey…I'm ready. You're the one who's making us late," Bones replied as he shifted things in a cabinet, looking for a bowl for Jim to use.

"Details, Bones," Jim replied, smiling.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shenanigans ensue at the cookout, and lead to some revelations about Jim for Leonard.

It was a beautiful day; warm and just a little humid with a slight breeze. The sky was robin-egg blue and not interrupted by even a wisp of a cloud, and the air was heavy with the muted scent of chlorine from the pool and the sharper aroma of grilled burgers and hotdogs. The kids had been happily splashing and yelling in the pool, but an unnatural hush fell over them, causing Leonard to look up and observe what was going on. He watched from his station at the grill as Janie, Kim, Joanna, and Kim's two friends, twins Keith and Clara crept towards Jim. Kim was carrying a bucket of water collected from the pool. Jim lay on a lounger, eyes closed, arms pillowing his head, seemingly oblivious to what was obviously going to happen. Debating whether or not to give Jim a warning, or send the kids back to the pool, he glanced over at Sam who was loading a platter with finished burgers.

"Uh, Sam…" catching his eye, he nodded towards the kids and Jim. Sam studied the situation and a huge grin broke out on his face.

"Watch what happens," he said. Leonard looked over at him, a smile playing on his face. Sam and Jim shared the same blue eyes and facial structure. Except for the height difference (Sam was a bit taller) and the hair color (Sam's was darker than Jim's and he had some salt and pepper happening around his temples already, as did Leonard) they looked very alike. Apparently they also shared a similar sense of humor. No one could mistake the fact that they were brothers.

"Shouldn't we warn him at least?" Leonard asked. 

Sam studied his brother's resting form, then shook his head. "Nope – just watch…"

The kids silently made their way to the foot of the lounger, holding their giggles behind their hands, and Kim started to gently swing the bucket back and forth, silently counting. When she got to two, Jim suddenly burst off the lounger, going from prone to on his feet in the space of half a heartbeat, startling everyone.

"AHA!" he shouted, arms reaching for the bucket Kim held. The kids screamed and scattered. Jim dumped the bucket of water on Kim and then raced after the others, catching Janie and gently tossing her in the pool. When Jim turned towards Joanna, she froze for a second, but then, with a huge grin, she preempted him, ran and jumped into the pool on her own. She surfaced laughing and made her way to the side. Not to be outdone, the twins Clara and Keith followed suit. Stripping off his shirt, Jim did a cannonball into the deep end. He swam to shallower water and promptly got into a splash fight with the kids.

Leonard watched their antics with a smile on his face. Sam watched Leonard with a knowing grin of his own. He knew that look. He knew he wore it whenever Aurelan did something that made him fall in love with her all over again. Just as he was about to make that observation out loud (something he was sure Jim would be annoyed with him for, but what good was being an older brother if you couldn't exploit it a little?) when Leonard turned to him.

"How did you know Jim wasn't really sleeping? I thought he was out," he asked. Sam gave a shrug, placing the filled platter on the table.

"I can tell when he's faking…he used to do it all the time as a kid," he answered distractedly, arranging the condiments for the burgers. Leonard threw him an amused look.

"You guys often try to sneak up and dump buckets of water on each other?" he asked. 

Sam paused and looked at Leonard curiously. "Well…no. We used to pretend to be asleep so that Frank wouldn't know we were awake."

_What the hell?_  "Who's Frank?"

"Jim hasn't told you about Frank?" 

Leonard shook his head. "No…we've really only talked a little bit about your mom. Is Frank your father?" Sam snorted.

"That would be a definite no. Our father died overseas in Lebanon about five months before Jim was born."

"Oh," Leonard said. Why didn't he already know this? "What was he doing there?"

"He was a Marine – it was during the Lebanese Civil War – October 1983. He was in a barracks building and he and 219 other Marines, another hundred or so American Servicemen, and a couple hundred French troops were all killed when the building was bombed. Frank was our stepfather."

"Not anymore?"

"No…mom divorced him."

"Sam? A little help?" Aurelan's voice came from across the large patio. She was carrying a tray with a pitcher of lemonade and glasses from the kitchen, and she was struggling to slide the glass door open a little more with her elbow.

"Honey, be careful…I'm coming!" he called, and ran over to help her, leaving Leonard to watch Jim playing around in the pool. Why hadn't he said something? Did he not want Leonard to know?  _No,_  he thought.  _It never came up because he spent all his time asking questions about me and Joanna._ _And I never asked._  He felt like an insensitive heel.

Shaking his head, he called everyone out of the pool for lunch. He tried to put it out of his mind for now, but he was really annoyed at himself. Jim had been so attentive to what he needed and so interested in him, and Leonard just wasn't used to that. He wasn't used to receiving so much attention, and he wasn't used to giving that much attention to anyone other than his daughter. That was no excuse though.

Jim was a separate person with a separate set of concerns and problems. Just because he wore an easy smile and kept a good, confident attitude didn't mean he was without his own issues and insecurities.

The table was suddenly surrounded by little, dripping wet bodies. Leonard pulled a towel for Joanna and wrapped her up. As warm as it was today, it was still cooler here than in Georgia at this time of year, and the pool was unheated. She was starting to shiver in the breeze. Aurelan and Sam joined them, and everyone dug in as Sam helped his wife pass out cups of lemonade. Kim and her friends made plates for themselves and went to sit on blankets in the grass, "Away from the kids," Kimmie said, to the amusement of the adults.

"Wish we could do that," Sam stage whispered.

"Hey Bones…you should come swimming with us," Jim said, seating himself at the table with a plate. Janie made herself comfortable by crawling onto her uncle's lap, all pointy knees and elbows, and Jim shifted slightly to accommodate her.

"Daddy doesn't swim," Joanna announced. Bones rolled his eyes at her.

"You don't?" Aurelan questioned in surprise. "How did you teach Joanna?"

"The Y has some great swim programs for kids," he answered. "And I know how to swim. I just don't like to."

"Will you come swimming today Mr. McCoy?" Janie asked around a mouthful of macaroni salad. "Please?" Jim was eyeing him with an expression he'd begun to understand meant that he was analyzing him and figuring something out.

"We'll see," he said. "Anyone want a hotdog?"

"Me!"

"I'll take one…"

The conversation around the table was light and fun – everyone laughed at funny family and kid stories. Sam told them about some of the stranger things he'd been asked to do to accommodate picky guests as the events manager of the Fairmont San Francisco that had the adults in stitches. The laughter even drew Kim and her friends back over, and they had dessert together…Leonard's brownies and fresh berries with ice cream.

It was a perfect afternoon. One that Leonard had always hoped Joanna would get to experience…and once again, made possible because of Jim. So many new, great, and okay, sometimes intimidating (but ultimately worth it) things were available to him now because of Jim. He vowed to make sure he did a better job of being available to Jim, too.

 

* * *

 

"She's out like a light," Leonard said, walking back into the living room from putting Joanna to bed. Jim looked up from the Disney movie they'd all been watching when Joanna conked out.

"You mean, no more Bedknobs and Broomsticks?" he asked. Leonard smiled at him.

"You can finish it if you want," he said teasingly. "I'm gonna make myself some coffee. Want some?"

"Sure." Switching off the movie and the tv, Jim followed Leonard back into the kitchen. They'd stayed at Sam's and Aurelan's all day, finishing off the leftovers from the cookout for dinner around six. By then, the group they'd started with had split up. Kim walked to Keith and Clara's house for a sleepover and Janie and Joanna were playing in Janie's room, leaving the adults to their own devices, which apparently included a Wii.

"A Christmas present for the girls," Sam said. "Or, at least, that's what we told them."

Much to Leonard's own surprise, he kicked ass at Wii Bowling, throwing strike after strike.

"Jim, you brought a ringer!" Aurelan exclaimed.

"No, ma'am," Leonard insisted. "I can't really bowl at all!"

They analyzed his form, trying to copy a wrist movement that Sam insisted was all wrong.

"It can't be that wrong, Sam…he's killing you!" Jim laughed.

The girls had wandered back in just as they were on the last frame. Despite numerous applications of sunblock, Janie's fair skin had taken on a decidedly pinkish tinge, especially on her cheeks and nose. Favoring Leonard's own coloring, Joanna had fared much better. The girls were tired and getting a little cranky, so they decided to call it a night.

"Thank you for a really great time," Leonard said, shifting Joanna to his left so he could lean down to give Aurelan a kiss on the cheek. "Did you have fun Joanna?" She raised her head from Leonard's shoulder and gave her a smile.

"Yes, thank you Miss Aurelan," she said.

"You're welcome sweetie. See you soon, okay?"

"'Kay."

"Tell Sam I said thanks," Leonard said. He'd taken Janie for a quick bath to cool her down and then bed.

As tired as she was, Joanna got a second wind on the way home, and insisted it was too early to go to bed. Technically, it wasn't her bedtime yet, so Leonard had compromised with getting completely ready ("That means bath, teeth, and pajamas, Jo.") and then letting her watch a movie as long as she was quiet and relaxing.

"Will you stay for a bit?" Leonard asked Jim.

"I'd love to," he answered with a smile. So he and Jim sat down to watch Joanna's movie with her; her head in Leonard's lap and her feet in Jim's. Less than half an hour later, she was asleep.

Jim followed Leonard into the kitchen and took a seat at the table.

"Got anything to eat?" Jim asked. Leonard looked over his shoulder at him.

"Jim, you had, like three burgers and a hotdog today between lunch and dinner," he said incredulously. "You can't still be hungry!"

"Hey…there was a lot of physical activity there you know…swimming, chasing the kids, Wii bowling…" he got up to go search the refrigerator. Coming up with leftover spaghetti, he pulled it out. "Can I have this?"

"Help yourself."

Leonard actually ended up sharing the spaghetti, grabbing Jim's fork from him to take a bite. Jim laughed at him, but let it go. They talked about plans for the next day, which basically included sitting around and doing a whole lot of nothing.

"Yeah…that'll last for a couple of hours. Then it'll be 'Daddy, I'm bored,'" Leonard said with a smile. "She's good at playing by herself, but not all day."

"Well, have you guys been to Zeum yet?"

"Been to what?"

"Zeum…it's a multimedia and technology museum for kids. It's not expensive, and it's really cool. The fourth and fifth graders do field trips there every year. I bet Joanna would love it."

"Well, that sounds like a good possibility. Do you want to come with us?" To Leonard's surprise, Jim didn't answer right away. Not wanting Jim to feel pressured, he quickly said, "Don't feel like you have to…I completely get if you want at least a little of your weekend to yourself."

"No, no…it's not that. It's just…are you sure Joanna doesn't mind having me around all the time?"

"What? No…as a matter of fact, during the week, she asks if you're coming over during the weekend," he said reassuringly. Leonard smiled as Jim's eyes lit up.

"Really? That's pretty awesome," Jim said. Leonard's gaze turned gentle as he stared at Jim over the table…long enough to make Jim shift slightly and flush.

"What? Do I have sauce on my face?"

Leonard shook his head. He wondered what would be the best way to bring up the subjects of Jim's father and Frank. Jim had never offered anything voluntarily, so he felt like he had to do it carefully and with tact…something that he sometimes lacked.

"Just reflecting on how awesome  _you_  are," he answered. "I…I have something I want to talk to you about, but I don't want to pry…or overstep any boundaries."

Jim looked at him curiously. "You can ask me anything, Bones. I won't mind."

Leonard nodded, and picked up the empty plate. He put the dishes in the sink.

"Let's go to the living room." Jim followed him to the couch and they sat down together, touching from shoulder to knee. They were quiet for a few minutes, just enjoying sharing personal space with someone each cared for.

"So…I was looking at the pictures around Sam's place, and I noticed something." Leonard said hesitantly. Jim stayed quiet, waiting. "I noticed there weren't any pictures of your father…and you don't have any at your place either." Jim closed his eyes. He'd wondered when this was going to come up.

"It – it's a long story, Bones," he said quietly. 

_And a painful one,_  Leonard filled in.

"Because of Frank?" he asked. Jim looked up at him quickly, surprise in his eyes.

"Been talking to Sam?" Jim asked lightly, but Leonard could hear a little tightness in his voice. Leonard shrugged. He was starting to feel like this was a mistake. If Jim wanted him to know, he would've said something. But, he'd already opened this can of worms…there was nothing for it now, he knew, other than honesty. If it really pissed Jim off, he could just apologize and agree to not bring it up again. Hopefully.

"Not intentionally…I asked how he knew you weren't really asleep when the kids were planning their sneak attack, and he mentioned you got good at it because of Frank." Jim winced a little at that, and didn't respond right away. "You know what, never mind," Leonard said after a moment. "I shouldn't have brought it up – it's not my business."

"No…no. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you think--" He stopped and took a deep breath. Starting over, he said, "You can ask me anything. I want you to know all about me. I didn't bring this up because it's hard for me to talk about…but that doesn't mean I shouldn't, or that I won't." Leonard wrapped his arm around Jim and held him. It was…nice being the one able to offer comfort for a change. Jim had fallen silent, so, knowing that it was okay, Leonard gave him a little push.

"So, you're father died before you were born." Jim nodded.

"Yeah. And when I was three…she married Frank."


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim's story.

Sitting together, Jim’s back resting against Leonard’s chest, Jim told Leonard about Frank. About how, in the beginning, everything had been good, and they were happy. The boys were young enough to not feel any animosity toward Frank for taking their father’s place…they were just excited to have someone who took them fishing, and built them a tree house, and went to their soccer games. Frank worked at the Motorola plant, and Winona, who had been working in the legal department of the VA hospital was able to quit and be a stay-at-home mom. The tragedy that had befallen the young family when Jim’s father was killed hadn’t broken them, and they were happy. For years…for four years…Jim knew what it was like to have two loving parents in his life.

“Then,” Jim said. “Motorola began downsizing. Plants were closing left and right, and Frank’s was one of them. There wasn’t a lot of opportunity in the middle of Iowa right then, but moving just wasn’t a possibility. Nothing was selling, and they couldn’t just walk away from the house and the mortgage and start over…so, Mom went back to work.”

Winona had lost her place and her seniority when she left the legal department of the VA, but her experience made her a valuable commodity. She was rehired, but her new responsibilities entailed traveling to VA’s where she was needed. Not the best situation, but with Frank home to watch the kids, it seemed a good temporary solution, so she accepted.

“And then…well…I don’t really know what happened. I was never able to figure out what started it, but Frank started drinking when Mom was away.” Jim paused. “Do you know what it’s like, living with an alcoholic?” 

Leonard shook his head. “No…I never had to deal with that growing up,” he said softly.

“It’s hard to explain to someone who hasn’t lived it,” Jim said. “But it’s confusing, and scary. You feel like you’re walking on eggshells all the time…” he trailed off, trying to find a way to convey what his younger self had gone through. “You’re always wondering if you could just be a little better, would that be enough to make him love you enough to not drink?” The shadow of a pain long-lived coalesced over them, and Leonard tenderly pressed a kiss to his temple. Jim turned his head toward him and sighed.

“We’d come home from school, and sometimes everything would be fine. Sometimes he’d be passed out. Or sometimes he’d be drunk and raving mad about something we didn’t know anything about. He’d threaten us…he’d grab my arms and shake me till I thought my teeth would rattle right out of my head. I’d say I was sorry…I’ll never do it again – even though I never knew what I’d done. Sam used to try to stop him…keep him busy enough so I could get to my room and lock the door.”

Leonard could picture it…a little toe-headed, blue-eyed Jim listening to what was happening beyond the safety of his room, scared and worrying about his brother.

“Eventually, he’d pass out. And then it was safe. And when he woke up, it was like nothing had ever happened. Frank wouldn’t remember any of it. We’d tell him…what he’d done…and he just didn’t believe us. He’d say, ‘I love you guys, I would never do anything to hurt you.’ And he’d apologize and he’d really mean it, Bones. He loved us when he was sober…but when he was drunk, he was a totally different person. It made it so hard for us to stay angry. When he was sober he was…well, he was our dad. The only one I ever knew, and Sam thought of him that way too. We loved him. And everything would be okay for a while. Mom would come home, we’d have a few days together – maybe as long as a week – and then she’d have to leave again. And….and it--”

“And it would just start all over,” Leonard supplied.

“Yeah. It was heartbreaking…every time. It was like losing him over and over again.”

“Did…your mother never knew anything about it?” Leonard asked, trying to keep his voice from reflecting what he was starting to feel about the woman. Jim was silent for a while, considering.

“I don’t know,” he eventually admitted. “I always wanted to believe that we were keeping her safe from knowing…Sam didn’t want her to worry or feel guilty about leaving us. He told me that she’d been through enough when our real dad died, and she deserved to be happy. It made sense to me when I was a kid. I wanted my mother to be happy. And I still thought that we were causing Frank to want to drink, and I didn’t want her to know that. But…in retrospect, I don’t see how she could not have known.”

Leonard thought back to the night when he’d asked Jim about the picture of him mom and whether or not they were close. Jim had said something about not talking about things in his family, because if you didn’t talk about them, they didn’t exist. That made much more sense now. He couldn’t believe, though, that Winona had her head buried so far in the sand that two little boys could fool her into believing everything was just perfect when she was away. On the other hand, denial, he knew, was a pretty powerful force.

“Why did you have to pretend to be asleep?” Leonard asked after a moment.

“Most of the time…when he was drunk…Frank was angry. But sometimes he was maudlin. Sometimes he would want to hold me -- cradle me -- and he’d cry. He’d cry about how much he missed our mother, and how sorry he was for being such a bad husband and father. He’d beg me to forgive him. I – I don’t think he was talking about us, but I never found out if something else happened. He never talked about another family, but I just got the sense it wasn’t me he was apologizing to. Nothing I said could get him to stop, and if I tried to get away, he’d just hold me tighter…crying…” Jim stopped and took a shaky breath. Leonard tightened his arms around him. “That usually happened at night…but if he thought I was asleep, he would usually leave me alone.”

“He didn’t do that to Sam?”

“No…Sam was too big…too old. When I got older, he stopped doing it with me, too…and then it was just the anger.”

“Did it get worse for you and Sam as you got older?” Jim didn’t answer. “Did he hit you?”

“He never remembered it,” Jim said. As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he recognized what he was doing…he was still making excuses for a parental figure’s actions, justifying them. He was still acting like an abused child. Leonard, who although he didn’t have the same psychology background that Jim did, still knew what he was hearing.

“How long did it go on for?”

“Too long,” Jim mumbled. He sighed. “I was twelve when I did something stupid enough to get my mother’s attention. It was summer, Sam wasn’t home. Frank was drunk. He was out of booze and said he was going to go to the store, but Bones, he couldn’t even walk straight. I begged him not to. I tried to get him angry at me so he’d forget about going. But he wouldn’t. I was desperate. I didn’t want him to end up killing himself, so I pushed him, hard, and he fell. I grabbed the keys, got in the car…and just drove. I was so angry and sad, and so tired, I didn’t even think about what I was doing. I…I drove it right over a cliff.”

“You  _what_?”

“I mean, I was able jump out in the nick of time, but I almost went down with it. The cop who had been following me, trying to get me to pull over, brought me home, found Frank passed out on the floor of the kitchen, called my mom…Everything kind of went to hell after that. Sam was pissed at me for what I’d done. Mom quit her job, got another as a secretary close to home and tried to get Frank to sober up. She Baker Acted him, forced him into a rehab program.”

“Did it work?”

“For a while. He’d be okay for a while, and then one day we’d come home and he’d be passed out on the floor…or…not passed out yet, and we had to deal with that. Mom was at work all the time…there was never enough money. They’d fight at night – about money, about his drinking, about us -- and eventually Mom would kick him out. We lost the house, but that didn’t really matter, so long as Mom and Sam and I were together. Frank would sober up for a while, beg Mom for another chance. She still loved him. We all still loved him. And when he was sober, he loved us.” 

Leonard couldn’t stop a noise of disbelief from escaping him. Jim sat up and turned to look at him. 

“No, he did,” Jim insisted. “He was two different people Bones…the one we loved, and the one who drank. Eventually, Sam and I got so tired of it…so tired of the second chances and the hurt, and knowing that we weren’t enough--” he stopped when his voice cracked, and he looked away, but not before Leonard saw tears flood his eyes. Jim dashed a hand across his eyes. “We just wanted it to stop. We needed to be able to stop caring about him – it just hurt too much.”

Bones reached for him, hating the pain in his voice and eyes. He drew him into a tight embrace. Jim went willingly, the tension melting away as he let himself be comforted. “Jim, what Frank did had nothing to do with you.”

“I know. Here…” he said, tapping his temple. “I know that. I didn’t back then, but I do now. Here, though,” he put his hand over his heart. “Here all I feel is sorry that I was never good enough to replace whoever it was he kept apologizing to. That having us was never enough to make him choose not to drink.” 

Leonard understood the science of addiction and a disease like alcoholism. But that was the thing…he understood it as a  _disease._ Jim’s experience was so much more personal, that though he was no longer that sad little boy and he intellectually understood the concept of addiction, Leonard could tell he didn’t totally believe it wasn’t somewhat of a  _choice_  for Frank, too. And that’s what hurt so much. 

Leonard released him and they both sat up. Leonard guided their position so that they shifted and settled spooned together, Jim in front. It was a big, deep couch, but it was still a tight fit for two full grown men. They managed to make it work anyway.

“Where’s Frank now?”

“He died. After Mom finally divorced him he kicked around Riverside for a while. He’d made himself so sick by that time, though. We didn’t know it at the time, but his liver was failing. We got a call from the hospital – he still had Mom listed as a contact on his records – and he was dead a few days later.”

“Did you get a chance to say goodbye?”

“Yes. We sat around his bed. Told stories of the good times we had. In the end, he was conscious, but he was so drugged up he wasn’t lucid…so I don’t know how much he heard or understood. Mom was holding his hand. She still loved him…she loved him until the day she died. And I know it broke her in a way that my real dad’s death didn’t. His death had nothing to do with her. It was a risk of being a military wife…one that she’d accepted. She felt responsible for Frank, though, like she should have been able to save him. We all felt that way.” He was quiet for a moment. “I do have pictures of my real dad, and of Frank. I don’t like to keep them out though…and I guess Sam doesn’t either. It’s just…easier that way.”

Leonard’s heart broke for Jim. To have spent the majority of his childhood trying to live up to an impossible promise of being better – just so that Frank wouldn’t drink. And then, dealing with guilt that should never have been his to deal with at all. He felt a rush of anger at Winona, for allowing her sons to be abused in this way for so long. Obviously, it had lasting effects that Jim was still dealing with, and for so long, she’d done nothing. And then, when she couldn’t use ignorance as an excuse anymore, she still hadn’t done enough to protect her children. Leonard himself had agreed to a divorce, and cut all ties to the woman he’d loved for ten years, been married to for five, in order to spare his child from a lifetime of hurt and disappointment.  _Winona should have done the same,_ he thought angrily. But Jim wouldn’t see it that way…and maybe Leonard himself was wrong, so he reined it in. He couldn’t change what happened in Jim’s past. All he could do was offer reassurance now.

“There was nothing any of you could’ve done. You can’t make someone change. They have to want to do it for themselves. Frank’s feelings for you guys were never the issue…it was how he felt about himself that made him drink.”

“I know,” Jim replied softly.

Leonard wondered if he actually believed it.

 

* * *

 

Joanna woke up slowly. She turned over a couple of times, trying to ignore the fact that she had to go to the bathroom. Eventually, though, it was wake up or wet the bed. Sitting up, she straightened her nightgown and slipped down off her bed. Light was coming in from her window, but it was pale light like it was when Daddy brought her to school. It was probably still early. Daddy might be still asleep. Joanna finished with the bathroom and walked to her daddy’s room, her bare feet making little sticky noises on the tile. The door was open slightly, so she pushed it open all the way. She was still tired…she could cuddle with Daddy for a few minutes. Joanna stopped short of entering the room. Daddy wasn’t there.

_Maybe he’s in the kitchen,_  she thought. She walked through the apartment, listening for sounds that would tell her Daddy was awake. She didn’t hear anything at all…just some birds outside. The back of the couch was visible directly from the hallway, and the kitchen was to the right. Just as she was about to peek in the kitchen, she stopped and looked at the couch again. A hand was visible hanging off the side of the armrest.  _Daddy fell asleep on the couch._  Walking around the front of it, intending to make her daddy make room for her to lie next to him, she paused, her face taking on first a confused, and then amused expression. That wasn’t Daddy’s hand she saw. That was Mr. Kirk’s.

Daddy and Mr. Kirk were lying together on the couch…daddy behind and Mr. Kirk in front. They were in their clothes from yesterday still and they didn’t look all that comfortable. Putting her hands on her hips, she studied the men in front of her. Daddy’s face looked happier when he was asleep. Mr. Kirk always looked happy…but now he was quiet, and that was very different. Daddy had his arm around Mr. Kirk, and he was holding one of his hands against Mr. Kirk’s chest.  _I have to tell Janie that Kimmie is right._  Joanna felt kind of funny seeing them like this…she’d never heard of someone having two daddies. Everyone she knew had a mommy and a daddy. She’d only ever had one daddy, and she loved her daddy very much. Sometimes she wished she had a mommy, too, but most of the time she didn’t think about it. If Mr. Kirk was going to be like having a mommy, would he still be her teacher?

Feeling vaguely unsettled, and not really sure why, Joanna withdrew from the room. As quietly as she could, she went into the kitchen and pulled a box of Cheerios from the cabinet. Taking the box with her, she went back to her room and quietly closed the door.

 

* * *

 

Leonard jerked awake abruptly, suddenly aware that it was very bright in the room.

“Oww…” he groaned. Everything hurt. Okay, falling asleep on the couch not the best idea. “Jim…” he said. No response. He prodded Jim in the back.

“Mmph…what?” Jim mumbled.

“I have to get up…what time is it? Where’s Joanna?” That got Jim moving, and when he realized where he was, he sat up quickly. Leonard untangled himself from Jim and pressed himself up, groaning again as various joints popped. He was definitely too old to be sleeping on the couch like that. He looked over at Jim who was grinning at him, and he rolled his eyes in annoyance.

“Oh, shut up,” he grumped. Glancing at the clock on the VCR, he exclaimed, “Oh, shit!” It was just after 10:00 in the morning. He stood and stretched, feeling a couple more satisfying pops in his back. Satisfied that everything was back in place, he turned to look at Jim who was still sitting on the couch. His eyes were focused on the floor, and he looked…well, insecure. It was really the first time he’d seen Jim look like that. He decided it didn’t suit him.

Leaning down, Leonard kissed him, a hand gently bracing the back of Jim’s head.

“I don’t know if I said it last night, but thank you for trusting me enough to tell me about Frank,” he said, looking Jim directly in the eyes. Drudging up all that emotion had not been easy for Jim, and Leonard wanted Jim to know that he knew that. Jim smiled, a real, full smile that reached his eyes. “I’m gonna go see what Joanna is up to. You’re staying, right?”

“Right,” Jim nodded.

“Okay. Be right back.” Leonard hurried down the hall. He felt bad…he’d never done anything like this before, and he was worried about Joanna. He knew she would wake him if she needed him, but he worried about how she felt. She must’ve seen them lying together like that.

“Joanna?” Leonard gently knocked on her door and pushed it open. Joanna was sitting on the floor, still in her nightgown, playing with her dolls.

“Hi Daddy.”

“Hi Baby…how are you?”

“Good.”  

His eyes fell on the box of Cheerios. “Have you been up long?” 

Joanna shrugged. “A little while, I guess.”

 He crouched down in front of her. She wasn’t acting like her normal self. “Mr. – Jim is still here,” he said. 

Joanna nodded, looking up at him. “I know, I saw.”

“You saw that we fell asleep on the couch?”

Joanna nodded.

“Why didn’t you wake me up?” No answer.  _Great._  Leonard sat on the floor and opened his arms, inviting her into his lap. She didn’t hesitate and crawled onto him right away, resting her cheek against his chest. Leonard wasn’t sure what to do in this situation. Did he offer information? What if he ended up telling her something she didn’t want or need to know? What if she misunderstood something he said? Finally, he settled on just asking her. “Do you have any questions about what you saw?”

“No,” she replied quickly. Leonard checked a sigh. That was a  _yes_  if he ever heard one.

“Well, you know you can ask me anything, right?” Leonard said, kissing the top of her head. Joanna nodded again. “Okay…so if you ever have a question, you’re going to ask me right?”

“Right. Daddy?”

“Yes?”

“I have a question now.”

“What is it Darlin’?” 

She pulled away from so she could see his face. He smiled at her. “Can we do something fun with Mr. Kirk today?”

Leonard felt himself relax marginally. Obviously, Joanna was trying to work out finding them asleep on the couch together, but apparently it wasn’t so big a deal that it would strain her relationship with Jim at all. Not yet, anyway.

“Sure,” he said smiling. “Actually, he did have a pretty good idea for something to do today. It’s called Zeum.”

“What’s a Zeum?”


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lines are crossed, their trip to Zeum is interrupted, and Jim steps in to save the day.

Leaving Joanna to get dressed ("I don't need any help, Daddy. I'm five!"), Leonard found Jim in the kitchen making coffee. His clothes were wrinkled and his hair was a mess, and Leonard didn't think he'd ever seen anyone look half so appealing as Jim did right now. Coming up to the counter, Leonard pulled a couple of mugs and some plates out of the cupboard. Jim glanced up at Leonard, looking uncharacteristically uncomfortable.

"Did she see us sleeping together? Is she okay?" he asked. Once again, Leonard was struck by the fact that Jim maybe wasn't always as self-assured as he fronted. And once again, Leonard wondered how much of Jim he'd missed, being as wrapped up in himself as he had been.  _No more,_ he vowed. Smiling reassuringly, he ran a hand through Jim's sleep-mussed hair.

"She's…processing things. But, she's fine," Leonard continued quickly at the look on Jim's face. "The only question she wanted to ask was if we could do something fun with Mr. Kirk today." Jim smiled slightly, but studying his face, Leonard decided that he still didn't look convinced. "Hey," he said softly, reaching to pull Jim into a hug that he readily returned. "She's fine, really. I know she's going to have questions that we'll have to deal with, but we will deal with them. For now, she's just interested in what new and fun things we're going to do today. And that's all you have to worry about too, okay?"

After a moment, Jim visibly relaxed. Bones was right. Kids lived in the moment and didn't worry about what might happen in the future. It was a lesson he'd tried to live his life by, and he'd been pretty successful at it. Having other people in his life that he cared so much for…even maybe loved (though he wasn't about to say that out loud any time soon)…had made it harder to remember. He didn't want to screw this up, and he knew Bones was a package deal. If Joanna wasn't okay with it, Jim didn't have a chance. It was disconcerting to know that his future with Bones lay in the hands of a five year old.

"Okay," he said. He smiled, and it was the type of smile Leonard had come to expect and looked forward to seeing. "I'm starved. What's to eat?" And  _that_  was the Jim Leonard knew. Because of how late it was, and the fact that Joanna had made her way through a quarter of the Cheerios box, they decided to forego breakfast. Settling on a light lunch of chicken sandwiches, Leonard started pulling what he needed out of the refrigerator.

"I'm just gonna run to the bathroom. Be right back," Jim said. Heading out of the kitchen and down the hall, he passed Joanna's room. Her back was to the open door, and he walked by just in time to see her stamp a foot and huff in frustration.

"Joanna? Everything okay?" he asked. She turned around, hands at the waistband of her jeans.

"I can't get the button," she said, as close to whining as he'd ever heard her. "Can you help me?"

"Umm…" Jim hesitated in her doorway, unsure of how to handle this. On one hand, he was pretty thrilled that Joanna had asked for his help, and seemed more uninhibited in her attitude toward Jim than she'd ever been. She was truly starting to accept his presence in her life…and that was completely awesome. On the other hand, he was her teacher, and there were lines. Students had to be able to take care of themselves when it came to dressing and bathroom use before they could start in McKinley's grade school. But this wasn't school, and right now he wasn't her teacher. Joanna looked up at him when he didn't answer right away.

"Please?" she added, misunderstanding the reason for his hesitation.

And that did it. How in the world could he say no to that? "Sure," he said, entering her room. Kneeling in front of her, he fixed her jeans. "There you go, kiddo."

He sat back on his heels and smiled at her. Joanna looked directly at him, her eyes nearly the same color as Bones'. He realized that she was studying him, and he could practically see the wheels in her head turning. He stayed still and quiet, waiting to see what she was going to do. Eventually, she dropped her gaze with a small smile. Glancing up at him again shyly, she surprised him by reaching out and giving him a quick hug around his neck. She pulled back and ran out of the room calling, "Daddy, will you brush my hair?"

_We're just crossing personal lines all over the place, aren't we?_  Jim thought, a huge smile on his face as he stood and shut the light in her room as he left.

 

* * *

 

Jim was right. Zeum  _was_ really cool. When they first arrived at the museum, Joanna had stood still, just gazing around with an awed expression on her face. The museum was two packed floors, with several individual rooms. Kids could create clay animation videos, do sound recordings, create a soundtrack…she just didn't know where to start.

Sharing an amused look with Bones, Jim suggested they take a walk around the museum first, and then she could decide what she wanted to do first. Joanna nodded, so Jim led them through the six different rooms on the two floors. Joanna held her father's hand as they walked and Jim explained what the various activities were. After a couple of minutes, though, Jim glanced down in surprise when he felt her little left hand take his right, without looking up at him. Jim stuttered in his narrative, and threw a quick glance at Bones who watching him with a knowing smile. Clearing his throat, he continued with what he'd been saying. They finished their circuit, and Joanna held his hand the whole time.

It turned out that creating a soundtrack was the most interesting thing to Joanna. The kids chose a short animated or live-action film, and then matched scenes up to a fairly comprehensive choice of instrumental music. Their finished product could be burned on a cd and brought home as a reminder of their trip to Zeum. Joanna had been at it for the better part of an hour, totally enthralled and completely absorbed by what she was doing. After a while, Leonard and Jim withdrew slightly so they could talk without disturbing her.

"She's so focused," Jim said. "I mean, I see it in class, but most of the kids can't stay on task that long, so we move from activity to activity fairly quickly." 

Leonard nodded. "She's always been that way. Even this morning…she must've been up a good few hours before us, and the only things she'd taken out were a couple of books and her dolls."

Jim shook his head in disbelief. Soon, Leonard was going to have to take a closer look at the kind of education Joanna was receiving. McKinley was good, but as she got older she would quickly tire of being held back by the pace of her classmates. There were a couple of options…some not as good as others right now, considering her social development, but there was time. It was just something they would have to keep on their radar.

After another twenty minutes, Joanna had two sequences she wanted to keep. She played them back for Jim and Leonard. One was a birthday party scene with a little girl opening a present and being surprised by a puppy, and the other was an artistically stylized tree that went through the various changes of the four seasons. The first was a fairly large hint, as her birthday was a couple of months away. It would not be the first time Joanna had asked for a dog. The second was really just a piece of multimedia art, and the music she chose to accompany the visuals was very appropriate and matched the scenes nicely. Even the transitions between the melodies that Joanna individually selected melded well.

"What do you want to do next, Darlin'?" Leonard asked. Just as Joanna was about to answer, his cell phone rang. Frowning, he pulled it out; the only ones who might ever need to get hold of him on a weekend were standing right next to him. Checking the number, he saw it was the hospital, from an extension he didn't recognize. "I'm sorry guys, let me just take this real quick."

Jim nodded and Leonard moved off.

"So, kiddo, want to try the voice-over studio?" he asked her, happily swinging their joined hands.

"What's that?" 

Jim was in the process of explaining when Leonard came back over to them, an annoyed expression on his face. "What's wrong Bones?" Jim asked.

"I'm really sorry guys, but that was the hospital. Dr. Malloy – the neurology attending – is sick and they need someone to cover his shift."

"And that's you," Jim said. 

Leonard sighed. "Apparently." This wasn't supposed to happen. Okay, well, it was supposed to be highly unlikely that the hospital would need him to fulfill this role, but it just so happened that not only was Malloy sick, but the next person who was supposed to be his back up was stuck in Texas, waiting for the flights to catch up to a bunch of cancellations caused by storms that had her taking two days longer to get back to California than anyone had planned on. "So, I guess I'll bring you guys home and then head to the hospital."

"What about me Daddy?"

Leonard pressed his lips together and glanced at Jim. "Well, we can call Aurelan and see if she minds…" but Jim was shaking his head.

"They're not home today," he said. "Bones, why don't Joanna and I finish our time here, and then I'll take her back to your place? How long are you going to be do you think?"

"I should be done by midnight-ish. Cappella will be on shift as soon as she gets her ass from the airport to the hospital."

"Daddy, you said a bad word," Joanna observed distractedly. She'd been watching a welcome video at a nearby kiosk while they were talking. Looking down at her, Leonard smiled.

"Sorry Baby. I'm just upset that I have to leave," he said, cupping her head with a hand gently. He looked back at Jim.

"How are you going to get home?"

"We'll take the train and then a cab to your house. We'll be fine."

"Well, that would be fantastic…the only other option I have would be to pack Joanna up and bring her to the employee childcare, which I'd really rather not do, especially on a school night. Are you sure you don't mind? I mean, you've never had her without Janie…"

"Of course, Bones. I'd be happy to," Jim said sincerely. He watched as Bones squatted down to Joanna's height.

"How 'bout you Darlin'? Do you like the idea of staying here with Jim until you're finished exploring, and then he'll take you home and stay with you until I get there? Does that sound okay?" Joanna bit her lip and glanced up at Jim and then back at her father.

"Yes," she said after a moment. "That sounds good." Above him, Leonard heard Jim let out a little sigh of relief. Leonard smiled up at him, touched by how important his daughter's opinion was to him.

"That's my girl. Give me a hug and kiss. You'll be asleep when I get home, but I'll see you in the morning okay?" 

Joanna nodded. "Okay Daddy."

"You be good for Mr. Kirk, okay?"

"I'm always good," she said, mildly indignant. Leonard chuckled and ruffled her hair, giving her another squeeze.

"Thanks again, Jim," he said, standing back up. He took the house key off the ring and handed it to him. Leonard really wanted to reach out and give Jim hug too…but he wasn't sure if he would want that. Instead, he squeezed Jim's shoulder and tried to put the emotion in his eyes. He thought Jim got it.

"No problem, Bones. See you later."

"Yeah…later." Jim watched as Bones headed to the entrance, taking a minute to appreciate the view.

"Okay, Joanna. It's you and me," he said, taking her hand and relishing in the fact that he could and she was okay with it. "Wanna give the voiceover station a try?"

"Yup," she said.

"Well, let's go," he said, smiling down at her.

 

* * *

 

A little more than an hour later, Jim and Joanna were finishing a shared basket of fries at the snack bar when Jim heard a very familiar, though out of place, call from behind him.

"Mr. Kirk! Mr. Kirk! Mom…there's my teacher!"

_Oh, it just figures,_  Jim thought. He knew that voice. One of the more…challenging…kids in his class.

"Hi there Vance. How are you today?" he said.

"I'm good! I made this really cool video. I think it was better than anyone else's there, right Mom?"

"Right, sweetie. Hello Mr. Kirk." Jim focused on Vance's mother, forcing a polite smile. She was one of his very  _involved_  parents…whether he wanted her to be or not.

"Hello Mrs. Keefe. I'm doing well, thanks. How about yourself?"

"We're doing well. I didn't know you had a little girl," she said, focusing on Joanna for the first time.

"And then, Mr. Kirk, Mr. Kirk. Do you wanna listen to the cd I made? It's really good. Mr. Kirk, let's go over to the sound station and--"

"Vance, Mommy's talking, please don't interrupt."

"Actually, we're just getting ready to call it a day," Jim said, glancing at Joanna. She was sitting across from him, but had seemed to shrink into herself a little when Vance and his mother came over. Jim looked from Vance to his mother, very much wanting to get out of there without being rude. He made a show of collecting their garbage, trying to give them a hint.

"That's not his daughter! That's Joanna from school! She never talks," Vance helpfully supplied. It took a strength of will Jim didn't usually possess outside of the classroom to not roll his eyes in annoyance. Mrs. Keefe was looking at him with renewed interest.

"You take your students on personal fieldtrips?" she asked, a note of suspicion in her voice. Jim suppressed a sigh. 

_And this was what Nyota was worried about,_  Jim thought. Vance was six, and he had a sister Joanna's age. She hadn't been accepted to McKinley for early kindergarten because she hadn't reached the minimum educational benchmarks, so she would be starting when she was six, the common age. Even though it hadn't been a choice between Joanna McCoy and Emma Keefe, Mrs. Keefe was going to see a personal connection between Jim and Joanna as the reason for her daughter's denial and Joanna's acceptance. Fortunately, Jim hadn't had anything to do with Joanna's acceptance or Emma's entry denial, but she could still make an issue out of it if she wanted to…and she was the type of person who would want to.

"She's the daughter of a friend," he replied, standing. "And we were just about ready to head out." Joanna slid out of the booth and stood by Jim, keeping her eyes down. She didn't reach for his hand, and in this situation, he didn't take her's either. "See you tomorrow Vance – have fun!" He gave Mrs. Keefe a bright smile. "It was good to see you. Have a great day, Mrs. Keefe."

"Likewise, Mr. Kirk. Come on Vance…Vance, get down. You're not supposed to stand on the seats."

Once they were in the lobby of the museum, Joanna took Jim's hand again. He looked down at her little form. "You okay, there Jo?"

She nodded. He stopped them and knelt down in front of her.

"Can I have a smile, then?"

Looking up, she gave him a smile that would cause Bones a lot of trouble when she was old enough to date. It surprised him how much he wanted to be there for that. He gently tweaked her cheek.

"Did you have fun?"

"Yes!" she said enthusiastically. "This is my new favorite place!"

Jim smiled at her. "Me too. Ever been on a train?"

Joanna shook her head.

"Well, let's go have an adventure!"

"Okay!"


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim and Joanna complete their evening, and so do Jim and Leonard.

"Okay, Jo…the train's going to come from the tunnel. We have to stay behind the yellow line, and listen for it…you ready?" Looking up at Jim, Joanna nodded. She was clutching his hand tightly and looking all around her with wide eyes. There were a lot of people on the platform, and she pressed close to Jim's leg, clearly overwhelmed by the crowd and the noise. They only had to wait for a few minutes before the signal for the oncoming train let people on the platform know it was just around the bend. Experienced travelers positioned themselves along the barrier line where they knew the doors would line up and open. Jim led Joanna to a forming group of people.

As they stood there, he took the opportunity to really observe the little girl. She'd gone from just clutching Jim's hand to wrapping her other arm around his leg as the sound of the train got louder. She pressed her face against him, peeking out to see before squeezing her eyes closed again. He thought he could feel her trembling a little. He had the urge to pick her up and hold her securely against him, but he wasn't sure how she would react to that, so he settled for placing his free hand on her back, and rubbing gentle circles. As the train roared into the station, he felt her startle against him, and he noticed that her face seemed to crumple a little.

She seemed scared, and Jim felt really bad about that. He'd had no idea she was going to react this way. He led her onto the train and managed to get them settled at the back of the car, placing her at the window seat so she could look out if she wanted to. Joanna was once again looking all around her, and though her eyes were a little watery, he was beyond relieved to see she hadn't actually cried. She caught his eyes and gave him a smile, her earlier distress seemingly forgotten.

"You okay there Joanna?" he asked.

"I'm okay," she answered distractedly. She was staring at something across the way. Following her line of sight, he realized she was reading an advertisement for a play. Scanning it quickly, he was relieved to see it wasn't anything he had to worry about being inappropriate.

"You seemed a little upset back there, kiddo, when we were waiting for the train. Is something wrong?"

Joanna shook her head. "It was just really loud. It's okay now."

Jim frowned slightly as he considered that answer. It had been pretty loud on the platform, but not unbearably so. The warning tones sounded and the doors closed. As the train pulled away from the station and picked up speed, Joanna looked out of the window delightedly.

"I can feel the train rocking," she announced.

Jim refocused on her smiling face as she let her body be gently swayed by the motion of the train car. They talked a little about Zeum and what her favorite things to do were and a few minutes later, an automated voice announced the upcoming stop.

"Do we get off the train now?"

"Nope, not yet," Jim replied. "See the line with the circles above the door?"

Joanna nodded.

"Those are the names of the stops. We got on at Folsom Street, and we're going to get off at Franklin Square. How may stops are before Franklin Square?"

The rest of the ride passed by uneventfully, with Joanna pressing her nose and hands to the window for most of it. From Franklin Square it was just a quick cab ride to Bones' front door, and it was just a little after 5:30. They'd made good time, and aside from Joanna's reaction on the train platform, and that unfortunate meeting with Mrs. Keefe, it had been a fantastic day. Jim was sorry that Bones wasn't able to stay with them, but he was also grateful for the one-on-one time with Joanna. She was really warming up to him, and he was enjoying getting to know her as a person, not just a student comprised of a set of abilities and challenges.

"Okay…what do you want to do for dinner?" Jim asked as they entered the apartment.

"Umm…I'm not hungry. Can I watch tv?"

"You're not hungry? But you really should have something to eat for dinner Jo."

"I'm full from the French fries. I think the Fairly Oddparents are on," she said, climbing onto the couch and pulling her shoes off. Jim was stymied. On one hand, he knew he had to feed her…on the other the kid was saying she wasn't hungry. She hadn't had a lot of fries, and that was actually a few hours ago. Shrugging to himself, he followed her example, taking off his shoes and sitting down on the couch, grabbing the remote.

"Okay, we'll watch one show and then we have to figure out dinner, deal?" 

Joanna nodded. "Deal!"

Later on, after sharing a dinner of hotdogs with mac and cheese (a meal that Jim himself still sometimes fell back on when he wanted comfort food), they had silly fun in the kitchen washing dishes. Joanna looked absolutely stunned when Jim sent a splash of water on her. She recovered quickly, reaching to do the same back to him, surprising him with fairly good aim. Dabbing at the damp spot on his shirt, they finished drying dishes together, Joanna handling all the stuff that wasn't breakable, and then directing Jim to the correct cabinets and drawers to put the dishes away.

"Alright…can you pick your own pajamas, or do you need help?" Jim asked.

"I can't put my pajamas on yet, Mr. Kirk!" Joanna exclaimed. "I need to take a bath first!"

"Oh…right. Um…well, can you take a bath by yourself?"

"Daddy plays with me sometimes and he has to wash my hair. I can't get all the shampoo out," Joanna said. Taking a moment to put some glasses away, Jim thought quickly. He really wasn't comfortable giving Joanna a bath…that was a far cry from helping with a button on a pair of jeans. No matter his relationship with Bones, he was still Joanna's teacher, and that had to take precedence over anything else until something changed. All it would take is one misplaced comment falling in to the wrong ear, and it could affect his career and his life forever.

"You know, I think we can probably skip a bath for tonight," Jim said. He turned back around to see Joanna looking at him skeptically.

"Daddy says it's important to take a good bath  _every_ night because we collect a whole bunch of germs during the day," she informed him.

Jim nodded…that would be especially true today. Didn't change the fact that he was not going to be giving Joanna a bath tonight.

"Tell you what, why don't you use a wash cloth and wipe down your hands, feet, arms, legs and face, and if your daddy thinks it's a good idea you can take a quick bath in the morning. Okay?"

"'Kay!" she said.

 

* * *

 

Jim started slightly at the sound of the door opening. He winced at a crick in his neck.  _Must've dozed off,_ he thought.

"Hey," Leonard said softly as he came into the living room. He smiled at the sight of Jim sprawled on the couch, blinking against the light in the room.

"Hey," he said, voice a little hoarse. "What time is it?"

"Just about 10:30," Leonard answered. "You didn't lock the door."

"Didn't know if I'd be awake when you got home," Jim answered. "Is it really that early? God, I must be getting old. I used to be able to stay up all night without batting an eye."

Leonard snorted, raising an eyebrow at him. "If you're getting old, I must be ancient," he said, nudging Jim's legs to get him to make room for him on the couch. "You're not getting old, you're just not used to dealing with a five year old all day long."

"Bones, I'm an elementary school teacher. I deal with five and six year olds all day long for a living," Jim said. Bones shook his head and let his head fall back on the couch.

"It's not the same when they're not your own," he replied. He looked over at Jim who was staring at a spot on the floor somewhere.

"Yeah," he said slowly. "I think you're right. I mean, not that Joanna's, you know, mine," he continued. "But I do feel…differently…about her." 

Leonard looked over at him with a tender smile. "Good," he said. After a moment, Jim shifted and pushed himself up a little more.

"So, you're home earlier than I expected." 

Leonard nodded. "Susanna managed to get an earlier flight, and then the time difference helped a bit too."

"Susanna?" Jim asked.

"The first replacement for neurology attending, Dr. Susanna Cappella," Leonard replied.

"You're on first name terms with her?" Jim asked. Leonard threw Jim an amused look.

"Seriously, Jim? Jealous?" Leonard teased. Jim huffed and gently gave Leonard's thigh a shove with his foot. Leonard chuckled and grasped his foot, kneading it gently. "Relax. She's like, fifty years old."

"Wasn't serious," Jim said, stretching.

"Hmm. Well, I'm beat," Leonard said, yawning. Jim nodded at the none-too-subtle hint.

"Yeah, I should get going," Jim said gently pulling his foot free and moving to swing his legs to the floor. He paused when a gentle pressure on his knee stopped him.

"Stay," Leonard said. "If you want. Unless you don't want to get up early enough to get home first."

"Thanks, Bones, but that pull-out isn't nearly as comfortable as my own bed."

"So…don't stay on the pull-out," Leonard said quietly, looking over to meet Jim's eyes. He saw the question there and gave a small shrug. "She's already seen us sleeping together on the couch. Besides, if you get up early enough to go home first, she'll probably never even know."

That made sense to Jim. He definitely would have to go home before school…he couldn't teach in what he was wearing today. McKinley didn't have a strict dress code, but they definitely looked down on jeans and t-shirts. Plus, he didn't have any of his materials.

"If you're sure…I'd love to stay," Jim said. Leonard couldn't contain the smile, but he camouflaged it by getting up from the couch.

"Great. Let me just grab a banana or something…" he said as he made his way into the kitchen.

"You haven't eaten?" Jim asked, following him. 

Leonard shook his head, as he washed an apple in the sink. The bananas looked too far gone. "Didn't have the time. But it's no big deal…this is fine."

"It's not healthy to skip meals Bones. I'm not a doctor, and even I know that."

"Well, is there anything left over from what you and Joanna had? What did you have?"

"Uh…mac and cheese with a hotdog," Jim replied, looking slightly guilty. Leonard smirked at him.

"I think I'll stick with the apple. But thanks."

"Well, while you eat, let's sit down…I need to tell you about something that happened at the museum." He wasn't about to make the same mistake he'd made by not telling Bones about Kim's question again, especially since this had the potential to be more serious than that. Jim explained the meeting with Vance Keefe and his mother, and how he'd handled it. He also explained why she might choose to make an issue of it.

"But that's ridiculous!" Leonard exclaimed. "Her daughter was submitted for the beginning of the year…Joanna didn't even start until the second semester was already one month in." 

Jim nodded. "I know – and that's one of the reasons why there really is no problem.  _But,_ she may try to make an issue of it anyway." 

Leonard frowned and wrapped the apple core in a napkin, thinking. "Are you worried about this?" he asked. "Could she cause enough trouble for you to really be a problem?"

Jim hesitated. The short answer was yes, she could. But there were other factors in play, not the least of which was his friendship with Nyota. He knew that if push came to shove, she would defend him. But McKinley was a private school with a board of directors. While Nyota's defense of him would go far, he wasn't quite sure how much it would matter if Mrs. Keefe made a big enough stink that the board members got wind of it. This was all worst-case scenario stuff, though, and he was reluctant to dump it on Leonard. This wasn't his issue, and Jim didn't want to give Bones a reason for pulling away. Not now.

"Jim?" Leonard prompted after a moment. He looked so concerned – Jim was torn between wanting to alleviate his worry and wanting to be completely honest.

"Not yet," Jim replied, settling for a compromise. "Right now, this is just all conjecture. I'll talk to Nyota – Principal Uhura," he added when Bones raised an eyebrow in question. " – tomorrow, just to let her know ahead of time so Mrs. Keefe can't spring this on her with no notice. Since I wasn't involved in the application and admissions process for Joanna or Emma Keefe, more than likely nothing will come of it. And if something does…" Jim shrugged, offering Bones a confident smile. "Then we'll deal with it." Leonard opened his mouth to say something, but before he could Jim cut him off. "I want to be perfectly clear, though, Bones. I would never let some possible issue, or its results, make a decision for me about you. Okay?"

Leonard studied him carefully, looking for anything that would suggest otherwise. "Okay, as long as you're sure." 

"I'm sure," Jim said firmly. 

Leonard held his gaze silently for a moment, then nodded. "Thanks for letting me know, Jim."

He smiled. "Sure." Jim was about to bring up the observation he'd made today about Joanna when they were on the train station, but stopped himself. Tonight wasn't the time to have a conversation like that. Besides, he wanted time to ponder over what he thought it could possibly mean. He wanted to watch her in the classroom with this new insight in mind and be a little more sure than he was now before discussing it with Bones.

"I'm gonna go check on Joanna. Help yourself to something to sleep in from the dresser, and feel free to take a shower," Leonard said standing. Jim grinned, standing as well.

"I'll wait for you if you want…we're in a drought you know. We could conserve water by showering together," he said suggestively. As Jim expected, Bones flushed, but a slow smile also spread across his face, and to Jim's surprise, it looked as if he were actually considering it. Deciding to press his advantage, Jim stepped up to Bones drew him into a kiss. Bones responded eagerly – it had been longer than either one of them liked since they were able to enjoy each other like this without worrying about listening for the sound of little feet. The night before had been all about comfort…Leonard being the one Jim could lean on for support as he shared the story and his pain behind his childhood with Frank…but it wasn't that late, and tonight…tonight could be for both of them.

Jim pulled back from the kiss, and hugged Bones tightly to him.

"Go say goodnight to Joanna. I'll be in the shower, if you want to join me." Without giving Bones a chance to respond, Jim pressed one more kiss to lips, turned, and headed out of the kitchen without a backward glance. Leonard remained frozen in place for a moment watching him go. Jeans which had fit perfectly well before were a little more snug now, and he took a deep breath, trying to get his body under control. It was amazing how Jim could make him feel and react like a damn teenager. He turned back to the sink and washed his hands to give him something to do and focus on for a second.

And what the hell was he going to do with an invitation like that? Showering together sounded like an excellent idea, in theory. But he also knew that it probably wouldn't end at showering. He was so frustrated with himself…he  _wanted_ Jim in a way that was foreign to him. But, he was…what? Scared? That didn't really cover it. Shy? God, he hated to think of himself like that. It seemed so weak. But he couldn't put what held him back from giving himself to Jim, the way Jim had just turned over his body to him that night, into words. Jim just made him feel…vulnerable, and okay…maybe he was a little scared. It was hard for him to have complete trust in someone else when it came to sex. That, he knew, was Michael's doing. When he met Jocelyn, though, it became a non-issue. And he got comfortable with that.

He'd loved Jocelyn, but the sex was…more something that was expected than anything else, and it was never much more than a way for both of them to find release with someone they cared for. He was just now realizing what had been missing from that part of their marriage, and that made him realize that while a baby may have been the final straw, or even just Jocelyn's excuse, Joanna's presence probably wasn't the cause for the end of the marriage.

Pushing away from the sink, he headed to Joanna's room, turning off lights throughout the apartment as he went. Stopping to listen in the hall, he realized that Jim hadn't turned on the water yet. Leonard pushed Joanna's door open and waited for his eyes to adjust to her dim nightlight. Joanna was sprawled out in her bed, eyes closed and her chest rising and falling with the slow rhythm of the deeply asleep. He made his way to her, carefully stepping over a few toys she hadn't put away. He brushed a hand over her head gently, registering that her thick hair was completely dry. Leaning down to smell, he smiled a little. He'd wondered what Jim was going to do about bath time…he'd completely forgotten to tell him to not worry about it if he didn't want to…but apparently he'd come to that conclusion on his own. Good. Especially in light of the troublesome news about the Keefe woman. He brushed his lips against her forehead and swept a thumb over her cheek. As he readjusted her blanket and put her stuffed animal back against her body, Joanna shifted slightly and murmured something that sounded like "rocking" and "train". Withdrawing quietly, he shut the door to her room. Back in the hall, he heard the water in the bathroom turn on.

His eyes flicked around as he entered his room. Jim's clothes were in a pile on the chair by the closet, and the door to the bathroom was open. Closing his door behind him, he hesitated a second before locking it. Joanna didn't usually wake up in the middle of the night…hadn't since she was about two…but there was no reason to risk it.

Standing in the center of his bedroom, Leonard was torn by indecision. He very much wanted to take Jim up on his suggestion and he knew that the only thing holding him back was his own absolutely ridiculous awkwardness. Didn't make it any less paralyzing, though, even knowing how ridiculous it was.  _Come on, is this it for you? Being too afraid to take a chance on someone you want?_   _Jim is not Michael,_  he thought to himself.

Swallowing against a suddenly dry throat, Leonard pulled his shirt over his head. He sat down at the edge of the bed to pull of his shoes and socks, then pushed down his jeans. He hesitated at his underwear, wondering how long Jim was going to wait. Not just in the shower tonight, but in general. Despite what he said, Leonard didn't expect Jim to wait for him forever. Without stopping to think any further, he pushed his underwear down and stepped out of them. Halfway between his dresser and the bathroom, Leonard stood indecisively. After a couple of moments, his heart in his mouth, he made his decision.

Jim stood under the spray, straining to hear what was going on in the bedroom. He was trying not to get his hopes up, because he knew there was a pretty good chance Bones would let his nerves get the best of him. Minutes passed, and after a while Jim sighed as he reached for the soap.  _It doesn't matter,_  he thought to himself, doing his best to ignore the disappointment he was feeling.  _We'll get there eventually._

He was in the process of rinsing his hair of suds when the sound of the shower door opening reached his ears. Jim stayed under the spray, and kept his eyes closed – silently rejoicing. Bones was moving around him, staying close to the wall. He hadn't said anything, and Jim could imagine how he looked, based on their previous encounters – nervous, flushed…a little scared. Jim felt his heart swell with pride for Bones and the fact that he was doing this, despite the discomfort Jim knew he must be feeling. Stepping out of the spray, Jim wiped the water from his eyes and turned to look at him. Bones was standing with his back to Jim, facing the wall, shoulders tense, and those his arms were by his sides, his hands were clenched, and Jim guessed he was resisting the urge to cross his arms protectively over his body.

Gently, Jim placed his hands on Bones' shoulders, and felt a reflexive flinch.

"Glad you joined me," he said softly, his mouth right next to Bones' ear. "Step under the water."

Bones didn't answer, but moved to comply, keeping his back to Jim. Jim grabbed the soap and worked up a lather with a washcloth. Giving Bones the privacy he obviously still felt he needed, he dragged the cloth across his back, spreading the lather as the washcloth traveled over his well-defined body. This was really the first time Jim had seen him clearly without any clothes, and he was taking his time exploring the planes and angles with his eyes and hands. Stopping above the curve of his ass, Jim shifted his focus to Bones' arms.

Just when he was about to ask if Bones would turn around, he did it on his own. Keeping his eyes down, it looked as if he was barely breathing.

"You are so beautiful, Bones," Jim murmured. His eyes flicked up to Jim's briefly and a small smile quirked at his lips.

"Nothing like you," he replied.

Jim gave him a look that clearly said 'yeah, right' and shook his head slightly. Bones really had no idea how amazing he was…in every way. Jim continued down his body, stopping to give his cock a couple of gentle strokes made slippery by the soap when Leonard nodded slightly to the question in Jim's eyes. Jim was already completely aroused and when Bones reciprocated Jim gasped and closed his eyes. He stepped up to Bones, their bodies lining up as if they were meant for each other, and Jim kissed him deeply, breaking apart to take panting breaths. They stayed together like that, hands wandering, gasping into each other, until the water started to cool. Eventually Bones pulled back and pressed his forehead to Jim's.

"It didn't work," Bones observed. 

Jim blinked at Bones in puzzlement. Everything appeared to be working to him. "What?"

"I don't think we've conserved any water." 

Jim laughed. "Yeah, you're probably right. Let's get out of here." Jim had been about done when Bones finally joined him, but he waited as Bones dealt with the rest of what was left to do, not wanting to leave and give him a chance to succumb to a new set of nerves. Bones was more relaxed now than he'd ever been during any of their other times together, and Jim wanted to keep it that way.

Finally stepping out of the shower, they each grabbed a towel. The tension on Bones' face was obvious to Jim – he still wasn't completely comfortable with this. Taking the towel from him, Jim ducked his head a little to catch his eyes.

"Let me," he said. He rubbed the towel over Bones' body catching water drops and further teasing sensitive skin. When he was done, Bones was no less aroused, and the flush that suffused his skin was not because of embarrassment this time.

Jim led him to the bed and urged him to lie down. Bones bit his lip and closed his eyes as Jim hovered over him, kneeling on either side of Leonard's hips, his weight braced on his arms. He tried to control his breathing when all he wanted to do was pant – because he was nervous, because he was aroused, because he was seconds away from begging Jim to do  _something._

"Bones," Jim said quietly. He opened his eyes and focused on Jim's face over him. "It's okay to let go." He leaned down to kiss him, urging him to let go of his bottom lip. "Let me hear you." Instead of answering, Bones reached up and pulled Jim down to lie on him directly. They both gasped as their bodies slid together, and Bones raised his head to capture Jim's lips in a kiss. Bones reached down grasped Jim's erection, causing Jim to thrust against him. Bones broke the kiss off to gasp at that, pressing his head back against the pillow. He stroked Jim again, and again Jim responded by thrusting.

"Do that again," he whispered.

Jim thrust against him again, teasing them both as they rubbed against each other. Bones' other hand was twisted in the sheets as Jim fell into a rhythm. Before long, Bones was meeting him, thrusting upward to prolong the contact between them.

"Oh, god, Bones," Jim groaned. "Come on…are you going to come for me?"

"Yesss…" Leonard hissed, biting his lip. They rocked together, rubbing against each other, and Jim tried to make Bones lose his composure while Bones held on only by a thread, unable to let it go. Jim felt himself getting closer, and he knew he wasn't going to be able to hold off much longer. He couldn't stop himself from thrusting as hard as he could and then he was coming with a shout, his forehead pressed to Bones' shoulder. He felt Bones' arms around him, holding him as he rode out his orgasm. Jim panted harshly, gave himself a few seconds to recover, and then slid down Bones body. He pressed kisses to Bones' chest and stomach as he moved lower.

"Jim?" Bones said, grasping his shoulders. "What…"

"Let me, Bones. Please?" he asked, looking up and catching Bones' eyes. Bones nodded after a moment, and Jim didn't give him a chance to think. He closed his mouth over the head of Bones' cock and sucked gently. Bones dug his heels into the mattress and arched slightly, his hands moving to Jim's head before stopping and making fists that he pressed down on the mattress, his whole body straining. Jim took as much of Bones as he could into his mouth and used his hand to stroke what he couldn't. He swirled his tongue around Bones' shaft and gently massaged his sack with his other hand. Jim let him fall from his mouth and licked the underside of the shaft from top to bottom slowly, gently sucking at the head before doing it again. Jim could feel Bones' strong thighs trembling with the urge to move and he did his best to make him lose that control he was clinging to so tightly.

He felt Bones' body tighten further, and that was the only warning he got before Bones was coming, his hands coming up to gently grip Jim's head as kept up the gentle suction until his body released all of its tension, falling back onto the bed.

Discreetly spitting into a towel he'd brought with him from the bathroom, Jim made his way back up Bones' body, pressing kisses to various spots as he went. They were both breathing hard, sweaty, and totally spent. Bones looped his arms around Jim as he settled beside him and he chuckled lowly.

"What's so funny?" Jim asked, kissing his jaw and then his lips.

"I think we need another shower."

 


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Confrontations and conversations.

Of all the different facets of being a school administrator, the one that Nyota liked the least was dealing with parents. And not all parents…most of them were appropriately respectful of her teachers and grateful for the quality education their children were receiving. Most parents were happy to lend a hand on field trips, be a volunteer for a play, take on the role of referee on a field day…or do any other such tasks that popped up during the school year – for which she and her teachers were also grateful. Parental involvement made for a cooperative educational environment, and that led to success for everyone, especially the children.

However. On occasion, there was a parent who was the antithesis to that – who was unaccustomed to the cooperative attitude, or chose to ignore it. A parent who felt the money they were paying for their child's tuition should guarantee not only high quality facilities, educators, programs, and support, but also entitled them to get what they wanted, including a say over administrative matters.

Unfortunately, the person who was playing that particular role was currently sitting in one of Nyota's guest chairs. Lecturing her. Nyota did not appreciate being lectured to.

"…highly inappropriate for a teacher at this school to be showing such obvious favoritism toward a particular student. Tell me, Ms. Uhura, is that little girl the daughter of a friend of yours as well?"

"Mrs. Keefe, I can assure you that the decision to invite Emma to begin school with us in the fall was based on nothing but your child's educational benchmarks. At the time the decision was made, no other applications were submitted," Nyota replied evenly.  _I am going to kill Jim._

"And why you would expect me to simply take it on face value that Jim Kirk didn't put his recommendation behind his friend's daughter is beyond me," she continued as if Nyota hadn't spoken. "You and I both know that admittance to a school like this is based more on connections than benchmarks!" She managed to make "benchmarks" sound like a particularly vile word. Nyota repressed the urge to sigh in frustration. Principals did not get frustrated. They found solutions, and moved on.  _Solution: first, I'm going to kill her, make him help me hide the body, and then I'm going to kill him._

"Mrs. Keefe, once again: Mr. Kirk is not on the admittance committee. We do not accept recommendations for admittance to kindergarten – decisions are based solely on assessment results. Mr. Kirk did not conduct the assessments for Emma or Joanna." She paused, doing her best to reign in her temper. She took particular umbrage at Mrs. Keefe's accusation regarding the admissions process. "Furthermore," she said, aware that her carefully controlled tone had turned icy. "I find it particularly offensive that you would suggest our standards for excellence are undermined by a network of well-connected individuals, as I am sure the vast majority of McKinley parents would. Let me remind you, Mrs. Keefe, your son was accepted at the same time your daughter was deferred. If admissions were based on connections, whose might yours be? I would be very interested in making sure that all of our students are here on their own merit. As I gather you are as well." Nyota sat back in her chair while Mrs. Keefe maintained a furious silence. Taking a breath, she tried to infuse calm back into her voice. "McKinley is a close community, Mrs. Keefe. Many of our teachers maintain friendships with parents of students. That's part of the reason this school works so well…because of the sense of community, and I think it would be detrimental to hinder that."

"Well, Ms. Uhura, you certainly seem to have an answer for everything," Mrs. Keefe said, in a falsely sweet voice. "I certainly hope for your sake that everything you've told me today is true. Please expect that I will be following up with members of the Board."

Annoyed beyond belief, Nyota nonetheless managed a polite smile. "Of course, Mrs. Keefe." She opened her desk drawer and took out a business card. "Here is the main contact information of the administrative assistant. Ruth will make you an appointment." Nyota took note of Mrs. Keefe's somewhat surprised expression as she took the card; obviously she wasn't expecting a direct line to the Board to be handed to her by the woman she was threatening. Nyota stood and moved toward her door, and Mrs. Keefe followed suit. "Thank you for coming to see me this afternoon, Mrs. Keefe. I'm always interested in hearing any valid concerns our parents have," Nyota said, shaking her hand.

"Thank you for your time," Mrs. Keefe said stiffly. "I'll be in touch." 

Nyota gave her a friendly smile. "I look forward to it."

After seeing Mrs. Keefe out, Nyota closed the door to the office and took a moment to center herself. Jim had been right…the woman hadn't wasted any time at all. Shaking her head to herself, she thought about giving Ruth a call to give her a head's up. After a moment, she decided against it. Why do anything that Mrs. Keefe might be able to label as backdoor dealings?

Nyota strode to her desk and sat down, pressing the intercom button to speak with Mrs. Ruzycki at the front desk.

"Jean, could you please call Jim's room and ask him to meet me when he gets a chance. What rotation is his class on today?"

"One moment," Jean replied as she looked up his schedule. "They have P.E. today."

"Okay…tell him I'd like to see him when his class goes for P.E."

"No problem."

"Thanks." Sighing, Nyota leaned back and massaged her temples. It was a good thing Jim had the sense to speak with her first thing this morning. He'd definitely read Mrs. Keefe's intentions correctly, and Nyota would've been pissed (well, more pissed) if he'd let that woman catch her unaware. It wasn't really Jim's fault, she knew. He wasn't doing anything wrong, per se. But his…whatever it was…with Joanna McCoy's father was putting him at risk for professional trouble. Nyota'd known Jim for a long time…they were friends, as well as colleagues, and she couldn't help but be concerned for him.

 

* * *

 

"Hey, Jim." Jim turned around to catch Diane Kelley's eyes as he was lining up the munchkins at the door. She nodded over to the other side of the room, where Stephanie and Joanna sat. It looked like Joanna was reading aloud to Stephanie, showing her pictures as she went. Jim couldn't help but smile at them – they were really cute – but he and the class had places to be…them, out with Coach Scott; him, in the principal's office.

"Hey girls…Stephanie and Joanna," he called. "Come line up…it's time to go play!" Stephanie turned to Joanna and said something, to which Joanna shook her head. Stephanie stood up and bent to take Joanna's hand. She pulled it away, stubbornly staying where she was. After a moment, Stephanie shrugged and headed over to the line of chattering children. Jim watched as Joanna turned the page of her book and continued reading. This was new…she'd always been very well-behaved, doing what was directed right away. She'd certainly never ignored a request from either Diane or him before.

"Can you walk them out? I'll see what's up with Joanna, and get her out there."

"Sure…you want me to drop by the office and let Jean know you'll be right along?"

"Yeah, that'd be great. Thanks."

"Okay, everyone!" Diane said. She clapped in their familiar pattern and waited while the kids responded in kind, quieting their talk. "We're off to see Mr. Scott…remember how we walk through the halls during the day?" She put her finger to her lips and the kids did it as well.

"Very quietly," they all whispered. Or, well, got as close as fourteen kindergarteners could get to whispering. Opening the door, the appointed door holder watched as everyone filed out. When the door closed behind the last child, Jim turned his attention to Joanna. He walked over to her, noticing the very deliberate way she didn't look up, even as she tried to watch him without looking like it. He sat down on the floor next to her, propping his chin up on his hands.

"Hey Joanna-banana…you're missing P.E." he said, keeping his voice friendly and gentle. Turning the page, Joanna just shrugged. "Don't you like being outside and playing with your friends?"

Silently, she shook her head. He observed her for a moment. This felt like a couple of giant steps back, more reminiscent of the way she was when she first started school, not the Joanna of the last couple of weeks, who actually used words to speak with him…actually spoke to him at all. This would be her fourth P.E. session…thinking back to the other three, he tried to remember what she was like during the class' previous times outside. He didn't remember much, other than the fact that she tended to hang back and only do what she was told directly to do. He couldn't come up with anything.

"Can you tell me what you don't like about P.E.?" Jim asked, deciding to try it from another angle. Joanna glanced up at Jim and closed her book, resting it in her lap.

"I don't like the whistle," she said.

"The whistle? What…oh, Mr. Scott's whistle?" Jim clarified. Joanna nodded. "How come?" he asked. 

She shrugged again. "It hurts my ears," she said.

Jim hesitated. He glanced at the clock…Nyota was waiting for him, but this was an opportunity to explore his theory a little. She'd understand.

"Do a lot of sounds hurt your ears?" Jim asked.

Joanna shrugged. 

_Right,_ Jim thought.  _Too broad._ He tried again. "Can you tell me something else that hurts your ears? Or something else that's just too loud?"

Joanna bit her bottom lip and thought for a second. "The train was very loud," she said. "And sometimes here, but not so much anymore."

"Here? You mean, the other kids in the class?" 

Joanna nodded. "Yes. And sometimes you too. But not so much anymore," she repeated.

"Joanna, do you remember if things were very loud when you lived in Georgia?" 

Joanna nodded right away and brought her knees up to hug them to her chest. "Thunderstorms," she said. "They are  _very_ loud sometimes."

Jim nodded and gave her a sympathetic smile. "Well…do you want to go out to the field if I ask Coach Scott not to use his whistle?"

"No, thank you."

Her eyes lit up and she nodded enthusiastically, standing up. "How about the library?" Jim suggested, knowing what her response would be. 

"Yes, please!"

"Okay…but just this one time. I'll talk to Coach Scott about his whistle, so next week you're going to P.E. Got it?"

"Got it," she replied.

 

* * *

 

Leonard was just about to sit down to his dinner when the phone rang. Sighing, he set his plate on the table and checked the number. He was not in the mood to deal with any telemarketers tonight. Or ever. Seeing the familiar number, however, had a smile spreading across his face.

"Hey."

"Hey, yourself. How are you?" Jim asked.

"Fine. Just put Joanna to bed."

"Can I come over? I wanna talk to you about a couple of things," he said. Leonard frowned. That didn't sound good.

"Everything okay?" he asked as lightly as possible.

"Yeah…well, for the most part. It's nothing too major." 

That really didn't help reassure Leonard much at all, but he kept his tone as unconcerned as he could. "Sure, come on over. Did you eat yet? I'm sitting down to beef stroganoff and I could make you a plate."

"You didn't already eat with Joanna?"

"Nah…dinner at 5:30 was too early for me. I didn't get a chance to eat lunch until three today."

"I haven't eaten yet, either," Jim said. "And that sounds great. Thanks."

"No problem. Come on in the back, I'll leave it unlocked. See you in a few."

Leonard hung up and pulled another plate down, filling it with the stroganoff and some steamed vegetables. He put it in the microwave and set it, ready to push "start" when Jim walked in. Shrugging to himself, he pulled a frozen garlic bread out of the freezer.  _May as well do it right,_  he thought.

While the bread was warming, Leonard went to check on Joanna. She'd gone down at her normal 7:15, with the idea that she'd be asleep by 7:30. She was still young enough that a full day at school, with only a brief half hour rest period when the kids lay on mats, tired her out completely. If she didn't get to bed early enough, she'd be cranky the next morning, and no one wanted to deal with that. Quietly opening her door, he stuck his head in, the setting sunlight seeping in from around the edges of the blinds on her window. She lay still and quiet, breathing softly. Leonard withdrew, gently closing the door behind him.

Back in the kitchen, he checked the bread and hit "start" on the microwave when he heard Jim's car pull up outside a few minutes later. Jim let himself in just as the timer on the oven went off.

"Hey, Bones."

"Hi, Jim. Come on in. Grab a beer from the fridge if you want. Dinner'll be ready in just a few minutes." Leonard said over his shoulder as he pulled the bread from the oven. Leaving it to cool slightly, he took Jim's plate out of the microwave and replaced it with his own.

"Smells good. Can I help?" Jim asked, coming up behind him.

"Nah, just about done, but thanks," Leonard replied as he placed a couple of slices of garlic bread on Jim's plate. Jim wound his arms around Leonard's waist from behind. At that simple gesture of affection, Leonard felt himself finally able to relax.

He didn't think Jim would come over, sit down for dinner, and then announce that he finally had come to his senses, and while he considered Leonard to be a good friend, maybe that's all they should be. Leonard didn't think Jim would do that, but the reassurance of the hug was very welcome.

"You feel really tense," Jim said, his front pressed against him.

"I'm fine now," Leonard murmured. "Here's your plate. Let me grab mine, and let's eat."

They ate quietly for a while, just enjoying the meal and the presence of one another. They were just about done when Jim broached one of the reasons for his visit.

"So…Mrs. Keefe – that parent I ran into at Zeum?" Jim started. Leonard nodded, indicating that he remembered. "She went to see Nyota this morning."

Scowling at his plate, Leonard put his fork down and sat back, tense once again. "Damn woman sure didn't waste any time, did she? Did you have a chance to talk to her first?"

Jim nodded. "Yeah, I got there early and caught her in the parking lot. She…wasn't thrilled."  _Putting it mildly._ "But she let Mrs. Keefe know in no uncertain terms that her accusations were unacceptable and uncalled for."

"So, how did it end with them?" Leonard asked. 

Jim shrugged, sighing. "Nyota seems to think it's over. Like, she's a lot of talk and hot air, but if you have a sharp enough response it's all over. She said she wanted to talk to the Board, and Nyota actually handed her the telephone number."

Leonard frowned. That didn't seem particularly smart. If he were pissed off about something, he'd damn well make use of that information. So why make it easier for her?

"What'd she do that for? Isn't that just like handing her an engraved invitation to cause trouble?"

"Nyota didn't seem to think so. And I trust her, Bones. She's smart and savvy, and she's very good at the whole public relations and politics thing. I don't have the patience for it, but if she wanted to run for something, she'd have my vote, and the vote of anyone who heard her state her platform." 

Leonard nodded. "Yeah, I got that impression about her too. Talked me right out of what I wanted," he mumbled. "So I guess if you trust her…"

"What?" Jim asked.

"I said, so long as you trust her--"

"No, I heard you. What was that about talking you out of what you wanted?" Jim asked. To his surprise, Leonard flushed and looked away. He didn't really look embarrassed though. He looked…guilty. "C'mon Bones. Spill." 

Leonard sighed dramatically and rolled his eyes. "I – uh…I may have wanted Joanna to have a different teacher at first," he said. Jim's eyebrows raised in surprise. "But that was before I met you that day."

"You wanted Joanna to have a different teacher  _before_ you even met me? Why?" Jim asked, a smile starting to curl at his lips. Leonard took one look at him and realized that he was being baited.

"You already know! She told you all about it, didn't she?" Leonard accused. Jim gave in and nodded.

"Yes, she mentioned it today. Something along the lines of, 'and to think that a month ago he didn't even want you teaching her, and now you're babysitting her.'"

"Well, in my defense, who the hell has heard of a guy kindergarten teacher?" Leonard asked, annoyed that Uhura had brought it up like that. At least Jim didn't seem upset.

"Seriously Bones? What decade are you in? And besides, haven't you seen Kindergarten Cop?" Jim teased. 

Leonard scowled more, his brows drawing together. "Wasn't the point of that movie that he was a cop pretending to be a kindergarten teacher?"

"Hey…is that why you looked at me like I was an escaped convict or something when we ran into each other in that department store?"

"Yes," Leonard answered promptly, completely serious. Jim laughed.

"Well, it's a good thing I decided to invite you guys to the park that day, huh? Imagine that…one decision affecting everything."

"That's usually the way it works," Leonard replied, thinking about the decisions Jim made that brought him to the point of having to rely on his principal to defend him against a trouble-mongering parent. Hopefully that was over. "You done?" he asked, gesturing to Jim's nearly empty plate. Jim nodded.

"Thanks, yes."

"Do you want some coffee or anything?"

"Not right now…there is one other thing I wanted to talk to you about," Jim said hesitantly as he wrapped the leftover bread in foil and stuck it in the fridge. Leonard glanced at him questioningly, not liking the tone of that.

"Okay…" he said slowly. "What's up?"

"Can we go sit in the living room?"

"Sure."

Jim followed him out of the kitchen. Originally, he'd wanted to give himself more time with Joanna to be more sure, but after their conversation this afternoon, he felt like there was a better than even chance he was right. The only thing to do would be to test her, so whether he mentioned it now, or a week from now, there was very little difference. Settling on the couch, turned to face each other, Bones looked so worried. Jim smiled gently, wanting him to relax a little. This wasn't end-of-the-world news, even if it did turn out to be true.

"So…it's about Joanna," Jim started. Bones nodded, waiting for Jim to continue. "I think she may have a mild case of hyperacusis." He watched Bones' face as he took in that statement.

"Hyperacusis," Bones repeated. Jim nodded.

"It's sound sensitivity--"

"I know what hyperacusis is, Jim," Bones cut him off. "Why do you think that?"

Jim explained the scene at the train station yesterday, their conversation about Mr. Scott's whistle, and the class, and thunderstorms today, and then he went over some of the things he'd observed over the weeks that he didn't originally notice or put together before his realization. Bones listened quietly, nodding. His initial reaction was mitigated by the fact that he wasn't just Joanna's father. He was an accomplished neurology specialist. Jim was sure that helped.

"Do you think that it's a symptom of…something else?" Bones asked when Jim had finished his explanation. He knew what Bones was worried about. Hyperacusis was a common symptom that showed up on the autism spectrum…everywhere from high-functioning Asperger's to more acute autistic conditions.

"No, I don't," Jim said quickly, wanting to relieve that particular concern immediately. "I don't think she's anything but an extremely intelligent, creative, introverted and shy little girl. Which, knowing her father as I do, makes sense," Jim added. Leonard nodded distractedly. All of the characteristics Jim just listed had some genetic or learned behavior root.

"But…how could I not notice something like that?" he asked, dragging a hand over his face. To think that for five years his daughter was suffering with something that was relatively easily trained away, especially as a young child, and he didn't notice…what kind of father or  _doctor_  was he?

"Bones, how  _could_  you notice it?" Jim countered. "If I'm even right, she's only five years old, and you've lived out in the country – the  _quiet,_ hear the crickets at night, country. And every kid cries at thunderstorms. She didn't articulate to you that the sound was actually hurting her ears…you just thought she was scared."

That was true. Not all thunderstorms set Joanna off. But the ones that hit right over their land – when the lightning and the thunder happened almost simultaneously, illuminating the house and rattling the dishes – had her crying. He had thought she'd been frightened. Even though she'd held her hands over her ears, he'd thought it was a child reacting with fear to a loud sound…and that's all.

"You okay?" Jim asked, after a moment. Leonard turned back to him, blinking away the memories of past thunderstorms, and nodded.

"Yes. Thank you for telling me. Who knows how long this would've gone on if you hadn't caught it?"

"Bones, I don't know for sure if it's even true. You need to take her to get tested."

"Of course. I'll find someone at the hospital and get it done as soon as possible."

"Okay. Well, I think I'm going to get going. I still have some stuff to do before tomorrow."

They stood, and this time Bones was the one to draw Jim into a tight hug. He pulled back enough to kiss Jim soundly, so incredibly grateful for the way Jim watched out for his daughter, and for him.

Thank god for that one decision.

 


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A rollercoaster Wednesday.

Still wrapped up in thoughts of Joanna and the evidence that Jim was correct in his guess about the hyperacusis, Leonard was distracted as he walked Jim to the door. Seeing this, Jim turned suddenly and bracketed Leonard's face between his hands, giving him a lingering kiss that had its desired effect. Breaking the kiss, Jim gently stroked his fingers through Leonard's hair and met his hazel eyes.  _Beautiful,_ Jim thought.

"Bones, she is going to be fine. And after you get this sorted out, she may even become a little more outgoing," Jim said reassuringly. 

Bones nodded. "I know. It's just…she's my baby."

Jim smiled sympathetically at him. Even though he was starting to relate to Joanna on a more personal level, he knew he could never completely understand – Joanna wasn't his child – but he felt for Bones' and understood his concern. Jim wound his arms around Bones' shoulders as he settled his hands on Jim's waist. After a moment, the feel of the embrace turned almost playful as Jim gently nuzzled the side of Bones' neck. He pulled back, his eyes taking on a twinkle that Leonard was beginning to recognize all too well.

"I had an excellent time with you last night," Jim said, trailing the back of his hand down Leonard's face as a predictable flush rushed over him and he glanced away.

"Me too," he replied, looking back up with a small, self-conscious smile on his lips.

Jim studied him for a moment. "I don't get it," Jim said quietly.

"What?"

"You're a doctor, and talking about just the memory of sex makes you blush," Jim said, his tone gently teasing. Leonard shifted uncomfortably and rolled his eyes, aware that Jim was trying (and succeeding) to get a reaction out of him.

"You're such an ass," Leonard replied, trying to gain some ground here. He used his broader frame to crowd Jim against the door, kissing him again as a way to get him to shut up. Leonard pulled away and found himself caught in Jim's blue gaze. "I – I don't want to wait until Friday to see you again," he admitted. Jim smiled brilliantly, making Leonard's stomach do a little flip.

"Me either," Jim said. He paused, studying Bones' face. "What do you propose we do about that?" 

Leonard bit his bottom lip for a moment before responding. "Doing anything Wednesday?" he asked.  Jim shook his head "no."

"Do you want to plan to come here right after school? We can maybe take Jo to the park, then all go out to dinner," Leonard cleared his throat nervously before continuing. "And then you…you could stay here again. I mean…if you wanted."

Jim found it so very endearing that Bones still thought there would be an occasion where he would turn an invitation like that down, especially since it didn't involve sleeping on the pull-out anymore.

"That sounds like a fantastic idea to me," Jim said. He leaned forward as if to kiss Leonard again, and then reached down to brush his hand across the front of Leonard's pants, hard enough to make him really feel it. Leonard inhaled sharply in surprise, eyes locking on Jim's. "Can't wait," Jim whispered against his mouth. He winked at Bones, opened the door and headed out. "See you then!" he tossed over his shoulder.

Closing his mouth with a snap, Leonard watched Jim until he rounded the corner towards the parking lot. Pulling the door closed, he resisted the urge to sigh like some love-struck teenager. Turning back to the kitchen, he looked around. Everything was basically cleaned from their dinner, and put away. He flipped the light off as he headed out. Hesitating for a moment, he allowed himself to be drawn to Joanna's room again. Turning on the hallway light, he eased her door open and quietly made his way to her bed. She was in virtually the same position as before, her little arm hanging off the side. Gently tucking it back under the blankets, he perched on the edge of the mattress, studying her face.

Joanna favored his physical characteristics – the darker complexion, large, dark hazel eyes, dark lashes and hair, full lips…but under the baby fat, he could see that she had her mother's bone structure, including the little upturn to her nose. She was heartbreakingly beautiful.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered, placing his hand softly on the center of her body, feeling her breathe. Despite what Jim said, he should have known. He should have at least suspected that something was off.

Leonard sat there a few moments longer, just watching her…his daily reminder of how perfect life was…and made a silent promise to do better.

 

* * *

 

Joanna and Jim were running around the playground, Jim growling and threatening "I'm gonna get you little girl!" and Joanna shrieking with delight as she dodged Jim's clumsy lunges. Leonard watched with a huge smile on his face. He was to stay put and wait to be rescued from the monster (Jim) by the brave adventurer. Joanna jumped into an enclosed tube that she was small enough to crawl through on her hands and knees. Jim had to push himself on his belly by his feet and elbows. It snaked under the playground apparatus and let out mere feet from where he was being held captive. Apparently, his rescue was imminent.

They'd been at the park for quite a while. Joanna burst from the end near him, landing on the sandy ground right on her rear end. Joanna liberated from his cell and they rushed to freedom, which included climbing up to the curly slide and sliding down, while the monster lay stuck in the tube.

By the time they were back at base, Jim had worked himself free and was lamenting the loss of his dinner.

"Ten minutes, Jo, and then we'll all go get some real dinner, okay?"

"Okay Daddy! I'm gonna swing…watch how high I go!"

Tired and hot, both men settled on a park bench under a tree, right across from the swings. Leonard handed Jim a bottle of water from a little cooler he brought with him.

"Thanks. Whew…man, she's quite the workout. Now I get why you never go to the gym," Jim said and Leonard smiled.

"Yeah…running around in the sand for half hour is pretty much all the exercise I have the energy for anyway." He paused, looking over at Jim. "I've looked around for some doctors for Jo."

Jim turned to regard him with interest. "Yeah? Any luck?" 

Leonard inclined his head and gave a one-shouldered shrug. "Well, it just so happens that one of the leading otolaryngologists is actually in Atlanta, but I gave him a call and he was able to recommend someone out here. We've got an appointment for Friday afternoon."

"That's great. Do you…do you want me to come?" Jim asked hesitantly.

"You don't have to do that, Jim."

"I know I don't…but I'd be happy to."

Leonard took a drink from his water, considering. He knew Jim just wanted to be a part of their lives, and Leonard wanted that too…but he didn't want Jim to feel overburdened with them.

"Bones…," Jim said quietly into the silence. "I know you don't need me. I know that. And I'll understand if you don't want me to come, but I want to make sure you know that I  _want_  to be there for you and Joanna. I like being there for you…and I like knowing that you're here for me."

Leonard heard the sincerity in Jim's voice, and decided he had no reason to doubt him. Jim had offered. If he wasn't serious, he didn't have to say anything.

"Yeah, okay. I'd like you to be there. I just don't want you to feel like you have to be."

Jim reached over and squeezed Leonard's arm affectionately. "When are you gonna get it, Bones? There's no 'have to' here on my end."

 

* * *

 

Dinner at the eclectic, colorful Sassafras Tree had been…fun. And embarrassing. Leonard actually wasn't sure which was the better description. Apparently, Wednesday night was karaoke night, something that Jim swore up and down he absolutely did not know when he suggested this little family-run restaurant. At first, they thought it was going to be a problem for Joanna as she cringed with her hands over her ears at the doorway, until they realized they could eat outside on the porch and still be able to enjoy the "entertainment". And that was all well and good until Jim wanted to sing.

"I'm dedicating this song to my friend and his daughter…they're out on the porch…everyone wave!" He paused while the folks in the dining room did as he asked. "Bones, Joanna…wave back!"

Joanna looked like she wanted to duck under the table when everyone turned their attention to them, and Leonard thought he might just join her. He managed a wave, though, while Joanna stayed pressed to his side, watching. Jim then serenaded them with an…interesting rendition of Billy Joel's "Why Should I Worry?"

"I know that song!" Joanna said excitedly. "It's on one of my Disney movies! Oliver and Company!"

Jim was all smiles when he rejoined them at the table. Eventually, karaoke ended, and regular, quieter music was piped through the speakers. They watched as people got up to dance…kids, adults, it didn't matter. Joanna watched a father dancing with his daughter so intently, that despite the fact that Leonard  _did not dance_ ,he leaned over and asked Joanna to dance with him. At first, she'd shrunk back in her chair, shaking her head no. Jim nudged him and mouthed "just do it". Shrugging, he got up, took Joanna's hand and led her to the floor. She resisted, at first, walking stiffly, eyes darting around and she gripped Leonard's hand tightly. After a couple of moments, he urged her on his feet and they danced their very first dance to the rest of the song. Leonard didn't recognize the voice or the lyrics, but he caught the lines, "Now everything has changed. I'll show you love, I'll show you everything, with arms wide open" and felt it was very appropriate for both of them.

Now, Joanna was in bed. Leonard and Jim had each dealt with some work that needed to be done, taking turns on Leonard's computer to log in to McKinley's and San Fran Gen's networks, and now they were yawning in front of the television. They'd taken turns showering while the other was on the computer, so when they decided to call it a night, Leonard was comfortable with the idea of just going to bed. He was beat.

He lay down and groaned, his back protesting the stretch of the supine position. Sometimes he got really tight. He was sure all the running around at the park hadn't helped much. Swimming regularly helped to deal with that, but he wasn't comfortable using a community pool, and that's all they had here.

"What's wrong?" Jim asked, settling on the bed.

"I'm old." Leonard mumbled. Jim didn't even bother to dignify that with a response, so Leonard sighed and shifted. "Back's stiff. It's no big deal." 

Jim eyed him for a moment. "Take off your shirt and turn over," he said.

"What? Why?"

"I want to give you a massage…it'll help." 

Leonard hesitated, keeping his eyes closed. "Jim, you don't have…"

"I know. I want to. Just a massage, Bones."

After a moment, Leonard sat up and pulled his shirt off. He repositioned himself on his stomach, and felt Jim move next to him.

"Where does it hurt?" he asked.

"At my shoulders and the center."

"Not your lower back?"

"Not right now."

Kneeling beside Leonard, Jim pressed, kneeding tense muscles.

"Am I hurting you?" he asked as Leonard gasped.

"A little, but it's not you…I'm fine," he answered. Jim continued to press rhythmically. After a couple of minutes, Bones might've dozed a bit, and Jim's own back was starting to twinge because of the way he was leaning and focusing his weight. Without thinking twice about it, he swung a leg over Bones, allowing his weight to be supported more evenly by his knees and Bones' ass. The reaction was as immediate as it was unexpected.

Bones went from relaxed to stiff and arched, arms coming up to press himself up, in the space of a heartbeat.

"Wh-what are you doing? Jim, get off. Get off!"

"Bones, what? Did I hurt you? I'm sorry…" Jim shifted so all his weight was on his knees, and Leonard immediately pushed himself up, nearly knocking Jim sideways.

"Damnit Jim, let me up!"

"Okay…I'm sorry. Are you all right?" Withdrawing completely, Jim watched as Leonard sat up, turning away from Jim to sit at the edge of the bed. He tried and failed to suppress a shudder.

"I'm fine," Leonard said, his voice strained. He stood. "I – I just…need the bathroom."

Silently, Jim watched as Bones crossed the room to the bathroom, closing and locking the door behind him without a single glance in Jim's direction.

Left by himself, Jim contemplated the closed door, and labeled the tone of voice he'd heard from Bones in those few seconds.

Panicked.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Leonard battles traumatic memories from his past, Jim tries to make him understand that he won't be pushed away.

_Leo was drunk. He knew he was drunk in that kind of detached sort of way…vaguely aware, but unconcerned. Somehow though, it seemed a little wrong. He didn't think he'd had that much before he left. Someone was crawling on the bed with him._ When did I go to bed?  _He found it amusing that he couldn't remember and chuckled._

" _What's funny?"_

_Leo's brows furrowed in confusion…who was that?_ " _Can't 'member," he murmured, turning his head, pressing his other cheek to the pillow that didn't smell like his, blinking his eyes open. He smiled as he caught sight of Michael._

" _Hey, you're here," he said, words running together over clumsy lips. Michael propped himself up on an elbow, looking down at Leo._

" _This is my room…where else would I be? Wanna have some fun?"_

_Leo tried to get his brain to keep up with the conversation._ "' _M drunk," Leo said, trying, and failing, to push himself up._

_Michael snorted._ " _You're such a kid. You're not drunk. You're just…really relaxed."_

"Bones?" Jim knocked on the door softly, jolting him out of the memory that was fuzzy around the edges…more like the memory of a nearly-forgotten nightmare…but still enough to make him sick. "I just want to make sure you're okay."

Leonard braced himself over the sink, not even wanting to glance at his reflection in the mirror. He took a deep breath, let it out slowly, trying to calm his racing heart and shake off the ghosts of the past. Did it again, and again, until the shivering stopped,  _needing_  to get himself under control. This was ridiculous. He was being ridiculous. He couldn't stay in the bathroom all night. Jim was out there…waiting for him.  _Jim_ , not Michael. Leonard's stomach did an uncomfortable flip and he squeezed his eyes closed, waiting for the unsettled feeling to pass. He scrubbed a hand over his face, feeling a chill as a cold sweat dried on his skin.

"Bones, please. Please just let me know that you're okay." Jim knocked again, the sound a little more urgent this time.

Jim was concerned, Leonard could hear it. Jim was concerned about  _him._  And of course he was…because this was  _Jim_. But Leonard couldn't move; couldn't open the door. As if all his other crap wasn't enough, now Jim had seen this too, and he couldn't stand the thought of it…the shame, seeing the pity… and he didn't want to talk about it. He could tell Jim to go home. Maybe he'd do that. Say he was sick, didn't want him to catch it. He wouldn't even have to open the door to do that. He could just stay in here and wait till he heard the alarm beep when Jim opened the door to leave.

"Bones, if you don't say something to let me know you're all right, I  _will_ be coming in, whether or not you open this door," Jim said firmly, and Leonard heard the concern ratcheting up into fear. For him. Because Jim cared about him. Leonard moved closer to the door, putting his hand on the doorknob, but not unlocking it. Not yet. Leonard rested his forehead against the wood.

"I-I'm coming. Please. Just…give me a minute," Leonard said. 

Jim closed his eyes, and felt his body sag a little at the relief. "Okay, Bones. It's okay. I'll wait," he said, keeping his tone calm.

Leonard's legs were still shaky…he needed to sit. He let himself slide down the door to sit on the floor, the memory dragging him under, cutting off his air and allowing darkness that he'd fought so hard to forget to close in.

" _You're not drunk. You're just…really relaxed," Michael said. He slid his hands under Leo's shirt from the bottom, bunching it up under his arms. Michael repositioned Leo's arms and pulled the shirt off, not being particularly careful as he dragged it over his head. With a tremendous amount of effort, Leo managed to get his brain to cooperate._

"' _M not feelin' good…leave me 'lone," he said, squeezing his eyes closed against a rising tide of nausea._

" _You're fine," Michael replied, from somewhere near Leo's feet. "Everything's fine. I'm just going to make you more comfortable."_

_Blinking, trying to clear the fog that had settled around his brain, Leo was suddenly aware that Michael was pulling at his feet…removing his shoes. "_

_Always so fucking tense…time I get something out of this," Michael muttered, obviously not talking to Leo. Michael shoved his hands under Leo at this waist, pulling at the button and zipper of his jeans. The feel of them being pulled down his legs roused Leo again, for the first time fear sharp enough to cut through the miasma of confusion and lethargy making him cry out._

Jim stood on the other side, hand on the doorknob. He tested it again…still locked. At least Bones had finally responded to him.

A sound like a choked off sob came from the other side of the door, much lower than where Jim was standing, he realized. Slowly, Jim sat, cross-legged in front of the door, leaning his forehead against the wood.

"Bones," he said, his heart in his throat at hearing his distress. "I'm so, so sorry…I didn't mean to upset you."

Swallowing hard, Bones squeezed his eyes closed and gently thumped his head on the door. He did not want Jim blaming himself for something that was his own damn fault.

Jim sighed softly, resting his head on his hands. He knew a triggered reaction when he saw one, and the thoughts of what could make Bones react that way swirled in his head, making him heartsick and making him want to lash out against the person he was sure was behind this. He thought back to that night, when Bones had offered a little information about Michael. He'd said that he wasn't a nice guy, and that it wasn't really a relationship…but he'd also said that they'd hooked up a few times. So, what had happened? It was obvious to Jim that some kind of abuse had taken place. After a few more minutes, he heard the water running in the sink. Eventually, the lock turned and Jim jumped up, quickly retrieving Bones' shirt from beside the bed. Bones would be feeling exposed and vulnerable…not being half-naked would help.

Leonard opened the door slowly, wishing he could somehow rewind and start this part of the night over. It had been a perfect day, and he had to go screw it up like this. He just…couldn't get the memories to stop. And he needed to see it was  _Jim_  out here before he lost it completely. He kept his eyes down, not even able to bear the thought of seeing that concern, and the questions he knew must be swirling in Jim's blue eyes.

"Hey," Jim said softly. He held Bone's shirt out to him. He took it gratefully and quickly pulled it over his head. Jim studied Bones, took in his closed posture and the expression on his face, saw the way his eyes were averted. He was pale and he looked frightened. Jim had scared him. He hated that he'd scared Bones, and he wanted to know why. He very much wanted to ask, but he could tell this wasn't the time. He was afraid that all of Bones' defenses were up, and if he asked, he'd just be brushed aside. Jim wanted to hold him, the way Bones had held him, and wrap him up in comfort and reassurance, and let him know that whatever it was, he didn't have to be alone with it anymore, and he didn't have to be afraid of it. But, Jim wasn't sure how he'd react to any physical advances right now…even purely platonic touch.

After a moment, Jim moved away from him, and only then did Bones cross the threshold from the bathroom into his bedroom. Jim sat on the edge of the bed, wondering what to do, how to handle this. The silence stretched brittle and thin between them, until Jim offered Bones the one thing he absolutely did not want, but maybe Bones was waiting for.

"Should I…do you want me to go?" Jim asked quietly.

"No," Bones answered quickly, surprising both of them. He glanced up at Jim uncertainly, crossing his arms over himself protectively, waiting for…whatever questions he was sure Jim wanted to ask, unsure if he would be able to answer. Leonard took a breath and seemed to gather himself. "I don't, uh, – you probably have, um…questions," he said hesitantly.

"Bones," he said quietly, "I'm only going to say this once…so hear me:" He paused, and Leonard nodded, keeping his eyes on the floor. "I want to know why I scared you, because I…care about you. But, I'm not going to ask, and I'm  _not_  going to walk away, because you are important to me." He stopped and got up, moving to stand directly in front of Bones. He ducked his head slightly, to catch Bones' downcast eyes. "And," he continued. "Because I know you care about me, I'm going to trust that you will tell me, when you can, so that we can move past it. Together. Whatever happened – whatever Michael did –" (and there was the confirming flinch) "you don't have to be alone with it anymore. Okay?"

Leonard swallowed hard, and said what he knew he should. "Yes." He didn't know if it would matter. Why would Jim want to stay with him. He was obviously damaged goods.

Everything Jim knew about dealing with…victims (god, he hated to think of Bones that way)...told him that he should absolutely not initiate physical contact during or following an episode like this. Disturbing memories and feelings would be too close to the surface, and the situation could be made worse, possibly inducing flashbacks or even violent reactions as the person tried to defend him or herself from a perceived threat. Everything Jim knew about victim care told him this. Everything Jim knew about Bones told him to hell with all that. One thing Jim had learned to do early in life was listen to his gut…no reason not to now.

Taking another step towards Bones, Jim wrapped his arms around him, providing that connection that Jim knew he'd lived without so long, but so obviously needed, even if he couldn't say it. Drawing Bones to him, Jim held him tightly, ignoring the tense muscles. After a couple of moments, Bones unfolded his arms between them, and tentatively snaked them around Jim's torso. Jim's chin rested over Bone's right shoulder, and he felt Bones rest his head on his left. A shudder passed though him, and his hands tensed convulsively at Jim's back, bunching the shirt in his grip.

"It's okay," Jim whispered. Bones made a small sound of disbelief in the back of his throat. "It is, Bones. It's okay.  _You're_ okay. I'm not going anywhere…and you are okay."

_I'm not,_  Leonard thought.  _I'm not, and maybe I'll never be…and what will you do then?_

Leonard realized he was clinging, and made himself let go and pull back a little. Jim responded immediately, also pulling away.

"I'm sorry I acted like a complete idiot," Leonard said, trying, and failing, to maintain eye contact.

"No…no, Bones. You didn't act like a complete idiot. You acted like someone who had a memory from a bad experience triggered, and that's all." He cut himself off from apologizing again. He'd said he was sorry once already, when he was caught up in Bones' distress and was feeling pretty distressed himself. Fact is, though, apologizing for someone else's reaction gave them someone to blame…whether they realized it or not…and made it easier for them to excuse themselves from discussing what needed to be discussed. He'd promised that he wouldn't ask about it, but he also wasn't about to give Bones any excuses for not talking to him, either.

"Yeah, bad memories still rattling around…" he sighed wearily, and went to lay down on the bed. Jim stayed where he was, not certain he'd be welcome. Once he was settled, Bones realized Jim was still standing in the middle of the room. "Are you…don't you want to go to bed?"

"I wasn't sure you'd want me there, Bones," Jim replied truthfully.

"The fact that it's you here is what made me want to come out of the bathroom," Leonard replied candidly.

Jim was surprised at the direct statement, and realized that his weariness and earlier panic had taken quite an emotional toll, lessening some of his inhibitions.

"I'm not going to flip out on you," he continued, wanting to at least make sure that Jim knew how much he was wanted.

Jim smiled, feeling some of the tension in his chest loosen. "Well, good. I only handle one flip out per day, then I start charging for my services," he said lightly. "Move over."

Instead of getting into the bed behind Bones, Jim crawled in on Bones' side, so he could position themselves to lie his back to Bones' front. Despite his assurance that he wasn't going to flip out again, Jim didn't want to risk it by being pressed up against Bones' back. Leonard huffed as he scooted back, moving to the second pillow in the bed, to give him room to lie down. Jim snapped off the light, and settled himself as Bones draped an arm around his waist.

True to his word, Jim did not ask anything about what had upset him, though he'd made it clear earlier that he knew Michael at least had something to do with it. Now, though, lying in the dark, wrapped around Jim's reassuring, solid presence and warmth, he almost wished he would ask. Lying there, Leonard came to the surprising realization that, even though he hated talking about it, he  _wanted_ Jim to know.

He'd never told anyone. Back then, as a confused, inexperienced seventeen year old, he couldn't even think of telling anyone…he'd been too ashamed to talk to a counselor, even though he'd recognized he probably should have. Telling his parents was out of the question. He'd imagined his father would tell him he'd deserved it, and worse, for being involved in something so  _wrong._ And he couldn't even bear to think of trying to tell his mother…of what she would think of him. Michael graduated that year anyway, so he didn't have to worry about running across him on campus and figured he could just employ the out of sight, out of mind method of getting over something.

But it didn't take long to realize that wasn't going to work. The nightmares, for one, were debilitating. Also, people knew that he'd been with Michael, and that they'd broken up, so they assumed he was available. Any interest anyone showed in him made his pulse quicken with something that went beyond nerves. So, he withdrew into himself and concentrated on his studies, doubling his course load. A year or so later, a cousin introduced him to Jocelyn, and that was it. Leonard hid in a relationship and marriage for the next several years, and then used his daughter as a shield, and now, somehow, Jim was in his life. How he had managed to get past Leonard's defenses so easily was a mystery to him, but now, with the wisdom of nearly a decade and a half under his belt, he recognized a gift when he saw one.

Jim lay still and quiet, eyes closed, waiting. Bones' grip on him had grown slightly tighter, and he could feel his breathing quicken against the back of his neck. He was pretty sure Bones was working himself up to say something about what had happened earlier, and Jim didn't want to do anything that would stop that from happening. He needed to talk about it if this was going to work, and Jim had enough faith in the idea that Bones wanted it to work enough that he would manage to bring himself to open up, no matter how uncomfortable it was.

"Jim…you awake?" Bones whispered.

"Yes."

"About Michael…" Bones paused and Jim felt him take a steadying breath. Opening his eyes and pressing his lips together, Jim took Bones' hand and held it tightly. "I – he did something to me…put something in my drink. And, I don't really remember much in between, but he brought me back to his place. I remember…not knowing how I got there." Bones went silent for a couple of seconds, his breathing sounding tight and controlled. "He, um…he was going to r-…He tried to..to force me. But he didn't."

Jim squeezed his eyes shut and bit his tongue to keep himself from interrupting. Bones couldn't even say what had almost happened.

"I was almost asleep, I think," Bones continued, and Jim caught the change in his tone of voice. Now he was talking about today. "Drifting…not really asleep or awake…and when you rested your weight on me…I don't know…it…"

"It triggered you," Jim said. Bones heaved a sigh that rushed over Jim's neck and ear.

"Yeah."

Jim was quiet for a couple of minutes, listening as Bones relaxed, and feeling his grip around him get a little less fierce. When Bones let go enough that Jim could move, he shifted, turning so they were face to face. He kissed Bones, running his fingers down the side of his face, through his hair, gently gripping the back of his neck…feeling relief and joy when Bones responded, kissing him back and without reservation

"Thank you for telling me," Jim said, when they broke apart.

"That's not…everything."

"I know."

"I will tell you all of it. I want to. It's just…" Bones shrugged and let his head be guided to Jim's shoulder, reveling in the feeling of safety and belonging…and love.

"I know."


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joanna makes some observations that put things into perspective.

The next morning, Jim was already awake when the alarm went off. He reached out and switched it off immediately. He felt Bones shift beside him, but his breathing remained slow and deep. Carefully, Jim sat up and yawned, rubbing a hand over his head. He was exhausted. Last night was exhausting…it was no wonder Bones was still sound asleep. Jim had slept some, but he kept waking up, things from his own past that he'd long put away coming back to the forefront of his mind. A typical response to the stress from the night before, he knew; but knowing did little to ease the insomnia. Most nights, he'd get up and read or watch tv, but he'd been too comfortable to seriously entertain the thought of getting up. Careful not to jostle the bed too much, he stood and tucked the covers back over Bones. He could take care of Joanna for a bit.

A few minutes later, he quietly exited the bedroom dressed for the day, carrying his duffel bag and his sneakers. Padding down the hall in stockinged feet, he opened Joanna's bedroom door, thinking that she would rouse on her own as she heard him moving around in the kitchen. Peering in, he couldn't help but smile…Joanna was lying facing the door, her knees tucked under her and her rear end in the air. _That does not look comfortable at all,_ he thought. In the living room, he turned on the tv, finding a channel with cartoons…Jimmy Newton, or something like that…and turned it up enough that Joanna would be able to hear it with her bedroom door open.

In the kitchen, he pulled out the basics for breakfast; a couple of boxes of cereal, milk and juice. If Joanna wanted something else, he'd deal with that then. Setting some coffee on, he turned back around and jumped…nearly dropping the bowls and glasses. Joanna was standing right by the kitchen table in her purple nightgown, hair tousled. She hadn't made a sound.

"Good grief, Jo!" he exclaimed. "You gotta stop scaring me so early in the morning!" Joanna didn't answer, but was looking between him and the table that was ready for breakfast.

"What are you doing here?" she asked. Jim paused arranging the glassware on the table and glanced back up at her. She didn't sound particularly thrilled to see him, but she didn't look upset. Maybe more puzzled. "Did you sleep over?"

"Uh…well, yes," he replied.

"Where?" she asked. _Oh, shit_ , Jim thought. He didn't want to lie to her, but he wasn't sure how to answer that. Then she looked confused. "Is my daddy here?"

"Yes," he replied immediately, relieved that she'd asked something that he could answer easily. "But he's…" Jim trailed off as Joanna turned and left the kitchen, presumably to go find her father. Jim sighed. _Well, that didn't go exactly as I had planned_. He hoped that she wasn't upset that he was there, and that she was just taken by surprise at finding someone else in the kitchen. A couple of minutes later the coffee was done. Jim poured two cups, adding the one sugar he knew Bones liked, and carried them back to the bedroom.

Joanna had left the door open a bit and he smiled at the sight that greeted him. Joanna was curled up on top of her dad's chest, held in place by his arms around her, one hand gently stroking her hair. Bones caught sight of Jim at the door with the cups of coffee in his hands.

"Good morning," he said.

"Morning," Jim replied, coming into the room. He nearly sat on the edge of the bed, but changed his mind, placed Bones' mug on the bedside table and remained standing. "Sleep well?"

"Surprisingly, yes. I'd just woken up when Joanna decided to use of the bed as a trampoline." He poked Joanna's sides, making her squirm and giggle. Working herself free of her father's grip, she slid off the side of the bed and to the floor. Pushing the blankets away, Bones sat up and retrieved the mug from the table. "Thanks for the coffee," he said, taking a sip.

"Mr. Kirk was in the kitchen," Joanna said, a slight edge of something Jim couldn't quite place in her voice. It sounded…very out of place on her. Bones raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, yeah? What was he doing in there? Was he using the sink to wash frogs he found in the backyard?" 

Joanna tried to keep a straight face, but couldn't manage it for long. "No, Daddy!" she said giggling. "I did that!"

"Oh, that's right…" Bones said, looking as if he'd just remembered. "When you told me you were washing your hands!" Joanna giggled again. "So…what was Mr. Kirk doing in the kitchen?"

"Fixin' breakfast," she said…now sounding a bit puzzled as to why she thought this was a problem in the first place.

"Well, that sounds really nice of Mr. Kirk, doesn't it? Did you thank him?"

"Um…not yet," she replied. Bones looked at her expectantly.

"Thank you Mr. Kirk," she said, looking up at him. 

"You're very welcome."

Jim offered her a full smile. "Did you eat yet, Jo?" Bones asked.

"Not yet…"

"Well, go on. We don't want to be late. I'll be out in just a minute." Joanna looked between them for a moment, as if she were trying to figure something out.

"I made you a bowl of Lucky Charms and some juice. It's in your spot," Jim said, hoping to hurry her along a bit. The way she was acting was making him a little nervous.

"Okay," she said suddenly, turning and skipping out of the room. Once she was gone, Jim turned and gave Bones a look. He nodded slightly.

"Yeah, we're gonna have to deal with that sooner rather than later," he said. Dropping his gaze, he fiddled with the coffee cup in his hand. "Uh…Jim, about last night. I just wanted to say, you know…thanks." 

Jim set his coffee down and sat on the bed, facing Leonard. "Bones, I don't think you realize how brave you are. You were stuck in the middle of a panic attack brought on by a memory I caused. I know," Jim said, holding up a hand when Bones looked up, a denial on his face. "It wasn't my fault…but my actions did cause it. And still, you didn't ask me to leave. You had no hesitation at all sharing a bed with me. And you even managed to talk about it. That's remarkable. You're remarkable. So you don't have to thank me for anything."

"Well, you're the reason I was able to do any of that," Leonard said quietly. He looked up, meeting Jim's eyes, a faint flush on his face. "Because I meant it when I said I want you in my life, and damned if I'm going to let something some punk kid did more than ten years ago get in the way of that."

 

* * *

 

"Joanna, come on up here for a minute," Leonard said, patting the couch next to him. "I want to talk to you about something."

"Okay Daddy," Joanna left the Lego village she and Jim were building and climbed up next to him. Jim levered himself up and sat in the chair next to the couch. After discussing it with Jim, Leonard had decided to tell Joanna about what they thought might be wrong and how she would be tested for it the day before going. He didn't want to give his daughter too much time to develop anxious feelings about the impending test, but had agreed that simply springing it on her the day of was also not the way to go. Jim reasoned that if they spoke about it the night before and dealt with any immediate questions or fears, Joanna would be more inclined to be cooperative during the exam. It wasn't invasive, but it did require communication with the doctor, and obviously that could be a challenge for her. Since he was going to be coming with them to the doctor tomorrow, he'd asked if Jim would come over tonight to be a part of the conversation.

Jim was surprised at how happy it made him to be included like this…as a part of dinners, a part of outings, and a part of things like this. It made him feel like he was really becoming part of Leonard's family…he doubted Bones truly understood how much that meant to him.

"So, you know how sometimes certain noises seem really loud to you?" Leonard asked. Joanna nodded, glancing at Jim uncertainly. "Well, tomorrow, we're going to go visit a doctor who knows a lot about ears and how they hear. He's gonna try to figure out if we can help some of the sounds hurt your ears less."

Joanna bit her lip and played the ruffled fringe of her yellow sock.

"Don't loud sounds hurt your ears too, Daddy?"

Leonard met Jim's eyes over her head. He could see that Jim was surprised…Leonard wasn't. He knew the way his baby girl's thought processes worked.

"No, darlin'," Leonard answered truthfully. "Not like yours do." He paused… "Remember when you and Jim took the train home?" Joanna nodded. "Well, most of the time the sound of a train coming isn't too loud. But it was really loud for you, wasn't it?"

"Yes," she said.

"Well, the doctor might be able to help you so that you can ride on a train and not have to worry about how loud it's going to be."

"How?"

"How is the doctor going to help your ears?"

"Yes."

"Well, he's going to have you listen to some sounds and tell him when you think they are okay, and when they are too loud. He's probably going to have you wear headphones."

"You know the headphones you use when we working in the computer lab?" Jim added. Joanna nodded. "Headphones like that."

"That's right," Leonard said. "Does that all sound okay to you?"

"Can you come with me?" Joanna asked.

"Of course I can. And Mr. Kirk is going to come, too. And afterwards, maybe we'll visit the toy store and see if we can find that hamster thing you want."

"Daddy," Joanna said, rolling her eyes in exasperation. "They're Zhu Zhu Pets…not hamster things!"

"Well, excuse me missy!" he said, reaching to tickle her. She giggled, trying to kick his hands away.

"Wait, wait! I have a question!" she gasped around her laughter. Leonard let up, and she pushed herself back into a sitting position. "I have a question for Mr. Kirk."

"What's that, Joanna-banana?" 

She turned back to him, a little smile on her face. "Are you gonna sleep over again tonight?"

Jim glanced at Leonard, who simply looked back, amusement creasing his eyes slightly. "Uh…no, I don't think so for tonight," he replied with a little shrug.

"How come?" Joanna sounded innocent, but Jim swore he was being teased.

"Well, I have my own place, and I thought I would stay there tonight."

"Can I call you something else when you're here?" she asked.

Jim looked over at Leonard, raising his eyebrows. This wasn't something they'd discussed yet. As a matter of fact, Joanna seemed to be a couple steps ahead of their "official" discussions as they pertained to their growing relationship. Things had just happened so naturally, he supposed they just took some things for granted. Communicating over Joanna's head with eyes and shoulders, Leonard looked back at his little girl.

"Why do you want to call Mr. Kirk something else?" he asked. 

Joanna shrugged. "Cause when he's here, it doesn't feel like my teacher," she said. "You're boyfriends now, right? Like Kimmie told Janie?"

"Uh…well…I--" Leonard cut himself off, glaring at Jim who was laughing behind his hand. "Jim. What do you think? Are we boyfriends now?"

Jim choked on a laugh, eyes going wide as Joanna turned to look at him. He cleared his throat and did his best to school his face into a more serious expression.

"Well, I think we are, Joanna. What do you think about that?" Jim said.

"Umm…I think it's funny!" she said. "Can we finish the making the village now?" She was already getting off the couch and sitting back on the floor. "Can…Uncle Jim…" she glanced up at him shyly, waiting for a reaction at her appropriation of Janie's name for him. Jim gave her a big smile and took his place on the floor. Leonard watched as the two of them made room for each other, around the Legos and otherwise, and smiled with satisfaction.

They had other things they were going to have to address…making sure that Joanna could separate Jim's relationship with her at home versus at school (at least for this year) for one; helping her cope with the significant issues that inevitably surrounded children whose parents were in a same-sex relationship, another. Leonard knew that he had his own ton of shit issues to still deal with, and Jim had been candid with him as far as his stepfather's impact on his personal relationships. And of course, there were the professional considerations that Jim had to deal with that didn't necessarily apply to him.

None of it little stuff, by any means. But watching Jim and his daughter building Lego houses, he knew that none of it was insurmountable, and all of it definitely worth it.

 

* * *

 

Leonard, Joanna, and Jim sat in the waiting room of the otolarynologist who'd been recommended to him by his colleague in Atlanta. It was just this side of uncomfortably warm, no doubt to cater to the older folks sharing the space with them. They were, by far, the youngest people there. They'd garnered quite a few contemptuous looks when Leonard entered, holding Joanna's hand. He'd glared at them, daring them to utter just one thing about his daughter's presence. No one did. The waiting room wasn't particularly full, and Jim led them over to three chairs that were away from where the majority of the patients sat.

Leaving Joanna with Jim, Leonard went up to the window to announce their presence, was given a clipboard with about twenty pages for him to fill out, and was told the doctor was running behind and would be with him as soon as he could. Leonard nodded. _Terrific,_ he thought. Having been in that position as the doctor before, he knew what that meant. Thank god Jim had had the foresight to bring some things with him from his classroom to keep Joanna busy.

"It might be a while," he said, sitting down. Jim nodded, eyes taking in the others in the waiting room.

"So…I take it this guy doesn't specialize in pediatrics," Jim murmured. 

Leonard snorted. "What gave it away? The octogenarians, the elevator muzak, or the mauve and tan color scheme?"

 Jim smiled. "All of the above. What's his name again?"

"Dr. Something-foreign-I-can't-pronounce Spock," Leonard answered.

"Really? He's not related to Dr. Benjamin Spock, is he?"

"Who the hell is that? I don't know," Leonard grumbled, annoyed at the amount of information he was supposed to enter about Jocelyn's family history. Were his own forms ever this tedious? He hoped not, but suspected they probably were.

"Daddy, you said a bad word again," Joanna said from her chair between them, eyes glued to her book.

"Sorry sweetie," he replied automatically.

"You know the quote, parenting expert," though Jim's tone of voice suggested he thought he was anything but an expert. "He wrote book back a number of years back that caught on like wildfire, and was just as damaging too."

"No idea, but I'll make sure he doesn't critique my parenting skills anyway." It took Leonard a good 10 minutes to finish the forms, and when he brought them back to the receptionist, he asked for an estimation of time they might be waiting. He was quite sure this was probably the hundredth time she'd been asked that question today, and he wasn't surprised at the standard response.

"Dr. Spock had an emergency with a patient to tend to this morning and it's set him back today. He will be with you as soon as he can. Thank you for your patience."

"Right," Leonard sighed. "Look, that's what I tell my receptionist to say to my patients, too. How long?" Puzzled, she glanced down at the information he'd supplied. Dr. Leonard McCoy, San Francisco General Hospital, Neurology Department. Looking back up at him, she offered a conciliatory smile.

"Probably about another half an hour. Does your little girl want some paper to color on? I think I have markers back here…" she said, turning away to open a drawer.

"No, thank you ma'am, she's fine right now. Thank you, though," he said. The receptionist smiled and he turned back to the chairs.

Keeping Joanna busy was fairly easy. She read for a while, and then Jim asked her to tell him about the story. She sat on the floor to work on a puzzle, and then did some coloring in a book he'd thought to grab on the way out of the room. It was actually about 45 minutes later when they were finally called.

"Joanna McCoy, if you'll come with me," a nurse in subdued gray scrubs said to the room at large, looking around for the patient. Joanna stood and reached for her father's hand. Jim gathered their materials and they filed back down a long hallway to an exam room. "The doctor will be with you shortly," she said, and left them, closing the door behind her. This was not a typical exam room, and Joanna's eyes were fixed on an enclosed booth that looked somewhat like a photo booth, except it had an actual door, not a drape.

"What's that?" she asked pointing. Leonard didn't know for sure, but he could hazard a guess.

"I believe that's where you sit to test how your ears hear," he explained. "It's very, very quiet in there, so you'll only hear the sounds the doctor wants you to hear."

Jim leaned against the counter, watching Joanna's reactions. He could see that she was pulling into herself a little more, probably because she was feeling nervous.

"Hey Joanna, let's sing the hole song for your dad! I bet he'd like it!"

"Yeah! Daddy, you don't know that song do you?"

"Whole song?" Leonard asked, confused.

"Yup, the hole song," Joanna said, smiling. "Sit down Daddy. You be the first, Uncle Jim."

Not one to be embarrassed about much of anything, be felt himself flush as he cleared his throat. For some reason, this felt different from singing karaoke at a busy restaurant.

"There once was a tree," Jim sang.  
"There once was a tree," Joanna echoed.  
"The prettiest little tree"  
"The prettiest little tree"  
"That you ever did see"  
"That you ever did see"

And together they sang, "Oh, the tree in the hole and the hole in the ground, and the green grass grows all around all around, and the green grass grows all around."

By the time they got to the twig on the bough on the branch on the limb on the tree in the hole, the doctor entered.  _Thank god_ , Leonard thought. He didn't know who invented that song, but it sounded like something that damn purple dinosaur would've sung. Though, it did do a good job of distracting Joanna, so he supposed he couldn't hate it too much.

"Hello Dr. McCoy," he said, bowing slightly.

"Dr. Spock," he replied, stopping himself from holding out his hand to shake when he realized that probably wasn't going to happen. "Thank you for seeing us on such short notice. This is Jim Kirk…Joanna's teacher," he said, indicating Jim.

"But he's not my teacher now, so I call him Uncle Jim," Joanna piped up. "You look strange."

"Joanna! That's not being polite," Leonard said quickly. Of course she had to choose now to become talkative. He flushed and looked over at Jim, who was trying not to smile. And failing.  _Ass._

"Indeed," Dr. Spock said, eyes traveling over both men under an arched brow. His eyes landed on Joanna. "I assure you, Miss McCoy, I am well within the norm for an individual with a background such as mine," he said drily. He then proceeded with the interview part of the exam, and if it wasn't obvious before, it certainly was now, that he didn't typically deal with children. He spoke very formally, as many individuals who did not learn English as first language often did, and as he continued to ask questions about what Joanna had experienced in her daily life, she got less and less responsive. Often Jim or Leonard would translate what he was asking her from Spock-speak to kid-speak, and Jim was able to augment her answers with his observations in the classroom. Finally, when it became obvious to Leonard that they had maybe another fifteen minutes of cooperation from her, they were ready to move on to the boundary tests that would establish the outer limits of what was being processed as tolerable volume.

"No, Daddy. I don't want to," she said, peering into the booth from behind her father's leg.

"It's okay, Darlin'…just like sitting in a booth to get your picture taken. Remember that day down on the pier?"

"But, it's dark!"

"There is a light," Dr. Spock said, turning it on. "The purpose of the booth is not to sit in darkness, but silence, so that I may get an accurate reading of the decibel levels you are able to comfortably process."

Leonard rolled his eyes. Why didn't he turn the damn light on before showing Joanna the inside of the small booth?

"Daddy, can you come in with me?"

"The purpose of the booth is to sit in silence," Dr. Spock repeated. "Having an additional individual in the booth is not conducive to that."

"Oh, come on, Dr. Spock," Jim said from his perch on the counter. "I doubt Bones is going to create a ruckus."

The staid doctor narrowed his eyes slightly at Jim, obviously annoyed, though he strove to not let it show on his face. Leonard wished he wouldn't antagonize the doctor who was doing him a favor by seeing his daughter.

"Very well," he said stiffly.

Grinning, Jim sat back as the simple procedure was explained. Joanna was to sit in the booth with headphones on, and every time a new sound was introduced press one of two buttons…green for acceptable, red for unacceptable.

The session took about half an hour, and at the end of it Joanna was cranky and tired. As they progressed, more and more of the tones were having her press the red button, and it eventually got to the point that she would press it too quickly for the sound to have really registered, simply because she anticipated it being uncomfortable. By the time they were finished, she was well and truly done.

"I want to go now!" she said, stamping her little foot as they stood at the counter on the way out. Leonard still had to schedule a follow up visit and deal with an insurance question, so Jim offered to take her outside. Grateful that she readily went along with that idea, he turned back to the counter.

"Long day?" the nurse asked sympathetically.

"That's puttin' it mildly," he replied.

"Dr. Spock doesn't deal with many children, but he is one of the best."

"Well, that's why we're here. Thanks," he said, taking his insurance card back.

"So, you're scheduled for next Friday to go over the results and talk about therapy options."

"We'll be here."

 

* * *

 

"Thanks for coming today," Leonard said, leaning against the counter in the kitchen. Joanna was bathed and in pajamas, falling asleep to a movie in the family room, her new brown hamster-thing tucked under her arm.

"No problem. I was glad to be there." He let his eyes travel over Leonard. "You guys have any plans this weekend?" 

Leonard snorted. "You know we don't. And if we did, they'd include you in some way." Jim grinned, easily, inclining his head, acknowledging the truth of that statement.

"It's been a while since Janie and Joanna have had the opportunity to get together. I bet they're ready to have some fun…and, hey, isn't it Aurelan's turn to take Joanna?" Jim added helpfully. Leonard grinned. "Besides, I think I'd like some time with my boyfriend."

"You're such an infant…I'll give her a call."

 


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The start of Jim and Leonard's weekend together gives them both the opportunity to open up a little more with details and admissions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **This part contains a description of a sexual assault. Please don't read it if you think it'll bother you. If you want, contact me and I'll send you an altered version, as that is not the only background information discussed in this part.**

Lying together on the couch, Jim turned on his side to fit with Leonard's arm around him, Leonard watched Jim with amusement as he laughed out loud at the antics of the actors on the screen.

"You really like this," Leonard observed, unable to keep a smile off his face as he gave Jim's shoulders a gentle squeeze. Jim wiped his eyes, and looked up at him.

"Are you kidding Bones? This is Adam Sandler. He's hilarious!"

Leonard smiled and shook his head. The movie was amusing, but he wasn't getting quite the kick out of it that Jim was. Whatever. If he wanted to watch  _Happy Gilmore_  Leonard certainly wasn't going to complain. At least he was getting a break from Disney princess movies.

After dropping Joanna off at Janie's for the weekend, he'd picked up Jim. Without any real plans for the Saturday, they spent some time being unbelievably domestic, grocery shopping, running errands, Jim had to pick some things up for his classroom…nothing major. Later, they'd tried another restaurant for a relatively early dinner, and then back to Leonard's place, where they Jim had found that  _Happy Gilmore_  was playing on one of the cable stations. All in all, a very relaxing day.

But for all of that, Leonard never managed to feel particularly relaxed. Even though Jim hadn't once mentioned anything about his minor freak-out a couple of nights back, Leonard felt as if the memory of it was casting a pall over them. He also thought that Jim wasn't being quite as demonstrative with him…not as many kisses, and less of the flirting that he knew Jim had fun embarrassing him with. He knew it was probably just him, but still he couldn't shake the feeling that things were slightly different. To his surprise, he found he kind of  _wanted_ to bring it up, so that they could get back to the way they were, and get on with their weekend.

"What's the matter Bones?" Jim asked suddenly, startling Leonard out of his thoughts. He looked away from the television that he wasn't really seeing to glance down at Jim. Leonard shrugged and shook his head.

"Nothing," he said. "Just thinking."

Jim regarded him for a moment. Whatever Bones'd been thinking about, the look he'd had on his face told him it wasn't nothing. After a moment, he pushed himself up, causing Leonard to grunt as most of his weight fell across his body as Jim stretched for the remote from the side table.

"Jesus Jim," Leonard huffed as Jim settled himself down again, clicking off the tv and shifting so that the majority of his weight was on the couch and not on him. "You trying to crush me? Why'd you turn off the movie?"

"I want to talk," he answered, as Leonard pushed himself up slightly from his slumped position.

"Talk? About what?"

"About whatever it is you wanted to talk about Bones," Jim replied. "You were thinking so hard, I could practically hear you."

"We talk entirely too much," he grumbled, conveniently putting aside the idea that he  _had_  wanted to talk just a couple of minutes ago. Jim just grinned at him and shrugged.

"What can I say, Bones? It's what I do." He kept his eyes on Bones' face, waiting to see if he would take the invitation. Two nights ago, Bones had locked himself in the bathroom in the grip of a flashback brought on by a trigger associated with a sexual assault. True to his word, and despite the fact that it made him want to explode, Jim hadn't once asked about the assault, about Michael, or about the flashback he'd experienced. And he wouldn't ask. But, he would make it easy for Bones to talk about on his own. After a couple of moments, Bones looked from wherever he'd been staring to Jim, who was watching him with a quietly expectant look on his face.

"I…I don't know what you want me to say, Jim," he said hesitantly. Jim reached a hand up to his face, gently tracing the semi-permanent frown lines on Bones' forehead. He didn't smile nearly enough.

"I want you to say whatever you want to say…whatever you want to tell me," Jim said softly.

Bones glanced away and swallowed. He knew what Jim wanted. Hell, it was what  _he_ wanted. But…once he was given the opening he'd been wishing he had, he found he couldn't make the words come.

"It's hard to talk about," Jim finally said. 

Bones nodded tightly. "Yeah."

"You've never talked about it with anyone. Not even Jocelyn."  _Not questions, in the strictest sense_ , Jim thought. 

Bones shook his head. "No. I just...I just couldn't."

Jim nodded. "I understand that," he said. "I haven't really told you much about why I've chosen the education and psychology track I did."

"No, you haven't," Bones replied, surprised (and more than a little grateful) at the shift in conversation. "I just assumed it was because you liked teaching and liked working with students with exceptionalities."

"Well, that's true," Jim said. "But that's not the reason I got into it." He paused. "I got into it because of Chrissy."

_Chrissy…why does that name…_  "Oh," Bones said. "Chrissy – genius or crazy." 

Jim looked at him in surprise. "How…?"

 Leonard shrugged. "I was checking out your books, came across the copy of _Alice in Wonderland_. Uh…sorry about that." 

"Oh, it's no problem. But, yes…that's the Chrissy I was talking about. She was my best friend when we were in middle school, Bones. She was so smart, and very kind-hearted. She used to share her lunch with me when there was nothing in the house to eat and Frank wouldn't give us money." He stopped and smiled to himself, staring into a memory. "And she had this obsession with Lewis Carroll – thought he was genius. I just thought he was a crackpot who got high." He stopped and looked back up at Leonard, his voice a little tight. "For some reason, some of the school assholes decided that she made a good target for them. They were awful to her…they called her a whore, they threw her books in the pond. Sometimes they got physical with her. Some of the girls would yank her hair hard as they walked by each other in the hallways, or grab her and snap her bra strap on her back."

"That's awful. Why would they do that to her?" Leonard asked.

 Jim shrugged. "We never knew. She never did anything to any of them…and none of the things they said about her was true. She'd never been on a date or anything like that, and the only person she ever hung around with was me."

"Did you get bullied too?" 

"No…no one messed with me or Sam. They knew we'd hit back if they tried anything, after one or two demonstrations, but I couldn't make them leave her alone. It went on for months, Bones. And she just dealt with it…or I thought she was." He sighed and closed his eyes, the hurt still present, even after all this time.

"One Saturday I just didn't want to deal with Frank anymore, so I went to her house to hang out. Her parents weren't home and the door was unlocked. I let myself in. I called for her, but she didn't answer me. I went upstairs. Her bedroom door was open, but the bathroom was locked. I knocked…and she didn't answer." He stopped, the emotion of the memory getting to him. "By the time I was able to force the door, it was too late."

Leonard closed his eyes for a moment… _I am such an asshole._ "Oh, Jim…I'm so sorry."

Jim roused himself and seemed to physically shake it off.

"It was a long time ago," he said. "But somewhere along the line, I decided that I would do my best to stop something like that from happening to other kids. Our teachers doled out detentions and punishments when they caught them doing something to her, but they couldn't stop it, and there were no resources to help at the corner of "No" and "Where", Iowa back then. But now, teachers have the help of school psychologists, and they can be taught to recognize warning signs in students, and some better, more effective intervention techniques. I just…don't want to feel helpless in a situation like that ever again," he admitted.

"And then…I had to go and lock myself in the bathroom," Leonard muttered. Jim looked at him, his blue eyes uncharacteristically serious.

"Yes," Jim said. "Bones, I know it's hard to talk about stuff that has such a huge effect on you. And I know it's not the same, but I  _still_  have a hard time talking about Frank and Chrissy. But I also know that I can talk about it with you. And I just want to make sure that you really know that you can talk about it with me."

Leonard nodded, slowly, looking away from the intensity of Jim's gaze. He licked his lips nervously, took a breath.

"When he…Michael… got me back to his place…" Leonard stopped, shifting uncomfortably. He started over. "I met him at a rush event one of my friends dragged me to. He paid a lot of attention to me, flirted with me. He was handsome and smart, on the medical track as well, and he was interested in the things I was comfortable talking about. We went out a couple of times, and we made out…it was really the first time I'd done anything like that, and it was exciting and… forbidden, especially in my family. But he was...impatient. He was always pushing me to do more with him…um, sexually, I mean." He stopped and Jim nodded encouragingly, keeping his face carefully blank. "I kept putting him off…kept it to heavy make-out sessions and petting…but nothing else. And, I guess, he just got…tired of waiting for me to 'relax and loosen up,' as he always put it."

_Well that explains a lot,_  Jim thought. He'd wondered at Bones' inability to understand that Jim truly was willing to wait for him. He thought it was because he didn't believe him. But now, with this information about Michael, Bones constant worry about not moving fast enough made sense. Bones seemed stalled, staring a point on the floor. Jim decided to give him a little push.

"So, you think he put something in your drink."

Leonard swallowed, and nodded. "I know he did. I'd only had one drink…and I didn't drink often, but I knew what being drunk felt like, and this wasn't it. I couldn't move. I could barely talk coherently. Michael…he…I tried to tell him to stop. But I couldn't make him. He pulled off my clothes…" He trailed off and Jim moved to take his hand. It was sweaty. He gave it a reassuring squeeze. Bones closed his eyes.

"No…Bones…look at me," Jim said, waiting until he complied before continuing. "They're just memories. Memories of a horrible thing…but just memories. Tell me about them, but stay here. Don't get lost in them."

Bones nodded. He was gripping Jim's hand tightly, using the physical point to ground him, though Jim didn't think he realized that.

"I told him to stop," he said lowly, shame coloring his voice. "But he wouldn't. He turned me over…tried to make me hard, but he couldn't…I was too scared, or the drugs, I don't know. They started to make me sick. He flipped me back over…and then, then I heard the sound of the zipper on his pants. It sounded so loud. I couldn't even breathe. He…he tried to use his fingers." Bones shuddered at the remembered panic and pain. He was vaguely aware that he was breathing as if he'd been running…he felt like he was slipping out of control.

"You're okay, Bones," Jim murmured. He sounded really far away. "Open your eyes…look at me." He hadn't even realized his eyes were closed, the scenes playing out in front of him were so vivid. Jim continued to talk soothingly, easing him through the panic. Bones kept his eyes on Jim. "Shh…take a breath…hold it…let it out slowly…there you go. Do it again." After a couple of minutes, the panic was gone.

"Sorry," Bones said, flushing uncomfortably. He still felt a little sick. Jim shook his head.

"Nothing to be sorry for. It's normal. This is the first time you're telling this story out loud. It's going to have an effect on you. That's just the way we're made."

Leonard gave him a small smile. "You're pretty good at this," he said.

Jim raised his eyebrows innocently. "At what?"

Leonard just rolled his eyes. "Come on, Jim. I know exactly what you're doing," he said.

Jim shrugged, giving him a slightly guilty look. "Busted," he said.

"It's okay," Leonard replied. "I – I don't think I could do this with anyone else." 

Jim nodded. "I understand." They were both quiet for a moment, giving Bones a chance to center himself again.

"He never got any further," Bones said softly. "I threw up, all over the place. Managed to push myself up when he got off me to get away from the mess. He just…he looked pissed and disgusted. Called me cocktease and a slut, said I wasn't worth it anyway…stormed out."

"What did you do?" Jim asked, striving not to react to the anger bubbling in his chest. Unaware of the intensity of what Jim was feeling on his behalf, Bones just shrugged.

"I still felt so weak, all I could manage to do was fix my clothes and call 9-1-1. I couldn't stop throwing up…just told the EMT's I thought I'd been drugged at a club. Turns out, it was GHB, and I was allergic to it."

"Did they try to get you to press charges?" 

"I guess. I wasn't physically hurt anywhere they could see…and I certainly wasn't admitting to anything. I just told them I didn't know who'd done it and my friend who dropped me at his room just thought I was drunk and didn't realize anything was wrong." Jim sighed and shook his head. He hated that Bones had been through that. "Jim…" He looked up at Bones curiously, noticing the insecure tone. "We – we've never…actually had sex."

Jim nodded slightly. This was true. In the month and a half they'd been together, they'd been intimate three times. Definitely not the usual type of relationship for Jim, but he'd known all along this wasn't a "usual" relationship.

"Are you...okay…with that?" Bones asked.

"Yes. I told you, and I will tell you every time you want to ask, I will wait for you, because that's the way it's  _supposed_  to work."

"What…what if I never can?" Jim shrugged.

"Bones, 'never' is a very absolute term. Let's just focus on what we want to do for now, and see how things go. I've loved being with you every time we have, no matter what we were doing, because I…" he paused, feeling his face redden and his heart quicken. "Because, well...I, I love you."

 


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bones' response to Jim.

_Oh, shit. Did I just say that?_ Jim thought. Usually his self-control filter was better than that, but Bones had sounded so concerned, and all Jim wanted to do was soothe that concern away, and he just didn't want to hold it in anymore. And so, it just…slipped out. He could feel that he was blushing, and he couldn't quite bring himself to look Bones in the eye.  _He's not saying anything. Why isn't he saying anything?_ Damn, this was awkward. After a couple of moments, he tried to pull away.

"I'm sorry…I don't know – I shouldn't've…Bones, let me go…"

"Jim!" Leonard said, giving him a little shake where he gripped his arms. "You talk entirely too much."

Jim flicked his eyes to him. Bones had a soft smile on his face that reached his eyes. He'd seen this smile before, when Bones hadn't realized he was watching…it was the same smile Sam said he caught on Bones' face that day by the pool. He leaned down and kissed Jim, gently clutching him to his chest, and Jim just melted. They'd kissed, many times, but this was different.  _This_ was all the feeling they had for each other they'd expressed in so many ways without saying it out loud. This was a shout from the rooftops, a quiet prayer, and a promise to each other for everything they had to give. They broke apart, breathing each other's air, forehead to forehead.

"I love you, too," Bones whispered.

So relieved, Jim smiled. He wrapped his arms around Bones and leaned back, using the momentum to pull Bones over so that he was lying on top of him.

"Say it again," Jim said, running his hands up and down Bones' back. Bones rolled his eyes and smiled.

"I love you," Bones said again, leaning to nuzzle Jim's neck. Jim squirmed…it tickled.

"I love you, too." Jim replied happily, wrapping his legs around Bones' and rubbing his foot up and down his calf. Bones turned his head, letting himself rest on Jim's shoulder.

"I never thought I'd have this," he murmured quietly. It was so quiet, Jim wasn't entirely sure he was aware he said it out loud.

"You have me," Jim replied. Bones raised his head to smile at him.

"And you have me…but…"

"What?"

"I – I just still don't know why you  _want_  me," Bones admitted.

Jim sighed and carded his fingers through Bones' thick hair. If it were anyone else, Jim would have called them out for fishing for compliments. But this was Bones. Compliments made him uncomfortable, and his own sense of self-worth was woefully inadequate. He just didn't see how good a person he was…didn't believe he had the right to expect a companion who not only cared for and loved him, but also  _respected_  him.

"I know you don't," Jim said softly. "I'll just have to show you why…every day."

"Show me, huh?" Bones asked, his voice teasing. He raised his head to look at Jim. "And how are you gonna go about doing that?"

Jim smiled, picking up on the mood shift and sliding his hands down the front of Bones' body to hook his fingers in the waistband of his jeans.

"I can think of one or two ways to start, if you want," Jim said, eyes playful, but still very much aware of what they'd discussed just a little while ago.

Michael took the choice away from Bones before. That would  _never_  happen to him again. On the other hand, Jim was determined to show him that despite the fact that Jim knew about what happened to him, Bones wasn't going to lose anything between _them_. What they had together, what they developed emotionally, and physically, was theirs, and nothing – especially the memory of Michael's actions all those years ago – was going to take that away. Because although Bones hadn't brought it up, Jim knew that it was a common concern, and often a reason people didn't want to talk about traumatic events. Hell, he still felt it about himself, sometimes…the worry that people will treat him differently if they knew. In Jim's case, about the abuse he suffered at the hands of his stepfather. In Bones' case, the assault.

Leonard rested his forehead against Jim's shoulder. "I – I'm afraid of what I want," he admitted quietly.

_Need to put a stop to that line of thinking,_ Jim thought. "No you're not, Bones," he said aloud. "You're not afraid of sex. You enjoy sex…I know, I've seen." Jim paused and chuckled at the strangled sound that escaped Bones at that. His face was averted, but Jim would've been comfortable betting he was blushing. "You're afraid of the memory of a terrible experience…which doesn't make it any less frightening. But you won't always be. We can do whatever you want…try whatever you want…as long as you trust me enough to know that when you want to stop, we stop."

"I do trust you," Bones said immediately. "But I don't know what I'd be able to, uh, do. Without…you know…flipping out and locking myself in a bathroom."

Jim smiled slightly. As far as coping mechanisms go, humor wasn't the worst one.

"Well, we can take it slow…experiment a bit. Remember the night you 'explored' me? We could switch roles."

Leonard thought about that. He couldn't deny that idea had real appeal, but even just the thought of being on the receiving end of such intense scrutiny made him want to squirm in discomfort. Jim continued to draw his fingers through his hair. He knew what was causing Bones to hesitate. He was… _more reserved_ …as he'd put it once. Simply put, he was shy. Whether the shyness was an offshoot of the trauma he'd been through, or (more likely, Jim thought) it was just a natural part of his personality, perhaps exacerbated by the trauma. It was something else to work on. Jim had no doubt that they would be able to get over it, and get over it together, but he also knew it had to happen in Bones' own time. Didn't mean he couldn't give him a little push in the right direction though.

"I want to explore you, Bones," he said, voice low and warm. "See how much you can take before I make you come." He rubbed his foot up and down Bones' leg, reaching as high as he could, and let his hands pass over the front of his jeans. He smiled as he felt Bones shudder above him. "Can I?"

Bones raised his head from where he rested it on Jim's shoulder. He caught Jim's eyes briefly, and then pressed a kiss on his lips, gently. Jim's eyes fluttered closed and Bones raised his hand to stroke his face. He pulled back and Jim opened his eyes, focusing on Bones' face.

"I want that," Bones said quietly. "But I don't know if…if I can."

"Do you want to find out…and see where it goes?" Jim asked, massaging Bones' shoulders and the back of his neck, trying to dispel some of the tension he felt there. After a moment, Bones pushed himself up, gave Jim a significant look, and headed down the hall. Jim got up and followed.

It was dark in Bones' bedroom, the light spilling in through the door only illuminating the room slightly. Jim could see him sitting on the edge of the bed, his back to the door. Jim entered the room, and snapped on the light.

"Jim…" Bones started.

"I want to see you, Bones…I want to be able to watch you when I make you fall apart. Please?"

Leonard swallowed, his stomach fluttering nervously. Jim kneeled on the bed, making his way over to where Bones sat. He was being a little more direct…using language that was a little more provocative…purposefully. Every encounter they'd had, Bones had been able to do a little more. Jim wanted to keep that momentum going, so he pushed a little more. Jim knelt behind Bones and massaged his shoulders firmly, feeling the tension there. After a couple of moments, Bones allowed his head to fall forward and his shoulders and arms relaxed a little.

"I want to take off your shirt. Is that okay?" Jim asked. Bones nodded. "Will you turn around?"

Bones took a breath and clenched his jaw. He wanted this…he'd hadn't been disappointed with anything they'd done before…it was always so good… _Jim_ was always so good. But this…getting started at the beginning…this was always so hard.  _Come on, just do it,_  he thought. Behind him, Jim was waiting patiently. He was always waiting patiently for him.

Standing up, Bones turned to Jim. Jim kneeled up on the bed, a smile on his face that reached his eyes. He moved his hands to the first button on Bones' shirt, and holding his gaze, started undoing them, working his way down, one by one. Bones was standing stiffly, but he held Jim's gaze and his hands stayed unclenched, his arms loose. He might not be completely comfortable, but it was miles better than how he reacted their first time together. Jim wound an arm around his neck, pulling him down for a kiss and pushing his shirt off his shoulders. Bones straightened his arms and let it fall to the floor. A flush was working its way up Bones' face, and Jim smiled gently. He yanked his own shirt over his head and tossed it on the floor.

He let his hands land on the front of Bones' jeans, causing his stomach muscles to flutter as he gently stroked at the waistband. "How about the jeans?" Jim asked. Bones bit his lip and nodded slightly. Jim made quick work of the button and zipper and tugged them down over his hips. The flush that had been subsiding deepened and Leonard had to look away. Seeing this, Jim gently pushed Bones back with a hand on the center of his chest so that he could stand and get rid of his own pants. Stepping out of them, he hugged Bones to him tightly, pulling back to kiss him again, and Bones remained stiff in his arms.

"What is it?" Jim asked. "What's making you feel uncomfortable?" Bones kept his eyes averted and simply shook his head slightly. He couldn't articulate it. He knew it was irrational, but he still couldn't shake it. "Do you want to stop?"

"No," he answered. He wanted to keep going, and he wasn't going to let this…reticence…get in the way of what he wanted. Not anymore.

"Lie down," Jim whispered, his mouth right by his ear. Bones shuddered at the sensation, and moved to comply. He positioned himself on the bed, on his back, eyes closed. Jim lay down beside him and ran a hand down his chest, over his hip and thigh, and back up the other leg, rubbing firmly with gentle pressure. Jim glanced at the two bedside tables. "Where's the lube, Bones?" he asked.

"Left, top drawer."

Jim rolled half way over and pulled the drawer open, fumbling in the contents without really looking because of the position he was in until his fingers closed on the small bottle. He slid the drawer shut and turned his attention back to Bones.

"Hey…can you open your eyes?" Jim asked. Leonard complied, focusing on Jim's intense gaze and resisting the urge to look away. "You tell me if I do something you don't like, okay? You said you trusted me to stop if you asked me to…I need to trust that you will tell me to stop if you need me to. Can I?" 

Bones swallowed. "Yes," he said hoarsely. 

Jim smiled. "Okay, then."

Jim reached down and massaged Bones through his underwear, causing Bones to tighten his stomach muscles reflexively. Jim kept it up, rubbing him gently through the fabric, alternately trailing his fingers teasingly and squeezing the shaft gently. It didn't take long for Bones to start getting hard. His hands were still relaxed by his sides, and his eyes were closed, face relaxed. His breathing was slow and even…like he was concentrating on it. He almost looked like he was asleep.

Jim paused, studying him. Something didn't feel right. "Bones," he said quietly, moving his hands to gently stroke across his shoulders. He waited until Bones opened his eyes and focused on him.

"Bones, I love you," he said. 

Bones smiled at him, though it didn't quite meet his eyes. "I love you too, Jim."

Jim leaned down to kiss him, and Bones' hands came up to his head. Jim broke the kiss and stayed right there, pulling back enough to look into Bones' eyes, but no further.

"I love you no matter what," he said. "You don't…you know you don't have to do something just because you think I want it, right?"

Bones looked away, his breath hitching a little in his chest. If Jim was lying right there with him, he probably wouldn't have noticed it.

"I…I just want to you to be happy…with this…with our relationship."

Jim's heart sank a little as he smoothed Bones' hair back.  _He's not getting it._

"I  _am_ happy with our relationship. I'm happy whether we're watching a stupid movie, or taking Joanna to the doctor, or fooling around, or just cuddling. I'm happy no matter what we're doing…because  _we're_  doing it." Jim said, trying to make sure Bones heard the sincerity in his voice, saw it in his face.

Bones swallowed around a lump in his throat. He closed his eyes when he felt them water, and did his best to contain the emotion…there was just too much to process tonight.

"Bones…I'm happy with our relationship even when we need to take a night or a day apart," Jim said softly, kissing him softly on the forehead as a tear slipped down the side of his face.  _Damn it,_ he thought.  _I shouldn't have pushed him. Not tonight._

"No," Bones said quickly. "I want you…I need you to stay. And I did want this at first." He let out a gusty sigh and turned onto his side, curling up a bit. "I don't know what's wrong with me."

"Nothing's wrong with you. Nothing at all." Jim sat up and grasped the throw that was on the foot of the bed. He pulled it over both of them as he lay down facing him, mirroring his posture and pulling him in so that they were entwined. They lie quietly, and Jim could feel that Bones' composure was slowly slipping. His breath was hitching softly as he breathed in a controlled fashion, trying to calm himself.

Suddenly Jim was sure Bones had never allowed himself to cry over what Michael had done…and thought that the telling of the story tonight had opened a door that he'd kept tightly locked for much too long.

"It's okay," Jim said softly. "I love you…I've got you." And that seemed to do it. When the first sob shook Bones' body, Jim squeezed his eyes shut and held him a little tighter.

 


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joanna shows her "Side B", and Jim and Leonard deal with the consequences of meddling McKinley parents.

Leonard woke up slowly. His head felt like it was stuffed with cotton, and his eyes felt swollen, and his throat was sore, most likely from breathing with his mouth open all night because he was too congested to breathe through his nose. Disgusting. But…he also felt  _lighter_  than he had in – in a very long time. Lying on his side, and not yet awake enough to move, he studied the man in front of him. Jim had stayed up with him and held him, only leaving the bed to bring back a cool washcloth and tissues. He hadn't tried to comfort him with trite phrases or get him to calm down…he'd just rubbed his back, held his hands, and let Leonard cling to him until he'd cried himself out and fell asleep, face to face.

Leonard couldn't remember ever losing control like that. He sure as hell never did over this. He felt like he should be embarrassed, but, strangely, he wasn't. Jim had seen practically every side of him. Jim knew him better than people he'd known for twenty years did, better than his own mother had since he was fifteen. He didn't feel anything but safe and at home. And wasn't that a strange concept? Feeling like a  _person_  was home.

"You're thinking really loud again," Jim murmured. Leonard jumped slightly. He'd been so wrapped up in his own thoughts he hadn't even realized Jim was awake. Jim's eyes were strikingly blue in the early morning light filtering in through the window. He was watching Leonard somewhat warily, as if he wasn't sure how he was going to react this morning. Wanting Jim to know without a doubt how he felt, he smiled, full and unrestrained.

"Good morning. I'd kiss you, but I think I might gross you out," Leonard said. Jim smiled, relieved that he didn't seem self-conscious about last night. He uncurled himself, stretching his limbs, and brought his arms down around Bones' head. Despite the warning, he leaned in and kissed him anyway, loving the quick responsiveness and uninhibited reciprocation.

"I think we're both gross enough that we cancel each other out," Jim said, smiling against him. Leonard chuckled and gently swatted his head. Jim glanced down uncertainly. He probably shouldn't ask, but he really wanted to know that Leonard was okay with everything that had happened last night. "So…how are you?" Leonard looked at him for a moment. When Jim looked back up, Leonard smiled softly and traced the line of Jim's eyebrow, down the side of his face.

"I'm good," he said quietly. He paused and bit his lip, but didn't look away from Jim. "Thank you…for everything." The significance behind the words wasn't lost on Jim. He gave a one-shouldered shrug and shook his head slightly.

"I didn't do anything but get tissues," Jim said. Leonard huffed a laugh and rolled his eyes.

"Yeah…you didn't do a damn thing," he agreed. Jim's eyes crinkled in amusement at Bones' tone. He rarely heard Bones this light-hearted, and he didn't want to bring him down, but he'd seen this type of thing before. Someone has a breakthrough about a trauma, in Bones' case, being able to connect emotion to the memory of the event, and they feel immediately relieved. The thing was, this was just a first step. There was still a ways to go.

Leonard saw it in Jim's expression. He wasn't a psychologist, but he was a doctor. He'd done his share of counseling patients through bad news, and though he knew his situation wasn't the same, there were parallels. And he was self-aware enough to know that while he felt better now, a crying jag wasn't a miracle fix.

"Jim," he said, tone more sedate. "I know I still have…issues. But, I'm not – I don't feel as, well, as buried by them anymore. And that is because of you. So…what is the next step for me…for us?"

Jim smiled at him, throwing a leg over his and pulling him into a full-body hug. After a moment, Jim pulled back enough to kiss him soundly.

"Breakfast," he answered. "I'm starving."

 

* * *

 

Leonard felt his patience wearing much thinner than it usually did, but this was Joanna's infamous "Side B", and he really wasn't in the mood. The fact that Jim seemed to be somewhat amused as he watched her little meltdown didn't help.

"NO!" she shrieked, throwing her plastic lunchbox down with enough force to make it pop open. "You can't make me!"

"Joanna," Leonard said firmly. "You are going to stop this right now. Right now!" He repeated, raising his voice over her next volley of auditory assault. Jim quietly picked up her lunchbox and the couple of items that fell out of it. Joanna was standing with her hands on her hips, stance wide. She was red in the face from shouting, and though she wasn't crying yet, she was close. "Let's go. Now."

"But Daddy! I don't want to!" She sat down, apparently prepared stick to her guns. "I don't like it there! And the doctor is s-stupid!" She stuttered on the last word as the tears started.

"Jo," Jim said hesitantly, crouching beside her. He glanced at Bones, unsure if he should be interjecting here. Bones waved his hand in his direction as he collected the couple of papers in her cubby. "You remember why you need to go to see the doctor, right? To help your ears not hurt because of loud sounds?"

"I DON"T CARE! The doctor is stupid and so are you!"

"Joanna!" Leonard exclaimed sternly. He didn't quite shout at her, but it had the desired effect. She recognized that she might have gone a bit too far and seemed to subside a little, crossing her arms over her chest and glowering at the floor, bottom lip stuck out in a major pout. "That is  _quite_  enough young lady. It is not okay to speak to Mr. Kirk like that. Apologize. Now."

"Sorry," she said crossly, not sounding sorry at all.

Jim glanced at Bones, who rolled his eyes. He'd never seen this before, and frankly he'd thought that Bones' might be exaggerating. Apparently not.

"Get up. Joanna. Get. Up. Let's go. Now." 

Heaving a huge sigh, she stood and stomped over to the door. "Fine!" she shouted. "I'm not talking to you any more!"

"Thank god," Leonard muttered, and Jim hid a smile. It really wasn't funny. But it kinda was.

Leonard and Jim followed her out of Jim's classroom, Jim snapping the lights off and making sure the door was locked behind them. Leonard sighed and glanced at his watch. At this rate, they were going to be late. Today was the follow-up with Dr. Spock. The purpose of this visit was to find out the results from the testing done the previous week and discuss therapy options. He sincerely hoped that they weren't going to need Joanna to cooperate with him for this, because if that was the case, they were probably going to have to reschedule, and wouldn't that just be terrific.

So far, this afternoon had been less than stellar. Nyota Uhura had called him during the work day, asking if he had the time to see her this afternoon. When he'd seen McKinley's number on his cell, he'd had a minor panic attack, thinking something was wrong with Joanna. After he was reassured that she was fine, and that this was unrelated to anything having to do with her, Leonard had agreed, albeit hesitantly. He'd immediately called Jim's cell, and then had to wait nearly two hours for Jim to get back to him.

"Really?" Jim said. "Hm. She asked me to come at the same time. I didn't know she was going to call you."

"Before the end of school?" Leonard asked. "But what about your class?"

"Diane can handle them," Jim said, referring to his classroom assistant.

"Do you know what it's about? She said it didn't have anything to do with Joanna."

"Come on, Bones. You can't guess?"

He could. He just wished he didn't have to.

Later that day, before school ended, both Jim and Leonard found themselves in the principal's office. Leonard felt like he was waiting to be reprimanded for something.

Nyota was sitting behind her desk, with Jim and Leonard in her guest chairs. Jim studied her body language. Back ramrod straight, hands folded in front of her. He recognized that she was uncomfortable with whatever it was she'd asked them here for.  _Good,_  Jim thought, a little vindictively. He knew it wasn't her fault. But still. He was pretty sure what they were here about, and it rankled him. Glancing at Bones, he was certain that it rankled him much more. This would be…interesting…without a doubt.

"Mr. McCoy," she began. "Thank you for coming."

"What am I here for, Ms. Uhura?" Leonard asked. Not coldly, but with a definite edge. Jim almost felt sorry for her when she glanced over at him. He sat quietly. He may almost feel sorry for her, but he certainly wasn't going to make this any easier.

"A parent of another student has expressed…concern…about a recent outing Mr. Kirk had with your daughter," she said. 

Leonard rolled his eyes. "I'm aware. Mrs. Keefe accused Jim of favoritism, influencing Joanna's acceptance over her daughter's. Which, by the way, is a load of crap," he said bluntly. Nyota's eyes widened slightly in surprise and she glanced at Jim. He remained impassive.

"Uh, well, yes," she said. "That was, essentially, her main concern."

"Was? So what are we doing here, if it's no longer a concern?" Jim asked.

"I said it was her main concern. Her concern has shifted to…another area," Nyota replied. Jim and Leonard glanced at each other. Leonard raised an eyebrow. Jim shrugged and nodded slightly.

"Ms. Uhura, I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm not very good at subtly talking around a subject. So let's cut to the chase. Is Mrs. Keefe kickin' up a fuss because of a non-existent admissions issue, or because she thinks Jim and I are in a relationship?"

"Are you?" Nyota asked, apparently perfectly capable of being just as direct.

"Yes," Jim answered.

"That a problem?" Leonard asked. Nyota took a breath and sat back, making a conscious effort to not pinch the bridge of her nose. This was, at best, a major inconvenience. At worst, it could end up a nightmare. She didn't know Leonard McCoy at all…for all she knew, if she said the wrong thing here she could end up with the damn ACLU up her ass.

"Mr. McCoy, your personal relationships are no one's business but your own. Unfortunately, that is not the case for teachers. Please wait," she said, holding up a hand to stop him from interrupting her. "Whatever relationship you and Mr. Kirk choose to engage in is completely up to you. However, as I'm sure Mr. Kirk has mentioned, when he was mentioning everything else, it could potentially cause a problem for Mr. Kirk. Now, let me make myself perfectly clear. Mr. Kirk has my complete support, both as an extremely effective teacher, and as a personal friend. The board that governs this school, and has control over whether or not Jim and I keep our jobs, has dismissed the admissions issue out of turn. I asked you here today to let you know that Mrs. Keefe has been talking to other parents about the two of you. The board is ignoring it for now, but that will change if someone lodges a formal complaint."

"Nyota," Jim said quietly. "I'll quit before it becomes a problem for you." Nyota softened at that, and offered him a small smile as Leonard glanced over at him in surprise.

"What? No, Jim – "

"Jim, I doubt it's going to get close enough for that to ever need to be discussed. There's only a couple of months left in this school year anyway. I just wanted to give you a head's up." She turned back to Leonard. "As I said, Mr. McCoy…Jim is a personal friend. If he's happy, I'm happy." She graced him with a real smile, and any annoyance Leonard felt towards her dissipated. She really was in a crappy position, by no doing of her own at all. They all stood and Nyota shook his hand over her desk. He offered her a tight nod, which was the best he could do at the moment.

_Damn meddling, useless, pain in the—_

"Relax Bones," Jim said quietly as they exited the office to collect Joanna from Ms. Kelley. "It's not a big deal."

"Like hell it isn't," he muttered. "Quit, Jim? You can't just…"

"We'll talk about it later. Let's just get to Joanna's appointment, and we'll talk about it tonight, okay?"

 

* * *

 

Leonard set up the sound therapy machine in Joanna's room while she read a story to Jim. The visit with Dr. Spock had been relatively easy, and the results were promising. Joanna's sensitivity levels were abnormal, but on the lower end of the spectrum. Dr. Spock had seemed confident that minor sound therapy would retrain her perceptions with very little difficulty. The sound therapy machine was part of that. Spock wanted to see her once a month for the next three months, and each time Leonard would be able to adjust the sound machine to cover specific bands of sound at slightly increasing decibel levels. It might take as long as a year to eighteen months doing it this way, but because her case was minor, he figured there was nothing wrong with slow and steady.

Joanna had been sullen and withdrawn all afternoon, most probably because she didn't get her way, but she'd behaved well enough at the doctor's office. Leonard swung by the school on the way home so Jim could get his car, and by dinner Joanna had been almost back to normal, though she'd slipped back into calling Jim "Mr. Kirk" instead of "Uncle Jim". Leonard was sure Jim noticed, but he didn't say anything about it.

"Goodnight Joanna," he said, bending to kiss and hug her. He recognized he was still in an off mood from this afternoon, but he couldn't really help it.

"Goodnight Daddy…are you mad at me?" she asked in a small voice. He sighed and sat on the edge of her bed.

"No darlin'. I'm not mad at you. I wasn't happy when you threw that fit because you weren't acting like the big girl I know you can be, but you started to behave better."

"I'm sorry," she said. "I won't do it again." She reached up to him and Leonard bent again. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and he gave her another squeeze. She was five. Of course she was going to do it again. After a moment, though, he turned his head enough to blow a raspberry on her neck. She giggled, pushing him away and kicking her legs.

"Stop, stop! It tickles!" 

Leonard pulled back and kissed her forehead. "Love you Baby."

"Love you Daddy." He crossed her room, gently closing her door. He couldn't hear the sound therapy machine at all. Hopefully it wouldn't stop her from sleeping.

Jim was waiting for him in the living room. Sighing, Leonard let himself fall on the couch.

"She go down okay?" Jim asked.

"Yeah, she was fine. So…to pick up from this afternoon. Quit? Jim, you can't quit because some self-righteous idiot decides to cause trouble."

"Bones…it's not that big a deal."

"How can you say that? I thought you loved teaching!"

"Okay…let me explain. When I started my Ph.D. I was looking for ways to fund it. There's not a lot of scholarship or grant opportunities out there for my particular area of study, mostly because there's not a lot of demand for school psychologists. Right now, there's only like four, I think, in the whole district of San Francisco. So, I was looking around, trying to figure out how to pay for this, and Nyota had an idea. She needed a kindergarten teacher with better-than-average credentials, and I needed some financial support. So, we struck a deal. I signed on for seven years at a fixed pay, with benefits, and my Ph.D. would be 75% funded."

"Doesn't sound like a bad deal," Leonard said. "But it didn't take you seven years, did it?" 

Jim scoffed. "Of course not. I'll be done in the fall – three years all together. So, the school is supposed to have me for another four. And I'm fine with that. Working at a school like McKinley opens a lot of doors that would normally take years to get to. But, I'll walk away from that contract if it's necessary. I don't plan on being a kindergarten teacher forever…that's not really what I want to do."

Leonard nodded. This all made sense. But if Jim had signed a contract…

"And what would happen if you broke the terms of the contract?" he asked. 

JIm shrugged. "I'd probably have to pay back what was funded to me, but that's not a big deal."

"Not a big deal? Jim, that's thousands of dollars. That's a pretty big deal," Leonard said.

But Jim was shaking his head with a small smile on his face. "It's still not worth nearly as much to me as you and Joanna are."


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leonard and Jim work on getting better. Leonard and Joanna experience a Calfornian first, which may have had disastrous consequences.

Leonard gave Jim a searching look. Not be a teacher? He wasn't sure if he bought that. He knew that when Jim started his Ph.D. program, he truly believed he wanted to be a school psychologist. But Leonard had seen him in the classroom. He'd seen him interacting with the kids, and not just Joanna. He'd heard him get excited over the way the children were learning about something. So many dinner conversations centered around "his kids," and his pride and awe in them was so very obvious.

Leonard's mother was a teacher. She was retired now, but she was still a teacher. It was the primary way she identified herself. Leonard had never completely understood it. She taught high school, and her students were not the easy ones…she taught at-risk kids. She often came home frustrated with them and their non-existent parents, exhausted, and sometimes upset that her hands were tied by some administrative regulation or another. What puzzled Leonard was that she never  _had_  to teach. Her husband, his daddy, was a well-respected and renown doctor, and when Leonard pointed that out to her, she'd simply smile and shake her head.

"I'm a teacher, sweetie," she'd tell him. "It's not what I do, or even who I am. It's  _what_  I am. I couldn't stop being a teacher anymore than I could stop being your mama. If you're a teacher, then you're  _always_  a teacher."

He thought he'd heard the same tones of conviction in Jim's voice any time he talked about his students. He'd been certain the same things that moved his mother to be at the high school by 6:30 every morning and give those kids everything she could were the same things that rested in Jim's soul. And, despite what Jim said, he was still pretty sure. Maybe he wouldn't realize it until he stopped teaching, and then he'd realize that something fundamental was missing from his life.

Or maybe not, and he really would move on to becoming a school psychologist and never set foot in a classroom as a teacher again.  _Yeah, and maybe pigs really will fly,_ Leonard thought.

"What?" Jim said, and Leonard realized he'd been staring. He shook his head, a faint smile on his face.

"Just trying to picture you doing anything other than teaching," he replied. Jim smiled and shrugged.

"I've only been teaching for three years. I've wanted to be an educational psychologist a lot longer," he replied. Bones nodded. He certainly wasn't going to argue with Jim's motivations. Sighing, he allowed himself to fall rather gracelessly on the couch. Jim followed. "What's wrong?"

"I just don't like the idea of you being forced out of something because of us. It's ridiculous! And there's no way I'd ever let you shoulder the bill for walking out of your contract, either," Bones said, his voice broadcasting his displeasure with the situation. Jim smiled. He loved it when Bones got all over-protective.

"Bones, you're assuming that's even going to happen. I'm fairly sure it won't. Like I said to Nyota a while ago, we're smack in the middle of San Francisco…in a state that has the popular tag-line 'the land of fruits and nuts.' Besides, Joanna's not the only kid in school whose parent has, er, switched teams, so to speak. There's a very…vocal…network of support there. Anyway, I'm not worried."

"Jim, I sincerely doubt Nyota Uhura would call us in to her office to talk about our sex lives unless there was a reason to be worried," Leonard said pointedly, but Jim just waved his hand dismissively.

"Nah…she just wanted to make sure we were all on the same page. Nyota's great like that. She likes to pretend she's all stern and proper, but she's actually very compassionate."

"Mmm. Yeah, someone else said something to me like that a while ago," Leonard said, his mind going back to that day in the principal's office.  Jim looked at him in confusion, but let it slide. They sat in silence for a couple of minutes. Leonard was having a silent debate with himself about whether or not to bring up what was on his mind.

It was almost a week ago now that Leonard had finally told his story and Jim had dealt with the fallout as he was reduced to a crying, blubbering mess. They'd spent some time together every night since, not going any further than making out like teenagers, and he didn't know about Jim, but he was starting to feel pretty frustrated. He loved Jim, and he wanted to be with him…really be with him…but that wasn't going to happen if he couldn't get past the physical reactions. So, he wanted to try something…and he wasn't sure how Jim would feel about it. But…hey, if he didn't bring it up…

"Uh, so speaking of our sex lives…" Leonard trailed off as he felt himself flush. God, it was a good thing people couldn't actually die from embarrassment. Jim raised an eyebrow at him, an amused smile on his face.

"Yes?" he asked. Leonard rolled his eyes at Jim's tone. He cleared his throat.

"I wanted to…uh, try something…if you want to." Jim smiled at him and leaned over to kiss him reassuringly.

"I can pretty much guarantee I'm not going to say no to anything you suggest, Bones," Jim said matter-of-factly. Leonard chuckled and kissed him back.

"I don't really doubt that, Jim. I just think you might think this is a little…weird." 

Jim pulled back a little and looked at him seriously. "Well, tell me. What did you have in mind?"

"I want to have sex with you," Leonard blurted out, before he could stop himself. Jim blinked in surprise and opened his mouth to reply. Before he could say anything, though, and before Leonard could lose his nerve, he plunged ahead. "But I don't think…no, I know…I'm not ready for, uh, for that. But I want to be. So, would you, just – I don't know…just lay on me?" Jim was looking at Bones with faint confusion, but he couldn't see that because his eyes were fixed somewhere on the ground.

"Lay on you," Jim repeated, trying to understand what Leonard was really asking for.

"Yeah, you know…I'll lay on my stomach and will you…"

"Oh," Jim said. "I see." Bones wanted to do his own version of desensitization therapy…expose himself to the thing that might trigger a reaction on purpose to overcome that fear reaction. Jim felt a rush a pride for Bones that he so obviously wanted to work on it, despite the fact that he knew it was going to be difficult. But…wait. "Bones," he said slowly. "I didn't think Michael actually…lay on top of you. Did he…do anything else?"

Leonard felt heat rush into his face. God, he hated talking about this.

"No. I told you everything he did. It…I don't know…I just—I guess the idea of being held down-" he stopped and took a breath as his pulse sped up. Jim nodded his understanding, to Leonard's relief.

"You don't think that it might be too soon, Bones?" Jim asked gently.

Leonard took a moment to give his question some serious consideration. Just the thought of it, with someone he loved and trusted, was enough to make his mouth go dry.

"No," he said finally. "I may have only said it out loud last week, but I've been going over what happened again and again for thirteen years. I want it behind me for real. Not just shoved to the back of my mind. And I can't move forward if we stay still."

Jim searched his eyes, and Leonard guessed whatever he was looking for he found.

"Okay," Jim said softly. "But if it gets to be too much…"

"I'll let you know."

"Yes. And if you feel it coming, you let me know before you get caught in a full-fledged panic attack, okay?"

"Okay," Leonard answered. Jim nodded, but didn't move to get up, and Leonard understood that he was going to have to take the lead in this. Standing, he reached for Jim's hand and led them down the hall. Stopping by Joanna's door, Leonard cracked it open. The sound therapy machine sounded loud in the quiet, but she was sleeping soundly. Leonard led them to his bedroom and shut and locked the door behind them.

Leaving Jim standing in the middle of the room, he turned down the blankets on his bed. With only the briefest of pauses, Leonard stripped his shirt off and undid his pants. Jim smiled slightly, gratified to see such a progression in a relatively short time. Just a month ago, Bones would never have so easily undressed himself right in front of him. Turning around, Bones pushed his pants down and met Jim's eyes…if not easily, then with much less hesitation…only a faint flush adding color to his face and neck.

"Take your clothes off, Jim. But…maybe leave your underwear?"

Jim nodded, understanding the request as the first acknowledgement of Bones' nerves. He left his on too. Bones stepped up to Jim and wrapped his arms around his neck, kissing him deeply. Jim was stunned by surprise at first, but recovered quickly, holding Bones tightly and returning the kiss. Usually, their kisses were gentle and slow. This one was much more…what Jim was used to, and he absolutely  _loved_  that Bones was comfortable enough with him to be so forceful. After a few minutes, Bones pulled away and moved to the bed. Jim watched as he lay down on his stomach. He looked fairly relaxed, arms under the pillow.

"Well?" he prompted. Jim smiled and sat at the edge of the bed.

"Do you have any idea how amazing you look right now?" he asked. He raised his hand, and let it hover over Leonard's back, looking at him in askance.

"Touch me Jim," he said. Jim complied, running his hand up and down the length of Bones' back, down the center, cataloging the bumps of his spine, up his sides, noting the way his muscles jumped with ticklishness. Jim's hand hit the waistband of Bone's underwear, and didn't go any further down, but traced the line where fabric met skin. Watching for a reaction, Jim swept his hand slightly lower, allowing his fingers to brush just over the start of the swell of his buttocks. Leonard reacted to that, sucking in a breath and visibly pulling his hips down, pressing himself to the mattress harder.

"Maybe…maybe don't touch me there—yet," Bones said, a little breathlessly. Jim nodded and moved on, running his hand down Bones' leg and up the other, massaging the thick muscles in his calves and thighs, keeping his hands away from his ass. He leaned down and nuzzled Bones' neck.

"You sure about this, Bones?" he whispered close to his ear. Leonard shivered slightly in response.

"Yes."

Although Bones couldn't see him, Jim nodded slightly. Carefully, keeping his hands on Bones' shoulders so there would be no surprises, Jim climbed onto the bed, placing his knees on either side of Bones' body. He hesitated as he felt muscles tense beneath his hands.

"Bones, I'm going to rest on you now. Remember…tell me if you start to feel panicked." Jim waited for a confirmation, which he got in the form of a nod. He listened, but didn't hear anything. "Hey…don't hold your breath. Try to relax; take slow, deep breaths." Waiting until Bones complied, he gently stroked his shoulders, urging him to relax. "Okay, I'm going to rest myself on you now." Bones nodded again, and Jim gently positioned himself on top of him, turning his head to rest his cheek against Bones' shoulder. He could feel the quick breaths that indicated either arousal or fear. Unfortunately, probably fear, and he could see goosebumps raising on his arms. Jim gave him a gentle squeeze. "Just gonna lie here for a while. You're actually really comfortable," he said lightly. Bones let out a gust of air that could have been a huff of laughter. "How are you doing? I need an actual answer, please."

"I'm okay. A little h-hard to catch my breath," Leonard answered. He paused for a moment. "Can you talk to me?"

Dropping a kiss on the side of his jaw, Jim thought for a second and then started talking about all the places he wanted Leonard to see with him…just the two of them.

As Jim talked, he became aware that his body was starting to respond to being pressed against Bones. Every time either he or Bones shifted, the urge to wriggle a little more got harder to tamp down, and he knew that no matter how he concentrated, he couldn't stop his natural reaction, and he knew Bones must be able to feel it.

"Jim…"

"Sorry Bones…can't help it. I'll get up."

"No…not – not yet." Despite his words, Bones was starting to tremble. "No," he whispered to himself. "It's Jim…it's just Jim." He was trying to calm himself, but his breathing was getting quick and fast again.

"Bones…it's okay. You did really well. I'm going to get up now." Jim rolled off to the side, lying on his back beside him, lying quietly. After a while, Bones turned his head to look at him.

"Well, it's official. I'm a chicken-shit," he announced. Jim let out a surprised laugh.

"You are so  _not_  a chicken-shit," Jim replied. "You're doing really well. This is hard. What happened sucks. Getting over it takes time. You've changed so much since our first date…you just keep getting better and better."

Bones flushed slightly at Jim's words and lowered his eyes, a small smile on his face. He looked back up, and glanced down Jim's body.

"Can I…do something for you?" Bones asked. Jim smiled and shook his head.

"You don't have to. I'm fine." Bones sat up and moved closer to Jim's body, leaning down to kiss him.

"What if I really, really want to?" He slid his hand down Jim's torso, stopping when his fingers just brushed Jim's hardness.

"Well, if you're going to twist my arm about it…"

 

* * *

 

"Daddy, daddy, daddy!"

Leonard bolted up, half-asleep and disoriented.

"Daddy!"

Joanna's fear-filled cry quickly cleared his head and he was out of his bed in the space of a heartbeat. The second his feet hit the floor, he realized what was happening.

Earthquake.

"Bones, what…"

Heart pounding in his chest as his little girl cried out for him, he ran to the door, the totally foreign and absolutely terrifying feeling of the ground rumbling under his feet.

"Jo, stay where you are. I'm coming!"

"Bones!" Jim called, following him out of the room. Leonard found Joanna in the center of her bed, on her hands and knees, gripping the blankets. She was pale as a ghost and crying. In the time it took to cross to her bed, the ground stopped shaking. Sitting on her bed, he held her to him tightly. Jim stood in her doorway, watching them. Nothing else happened, and Jim was pretty sure it was done.

"That wasn't too bad," Jim said. "Probably only a 4 or 5."

"Only?" Leonard said, looking at him over Joanna's head. Jim smiled slightly and shrugged.

"You get used to it."

Leonard rolled his eyes at Jim and gently rocked Joanna.

"It's okay, Darlin'. It's done," he said, trying to comfort her. She was trembling, her hands were twisted in his shirt, her legs wrapped tightly around his waist. "Shh…it's okay. Remember we talked about how sometimes the earth moves here? That's all it was. You're fine. Jim, what time is it?"

"Uh, not sure. About 6:00 I think?"

"Is there going to be school today?"

"I don't see why there wouldn't be. Really, Bones, that was nothing." Just as Leonard was about to reply, Jim's cell phone went off from somewhere in the direction of the kitchen. "Be right back," he said, frowning. No one ever called this early. He hurried down the hall to the kitchen, finding the phone where he left it on the kitchen table. Checking the screen, a surge of worry caused his heart to speed up.

"Sam," he said. "Everything okay?"

"Jim, thank god. It's Kimmie…she was walking down the stairs and…" he cut off for a second, and Jim strained to hear.  _They're coming, I hear them!_  Jim heard in the background.

"Sam! Sam!" he shouted into the phone. "What's going on?"

"Jim…Kimmie fell, hit her head hard on the floor. She's unconscious, bleeding. The ambulance is pulling up now," Sam said in a rush.

Jim's mouth went dry.  _Oh, god._

"Jim, oh, god…my baby," his brother's voice cracked. "I need you. I need you to call Leonard. No!" he shouted suddenly. "Don't move her Aurelan! What if her neck…"

Then there were indistinct voices in the background, and then the connection was broken.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happened to Kimmie.

Jim stared at the phone in his hands, his mind numbly running in circles around the horrible possibilities. Kimmie was hurt…maybe badly.  _Oh, god, please._

_I need you. I need you to call Leonard._

Taking a breath, the numbness was replaced by a rush of adrenaline. "Bones…" it came out as a whisper. "Bones!" he said louder, hurrying out of the kitchen.

Leonard went still when he heard Jim shouting his brother's name into the phone.

"What's wrong with Uncle Jim, Daddy?" Joanna asked, her voice muffled from pressing her face to Bones' shoulder.

"Nothing, Baby. He just can't hear Sam," he paused…"Okay, let's go out there." Holding her tightly, he stood and headed out of her room – nearly running right into Jim.

"Bones…" he said, breathlessly. Leonard took one look at him, and his heart was in his throat. Jim's eyes were wide and suspiciously wet, and he was pale. He looked panicked. "Bones," Jim said again. "Sam needs--"

"Wait," Leonard said firmly, holding up a hand to stop Jim from saying what he was sure was bad news of some type. Jim looked desperate.

"But--"

"No, Jim. Wait. Joanna, can you go choose what you want to wear today, please?" he said, setting her down.

"But Daddy…"

"Joanna, everything's fine. You're fine. I need you to go choose clothes. Now."

She recognized his tone of voice as one not to cross and nodded. "Okay, Daddy. Will you be right here?"

Leonard turned her towards her bedroom. "Yes. I'll be right here." He gave her a little push to get moving and closed the door behind her.

"What happened Jim?"

"I don't -- Sam…he didn't say. He said Kimmie fell, hit her head." 

_Oh, not good_ , Leonard thought. "Did he say if she was awake?"

"He was worried about her neck…he yelled not to move her."

"Jim," Leonard said firmly. "Was she conscious?"

"No…she – he said she was bleeding and unconscious. They want you to come, Bones. Please."

Leonard nodded, thinking.

"They called an ambulance?"

"Yes."

"Did they say where they were taking her?" Bones asked. Jim looked stricken.

"No…I didn't get a chance…Sam didn't tell me. Oh, god, Bones…"

"Okay, Jim. Listen. I need you to calm down, okay? Head wounds always bleed a lot, even when they're not serious. She might've just gotten a bump on the head." Jim nodded, obviously trying to focus. Leonard thought quickly. He only had privileges at one hospital, and if they didn't take her there, there would be very little he could do, unless he could get temporary privileges granted. So, first thing's first…he had to figure out where she was.

"Daddy…I'm all dressed," Joanna said, opening her door and coming back into the hall. She looked between the two men who had their eyes locked on each other. Jim looked lost, and Bones was thinking.

"Okay, Darlin'. Why don't you go get yourself some Cheerios for breakfast?" 

Picking up on the tension, Joanna looked from her father to Jim. "Am…am I going to school today? Is something the matter?" she asked.

"We'll talk about it in a little while. Go on and get some breakfast, okay?"

"Okay," she said slowly. 

_Sometimes that girl is too quick for her own good_ , Leonard thought as she headed down the hall towards the kitchen.

"Jim, give me your phone and go get dressed. I'm going to call Sam, see if I can figure out where they're going."

Jim nodded, handing the phone over, and turned to do what Leonard said. Leonard noticed that Jim's hands were shaking. Taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly, he flipped open Jim's phone and called Sam's number, going into the library so that Joanna wouldn't hear.

Sam managed to answer on the third ring.

"Jim…did you--"

"Sam, it's Leonard. What happened?"

"Oh, Leonard, thank god. Kim fell down the stairs…not sure how far she fell, but her head was bleeding and she was unconscious."

"Did she have a seizure when you were with her?"

"No."

"Did she wake up at all when the medics were working on her?"

"No…"

Leonard could hear the fear and suppressed tears in Sam's voice.

"Are you in the ambulance with her?"

"No, her mom is with her. I'm following in the car," he said. 

_Great, let a panicked parent behind the wheel._ "Okay, Sam…you need to stay calm. What hospital are they taking her to?"

"I told them to take her to yours," he replied.

"Okay, I'll meet you there….wait…where's Janie?"

"We left her with our neighbor. Mrs. Duggin. She was hysterical…can…"

"We'll take care of it. Sam, stay calm and pay attention to your driving."

"Yeah…" Sam disconnected and Leonard hung up, focusing on Jim, who'd come into the library halfway through the conversation. Leonard moved past him, hurrying out of the library to his bedroom to change.

"Is she okay?" Jim asked, following him. Leonard handed his phone back and kept his face and voice neutral. Prolonged unconsciousness was never a good sign.

"Sam was following the ambulance," Leonard said, answering without really giving an answer. He pulled a shirt over his head as he talked. "They're going to my hospital. I'm going to go right now so I can meet them there. You need to get Janie from their neighbor Mrs. Duggin. Sam said she was really upset."

Jim nodded. He still looked a bit shocked. Leonard pulled pants on and then moved to stand right in front of him, taking his face in his hands.

"Jim," he said firmly. "You need to listen to me. I'm about to put my daughter in your hands. Are you with it enough for that?" he asked seriously. That seemed to snap Jim out of it, and he nodded, taking a deep breath.

"Yes. I'm sorry. I'm fine. It's just…they're my family." 

Leonard's eyes softened. "I know, Jim. But they're not your only family anymore…and Joanna needs you to take care of her so I can go take care of Kim. Okay?"

"Yes. I need to call the school. I'll get Janie, and I'll call Sam."

"Okay. You call the school. I'm going to go talk to Joanna." He grabbed his hospital ID off the bureau. "And then I'm leaving." He left Jim standing in his bedroom to go talk to his daughter.

"Daddy," Joanna said as soon as he walked into the kitchen. "Did something happen? Why is Uncle Jim so upset?"

Leonard sat beside her, noting the dry spoon beside the bowl of Cheerios. She hadn't eaten anything yet.

"Jim is a little worried because Kimmie fell at home and hurt herself," he said, holding his daughter's gaze and keeping his voice light. "They're taking her to Daddy's hospital so I can take a look at her. You're going to go with Uncle Jim to get Janie, okay?" Joanna was quiet for a moment, her expression sober.

"Okay, Daddy. I'll tell Uncle Jim and Janie not to worry because you're the best doctor to fix someone," Joanna replied, the serious tone so very out of place coming from her. Leonard leaned in to kiss and hug her.

"See you soon, Baby. Love you." He stood and grabbed his keys even as she was answering.

"Love you too, Daddy. Don't worry, okay?"

 

* * *

 

Leonard paused before pushing through the double doors that would take him to the waiting room. He knew that the appearance of the doctor had an immediate psychological effect on family members. If the doctor looked calm and collected, then the family members reacted calm and collected…or calmer at any rate.

He knew that what was a whirlwind of diagnostics, decisions, and treatments that felt like minutes for him was an agony of waiting forever for parents and loved ones, and though he didn't want to keep Kim's parents waiting any longer than necessary, he needed a minute. He wanted to be sure that he could project the quiet confidence and calm reassurance that this situation called for. As far as these things went, this wasn't great. But it wasn't devastating either. So, he paused, made sure he was composed, and then pushed through the doors.

Coming around the corner, he had a moment to take in the family waiting for him before they noticed him. Janie was on her mother's lap, facing her. Sam had his arm around both of them. Jim was leaning against Aurelan, and had Joanna curled up on his lap. They looked like they were all drawing strength from each other. Because of the way she was sitting, Joanna saw him first. She didn't call out to him though. Instead, she reached up and patted Jim's face, saying something too quiet for him to hear. Jim nudged Aurelan and stood as Leonard made his way to them. Aurelan put Janie down, keeping a hand on her shoulder as she and Sam got up. Joanna held Janie's hand. Sam and Aurelan looked like they were holding their breath.

"Bones…"

"Leonard, is she okay?"

"How is she?"

All of the adults spoke at the same time. Leonard reached out and grasped Aurelan's hand comfortingly.

"So, when Kimmie fell, she hit her head hard enough to cause her to lose consciousness," Leonard said, his voice steady. "The force of the impact caused a contusion, a bruise, basically, on her brain. But," he said quickly, as Aurelan's eyes filled with tears. "It doesn't look like it's too serious, and it will likely clear up on its own. We did a CT scan to make sure her skull wasn't fractured and be sure there was no additional bleeding in or around the brain. Her skull is fine and aside from the contusion, we didn't see anything else."

"She was bleeding all over the place," Janie piped up, looking up at Leonard with huge blue eyes. Leonard nodded.

"I know she was, darlin', but that's because whenever you cut your scalp…anywhere your hair covers, you bleed a lot. The cut on Kimmie's head wasn't very big, and that's going to heal right up. She didn't even need stitches," he added, looking at the three adults.

"Oh, thank god…" Sam said. "Leonard--"

"Hold on just a second, Sam. We're not completely out of the woods just yet. We need to monitor her carefully for a while to make sure her brain doesn't swell. That can happen in cases like this. Right now, we're taking measures necessary to prevent swelling. She's on an IV and oxygen, and she's being monitored closely."

"What happens if it does?" Jim asked, speaking for the first time. He looked so concerned, Leonard longed to reach out to him. Not the time for it though.

"Right now, it doesn't look like that's going to be an issue. We may need to talk about other ways to monitor the pressure in her brain, but that's not something we have to worry about just yet. We're going to keep her here in the Pediatric ICU and monitor her like we're doing just to make sure nothing changes."

"Is she awake? Can we see her?" Sam asked.

"We gave her a sedative so that we could do the CT scan," Leonard paused. She'd regained consciousness in the ambulance, and displayed all the common signs of a brain injury…she was confused and highly emotional. Seeing that had already scared Aurelan, and he didn't want to upset them further, but if they did another scan, they should be ready for it. "Apparently, Kimmie is somewhat claustrophobic. She was a little panicked at first, but the sedative calmed her enough that we could do the test. It might have just been an effect of her injury, but if she has another scan, I don't want you to worry at the way she reacts. She was still asleep when I left, but I'll take you to see her."

"Can I go too? Please?" Janie asked, her eys wet with tears.

Leonard hesitated. Technically, children as young as Janie were not allowed back there, but Janie had seen her fall…knowing that her big sister was okay would make this a lot easier on her. On the other hand, there was no way to know how she was going to react to the way her sister looked right now. He met Jim's eyes, and he saw that Jim understood.

"Janie, why don't you stay out here with me and Joanna? I think only parents are allowed back there, okay?"

For a second Janie looked like she was going to argue, but she deflated quickly, a testament to how rundown she must be feeling. Leonard had seen this before…time spent in waiting rooms just leeched a person's energy, even a child's.

"Okay," she said quietly. Jim picked Janie up and carried her back to the chairs, settling with her in his lap. Leonard squatted down and gave Joanna a hug that she returned fiercely.

"You'll be okay out here with them?" he asked. Joanna nodded.

"I told them you'd fix her," she whispered, giving him a kiss.

"Go ahead with Jim, Baby. I'll be right back." He watched as she went to sit next to Jim. He reached out and put his arm around her, pulling her to him. Turning back to Sam and Aurelan, he gestured that they should follow him.

"Now, I don't want you to be shocked by what you see," he said, turning to them before using his card to gain access to the wing. "She has a bandage on her head from the cut just to help it clot on its own. She's got an IV and an oxygen mask, and she's hooked up to some monitoring equipment. She may still be out…but for now, she's okay. Do you have any questions?"

Clutching each other's hands, Sam and Aurelan shook their heads.

It was always shocking to see a child quiet and unmoving in a hospital bed, and no matter how Leonard described it, the unnaturalness of the situation was almost always enough to bring a parent to tears. This time was no different. Aurelan and Sam moved to the side of their daughter's bed, and she gently took Kim's hand. Sam pushed back the blanket and settled his hand on her leg, needing to be reassured by the warmth of her body. Aurelan leaned forward and brushed her lips over Kim's face.

"Can we stay with her?" she asked in just over a whisper.

"You can both stay with her until visiting hours are over, and then only one of you can stay overnight…I'll arrange for a cot."

Leonard turned and went to the nurse's station to make the request.

"Leonard," Sam said from behind him. He turned and was surprised into silence by the hug he found himself wrapped in. "Thank you. I know you don't really take patients anymore, but thank you for taking care of my little girl." 

After a moment, Leonard managed to unfreeze and brought his arms up around Sam, gently patting his back. "Of course, Sam, of course."

 

* * *

 

Hours later, Leonard finally managed to get home. Kim seemed to be largely out of the woods. She stayed stable, she was alert, knew exactly what happened, up until falling down the stairs and waking up in the ambulance. She didn't remember the earthquake, though, so it was possible she fell just before it and not because of it. She through a fit over having another CT scan, but managed to get through this one with the help of her mother, and without sedatives, which was always preferred. She had one hell of a headache, but that was to be expected with a head injury like hers, and Leonard could take the edge off with medication.

Amazingly, despite having fallen almost half of the staircase, she had no other serious injuries, aside from a bunch of bruises and some scrapes. Children really were remarkable. What could've been a devastating accident turned out to not to be. Leonard wasn't particularly religious, but he was definitely thanking whatever god might be listening for breaking Kim's fall. She would stay in the hospital for maybe another day or two, until they could see evidence that the contusion was fading and so they could continue to monitor her, but all seemed well. He'd passed her care off to the attending doctor, and now, he was finally home.

"Hey," Jim said as he entered the living room. He was on the couch, staring at the television with the sound off.

"Hey," Leonard replied, sitting next to him. He glanced at the tv screen and back at Jim. "You okay?" Jim turned his body towards him, an arm around Leonard's middle, his head on his shoulder. "Where are the girls? Is Janie here?"

"No, Janie wanted to be with her dad. Joanna's in bed. She's fine. Had chicken nuggets for dinner. Didn't take a bath tonight."

"That's fine. Are you okay?" Leonard asked again, gently cupping Jim's head.

Jim didn't answer, but his arm tightened around Leonard. He frowned, stroking Jim's hair. "She's going to be fine. You talked to Aurelan, right?"

Knowing that Jim would be worried, Leonard had been careful to make sure he was updated often. He'd taken the girls back to Sam's house, where Sam joined them eventually; Aurelan stayed at the hospital with Kim. Jim then brought Joanna here. He'd called several times, and knew that Aurelan called at least once.

"Yes, she did. I don't know what's wrong with me," he said quietly. "Sam was so panicked…I was so panicked. And you…you stayed calm." Leonard shrugged, even though Jim couldn't see him. "You took care of all of us."

"It's what I do, Jim."

"Not really," he said lowly. "Not anymore."

Leonard considered that. Sam had said essentially the same thing earlier. After a moment, he sighed and smiled slightly, still stroking Jim's hair.

"It's what I do for family," he ameded.

Jim lifted his head and turned to smile at him. He stretched a bit to give him a kiss. They settled together on the couch, too tired to get up for the time being, securely wrapped in the knowledge and comfort that moving through life alone and unattached was over. Now, they had each other.

 


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leonard makes a decision, for their future together.

Jim looked over at Leonard as he drove. Despite his attempts at creating small talk…about Leonard's work, about Kimmie's headaches, about where to go to eat, even about Joanna…he couldn't get more than a terse word or two out of him at a time. At a stoplight, Jim finally decided that he couldn't take it any more. He hated that Bones was so out of sorts because of something Jim had talked him into, and though he still felt it was the right thing to do, he also felt really bad about the stress it was obviously causing him.

"Look, Bones," he started. "You don't--"

"I can't believe I let you talk me into this!" Leonard exclaimed, almost angrily. "If you're sick of dealing with me…It was the damn nightmare, wasn't it?"

"Bones, don't be ridiculous. Of course I'm not 'sick of dealing with you,'" Jim said firmly. "I love you! And I would have suggested this with our without the nightmare. It's just…I think it'll help. And I know you hate it, but I think you know that too."

The light turned and he made the left. Sighing, he reached across the car to take Bones' hand. He allowed it, but he felt stiff, his hand sweaty.

"You don't do anything you don't want to. Remember telling me that?" Jim asked.

Leonard grunted in acknowledgement. He did. Back when things were still very new and they were deciding which boundaries to keep and which to cross.

"You're…nervous"  _terrified_ "I get that. I even get why…" Bones shot him a look that fell between scorn and disbelief. "I get from a  _clinical_ standpoint the reason why," Jim amended. "But I really do think this will help. Talking to another person…someone who is removed from the situation…will help. I wouldn't have suggested it if I didn't believe that. And we wouldn't be in this car right now if you didn't think it was worth trying."

Bones closed his eyes and tried to ignore the queasy, sick feeling in his stomach. He hated that after all this time, what Michael did  _still_ had an effect on him. He shouldn't feel this…vulnerable, this scared (if he was being honest with himself) because of a fucking  _memory_. It was supposed to be over, and he was supposed to be over it. And yet, he was still dealing with the effects as if it happened yesterday. It just…sucked. It wasn't fair. He just wanted to live his life and forget that it had ever happened.

Swallowing hard, he tried to banish the scenes that flashed across his mind from the nightmare that Leonard knew had brought them to this point, no matter what Jim said. It had been so  _real._ So visceral. All of the feelings in his drug-addled brain that night were duplicated in that crisp way that your subconscious is capable of when dreaming. It was…it was almost as bad as the nightmares he'd suffered right after it had happened. Worse in some ways, because over the years he'd lost the familiarity of the memories, and talking about it with Jim had made it seem so much more fresh in his mind.

It had been a bad one. Jim described it more as a night terror because when Leonard had woken, Jim's hands on him were Michael's…the gentle voice coaxing him to calm down was Michael, trying to soothe him into compliance with false care. He'd lashed out, screaming…begging…tangled in the sheet and mistaking that for the inability to get his muscles to follow his desperate commands to  _get up!, get up!_

The absolute worst part, and the only reason Jim had been able to talk him into this, despite the fact that he really, really didn't want to, was that the commotion had woken Joanna. He hadn't been in any condition to comfort her, so when he was finally able to throw the grip of the nightmare off of him, he'd staggered to the bathroom, closing, but not locking this time, the door behind him, leaving Jim to deal with her. Somehow, he got her to calm down enough to wait in her bedroom, without seeing her father, even though at first she'd tearfully insisted on it. That had given Leonard time to throw up, compose himself as much as he could, brush his teeth, and then go reassure her that he was okay.

It had been incredibly traumatic for her…waking up to hearing her father yelling…begging for help and for some faceless monster to not hurt him. It took a lot more than Leonard had in him to give that night to calm her. She demanded that he lay down with her, but he was still bathed in a cold sweat and he felt like he might throw up again. So, he told her that he had a stomach bug. He'd had to leave her, crying, with Jim. It broke his heart to hear her ask him again and again, "But why was he yelling for help?" Thank god, because of Jim, she'd finally been able to accept that he was fine, that he'd had a bad dream, and that he just wasn't feeling well. He never, never wanted to put her through that again. So, here they were…Leonard once again feeling like he was about to get reacquainted with the contents of his stomach.

"Bones," Jim said. "We're here." Leonard opened his eyes and looked around in surprise. They were in a parking garage. His heart was thudding in his chest and he could feel it in his head. This was a terrible idea. He was willing to bet his blood pressure was throught the roof – he was going to give himself a stroke.

"Jim," he said hoarsely. "I don't think I can do this. I can't just talk about it to a – to a stranger…about what Michael did...like we're talking about the damn weather." He paused, looking away in discomfort. "I-I don't want anyone to know. I didn't even want you to know," he said in a small voice, flushing darkly.

This, Jim knew, was more the real problem. The paralyzing, silencing shame of what happened. Bones' had a distorted idea that he'd voiced before… "young and stupid"…as if being a year or two older would have stopped someone from drugging his drink. As if he'd brought it on himself, because of what he wasn't willing to do with Michael. The handful of times they'd talked about it, Jim had noticed that Bones couldn't even call it what it was: "attempted rape." He used euphemisms… "what happened," and "what he did," and sometimes just "it". Jim also wasn't completely convinced that Bones had told him everything. It wasn't necessarily anything that Bones said, but Jim just had the feeling that there was something else that he still hadn't said out loud.

Jim grasped Bones' arm, leaning close to him over the center of the car. "You can do this. You can. I know you can, because you're probably the strongest person I know. You've made some hard decisions for Joanna's benefit. You can do this, too. For her, and for yourself, and for us. And you have  _nothing_  to be ashamed of. Do you understand me? Nothing. And I've told you, he's not a stranger. I've known him for a long time. I trust him. He's helped me to deal with what was left over from Frank. I trust that he can help you."

"Have you talked to him about me? Does he…does he already know?" Jim paused before answering. He loved that Bones trusted him enough to trust him with his heart, and be so willing to continue to work on trusting him with his body, and that he could be vulnerable with Jim and not feel the need to hide anymore. But Jim also knew that his effectiveness as a therapist for Bones was completely compromised by their relationship. Not to mention the fact that he really didn't want that role. He wanted to be Bones' boyfriend, his lover, his family…not his counselor. They needed someone else…and he  _had_ discussed that.

"I've known him for a long time…he's been my mentor throughout my Master's and Ph.D. work, he's helped me with my own crap issues…and he's a friend of mine, Bones," Jim answered finally. "I've told him that I found a wonderful guy and that we really just connected with each other. I've also told him that I thought he might be able to help you get past some stuff…I didn't tell him what. That wasn't my choice to make."

Bones still hadn't made a move to get out of the car yet. Jim was going to have to push him, he knew. And if they were going to do this, they had to do it now. Letting him give up and just drive back home without even setting foot in the therapist's office would set a bad precedence, one that Jim wanted very much to avoid.

"C'mon Bones. Let's go." Jim got out of the car and walked around to Leonard's side. When he got there, Leonard opened the door on his own and stood. Jim shut his door for him and set the alarm. He faced Leonard and gripped his arms tightly. "I love you. I love that you are willing to do what's best for your daughter, even if it's hard for you. And I love that you trust me…that we trust each other…with the things in our lives that truly suck. And I love that you trust me enough to listen to me when I tell you that this is something that we need." He pulled Bones into a hug. "So that we can have our life together."

_That_ sounded good…a life with Jim…just Jim…without the ghost of that single event in his past constantly hanging over them. Jim felt Bones nod against him. "Okay. Okay, let's go. Before I change my mind. What's his name again?"

 

* * *

 

Leonard wasn't sure what he was expecting, but what his initial impressions seemed to be a little out of line with what he thought he was going to get. Instead of an older, grandfather-figure type, he was an older, father-figure type. He looked like he could ex-military as he was very fit, had a straightness to his back and shoulders that seemed to be a learned posture, rather than a natural one, and salt and pepper hair mostly salt. He looked dignified and respectable…that was something anyway.

"Jim…good to see you, son. How've you been?" 

Leonard watched with bemusement as Jim and the therapist shook hands and embraced briefly.

"I've been good. Real good. There have been some…really excellent developments in my life," Jim said, glancing at Leonard. The older man smiled.

"So I've heard. I'm Chris Pike," he said, extending a hand to Leonard.

"Leonard McCoy," he replied, shaking his hand curtly.

"Good to meet you Leonard. Call me Chris. I understand we're all doctors of one type or another here. No need to belabor the point."

"Well, not yet," Jim interjected. Chris raised his eyebrow at Jim.

"Hm. Close enough. Finally."

"Finally?" Jim repeated incredulously. He'd done the Master's in less time than most, and definitely the Ph.D. Chris waved his hand dismissively.

"Yeah, yeah. You're brilliant. Whatever."

Leonard smiled slightly as Jim huffed in mock annoyance. He could see himself liking this guy, if the circumstances were a little different.

"Anyway. Leonard, care to sit down?" he said, indicating a seating area in the corner of the room. Three individual chairs, a short, regular couch. No "therapist's couch" – not that Leonard would use it anyway. "Jim, are you gonna hang out in the waiting room?"

"No," Leonard said quickly. "He's staying."

Chris and Jim exchanged a quick glance.

"Leonard, it might be a better use--"

"Look, Chris. I'm here because Jim thinks it's a good idea. And in this situation, I'm the paying customer. So I say he stays," Leonard said. His eyes flicked to Jim's, and though Jim knew that Chris would want him to say no, that it would be better if Leonard talked to Chris on his own, the look in Leonard's eyes stopped him. He was here, despite the fact that it was obviously difficult for him. Jim could meet him half way.

"Yeah, sure…I'll stay," Jim said. Chris stifled a sigh and a roll of his eyes. The kid was such a pushover. He was going to have to work on that.

"Okay," Chris said, keeping his voice genial. "That's fine. Let's take a seat."

Once settled, Leonard and Chris sitting in two of the chairs, Jim slumped comfortably on the couch, Chris took a moment to observe Leonard. He looked tense…very uncomfortable. It was interesting that he chose not to sit on the couch next to Jim despite being so adamant that he stay.

"So, Leonard. I understand that you have a little girl."

"Uh…yes. She's five…in Jim's class actually." 

Chris smiled. "I remember five. That's a great age. I'm not a grandpa yet, but I got three…youngest is Jim's age…and the oldest has two on the way. Twins." He nodded to the wall on the right where family pictures hung. "The girl in the red dress…that's the mom-to-be." Leonard looked over at the pictures and examined them. Two young women and a young man at various points in their lives were displayed proudly. "How's she adapting to the move?" Chris continued. "From Georgia right? That's quite a change for a five year old."

They spent the next few minutes talking about Joanna, moved on to the reason for moving, which led to a discussion of Leonard's work. It was…puzzling. Not at all what he was expecting it to be…no questions about his mother or anything like that…and Leonard found himself relaxing into the conversation. Chris was intelligent and had some interesting suggestions on ways to help Joanna open up in the classroom a little more and deal with the effects of the hyperacusis. They touched upon how Kim was doing and the after-effects of the injury she was experiencing. And Leonard almost didn't even realize it when Chris finally brought the conversation back around to what they were actually here for. They'd been talking about how Kim's experience with the CT scan had woken her with bad dreams for a couple of days afterwards.

"Does that happen to you Leonard? When you start having nightmares, do they last a couple of days and then dissipate?"

Leonard glanced away from Chris to find Jim's steady, comforting gaze. He licked his lips nervously.

"Not this time, no. It was just the…just the one."

"Do you remember anything about it?"

"I remember everything about it. I – I remember all of it as if it happened last month, not fifteen years ago." 

Chris nodded. "Yeah…screwy the way our brains work, isn't it? It does seem like we're more likely to remember a traumatic event in startling detail rather than the best day of our lives."

Leonard gave him a slightly dubious look. As a doctor, Chris should know this.

"Oh, it's definitely that way," Leonard said. "It has to do with the amygdala and hippocampus and the types of proteins they release in response to highly emotionally arousing events. That's why even if a person's chemical balance is… compromised…in some way, those memories tend to stick around."

"That's right," Chris said, leaning forward to put his elbows on his knees. "But there's also an emotional response attached to those memories…and that's why it's helpful to find someone to help you work through it. Leonard, the memories will always be there. It's the emotional response to them that we can work on…give you back some of the control over the way you respond to memories, and to nightmares. So, what do you think? Are you ready to start working on that?"

Leonard glanced at Jim who was watching him with a neutral expression. He couldn't stop the hope from showing in his eyes, though.

"Yes."


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The clarity that comes before dawn, and a new experience.

"Daddy?" Joanna whispered. "Daddy?"

Leonard stirred, his daughter's voice quickly pulling him from a deep sleep to almost complete wakefulness between one breath and the next.

"Baby..." he said, eyes going to the alarm clock by the bed. 3:24 am. "Is something wrong?"

Joanna was standing by the bed, holding one of her stuffed animals by the ear, her other hand gently patting Leonard's shoulder. Reaching out to her, he squinted to see her in the low light of his bedroom.

"It's too dark in my room," she said. "Can I sleep with you?"

Leonard reached out and ran his hand over her soft, thick hair. She hadn't done this…woken up in the middle of the night and come in to his room…in a very long time, and he thought he might know the cause…it was probably his fault. He really shouldn't allow this, but there was no way he could ignore the way she was looking at him, and he caved embarrassingly quickly. She so had him wrapped around her finger.

"Just for tonight, okay?" he whispered.  Joanna nodded. "All right, then. Come on up here… Oof … you're getting big," he said, as he used one arm to help boost her up onto the raised mattress while still lying down.

"I'm five," she reminded him. Again. "I  _am_ big."

Leonard smiled, but didn't reply, not wanting to draw her into too much conversation. He still had some hope of being able to get a few more hours of sleep before the day started.

"Okay, come on, lie down." He turned on his side and lifted the blanket so she could get in. She squirmed around a bit, and he brought a knee up slightly to protect himself from little feet coming close to sensitive areas. When she finally settled, she yawned, resting her head on his arm and cuddling against his chest facing him, her stuffed animal lodged beneath her chin between them. Leonard tenderly held her, his arm following the curve of her body down her back. He gave her a gentle squeeze, dropping a kiss on her head. "Love you, Darlin'," he said softly.

"Love you too, Daddy," she murmured, already half asleep again.

Leonard closed his eyes and listened to the sound of Joanna's breath. He inhaled deeply, losing himself in the scent of her; lightly scented shampoo and bubblegum toothpaste and something that he just recognizes as  _her_ – as unmistakable as it was unidentifiable. Her warm little body, still baby soft and so very fragile, went fully limp against him as she dropped into sleep completely. Opening his eyes, Leonard studied her face. Her dark lashes fluttered slightly as she sighed in her sleep. Her full lips were parted, baby teeth just visible.

Five years, and he was still in awe over her, just like he had been since the first time he held her. In the still and quiet moment, he reflected on this miracle – that somehow, he'd been given the gift of this perfect little life. Every day he prayed that misfortune would stay away from them; that she would grow up happy, healthy, and whole; that he would be enough for her, even though he could never replace what having a mother would've given her.

Leonard closed his eyes and felt himself drifting into sleep, still seeing his daughter's face in his mind's eye. Then, he pictured her the night he'd woken her up with his nightmare. Once again, he should've done better.  _Jim's right,_ floated through his mind.  _Best for her._

* * *

 

Holding a bagful of groceries, Jim used his key to open the back door. To his surprise, the alarm beeped. Punching in the code quickly, he paused to listen to the house. Bones usually turned the alarm off when he woke up. He didn't hear anything though; no tv, no shower, and most telling no Joanna, to suggest that they were awake…or even home. Frowning slightly in confusion, he glanced at the microwave clock – 7:45. It was little earlier than they'd planned for him to come for breakfast, but only a few minutes. They should be up by now.

Jim moved into the kitchen fully, setting the bag down on the counter. As he crossed through the living room, he looked out the window…they were home, or at least Bones' car was home. He quietly made his way down the hall. Joanna's door was wide open; her pillow was on the floor, sound therapy machine on, but she wasn't in there. Coming up to Bones' partially open door, Jim pushed it open a little further and stuck his head in. He froze, a smile spreading across his face as he took in the scene. Father and daughter were laying together sleeping soundly, Joanna's back to Bones' chest. He had his arm around her, and her head was cradled in his open palm. A stuffed toy lay on the floor.

Glad that he'd thought to bring a camera for today's outing, Jim silently withdrew and quickly headed back to the kitchen. Grabbing the camera, he slipped his sneakers off and hurried back, being as quiet as he could. He didn't know how late Joanna had kept her father up, but he knew that he probably didn't have much more time before she woke, and he just had to get this picture. Entering the room, he crept to the bed and got on his knees, so that he could get the shot directly facing them. With their dark hair against the light-colored bedding, it looked like a posed scene…though Jim doubted Bones could reproduce that completely relaxed expression on his face that only ever graced his features in sleep. It made him look younger, less weighed down. Joanna always looked adorable, but positioned next to her father like she was, held with such care, seemed to exemplify her innocence and Bones' desire to protect her.

The light in the room let in by the partially drawn shades was enough so that the flash wasn't necessary. Jim took a couple of pictures, examining them on the camera's screen. Satisfied, he got to his feet and quietly backed out of the room. As he headed back to the kitchen, Jim wondered what Bones was protecting her from that caused her to seek him out last night. Deciding to just let them wake up on their own – it wasn't as if they were on a tight schedule today or anything – Jim made himself busy by putting on a pot of coffee and preparing the batter for pancakes.

A few minutes later Jim paused as he was pulling items out of the grocery bag. He smiled as he heard stirring in the house...a voice too quiet to make out, the sound of a door closing, then the sound of steps. Bones wrapped his arms around him from behind, and Jim let his head fall back to rest on his shoulder.

"Mornin'," he said, voice low and rough with sleep he hadn't shaken off yet. Jim turned his head to kiss his jaw, stubble gently scratching at his skin and lips.

"Good morning," he replied.

"Been here long?"

Jim glanced at the microwave clock. "No…about twenty minutes or so. I got here a bit early. I saw that Jo was sleeping with you...everything okay last night?"

Bones sighed and moved away from him, reaching to get a mug from the cupboard.

"You want a cup?" he asked.

"Sure."

Bones pulled two mugs down and poured the coffee."She woke me up around 3:30, saying her room was too dark. I think she probably had a nightmare about the night I woke her up."

"Did she say that?" Jim asked, concerned. He'd hoped that the event would be quickly forgotten.

"No. I didn't want to ask because I didn't want her to end up too awake to fall back to sleep easily," Leonard said, and Jim nodded. "And she did…we both did."

"Yeah, I saw. You were sound asleep when I got here." 

Leonard took a sip of his coffee and studied Jim for a moment as he pulled a pan from the cabinet. "She hasn't done that since she was four, and now four days after I scare the living daylights out of her she's asking to sleep with me…what else could it be? So, child psychologist extraordinaire, did I scar her for life?" The question was asked with a nonchalant tone, but Jim knew better. Bones would beat himself up over it if Joanna continued to suffer from bad dreams because of him. The thing was, he was probably right.

"No. Not for life, at least. Kids don't actually sleep all that soundly. They go from light to heavy sleep several times during the night. Could be that something registered during the lighter part of her sleep cycle that woke her up. That actually probably happens a lot, but this time she acted on it – maybe because of that night. But I wouldn't worry. Next time she asks to sleep with you though, I'd walk her back to her room instead," Jim advised. Leonard nodded. He pulled plates and utensils out to set the table. Jim carried a plate piled with pancakes to the table and went back to give the pan with the sausages a shake.

"So…are you going to see Chris again?" Jim asked as casually as he could. Bones had said during that first visit that he was ready to start really working on things, but they'd left without making another appointment. Jim chalked it up to just wanting to put an end to the emotionally taxing effort, but it was three days later, and as far as Jim knew, he hadn't called to make set another day and time. Leonard sighed.

"Yeah. I know I should. And I realized last night that you're right; I  _have_ to, for myself, and for us, but especially for her. She's already down one parent. The one she still has needs to be…complete. I'll call him tomorrow." 

Jim smiled at him sympathetically and gave him a kiss. "You are complete," he said. "Chris will just help you to really see that. You know, if you just started with the assumption that I'm always right, everything would be a lot quicker." 

Leonard snorted, and hid a smile behind his coffee mug. "Fat chance of that."

"What's she up to anyway?" Jim asked. "Breakfast is just about done."

"She insisted on dressing herself. Thing is, she can never get the bathing suit on right. I'll go make sure she didn't manage to tie herself up if she doesn't come out here soon."

Jim chuckled and pulled the pan off the stove, divvying up the links to the three plates. Leonard set out glasses of juice, and was just about to go check on her when she appeared in the kitchen.

"Daddy? I need help. Hi Uncle Jim."

"Hey little-" Jim cut himself off and promptly choked on strangled laughter. Leonard turned quickly to see what was up.

"Oh, Joanna…what did you do, Darlin'?" Leonard asked, caught somewhere between dismay and amusement.

"Look, I put my bathing suit on right all by myself!" she announced proudly, completely missing the point. "But I need help with the sunscreen." That was an understatement. Joanna had smeared way too much on herself. Her arms, legs and face were coated with it, making her look like someone had covered her with white paint.

"Okay…let's go to the bathroom. Just don't…don't touch anything!" Leonard exclaimed, grabbing her hand as she reached to get her cup of juice. He led her out of the kitchen.

"What did I tell you about letting me put on the sunscreen?" Jim heard him ask.

"I wanted to do it by myself!"

Shaking his head in amusement, he turned the oven on warm and transferred the pancakes and sausages to a baking sheet. No sense in eating a cold breakfast.

 

* * *

 

This was Chris Pike's idea. He'd suggested spending time in places that had the same quality of susurration as her sound machine; the beach, cars passing by on the Golden Gate Bridge, wind blowing through tree tops, hiking or boating down a rushing river …all fun ways to get her acclimated to those types of noises, hopefully with the result of augmenting the therapy Dr. Spock had her on.

Jim had thought walking or biking along the Golden Gate Bridge sounded like fun…it was open to pedestrians during daylight hours, and he could imagine how beautiful it would be to look out on a clear day. Also, though he'd lived in San Francisco for a few years, and he'd driven across the bridge, he'd never taken a walk on it. But Bones had nixed that idea. Apparently, a fear of snakes was laughable, but a fear of heights? Totally serious business.

So, they decided on a day at the beach. It would be Joanna's first. The water would probably be too cold for swimming, but Joanna could play in the surf, build her first sandcastle, and see what they could find in the tide pools.

There were folks up and down the beach, but it wasn't particularly crowded. As they made their way across the sand, they could see surfers riding the waves. Armed with blankets, a cooler of drinks and snacks, a bag of sand toys and some books, they staked out a good spot. Jim and Leonard set everything up while Joanna stood staring at the water, turning her head to look up and down the length of the coast. Finished, Leonard knelt beside her, handing her sunglasses that she obediently put on without having to be told. As long as they matched her pink bathing suit, she was happy to wear them.

"Do you know what ocean this is?" he asked.

"Pacific," she answered immediately. "I remember seeing it on the big map in Uncle Jim's classroom."

"Very good. Do you want to get closer?"

"Will you hold me?"

"I'll hold your hand." 

Joanna contemplated the waves for a moment before nodding. "Okay." 

Leonard stood and took her hand.

"Uncle Jim!" she called, holding her other hand out. "Will you come with us?"

Not even bothering to conceal his delight, Jim bounded over to them and took her offered hand happily. Together they walked towards the water, stopping just shy of the surf's reach.

"It's so  _big_!" she exclaimed. They exchanged a glance and a smile over her head. "It sounds like my machine, too, only louder."

"Too loud?" Leonard asked her. 

Joanna shook her head. "No. I like it," she answered.

"Want to get your feet wet?" Jim asked. Joanna nodded, so they walked closer, stepping onto the wet sand just as the last wave rushed out. When the surf met their feet, Joanna gasped in surprise.

"It's cold!" She pulled her hand free to dance out of the way of the water. As it receeded, she was unable to resist and walked back down towards it, flexing her toes in the wet sand. The next time a wave came in she stood still, allowing the water to rush over her ankles. She giggled with delight as the force of the water pulled sand out from under her feet as it retreated. She tipped her head to watch seagulls fly above them. Jim scooped a palm-full of water and tossed it at her, while she wasn't looking, catching her arms and belly. Joanna jumped and looked at him, a mischievous smile on her face. "Uncle Jim! I'm going to get you for that!"

Leonard backed up and sat on the sand, content to watch the two of them play and splash each other in the surf, until they turned their attention on him…then it was a three-way contest to see who could get the others the most wet.

It was a beautiful day.


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leonard has his second visit with Chris Pike, and has a revelation.

Leonard sat stiffly, eyes focused somewhere over Chris' left shoulder. He didn't want to say anything until he was sure his voice would stay steady, so he concentrated on the feel of his heart thudding in his chest, trying to get it to slow. Chris sat patiently; relaxed, waiting.

"So…" Leonard finally said, forcing himself to meet Chris' eyes after a few moments. "How does this work?" 

Chris shrugged slightly. "Pretty much any way you want it to. Where do you want to start?"

His nerves making his temper shorter than usual, Leonard clamped down on the urge to raise his voice in frustration.

_Aren't you the goddamn therapist? How the hell do I know where to start?_  Leonard thought. There were several possible starting points in this whole fucked up situation. The night he freaked out and locked himself in the bathroom came to mind. Or the nightmare. Or, at the beginning when Michael did what he did. All were good possibilities…all felt as equally impossible to just start talking about. How do you just start talking about something like this?

Chris casually observed Leonard as he obviously struggled. Sometimes, letting people pick a point to just start talking worked. Sometimes it didn't.

"What made you decide to come for a second appointment?" Chris asked. Leonard visibly relaxed…that was an easy question for him, apparently.

"My daughter…and, well, and Jim. But mostly my daughter. Did…did Jim tell you about the night I had the, uh, the nightmare?"

"Yes, he mentioned it."

"Did he tell you what it was about?"

"Nothing beyond the fact that it had to do with why he suggested we meet." Leonard nodded, feeling a strange mix of disappointment and relief. On one hand he wished that Jim had said something about it so that he would be spared the humiliation of going through the whole story. On the other, he was relieved that Jim wasn't talking about his issues to him. "Do you want to tell me what it was about?" Chris asked when Leonard seemed content to the silence go on.

_No._

"I scared Joanna that night," Leonard said in a low voice. "She kept asking Jim why I was yelling for help. Thank god Jim was there," he added, almost as an afterthought.

"You were pretty incapacitated when you woke up?" Chris asked. 

Leonard snorted. "Yeah, that's putting it mildly. It took me a few minutes to even realize I was awake."

"What were you dreaming about?" 

Leonard rubbed his sweaty hands on thighs, focusing his gaze somewhere on the floor. "I…I was – it was about the night someone drugged me and then…uh…tried to f-force me," he managed to say, feeling his face heat.

"This embarrasses you," Chris said. Leonard didn't even bother to try to dignify that with a response. He was pretty damn sure it was painfully obvious he was embarrassed. "Why?"

_Why? Because it's embarrassing, you asshole,_ Leonard thought. He was unable to come up with an acceptable answer, so he just clenched his jaw and shook his head, keeping his gaze focused on the floor.

"Do you think you could have stopped the person who tried to force you?"

"I  _did_  try. I was drugged. I couldn't stop him."

"How were you drugged?"

"They put something – GHB – in my drink."

_They,_ Chris noted.  _He went from "he" to "they"._

"Did you know these people?"

"Yes."

"Trust them?"

Leonard paused. "Well, not the 'with my life' kind of trust. But, yeah. It's not like I just met them that night. I knew them. And I trusted them."

"Any reason to think they were planning to drug you and force you to do something you didn't want to?" Chris answered. Leonard looked up sharply at that.

"No," he said, his voice gruff. "Of course not." Chris nodded.

"So…people you knew, people you trusted, made the decision to drug you, without your knowledge, and ignore you when you tried to make them stop."

"Yeah," Leonard said.

"And there was more than one person involved – working together against you."

Leonard hesitated. Had he said that?  _Damn it. I did._ He hadn't even told Jim about that…that there was a great soundtrack along with the visuals…jeering laughter, crude, cruel taunts about his body – how he looked, his inability to get hard – from people he  _knew_. Thought he knew.

"Yeah," Leonard admitted quietly.

"How many?" 

Leonard swallowed. "Three, all together."

"Three against one…drugged or not, they would've had the advantage. Don't you think?"

"Yes," he agreed.

"Right. So. Basically, people you knew well enough to consider friends drugged you and ganged up on you. Doesn't seem to me like you personally have anything to be embarrassed about."

Leonard didn't respond. When he thought about it like that, yeah, maybe not so embarrassed as much as righteously pissed off. That was different. That felt…better actually.

Chris watched the expression on Leonard's face shift as he considered that statement. So often, Chris knew, male assault victims dealt with a great deal of shame stemming from the idea and feeling that, as a man, he should've been able to protect himself, even when the attackers had the clear advantage. Getting past that was an important part of the battle. Hearing it from someone not connected…not a loved one, not a significant other…was sometimes the boost needed to make them start believing it.

"Why don't you think about that for a while," Chris said.

 

* * *

 

"How come I'm staying with you? Where's Daddy?" Joanna asked. Jim feigned an exaggerated, hurt expression, holding his hand over his heart.

"But, but don't you wanna play with meee?" he asked, crumpling his face as if to cry. Joanna giggled at his antics and nodded.

"I do want to play with you Unc…um, Mr. Kirk!" she insisted, her face pinking at her slip. "But where's Daddy?"

Smiling now, Jim straightened and gently tugged on a lock of hair that had fallen out of her ponytail. "He just has an appointment, so he'll meet us at home in a little while, okay?"

"Okay. Are we staying here long?"

"Not too long. Maybe about ten minutes. That okay with you?"

"Yup! Can I work in the math book?"

"You can play, Jo, or read, if you want."

"I know…but I like the math book. I wanna figure out the mulplic..." she trailed off, caught on the word.

"Mul-ti-pli-ca-tion," Jim enunciated carefully.

"Yeah, that…that you showed me today," she said.  Jim shook his head in fond amusement. He'd spent just a few minutes doing simple multiplication with her earlier in the day, giving her the basic idea with ones and twos, and now she was choosing to work on something she couldn't even pronounce, and was technically at least 3 grades ahead of her, for fun. It was ridiculous how proud he was of her, considering she wasn't even his child. Not really, anyway.

"Okay, sure. Knock yourself out," he said, handing her the workbook. He'd bought it for her after she'd demonstrated how well-developed her number sense was, and when he noticed she was done working on whatever the class was doing, he'd give her a page out of it and a brief explanation. He'd also been working with her reading ability. He saw it as a way to get her to come out of her shell, because when she was reading out loud, she seemed to lose the self-consciousness that hung on her during other interactions with students. He was working her up to something he wanted Bones to witness, and she was getting there.

She settled with the workbook at one of the tables and Jim turned to do the last few things he needed to finish before leaving for the day. It was difficult to keep his mind on the rather dry paperwork in front of him though…he was thinking about Bones. He was in his second session with Chris right now. This one had almost been canceled because Chris had his secretary schedule it for when Jim was purposefully unavailable – teaching.

" _I don't like the idea of going there without you," Bones had admitted a few days ago when he reluctantly agreed to the appointment day and time. They were lying together in bed, in what was becoming their customary position…Jim's back to Bones' front. Although they were nearly the same height, Bones had more width through his shoulders, and they just fit together comfortably like that._

" _Why?" Jim asked, genuinely curious. He felt the shrug behind him._

" _I don't really know," Bones said quietly. "I guess it's just a security thing." He snorted. "How pathetic is that?"_

" _It's not pathetic at all," Jim said. "You're a…very guarded person. You take careful care of who you allow in your life. Granting someone like Chris, someone you don't know, that kind of access to what you're thinking…what you're feeling and remembering…that's not easy."_

" _Yeah, not really helping there, Jim," Bones said drily. Jim smiled and reached behind himself blindly, running a hand through Bones' hair._

" _Sorry," he murmured. "It is what it is. You'll get there, and you'll be fine. And, hey, if you're not, it's not like you can't just leave."_

Jim sincerely hoped that he had gotten there, and was fine. Of course, he hadn't received a phone call from Bones yet, so more than likely everything was going well. Snapping himself out of it, he focused on the computer screen in front of him, and got to work.

"Okay, Jo…let's wrap it up," Jim said a little while later. He leaned over the table where she was working to look at the workbook. "How're you doing?"

"Good," she said. Jim noticed that she'd taken some crayons from the box in the center of the table and was using them to illustrate the questions she was answering. "I think I understand."

"Yeah?" Jim said, pulling a chair away from the table and sitting on the floor next to her. "Can you show me?" 

Joanna nodded. "If I have two piles of crayons and each pile has three crayons, that equals six. And if I change it so there are three piles of crayons that have two in it, that's still six. So…two crayons times three piles is the same as three piles time two crayons."

"Wow, Jo. That's pretty brilliant. You're a smart little girl, you know that?" Jim asked. And just like any time he gave her father a compliment, Joanna looked down and shrugged.

"I just understand it," she said. She looked back up at him. "Thank you for showing me."

Jim looked at her, and despite the fact that he normally didn't treat her as anything other than a student in the classroom, even when it was just the two of them, he was overcome by the desire to hug her. So he did. Gently pulling her to him, he held her for a moment, relishing the feel of her head on his shoulder as she hugged him back.

"You're welcome. Ready to go?" he asked, letting her go and getting to his feet.

"Yes, I just need to get my lunchbox."

 

* * *

 

"Hi Daddy!" Joanna called when Leonard let himself in the apartment. She got up and ran to him, jumping up so that he could catch her and lift to settle on his hip.

"Hi Baby. Did you have a good day today?"

"Yes. Uncle Jim taught me mulplic – mulc…what's the word?" 

Leonard raised his eyebrows in surprise. "Multiplication," he supplied.

"Yes! Ones and twos. Some threes. Not all. It was easy," she said.

"Easy, huh?" He carried her into the living room. "Where is Uncle Jim?"

"Kitchen!" he called. "Trying to figure out what to do for dinner."

"Having any luck?"

"Not really. You need to go shopping man."

Leonard nodded. "I know. We'll go tomorrow. Tonight, we have plans."

"We do?" Jim asked, puzzled. He didn't remember making any specific plans this Friday night.

"Yes, we do. Guess who's coming over tonight?" he asked Joanna.

"Umm…who?"

"Sarah!"

"She is?" Jim asked. He hadn't even realized Bones had called her.

"Yup. She'll be here in about twenty minutes…and it's going to be a sleepover." Leonard said, throwing a grin at Jim, but still talking to Joanna. Joanna's eyes lit up. It'd been a while since Sarah had watched her.

"Oh, yay!" Joanna said excitedly. "Put me down Daddy." She squirmed until Leonard complied. "I have to go choose the games we're going to play and set up my room!" She ran out of the kitchen. Leonard briefly wondered what she meant by "set up her room," but figured Sarah would handle it when she got here.

"What's going on Bones?" Jim asked, interested. Sarah staying overnight usually meant that they got to have a night alone together too. It'd been a while since they'd had the opportunity to spend time like that without having to be constantly concerned about Joanna's presence. Jim was growing to love her, but getting used to not being able to do whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted was a bit of an adjustment. And as at home he felt at Bones' place, he didn't feel completely relaxed there like he did at his own kids-free apartment. He was learning, but these times were really appreciated too.

Leonard smiled at him, his eyes traveling over Jim's body suggestively. "Nothing," he said. "Just wanted some time with you. Let me order a pizza for the girls and then grab some things to take with me."

"Okay…" Jim said. He watched bemusedly as Leonard placed the call. He seemed to be in a really good mood, which wasn't necessarily what Jim was expecting. Not that he was complaining about it at all. Finished placing the order, Leonard walked over to Jim and kissed him, letting the kiss deepen as he stroked Jim's jaw.

"Thank you," he said, pulling away. 

Jim took a breath and tried to get himself to focus. "For what?"

"For…well, for everything." Bones said, leaning in to give him another kiss, this one quicker, but no less tender. Jim pulled back, smiling.

"You going to tell me what brought this on?" Jim asked.

Leonard shrugged, a small smile on his face. "Do I need a reason?"

"Bones, you never need a reason any time you want to hire a babysitter so we get to have some alone adult time," Jim said, throwing him a wink. Leonard flushed slightly, but smiled back, holding Jim's gaze.

"I just want to spend some time with you. Just you. And not have anything else hanging over me and what we do together," he said quietly. Jim's light-heartedness dimmed just slightly.

"And…and you think we're to that point after a second session with Chris?" Jim asked hesitantly, trying not to sound too analytical. The look Leonard gave him greatly relieved the concern Jim had, though.

"Of course not. I know he's your mentor Jim, but he's not that good."

"Oh….okay. So, then what…?"

"Chris gave me a…new way to think about things," Leonard said. Seeing the expression on Jim's face, he sighed. "Look Jim – I've lived with this for almost fifteen years. And all that time I thought about it as something I should've had control over. I just…I guess I don't think that anymore. Okay? I'm not saying I'm completely over it or anything like that. I just don't feel so guilty about it anymore."

Jim held his gaze for a long moment, then pressed a kiss to his lips and drew him into a hug. Jim didn't understand. Not completely. But something Chris said got through to him, and Jim could see that Bones truly believed what he was saying.

"You have no idea how glad I am to hear that," Jim said fiercely.


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim and Leonard have an evening to themselves.

After stopping for a quick dinner at a little hole-in-the-wall Italian restaurant, they headed over to Jim's place. Conversation at dinner had stayed casual, and Jim continued to be slightly taken aback by Bones' light-hearted demeanor. They talked about Jim's progress on the final stages of his Ph.D. work, and Bones' latest round of research and his experiences in the classroom. Jim filled him in on why Joanna was learning multiplication and they again discussed getting her assessed officially. It had been nice; to just be able to spend time together and forget some of the things that'd been hanging over them…if even for a little while. They didn't talk about his appointment with Chris, or anything having to do with it. They didn't talk about the trouble Mrs. Keefe was still quietly stirring in the background that Jim got wind of earlier in the week. He knew they were going to have to talk about that sometime, but he didn't want to ruin this evening with it. It was easy, and fun, and Jim relished just being with Bones.

"Want a beer or anything?" Jim asked, opening his fridge.

"I'm good," Leonard answered. He'd noticed that Jim hardly drank at all, undoubtedly because of Frank, and he got the sense that he kept beer around and offered them more as a social convention than anything else. Leonard didn't drink much himself, and beer wasn't his first choice anyway. Leonard wandered into the living room and reached for the tv remote. He noticed there were a couple of new framed photographs on top of Jim's tv console, and when he saw the pictures, he froze in surprise. Moving closer to study them, he reached to take one down as Jim joined him, a bottle of water in hand.

Jim watched as Bones took in the photograph. He'd printed two copies and found a couple of nice frames for them, intending to give Bones one and keep the other. Jim grinned as Bones looked from the picture to him, his eyes warm, and slightly confused.

"Jim?" Leonard asked. Jim smiled and shrugged, a little embarrassed at the implied sentimentality.

"The day we went to the beach. I went looking for you guys when I got there and came across a perfect Kodak moment," Jim replied. "I couldn't resist. Do you like it?"

"Like it? It's amazing! I love it. I don't have a lot of pictures of the two of us…I'm usually the one holding the camera." Leonard was quiet for a moment, his eyes traveling over the picture before flicking back up to Jim. It was just a picture, but the fact that Jim wanted to take it seemed…really significant somehow. The act of taking the picture said so much – about how Jim felt about the two of them, about their relationship, and perhaps more importantly, Jim's relationship to both of them. What they had happened so fast, but they really were steeped in each other's lives. Leonard didn't know why the picture, or more accurately the fact that Jim had wanted to take this picture, really drove that home, but it did. Gently, he replaced the picture next to its twin and turned to Jim. Leonard reached out for him and Jim met him eagerly. They held each other and Leonard kissed him tenderly.

"Thank you," he said. Jim smiled and ran a hand through his hair.

"Thank you for letting me be there," he replied, and they both knew the extent of Jim's meaning.

Looking into Jim's eyes, Leonard made a decision. He didn't want to lose the mood of the evening, or dwell on things that would pull him down, especially since he'd really been feeling better since Chris spelled out the situation as it really was. He'd meant what he said to Jim earlier…he knew he wasn't "cured," but this small victory was a milestone for him, and he wanted to share it with Jim. He was only feeling this way because of him and what he'd done for Leonard by introducing him to Chris. Also, he'd said that he would eventually tell Jim everything, and he hadn't yet. He felt it was time he did. He wanted them, and their relationship, to continue moving forward. Jim had carried him this far. It was time for him to take some steps too.

"Let's sit, Jim," he said quietly, leading them over to the couch. "Do you want to hear about my appointment with Chris?"

_Yes!_ Jim thought.

"Only if you want to tell me," he said slowly. "I won't be hurt at all if you want to keep what you talk about in your sessions to yourself." 

Bones leaned in and kissed him again. "I know. And maybe sometimes I will, but this…this I want to tell you. There's…there's something else you need to know."

Jim looked at Bones, compassion and love in his eyes as clear as day. Bones tried to hold Jim's gaze, but it was just too intense, and he ended up looking away, falling back on the old comfort of being able to hide what he was feeling that way. Jim didn't say anything, just sat and waited for whatever it was Bones wanted to tell him. He spoke slowly, haltingly, but with a sense of determination. After everything Jim did for him, and for Joanna, he deserved his honesty. Especially about this.

"I think…I know…that one of the hardest things I tried to deal with after what happened was feeling like I should've been able to do something to stop it from happening. And that because I couldn't, I was weak; and because I didn't see it coming, I was stupid." He paused and Jim really had a hard time keeping himself quiet. He didn't want to interrupt, but he couldn't stand hearing how Bones had lived with this feeling for so long. "I – I still feel like I should've seen it coming. But, well, hindsight and all that. You know." He glanced up and Jim nodded encouragingly. Bones took a deep breath and tried to ignore the feeling of his face heating because of what he was about to say. Chris had made a good point earlier that had made a huge difference to him. He tried to hold on to that now, but it was still so damned  _hard_.

"I met Michael at an off-campus bar that night. I got there first. He arrived later…and he was with some, uh, friends. People we both knew." Leonard stopped. He took a breath, trying to calm the anxious, fluttering feeling in his stomach. Jim placed a hand on his knee, stilling its jittery movements as his foot bounced. Leonard hadn't even realized he was doing that. Overcome by nervous energy, Leonard got up and stood with his back to Jim, arms crossed tightly over himself in an unconscious protective and shielding gesture…his eyes on the pictures of him and his sleeping daughter.

Jim ached to follow him, to wrap his arms around him and tell him to forget it, he didn't need to know – maybe even didn't want to know. But he stayed where he was, not wanting to push himself into the personal space Bones created uninvited. It was difficult for him, but Bones needed to get this out. If he didn't feel it was necessary, he would've never brought it up. Trying not to jump to conclusions based on the little that Bones had already said, Jim nonetheless had a sick feeling in his stomach. If what he thought was true, a lot of how Bones reacted with him when they were together made a very sad sort of sense.

Bones looked away from the picture. He couldn't talk about this while looking at an image of his beautiful baby girl. He never wanted any of this ugliness to be associated with her in any way. He felt like he couldn't turn around, couldn't look Jim in the eye, or have Jim look at him. What he really wanted was the comfort of being held, but he didn't know how to ask for it. Even when he was painfully embarrassed or ridiculously nervous, he never felt as secure as when Jim was holding him, and he thought that it might be easier to talk if he didn't feel so…alone.

"Bones," Jim said quietly, after a few moments. "If it's too hard, maybe it's too soon."

Leonard shook his head. "No. It's not too soon. I just…I don't know why…I can't explain it." He swallowed, forcing himself to turn around and meet Jim's eyes, hoping he'd understand. "I need you."

Jim did. He heard him loud and clear. Jim got up and went over to him, unhesitatingly wrapping his arms around him and Leonard was quick to do the same. He knew he was clinging a little, but he couldn't bring himself to care.

"You've got me. I'm right here. Always." Jim said soothingly, wondering if Bones was worried about what Jim thought of him; if that was what was making it so hard for Bones to talk to him. If that was the case, he could alleviate that worry right now. "You know, nothing is going to change the way I feel about you," Jim said. 

Leonard sighed and nodded. "I don't doubt that, Jim. If any of this was going to make you come to your senses, you would've already. Possibly the night I almost slugged you because of that damn nightmare, if not before."

Jim chuckled slightly, relieved that Bones at least didn't doubt his commitment to him. Standing there, holding each other, Leonard found the strength he needed to tell Jim the rest of it.

"Michael wasn't the only one there that night. The two guys he was with…helped. They pinned my arms and legs…stopped me from fighting as much as I should have been able to, even with the drug in my system," he admitted.

Jim didn't say anything, but tightened his arms around Bones, his heart breaking for him.

"They…said things…about me. Helped Michael turn me over – their hands were everywhere." Leonard shuddered. He stopped and took a shaky breath, trying to throw off the mental image the words created, anchoring himself to here and now in Jim's embrace.

Questions were furiously turning in Jim's head. How could they do that to him? Why did they help Michael commit an assault? What happened to them afterwards? Did Bones have to finish school while sharing a campus with his attackers, or did they all graduate that year? He didn't voice any of that though. This wasn't the time for that. Bones didn't need Jim to ask the questions that he probably asked himself over and over again already. Instead, Jim concentrated on quashing the furious hatred that was bubbling inside him on Bones' behalf. How dare they? What gave them the right to decide to change someone's life forever? And the worst part was, Jim was pretty certain that as idiot college kids, they probably didn't see it as anything more than a prank, a stupid joke on the unsuspecting, innocent, naïve kid Bones was back then. Not a big deal; just a way to get an uptight kid to relax and have some fun.

All of this was roiling through Jim, and all he could let himself do was clench his fists in the fabric of Bones' shirt and squeeze his eyes closed against the sting of furious tears. God help them if any one of them ever crossed his path…

"Jim," Bones said, as he felt his body heave with tightly suppressed emotion. "You okay?" Jim let out a strangled sound that could have been a laugh if it didn't sound so pained.

"You're asking me that?" Jim said. "I'm fi – well, I'm not fine. I'm so  _angry._  I  _hate_  that you went through that. That those…those _fucking bastards_  hurt you and left you to deal with the effects of their evil, sick-" He stopped and pulled away a little, shaking his head, taking a breath and obviously trying to get control of himself. Bones didn't need this…it wasn't helpful and it was counterproductive. It was also completely irrepressible at this point. Focusing his anger on Michael had been easy. Trying to wrap his mind around the fact that  _three_  spineless fucks would drug and assault someone to get their kicks was nearly impossible.

This was something that he'd not seen before…this side of Jim…and Bones was watching him with concern, not expecting this reaction from him at all. Empathy, sadness, concern, love…all of these he'd seen and experienced. But this…this was something else entirely. That Jim felt this fury on his behalf was disconcerting. No one had ever felt that way because of him before, and he wasn't quite sure how to respond to it. Jim saw the uncertainty in Bones' eyes and realized he  _had_ to reign it in right now. The last thing he ever wanted to do was make Bones wary of him.

"I'm sorry," Jim said. "It's just…the thought of you – the man I love – going through that for someone's  _entertainment-_ " he spit out, and Leonard flinched slightly. "I'm sorry," he said again, "I can't…"

Bones mutely shook his head; Jim didn't need to apologize. Not for this. Not for caring so much about him that he could barely contain his anger about what had happened. Leonard didn't think that anyone could ever understand the depth of his revulsion for the three men who had attacked him that night. Now, though, he knew that at least one did. He wasn't alone in that. Leonard hugged Jim to him tightly.

"Thank you," he whispered. "Thank you for…I don't know…for caring about me as much as you do."

It sounded insufficient, but the words to fully express himself seemed out of reach right now and he didn't know how to put what he was feeling into words. He thought Jim understood, though, because in the next instant, Jim was kissing him fiercely, his hands a gentle counterpoint as they roamed Bones' shoulders and carded through his hair, saying with actions what neither of them could articulate. All of his impotent anger and frustration over what Bones had gone through, and what he had dealt with alone for so long, translated by the passion in this kiss. It wasn't slow and gentle…it was desperate and needy and a clash of tongues and teeth and lips instead of a caress…and it was perfect.

Forced apart by a need for oxygen, they stood there, forehead to forehead, breathing each other's air. "I love you so much," Jim said, eyes closed. "I never realized it would be like this."

Leonard smiled slightly, though Jim didn't see him.

"Me either," he admitted. "I was married, but I never felt for Jocelyn what I feel for you. I really never thought I'd ever have anything like this…I didn't think I was capable of it, and I got used to that idea."

Jim smiled at him, his blue eyes twinkling happily. "Looks like we both learned something."

"It does," Leonard agreed. He lowered his eyes and glanced up at Jim. "Let's see what else we can learn tonight."

Jim gently traced Leonard's full lips with the pad of his thumb, looking at him tenderly.

"You sure?" he asked. "It's been an emotional day…you don't think it'll be too much right now?" Leonard held Jim's gaze and in an uncharacteristically bold move, captured his thumb in his mouth, dragging his tongue across it.

Releasing Jim's thumb, Leonard murmured, "I'm sure."

"Okay, then," Jim said. "What…"

"Bedroom." 

Giving Bones another kiss, Jim nodded and led him to his room. "What do you want to do Bones?" he asked. "Tell me."

"I want to be with you, Jim. I want you."

Jim embraced Leonard again, holding him close as they kissed. Leonard pulled the hem of Jim's shirt up, hands roving over skin. He pushed the shirt up slightly and Jim got the hint. Breaking the kiss, Jim swiftly pulled his shirt over his head. Jim's hands went to the buttons on Bones' shirt.

"This okay?" he whispered. Bones nodded, a customary flush rushing over his face, but not letting it stop him.

"Yes, fine."

Jim made quick work of Bones' shirt, pushing it down over his shoulders while Bones let his hands roam over Jim's chest, fingers gently pinching Jim's nipples. Jim gasped into Bones mouth and he smiled into the kiss. Jim was as sensitive there as he remembered. Not to be outdone, Jim wasn't shy about giving as good as he got, and it wasn't long before Leonard felt himself responding to the stimulation as well.

"Jim," he said finally, letting his hands rub over the front of Jim's pants, feeling his arousal. Jim jerked at the sensation, straining against the seam of the zipper of his jeans. "Take these off." Jim hurried to comply. "Underwear, too."

"And you?" Jim asked. The color in Leonard's face deepened, but he nodded, ignoring it. He wasn't going to let self-consciousness get in the way of what he wanted with Jim. He could work through it. Knowing Jim loved and wanted him made him bold. Jim lay down on the bed, watching as Leonard finished undressing himself. Jim reached down and stroked himself, arousal building within him. Leonard was half-hard, and watching Jim touch himself made him catch his breath.

"You are so beautiful," Leonard murmured. "Perfect." 

Jim smiled, and reached for him, tugging his hand gently. "C'mere," Jim said. Leonard smiled and lay beside him, relishing the feel of skin against skin. "You're amazing. You're so strong and, god,  _so_  hot. How did I get so lucky?" Jim asked, kissing Bones again. Leonard snorted and pressed his face against Jim's neck, sucking at the sensitive spot there. Jim groaned and thrust his hips slightly. Leonard responded by gently grasping Jim's erection and stroking him firmly. " _Oohh_ …that's good," he groaned. "Can I touch you?"

"Yes," Leonard said, shifting to bring their bodies closer together.

"Get the lube," Jim said, gasping as Leonard went back to his neck with his tongue, his fingers worrying one of Jim's nipples.

Rolling away from him, Leonard reached blindly to the bedside table, knocking the bottle over before grasping it and handing it to Jim. He opened the bottle and squeezed some into his palm, then reached down to curl his fingers around Leonard's shaft. Leonard groaned and breathed hard against Jim's neck as he stroked him to full hardness, his own hand stilling on Jim's erection as all of his attention focused on what Jim was doing to him and making him feel.

Unable to stay still with Bones grasping his cock but not moving, Jim thrust his hips, desperate for some friction. Bones snapped back into action, alternately rubbing Jim's cock firmly and dragging his fingertips gently over the head, spreading the wetness collected there over him as he stroked. Hands and bodies moved rhythmically, thrusting and writhing against each other, slick with sweat from the exertion. Panting against each other's skin, swollen lips murmuring endearments, Leonard lost himself in sensation. There was no fear, no embarrassment. All he felt was Jim, his senses overwhelmed with Jim. They communicated with groans and gasps. Leonard was shaking with need. This was oh, god, so good, but he  _wanted_  more.

"Jim!" he gasped. "Please…"

"What do you want Bones?" Jim asked, struggling to focus. He licked Bones' lips, kissing him hard. "Do you want to fuck me?"

"What?" Leonard asked, not sure if he heard right.

"Do you want to be inside me?" Jim asked again, thrusting hard into Bones' fist, the thought so arousing. Leonard groaned at the thought. But… he stilled his movements, trying to catch his breath and think. Jim did the same, now just holding Bones loosely, trying to focus.

"I've never…I don't want to hurt you," he said, voice shaking with the force of his arousal.

Jim looked at him and ran his other hand though Leonard's hair, pushing sweaty strands away from his forehead.

"I'll tell you what to do…you won't hurt me. There's usually a little pain and discomfort when you're not used to it at first, but that passes, and then it's just amazing. It doesn't hurt when you're with someone who wants to make you feel good." Jim said, then captured Leonard's lips in a kiss. Unable to stay still, Leonard thrust gently, the feel of Jim's hand on him too much. "Only if you want to Bones."

"I want to," he answered. "I do. But…not yet." 

Jim smiled at him, trying to convey complete understanding and acceptance. "Consider it an open invitation," he said, a teasing glint in his eyes. "Anytime." He stroked Leonard again and simultaneously thrust into his hand. Leonard tightened his grip and ran his fingers around and over the head, causing Jim to arch and clench his muscles, gently pulling on Leonard's hair.

"I want to taste you," Leonard said. Jim opened his eyes and drew him into another kiss.

"Me too."

Jim shifted around so that they were lined up and Jim took Bones' cock into his mouth, holding it steady at the base. Bones let out a cry of surprise and his hips thrust towards Jim. He wound his other arm between Leonard's legs to control the movement of his hips. So intent was he at driving Bones crazy, the long lick up the underside of cock took him by surprise and he bucked his hips. Leonard chuckled gripped him tightly, licking him again and again, until Jim felt like he was going explode.

They stroked and sucked and licked, trying to get the other to cry out, and to come. Leonard lost it first when Jim used one hand to roll his balls, and the other to stroke his cock while he swirled his tongue around the head. Bones went stiff, pulling away from Jim's cock, his fingers probably bruising Jim's hips where he held him. He thrust as much as he could, once, twice…and then was shuddering through his release, pressing his mouth against Jim's hip, trapping a shout and squeezing his eyes closed. Jim kept his mouth on him, sucking and swallowing as much as he could while Bones came, urging him through his orgasm until it got to be too much and Bones moaned with sensitivity. When Jim let him go, Leonard took Jim back in his mouth. Jim thrust as much as he could, caught in Leonard's grip.

"Oh, so good, Bones…oh, god, please!" Working his tongue around Jim's cock, he started to pump the lower half in his fist. Leonard reached behind Jim's balls to press gently on his perineum, and that did it. With a shout, Jim thrust his pelvis towards Leonard and grasped his head gently as he came. Leonard pulled off of him, stroking him through his orgasm, Jim's come hitting his chest and chin. He stroked until Jim was shuddering and his moaning took on a different quality. Jim looked down the length of his body to watch Bones wipe his chin with his fingers, and suck them into his mouth.

Jim's chest heaved as he caught his breath. He sat up and turned himself around so they were once again lying face to face. Jim kissed him, and Bones moaned into his mouth as he tasted himself on Jim's lips. They lay together, legs entwined and kissing gently, the desperate, needy quality from earlier gone and they were left with lazy, satiated contentment.

"Love you," Bones whispered, closing his eyes as he trailed his hand up and down Jim's side.

"Love you more."

 


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Checking in with Kim, Joanna's story, and Jim and Leonard discuss where they're headed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Excerpts are from "The Giving Tree", by the amazing Shel Silverstein.

"So Kimmie, how've you been feeling?" Leonard asked, using a penlight to check the reflexes of her pupils.

"Good!" she said.

"How are the headaches?"

"I used to get them every day, but now it's just every now and then. And they don't hurt as much and don't stay as long, either."

"Excellent. And how about your vision? Notice any changes? Sitting closer to the board at school or the tv at home?"

"Nope, I don't notice any changes."

"How about your balance? Do you ever feel dizzy for no reason, or when you stand up after you've been sitting or lying down?"

"No, no and no…not dizzy. Well…unless I'm spinning on the tire swing. Then I get dizzy."

"Well, that's a normal kind of dizzy. I'm asking about being dizzy without doing anything on purpose that would make you dizzy. Anything like that?"

"Then, no," Kim said.

"Very good...How about you, Mom?" Leonard asked, turning his head to look at Aurelan, who was sitting off to the side. "Notice any changes? Squinting? Sitting closer to the television or computer, anything like that?"

"No…she's seemed fine. Thank God." Aurelan answered. 

Leonard smiled at the little girl in front of him. "I guess your uncle was right," he said.

"About what?"

"He said that you'd be fine 'cause all Kirks have hard heads," Leonard replied, straight-faced. Aurelan giggled as Kim gave him a sour look.

"I can attest to that on Sam's behalf," Aurelan added.

"Same here, for Jim," Leonard replied. "Well, everything looks good. We'll schedule another appointment in a month, and of course, call me if you even think you notice anything different about how you feel or your vision, but I think that we can officially call you healed."

"I don't need another scan?" Kim asked. 

Leonard smiled gently at her, knowing that she'd come to this appointment anticipating that and feeling nervous about it. "No…I don't think it's necessary." To his surprise, Kim threw her arms around him.

"Thank you, Dr. McCoy!" she exclaimed happily. 

He gave her a gentle hug back and patted her shoulder. "You're supposed to call me Leonard or Len…or Dr. McCoy is fine if you're not comfortable with that."

Kim shrugged, smiling happily. "Well, since we're in your hospital, I thought I should call you doctor. But tonight I'll call you Len. You're still coming for dinner, right?"

"Right."

"And then is Joanna gonna stay over?"

"That's the plan, as long as it's still okay with your mama."

"Oh, definitely," Aurelan answered.

"Yay!" Kim said. "I love when Joanna comes over. Janie leaves me alone when she's there." 

Leonard smiled as Aurelan rolled her eyes. "Well, we'll see you the," he said, standing as Kim hopped off the exam table. "What are the plans for the rest of the day?" he asked Aurelan.

"Well, Kim's going to school-"

"Aww, Mom!" she whined. "I've already missed so much today, why can't I just stay home?"

"What do you mean 'so much'? It's only 10:00. You're going. Anyway," she said, turning back to Leonard as Kim huffed in annoyance. "And then just the usual for me. I've got some clients waiting for some of their layouts, and then I'm going to cook." She paused, thinking. "I guess I'd better go to the supermarket to get some things  _to_  cook. What kind of ice cream does Joanna like?"

"Anything that doesn't have fruit in it, and I think her current favorite is mint chocolate chip."

"No fruit, got it. Well, we better get going." Aurelan picked her purse up from the chair. "Say goodbye Kim."

"Goodbye Kim," she quipped, wrinkling her nose in a teasing smile. Leonard reached out and ruffled her hair affectionately.

"Smart alec," her mother said, swatting her behind. "And Leonard…thank you. So much; for everything." She reached up to hug him and Leonard bent to accommodate her. She kissed his cheek and pulled back, giving him a fond smile. "See you at dinner."

"We'll be there," he said. He gave a wave as they exited the examination room and he sat back down with Kim's chart to make some notes. Kids truly were amazing. If an adult had this accident, they'd still probably be suffering from some of the more debilitating effects of it. Kim, just three weeks later, was just about perfect, and getting better all the time. Her headaches, which were a common side effect, had lessened in intensity and frequency, and Leonard was certain they'd fade completely soon enough.

Finished, he left the chart with a PA who was at the nurses' station and headed to his office. Jim had asked him to be at the McKinley by 2:15 today. He didn't say why, but he was supposed to observe through the window. He didn't want to be late for whatever it was, but he had a lot to do before then.

 

* * *

 

"Okay my little ones!" Jim called, "Everyone head on over to the round red rug!" There was a rush of small bodies, each one hurrying for the best positions closest to the teacher's chair. Jim turned to Joanna, who was wringing her hands together nervously. "Have you picked a book out?"

"I don't think I want to," she said. Jim knelt in front of her, taking her hands in his and smiled gently.

"Joanna, you are such a good reader. I've seen you read to Stephanie and some of the other kids. You read to me all the time. You even made Janie want to learn how to read faster. I just know that the other kids in the class would love to hear you read to them, and I think once you started you would really like it too. But you don't have to. If you don't want to today, we can try again another time." He paused, taking in her expression and down cast eyes, bottom lip caught nervously between her teeth. He glanced at the clock over near the door. 2:10. He'd asked Leonard to be there at 2:15. It was very probable that he was already there, on the other side of the one-way mirror. "So, what do you think?" he asked, turning his attention back to Joanna. She was quiet for a moment, then looked up at Jim.

"Only a short one," she said.

"Whatever book you want," he agreed.

"The Giving Tree," Joanna replied, looking over at the book she'd placed on a table. A smile spread across Jim's face.

"That is one of my favorites," he said.

"Uncle Jim, they're all your favorites." Her eyes widened the second the words were out, and she clapped a hand over her mouth. Her eyes smiled at him over her hands, and she giggled. "Whoops. Sorry Mr. Kirk," she said.

He smiled at her affectionately, ruffling her hair. It was a good thing there was only three weeks of school left in this year. Those barriers were getting thinner every day. To his absolute delight.

"It's okay, kiddo. You ready?"

She nodded and picked up the book. Glancing at the window, he gave a little wave, just in case Bones was already there.

Leonard almost waved back, despite the fact that he knew Jim couldn't see him. He watched as Jim finished speaking with Joanna while the other kids gathered on the rug. He wondered what was going on.

"Mr. McCoy?" he turned at the sound of a woman's voice behind him. He smiled in recognition…it was Stephanie's mother, Mrs. Wei. Despite the fact that Stephanie had been over to play with Joanna a couple of times, she insisted on using his last name, despite the fact that she'd been invited to call him Leonard. He assumed it was a cultural thing, and took her lead.

"Mrs. Wei, hello. It's good to see you. Did Mr. Kirk ask you to come by early too?"

"It is good to see you as well…I am here for Lucy's class today, but I saw you here and wanted to talk with you for a moment."

"What can I do for you Mrs. Wei?" She was more than a full head shorter than Leonard, and she had to tip her head back to look at him properly.

"You are familiar with Tracy Keefe?" 

_Oh, goddamnit._ "Yes I am," he replied, doing his best to keep his annoyance out of his voice.

"She is a woman of…strong opinion. She is also very vocal." 

Leonard did not like the direction this conversation was heading. "Mrs. Wei…" he started. But she held up a hand, forestalling his words.

"Please know that many of the members of the PTA have a child who had or has Mr. Kirk as a teacher. We all know he is a good person. You, too, appear to be a good person." She paused, studying him for a moment. "Forgive me if I speak out of turn. If you are happy together, then you must be together."

"Thank you, Mrs. Wei," he said, truly touched, and extremely grateful for the parental support on Jim's behalf.

She nodded and patted his arm. "Have a nice day."

"And you as well," he said. Leonard watched for a moment as she continued down the hall, then turned his attention back to window and the class. He froze in surprise. Jim had Joanna up at the teacher's chair, book in hand. Jim was speaking.

"…special guest reader today. Joanna is going to read 'The Giving Tree,' which is one of my favorites." Jim paused as the kids all laughed at the year-long joke. That was one of the best things about young children. Everything was funny. "So, Jo, why don't you sit in the teacher's chair," he paused as she settled in the chair, little feet dangling inches from the floor. "And let's hear the story." Jim headed to the side and sat on another stool near Miss Kelley and Joanna settled herself in the chair.

Leonard was so proud of his little girl. She looked nervous and was a little pale, and she was doing it anyway. Licking her lips, she opened the book to the first page and bent over the book, as if she were trying to hide in its pages.

_"Once there was a tree..._  
 _and she loved a little boy."_

"Can't hear you!"

"Talk louder!" A couple of the kids called out. Leonard watched as she glanced from under her lashes to the students sitting around her. He saw her take a breath, and then she continued, her voice just barely carrying enough for Leonard to catch a word or two as she read.

_"And every day the boy would come_  
 _and he would gather her leaves_  
 _and make them into crowns_  
 _and play king of the forest."_

She paused periodically to hold the book up so that the kids could see the pictures. His little girl was reading to the class, and they were listening to her as raptly as they listened to Jim. What a difference from her first day, just over two months ago now, when she clutched his leg and begged him not to leave her. He could hardly believe it. Leonard moved closer to the glass, placing his hand on it and leaning against it, trying to catch every word.

_"But time went by._  
 _And the boy grew older._  
 _And the tree was often alone._  
 _Then one day the boy came to the tree_  
 _and the tree said, "Come, Boy, come and_  
 _climb up my trunk and swing from my_  
 _branches and eat apples and play in my_  
 _shade and be happy."_  
 _"I am too big to climb and play," said_  
 _the boy."_

Leonard swallowed. Between the beginning of this year and now, Joanna went from being a baby to a little kid right before his eyes. It was incredible, and it was exhilarating, and it was…a strange kind of sad and wistfulness. Her young voice rose and fell with the cadence of the lines, and as Joanna read, her voice got stronger and she started sitting up a little straighter. She read the words, she read the punctuation, and she read it with the tone the author undoubtedly intended. Shifting his gaze from Joanna to Jim, he saw that he was looking at the window as if he were looking right at him. And in his eyes, he saw the pride that he was certain reflected in his.

_" "Well," said the tree, straightening_  
 _herself up as much as she could,_  
 _"well, an old stump is good for sitting and resting_  
 _Come, Boy, sit down. Sit down and rest."_  
 _And the boy did._  
 _And the tree was happy."_

As Joanna finished, the class clapped. She looked up from the book, her expression one of pleased surprise. Jim let the moment go on, while Joanna's eyes roamed over the kids sitting on the rug. Finally, Jim stood.

"Thank you, Joanna, for reading that to us today. That was excellent. Don't you guys think that was excellent?" Jim asked. A chorus of _yeah!_ answered him and Joanna's cheeks tinged pink with shy pleasure at the class' response. Leonard watched as the class went through the motions of collecting their things and lining up at the door for the bell. When it rang a couple of minutes later, Jim opened the door and smiled brightly at Leonard.

"What did you think?" he asked.

"That was amazing. Thank you."

"Daddy!" Joanna called excitedly from down the line.

"Why don't you two wait here. I'll be back in a few," Jim said. Leonard nodded, and eased into the room.

"Hello Diane."

"Hi Leonard. Did you see…?"

"Yeah," he said, as Joanna ran over to him, flinging her arms around him. Diane smiled.

"See you Monday Joanna. Have a good weekend."

"Thank you Miss Kelley."

"Hi Darlin'," Leonard said, lifting her in his arms.

"Did you hear me reading Daddy?" she asked, a huge smile on her face.

"Yes, I did…I'm so proud of you!" He carried her over to Jim's desk and settled in his chair, Joanna in his lap. "Did you like reading to them?"

"Umm…it was scary at first. I don't like it when everyone is looking at me." Leonard nodded and gently smoothed her hair. "But when I was reading, it was like I couldn't even see them anymore! All I could see were the pictures in my head."

"Well you should be very proud of yourself too," Leonard said. "You did really well."

"Thank you Daddy." She stretched up to give him a kiss. She squeaked and squirmed in his grasp when he held her a little too tight.

"Sorry Baby," he said, releasing her. She settled back in his lap, fiddling with the watch on his wrist.

"Are we still having dinner with Sam and Aurelan tonight? And am I still sleeping over with Janie?"

"You better be!" Jim said, as he came back into the room. "Sam told me it's all Janie's been talking about all week!"

"Uncle Jim, Daddy saw me reading!" Joanna exclaimed. She jumped off her father's lap and ran over to him, stopping in front of him awkwardly. If she'd been running toward Leonard, she would jumped into his arms so that he could lift her up. She'd not done that yet with Jim. Leonard watched from Jim's desk as he smoothed over the moment easily, picking her up and twirling her around before lightly setting her back on her feet.

"How 'bout that? Pretty cool, huh?"

"Yup! Can we go now? I want to bring some things over to Janie's and I have to get them from my room."

 

* * *

 

"So, Mrs. Wei said that, huh?" Jim asked, coming out of the bathroom and settling himself on the bed next to Leonard.

"Essentially," Leonard replied. 

A smile spread across Jim's face. "Awesome. Gotta love the protective moms." 

Leonard snorted in amusement. "Must be your boyish good looks."

"Must be," Jim said, smiling easily. "I got pretty sick with a flu last year, they kept bringing Diane casseroles and containers of soup for me to eat. I was better in a week, but I didn't have to cook for like a month. And what about you?"

"Hmm? What about me?" Leonard asked, distracted by the pile of exams he was working his way though. Jim tugged the papers out of his hands, and shifted the pile of work away from them. Jim straddled Leonard's lap facing him, one leg on either side of his hips. Jim settled his weight on Leonard, his hands on his shoulders.

"What do you think of my boyish good looks?" Jim asked, ducking to capture his lips in a kiss. Leonard smiled against Jim's mouth and gently pushed him back, cocking his head to the side as he studied Jim's face.

"Average," Leonard deadpanned. "But I always loved you for your intelligence anyway."

"Average?" Jim repeated. "It's a good think I've already got the one I want, then. Not everyone appreciates my intelligence as much as you do." 

Leonard wound his arms around Jim's waist and urged him down, kissing him again. "Isn't it fantastic to know that we have the whole weekend together? Bless Aurelan's heart."

Jim shifted and rolled to the side, pressed up against Leonard, his arm around his shoulders. The fan was making a rhythmic, soft clicking sound and the light in the room had a warm, enveloping quality without being too bright. He closed his eyes, relishing the feel of Bones' warmth at his side and the breeze created by the fan over his skin.

"It really is. We don't get to spend enough time together. Just weekends and some evenings during the week. And I love it, I love the times we are together…I just…I don't know. Now that I've found you, I just want to be with you and share our lives together...everything…even the boring daily stuff. And Joanna…I want to be there as she grows and changes. It happens so fast…Look at the difference in her already, from when she started school…" Jim trailed off, feeling himself blush as how much he's just said…how much he's just admitted…really registered. He just basically told someone he'd only known for a little over three months that he wanted to share his life and raise his child. Jim wouldn't take any of it back, but still…he didn't usually put himself out that way. And now that he had, the way Bones was looking at him was worrying. After a couple of moments, Jim's face burning, he tried to pull away as he backpedaled. "Uhh…sorry, Bones. I don't know what got into me. I must be more tired than I thought."

"No, stay," Leonard said, resisting Jim's attempt at moving away from him. After a moment, Jim relaxed against his side. Leonard looked at him, and for once, it was Jim who was refusing to meet his eyes, his face red with embarrassment. Leonard gently drew his hand up and down the length of Jim's body. "Are you sure?" he asked.

"Sure about what?"

"I – I know what you mean, and I want what you want…but Jim, you're twenty-six. Are you sure you want to be tied down to an old man with a child? Isn't it too soon in your life for that? Because you know how I feel about you. I love you, and I love what you are…what you're turning out to be…for Joanna. She's growing to love you, too.  But…" Leonard took a breath, hoping that Jim wasn't going to take this the wrong way, because fuck, this wasn't the way he wanted to have this conversation. "What's best for Joanna has to come before what we think we want. And I don't want her to come to love you and Sam and Aurelan as family, and then have it taken away. You're twenty-six. I wouldn't blame you in the least if you decided that having to arrange your life around a child was too cumbersome.  _I_  feel that at some times, and she's mine. So…are you sure?"

Jim sighed. It was a very fair point. It did kind of hurt a little to have it laid out for him in such sharp terms, and he found himself wishing that he'd not brought it up tonight. He honestly didn't know what made him blurt all that out. Bones was so straightforward with him though, and he deserved nothing less.

"Okay, first…you're not old. Second, at this point, I am sure," he replied. "I don't take any of it back, but I actually don't know what made me say all that. I didn't intend to turn this night into an epic relationship conversation at all. I'm comfortable with where things are with us right now. I  _do_ want more…but I completely understand what you're saying, and believe me, you're not wrong about the way someone's mind can change at my age. I just…I just don't think mine will. This has always felt different with you, Bones."

Leonard smiled, relieved that Jim hadn't taken offense to anything he'd said, and dropped a kiss to the top of his head.

"Sounds like we're on the same page, then. It's still amazing to me how fast this all happened…I think it's a good idea to let things stay the course for a while, and see how it goes. I can't imagine anything changing, but I couldn't imagine ever getting to this point with anyone either," Leonard said. Jim sat up and leaned in for a kiss, drawing it out and deepening it as the feel of the kiss changed.

"Wanna work on this part of our relationship?" Jim asked playfully, gently massaging Leonard's hardening length though the blanket and his clothes. He shifted his hips at the sensation of barely-there pressure.

"Mmm…that part could always use work."


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leonard and Jim start their weekend alone together.

Despite his initial hesitance, it didn't take long for Leonard to completely embrace the concept of therapy. He wasn't an idiot, and he wasn't too stubborn to admit when he was wrong. For years, he'd told himself that he was fine, he was over it, that what happened didn't matter to him, and that he'd been able to get on with his life. It took one person to show him how wrong he'd been and open his eyes to what he'd been missing: intimacy. Real intimacy, that came from knowing someone inside and out; and not just sexually, though that was something he'd been missing out on as well. Jim had shown him what it was to want to let someone in to his life in a way he'd never experienced before, and his sessions with Chris were teaching him how to do it. He hadn't realized how much of himself he'd lost, how much had been taken from him, that night. In that respect, Jim had been wrong. He wasn't complete. But he  _was_  getting there.

By his third visit with Chris he managed to tell the full story of that night. It wasn't easy, and it left Leonard feeling that distressingly familiar combination of humiliated, shaky and sick. The second time he told the story, it was a little easier. The third time, he could start separating the emotions he was experiencing from the memories, and though it was still harder than it should be, he could talk about what had happened without the feelings being quite so present. Chris assured him that he  _would_  get to a point where he would just simply remember the emotions attached to what happened, and not experience them every time he talked about it.

As far as Leonard was concerned, that couldn't come fast enough.

As a result, he dove in headlong into it, insisting on seeing Chris often…twice a week if he could manage it for the last month. Both Chris and Jim had, on more than one occasion, urged him to take it slow and not rush things. His answer was always the same: it'd been fifteen years. That was slow enough. They covered a lot of ground, and he really felt it was making a difference…except in one aspect of his life.

Leonard had broached the subject of his sex life at the next appointment after Jim had given him that "open invitation". Leonard had meant it when he said he wanted to. He wanted to be able to allow the two of them to enjoy each other fully and completely. But the other half of that statement, the "not yet," was actually closer to "not in a million years." Although he knew what to do in theory, putting it into practice was a lot different, and he couldn't stand the thought of doing something to Jim that might hurt him, even with Jim's assurance and instruction. On the other hand, the thought of allowing Jim to touch him in that way was, despite also being really arousing, frightening. The fear was a totally irrational response, he knew. He loved Jim, and trusted him implicitly, but that didn't make it any less real, and he wasn't sure the fact that he  _wanted_  to be with Jim in that way would be enough to overcome his feelings of trepidation. When he discussed this with Chris, he was…surprisingly pragmatic about it.

"You should talk to Jim about it honestly, and then, take it slow, but go for it," he advised. "As long as you're sure you want to give it a try, and that you trust Jim to do as you say, stop when you want to stop, those boundaries you set up for yourself will just get harder to overcome the longer you let them stay there unchallenged."

"But what about the panic attacks?"

"Well, let's look at that. The first time it happened, you weren't really with it, right?"

"Yeah – I was half asleep and I didn't know what Jim was doing. He took me by surprise."

"And the second?"

"I asked Jim to lay on me…and I was pretty okay until I, uh, I felt him start to get an erection against me…and then it was like I couldn't breathe. I couldn't even stop shaking until he got off of me – which he did before it turned into a full-blown panic attack."

"And then there was the nightmare," Chris said.

Leonard grimaced. "Yeah, there was that. It took me some time to realize it was Jim, and not Michael, next to me."

"Three very different scenarios, and you're a lot different now than you were even when you had the nightmare. If you and Jim are going to engage in sex, just go slow, and don't expect to do everything the first time. Communicate with each other. Stop when you have to. Maybe think again about what Jim offered to you-"

"No," Leonard said firmly. "I won't take the risk of hurting him." The  _like I was hurt_  was broadcasted loud and clear.

"Okay," Chris said, raising his hands in acquiescence. "Of course stick with what you're comfortable with, but don't be afraid to try things."

"I have to admit, Chris, I'm a little surprised you think we should…"

"What? Engage in a normal, healthy, physical relationship?"

"Well," Leonard said. "Yes."

"Look Leonard, there's no formula for getting over a sexual assault. Everyone is different. Would I be saying the same thing to someone who was attacked a month ago? Most probably not. But you have already moved on, for better or worse, in a lot of ways. You and Jim already enjoy a sex life together, so a sense of trust has obviously already been established. As long as you trust him and are comfortable with him, I don't think there's anything wrong with exploring a little."

When Chris put it that way, Leonard felt his face heat as the memory of the night he'd asked that of Jim came to mind. He remembered how easily and fully Jim had submitted to his requests, and how awesome it had been to witness such unconditional surrender. It had been and incredible gift…one that Leonard had yet to return.

Now, with Jim straddling Leonard's lap and creating gentle pressure on him that was making him want to move to find more friction, he thought about what Chris had said. They had the whole weekend to be together and discover more about what they both liked, beyond the fantastic blowjobs and hand jobs. Leonard knew that Jim was missing at least one aspect of his sex life from being with him. They'd talked about it a couple of times, but he couldn't get over his concern for causing Jim pain. On the other hand, he still wasn't sure he could let Jim have sex with him without panicking. Not yet, anyway. But there might be other stuff they could try, if he could get up the nerve to ask about it.

"Hey," Jim said, leaning down to kiss him. Leonard settled his hands on Jim's hips. "You look like you have something on your mind."

Leonard smiled slightly and nodded, flushing. Jim smiled gently in response, running his hands through Bones' hair, tracing the line of his jaw.

"Tell me?" Jim said, trying to catch Bones' eyes. Now he was really curious. It'd been a while since Bones seemed so bashful.

"I was thinking about something…something new we could try."

"Yeah?" Jim asked. "What is it?" 

Leonard shifted under him and Jim sat back, most of his weight on his own legs. "If – If it's too weird-"

"Bones, think I've already told you there was very little chance of me saying no to anything you suggest. Did you want me to lay on you or something like that again?"

"No…nothing like that. Remember what you said about the – the 'open invitation'?"

Jim blinked in surprise. Every time they talked about it, Bones had been pretty adamant that he wasn't going to take Jim up on his offer for fear of hurting him.

"Of course. Did you change your mind?"

"Uh, not exactly. But I thought that if I – that, uh, I couldn't hurt you if I used my tongue." The last was mumbled so that it took Jim a moment to decipher it. Bones was blushing and looking everywhere but at him.

"You want to use your tongue on me?" Jim repeated.

"Never mind…it's a bad idea," Leonard said in a rush, mistaking Jim's surprise for something more critical. Jim kissed him, effectively stopping his descent into self-doubt.

"Bones, that is the hottest thing I've heard in a long time. You sure you want to do it? 'Cause I love and am happy with everything we do together already."

Leonard briefly met Jim's eyes, looking for anything that would tell him Jim was just playing along and didn't really believe what he was saying. All Leonard found was sincerity and interest.

"I'm sure," he replied. "I want to try this with you. Have you ever done it before?"

"A couple of times," Jim said with a shrug. "Done to me and me to someone else. What about you?"

"No, the ex wasn't into that stuff."

Jim studied Bones, who was still looking somewhat embarrassed. He leaned in and captured Bones' lips again, gently nibbling and sucking, using his tongue to thoroughly explore Bones' mouth.

"I can't wait to do this with you," Jim whispered, rolling his hips against Leonard, making him grunt and tighten his hands where they rested on Jim's hips at the feel of him pressing against him.

"Why don't you go get cleaned up a bit?" Bones said, his voice a little hoarse. Jim kissed him again, smiling.

"I gotta say, Bones, I'm a little surprised you want to do this."

"Why's that?" 

Jim shrugged. "Thought you'd be worried about hygiene." 

Bones snorted and rolled his eyes. "Jim, sex is generally unhygienic. We've both had our mouths all over each other already. This isn't all that different."

"No argument from me," Jim said, pushing himself off the bed and heading to the bathroom. "Be right back." Jim threw him a wink that had Bones rolling his eyes again. Jim smirked and blew him a kiss.

In the bathroom Jim quickly undressed, dropping his shirt on the floor. He hesitated for a moment, eyeing the shower and wondering if he should take a quick one or not. In the end, he decided against it, not wanting to give Bones enough time to get nervous. Just bringing this up had been difficult enough for him.

When he was finished, Jim hesitated before going back into the bedroom. While what Bones suggested was fantastic, Jim really wanted to spend some time focused on him. Bones hadn't really allowed that yet…still a bit too self-conscious to be at the receiving end of that kind of attention…but he'd changed so much. He's gotten so much bolder, seemed less hesitant, and most importantly, less scared of allowing his defenses to be down. Maybe tonight he would allow Jim to give back a bit. He left his shirt on the floor, but put his boxers back on, and exited the bathroom.

Leonard looked up from straightening his work on the bedside table and smiled at the sight of a bare-chested Jim. He joined Leonard on the bed, gently pushing him down with a single hand in the center of his chest. Jim held Bones' gaze, looking for any hesitation or reluctance. There was only slight confusion. Bones held himself up on his elbows as Jim lay over him,

"Jim, what…"

"You're always so attentive to me…I want to have a turn with you, first. Can I?" Jim asked, in a low voice, bending to nuzzle along the side of Leonard's neck. Jim heard his breathing hitch as he mouthed and sucked at his pulse point.

"But…I thought…"

"We can do that too," Jim said. "We have all weekend." Leonard allowed himself to lie back fully and Jim followed him down, kissing him deeply, his hands roaming under Bones' shirt, gently caressing his stomach under his t-shirt. He pushed it up slightly and pulled back to look at him more clearly. "Bones, can we get rid of this?" Leonard hesitated a moment, but nodded.

"Yeah," he said.

Jim hesitated before doing anything else. "What are you thinking?" he asked. 

Bones pressed his lips together and shook his head slightly. "Nothing important," he replied. 

Jim stopped and looked Leonard in the eye. "It's all important, Bones." 

He pushed at Jim gently to sit up and Jim backed off. "I'm thinking about all the things I look forward trying with you," he said, pulling his own shirt over his head. "And about how lucky I am." He dropped his shirt on the floor as Jim smiled at him. They lay back down, Jim over Leonard, dropping gentle kisses on his face, his eyelids, his mouth. Leonard raised his head to catch Jim's lips in a deeper kiss. Jim pulled back and gently stroked Leonard's hair.

"You will tell me if I do anything you don't like," Jim said softly.

Leonard swallowed against a suddenly dry mouth and nodded. Jim didn't necessarily plan on doing anything they hadn't already done, but he wanted to be sure he was clear with Bones. Jim wanted him to feel nothing but love and comfort – no anxiousness, or self-consciousness, or any self-doubt. Bones deserved that. But, realistically, he knew that just being the focus of what they do might be enough to make him uncomfortable, though Jim hoped they could work through it, if that was the case.

"Yeah," he whispered.

 Jim smiled against him. "Bones, you are so damn hot."

Jim moved over him, kissing, sucking…finding that Bones was sensitive at his clavicle. Bones' hands tightened around Jim's back as he paid particular attention to that spot. Jim stayed very aware of his reactions. He wasn't being vocal or anything like that (yet) but he was breathing a little heavier. Jim rolled his hips against Bones as he kissed him deeply, tongue stroking every part of Bones he could reach. Jim pressed down harder as he felt Bones react and try to thrust. He groaned into Jim's mouth at the feel of it.

Jim moved down his body again, and let his hands fall to the waist band of Bones' sweats and he pulled gently.

"Can we take them off?" Jim asked, against Bones' stomach.

"Yeah," he said. Jim raised his eyes to look at his face. He was flushed, and his hands were digging into Jim's shoulders as he placed sucking kisses on Bones' stomach, feeling his muscles ripple in response.

"Lift your hips," he said. Jim pulled the sweats off, raising an eyebrow as he realized Bones wasn't wearing any underwear. "You were prepared, I see," Jim said, a teasing smirk on his face. Bones gave him a crooked smile and shrugged slightly. Pulling the sweats down and off his long legs, Jim dropped them to the side of the bed and made his way back up Bones' body, deliberately pressing his leg against Bones' hardening cock. Bones groaned and thrust up slightly, reacting to the pressure. Jim rubbed against him, the fabric of his boxers providing a delicious friction. Leonard could feel Jim responding as well.

"But…what about you?" Bones asked, tugging at Jim's shorts.

"We can worry about me later," he said. "Bones, can I show you how good you're going to make me feel when you use your tongue on me?" Laying over him, Jim bracketed Bones' face in his hands, one finger gently tracing his eyebrow.

"You mean you want to…" Bones trailed off, his face reddening. Jim nodded.

"Yeah, if you want to," Jim said, still teasingly moving against Bones, alternating gentle pressure with not-enough friction. Bones groaned and canted his hips up in response to how Jim was moving over him. His breath was coming a little faster and his pulse rate picked up…and not all because of arousal.

"I want to," he said hoarsely. "Don't know if I can."

 Jim licked at Bones' mouth. "We can try it. I'll stop if you want me to."

"I haven't washed."

"Brought a washcloth with me," Jim said, holding it up. "Will you let me?"

"What? Jim, no…let me up…I'll be right back." He took the washcloth from Jim and rolled away and watched as Bones got up and headed towards the bathroom, a grin on his face. Not two weeks ago there was no way Bones would cross a room naked in front of him.

"Don't take too long," he said.

In the bathroom, Leonard took a couple of breaths, trying to get his heart rate to slow a bit. Turning on the tap, he shook his head in disbelief. He couldn't believe he was actually going to do this. He washed quickly, not wanting to take too long and give Jim a reason to come in after him. His hands were shaking. Pausing before opening the door, he wished he'd thought to bring some clothes with him. He knew he didn't need them, but walking back to the bed naked was, for some reason, more intimidating than walking away had been. Dithering in the bathroom, he compromised by grabbing a towel and holding it unfolded in front of him so that he was partially hidden. Taking another deep breath he opened the bathroom door.

Jim looked up at him with a loving smile. Bones paused as he looked at the bed. Jim had two pillows in the middle and two pillows at the headboard.

"What's this?" he asked.

"I want to see you," Jim said. "If you lie on your back with these pillows under your hips I'll be able to watch you." He also didn't want Bones to be face down. He thought there might be too many bad memories associated with that particular position for now.

Leonard hesitated, suddenly feeling very shy. To be so open, so exposed…he really wasn't sure he could do this, even if he wanted it. Jim saw the change come over him as his confidence in the situation faded. Jim got up and wrapped his arms around him, holding him tightly. Bones responded in kind, pressing his face to Jim's neck.

"Only if you want to," Jim said. 

Leonard made a frustrated noise in the back of his throat. "I do want to. I – god, just the thought of it turns me on. It – it's just…" He stopped and shook his head.

Jim pulled back to look at him, wanting to see his face. This was Bones being "more reserved" again. As long as he wasn't actually afraid, they may as well keep going – try to work through it. Gently, Jim guided him back to the bed.

"Jim…"

"Just lie down with me Bones," he said. "Maybe we'll do it…maybe we'll do other stuff. I don't care. I just want to be close to you."

They lay down on their sides, facing each other. Jim took a moment to strip himself of his boxers to level the playing field. Jim pushed a leg between Bones' and they rubbed gently against each other, teasing each other back to full hardness. After a couple of minutes of gasping into each other, holding tightly and kissing, Jim asked. "Don't worry about if you're feeling shy about it or not. Just answer me…do you want to feel what it's like for my tongue on you…in you?"

Bones blushed and pressed his forehead against Jim's. "Yeah," he breathed.

Jim pressed a kiss to his lips. "Then we'll get there…we have all the time we need."


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Getting there.

Rocking against each other and skin slick with sweat, the quiet was punctuated by gasps and groaned encouragements. Jim panted as they moved in tandem, squeezing his eyes shut and clutching Bones to him. This was amazing…it was overwhelming. It was a new experience for him and he was becoming completely undone. It wasn't the act itself, but the intent. He was twenty-six. For the most part, sex with other partners had been a sprint; a race to what was waiting at the other end…fast and satisfying. This was different. This was a slow build-up that coiled tightly through him, making him shake with a desperate need, but want to hold on to his control as tightly as he could, drawing it out, lost in the feel of Bones' arms holding him as they pressed against each other, reveling in the connection between them. It was so _intense_ ; Jim wasn't sure how much more he could take. He opened his eyes, and to his surprise, Bones was looking right at him. His eyes were dark with passion and something else that Jim wasn't supposed to see, because Bones quickly looked away and then ducked his head to place sucking kisses on that spot on his neck. Jim had seen, though, and he tightened his arms possessively around him. 

 _You're mine, too_ , he thought.

Bones started moving down his body, gentle fingers followed by a gentle mouth tickling across his chest and stomach, the feel of his tongue dipping into his bellybutton causing him to gasp. His hands clutched at Bones' shoulders, hissing when his mouth closed briefly on his cockhead.

"Wait," Jim said breathlessly. "What about you? I-" He cut himself off with a groan as Bones dragged his tongue up and down the length of his penis. Leonard raised himself up, eyes amused as he caught Jim's gaze.

"You want me to stop?" he asked. 

Jim let his head fall back as Bones took another swipe at him with his tongue. "No, no don't stop…"

Vaguely Jim wondered when and how it changed from him focusing on Leonard to where they were now. Not that he was complaining. Jim felt Bones running his fingers over his balls softly enough that it tickled little as he gently sucked and tongued the head of his cock. Jim groaned and thrust his hips slightly, legs moving restlessly on either side of Bones' body, his hands alternating between gripping the sheets and holding Bones' head. Finally, when Jim didn't think he could take it another second, Bones pulled off him.

"Oh, god, Bones please…" Jim thrust, needing more.

"Turn over, Jim," Leonard said, pulling away to sit up. "I want to try using my tongue on your ass."

It took a moment for the words to register with Jim as he struggled to catch his breath. When they did, he sat up and caught Leonard in a kiss, holding his head and tasting himself in Leonard's mouth.

"My turn next?" Jim asked, reaching to stroke Bones' cock. He grunted and arched up slightly at the feel.

"Later," Bones said breathlessly. "You first."

Jim kissed him again, and then turned over on his stomach. He pulled a pillow towards him to hold onto, and pushed one towards where Bones was.

"It'll be easier for you if you put this under my hips," Jim said, arching himself slightly. Bones did as he suggested and Jim squeezed his eyes closed, resisting the urge to thrust into the pillow. He didn't know how long he would be able to take it, he was achingly hard already, but it wouldn't be very long if he gave in and rubbed himself off against a pillow.

Jim looked over his shoulder when he didn't feel anything else happening down there. Bones was sitting back on his heels, just kind of staring at Jim's ass.

"Bones," he said. "Change your mind?"

"No," Leonard replied, looking up at him. "Just not sure what to do."

"Just go for it," Jim advised. "I promise I'm going to like whatever you do."

Leonard nodded and, a little hesitantly, placed his hands on Jim's ass cheeks, gently pulling them apart. Jim didn't want to look away, but this position hurt his neck. He turned back, catching a surprised shout in the pillow as he felt Bones take his first, hard lick over his asshole. Jim pressed his face harder into the pillow, squeezing it in his arms as Bones moved his tongue over him, barely able to stop himself from humping the pillow under him. Bones was going from light touches to firmer strokes in no particular pattern and it was driving him crazy. Jim didn't try to curb the sounds coming out of him, wanting Bones to know how good it felt, how good he was making him feel. He squirmed, unable to stay still and turned his head, taking desperate gulps of air before holding his breath and pressing his face back to the pillow.

This particular intimacy never failed to drive Jim crazy, and he was already so turned on and ready to cum when they started, he was pretty sure he wasn't going to last long. He arched up, raising his shoulders and pressing his cock harder to the pillow as Bones stiffened his tongue and stuck it inside him a little.

"Oh! Bones…god…" Jim groaned. "Ooohhh…" He shuddered and pressed his face back to the pillow, clutching it in his fists. Bones slowed what he was doing slightly, softening his tongue and licking down to his balls and back up to his asshole, where he used it to gently penetrate Jim again, slowly moving it in and out of him, before licking back down. Jim's leg muscles tightened and he shook with the urge to thrust. He could feel himself leaking precum and his cock was so sensitive that every time he moved, dragging it over the fabric of the pillowcase, it set of sparks of sensation that made him want to rub harder.

He couldn't stand it. He arched up again, pressing himself to the pillow, and gave in to the urgent need for  _more._  He reached down to wrap a hand around his cock, and gave himself a couple of firm strokes. That was all it took. The next second, Jim was shouting into the pillow, barely aware of Bones' strong grip on his hips to keep him still as he continued to tease him through his orgasm. Jim could feel his asshole constricting and releasing around Bones' tongue as he persisted, not letting up. Every muscle in his body was tense as he shook and writhed.

"Bones, Bones!" Jim cried out. "Uh, oh…please…" He squeezed his ass muscles and Bones pulled away, massaging his cheeks with strong hands and pressing gentle kisses to the small of his back and up the length of his spine. Jim lay with his eyes closed, spent and gasping, as Bones settled himself over him.

"Okay?" he whispered in Jim's ear. Jim shivered and let out a huge sigh, his entire body finally relaxing under Bones' weight.

"Mmm…okay doesn't even begin to cover it," Jim mumbled.

Bones chuckled, a warm, low sound against Jim's ear, and pressed a kiss to Jim's shoulder. He shifted off of him to lie pressed up against him. Jim could feel Bones' hard length against his hip. He still hadn't come yet. Jim allowed himself a couple minutes to recuperate and then changed position to face Leonard. He went to kiss him, but Leonard pulled away.

"You shouldn't. I should go rinse my mouth first," he said. Jim raised his eyebrows and smiled.

"Oh, please," Jim said, leaning in to kiss him anyway. "It isn't going to matter in a minute. My turn."

"Jim…" Leonard said, obviously still not completely comfortable with the idea.

"Only if you'll let me, of course," Jim said. He sighed, and carded his hand through Bones' hair. "After everything we've done together, you're still not comfortable with me." He tried to keep the hurt out of his voice, but judging by the look on Bones' face, he wasn't entirely successful.

"Jim, it's not-"

"It's okay, Bones. But I don't get it. Are you…are you scared? Is it because of-"

"No," Leonard replied firmly. "No. I'm not scared. And it's not because of anything but my own stupidity."

"Don't do that. You're not stupid," Jim said, rubbing his thumb along Bones' cheekbone. "But if you're not scared, and you want to do it, but you're just a little uncomfortable – because it's new, because it's something you've never done before – can't you just push through it?"

Leonard was quiet for a couple of minutes, trying to find a way to put what he was feeling into words. He didn't want Jim to be hurt because of him, and he wanted to explain as best as he could.

"I – I think it's because…remember when you said I had to be in control?" Jim nodded. He did. It was a while ago, back when everything was still new, and before Jim knew about Michael. "You were right about that. I have…a really hard time letting people see me out of control. And you…" Forgetting his admonition earlier, he pressed a kiss to Jim's lips. "You make me lose it." 

Jim smiled, taking the compliment happily. "But that's what good sex is supposed to do. Talk about losing it…did you not hear me earlier?" 

Bones snorted. "I think the folks who live next door probably heard you," he said. Jim chuckled and just shrugged.

"Well, that's what you do to me. And all I want is to make you feel as incredible as you made me feel. Besides," Jim paused and reached down, gently squeezing Bones' erection. "We still have some unfinished business." Bones thrust into his fist, biting his lip as his eyes squeezed closed at the sensation. "So…can I?"

Leonard struggled with himself for a moment more, then decided he was done with that. "Yeah." 

Jim smiled and kissed him again. 

"Awesome." Jim sat up and chucked the pillow he soiled on the floor. Leonard was rolling onto his stomach, getting in to the same position Jim was in earlier. Jim paused, wondering if he should voice his concern over that position.  _No_ _,_  he decided.  _He's doing what he's most comfortable with_ _._  He could understand why Bones thought being on his stomach would be better for him – it gave him some cover, the ability to hide himself a bit – but Jim just hoped that this didn't end with Bones fighting off a panic attack.

Jim shifted back, moving to the other end of the bed. Leonard copied what Jim did earlier, shoving a pillow under his hips. He gripped the pillow under his head tightly, pressing his face against it. It felt cool against the heat in his face. Leonard felt he was blushing so profusely he was amazed that he stayed as hard as he was. He sucked in a breath as he felt Jim gently push his legs apart so he could be in between.

"I'm going to touch you now," Jim said. 

He appreciated the warning, but he almost wished Jim would just do it so he didn't have to talk. "Okay," he said. Leonard made a concerted effort to stay relaxed when he felt Jim gently placed his hands on his ass. Then he was using his thumbs to press his buttocks apart, and Leonard tensed reflexively. He felt a rush of intense embarrassment - he could just imagine how he looked, and what was Jim doing anyway? Was he just staring at his asshole?  _Oh, god, I can't do this…I can't…_

"J – ooohhh," he gasped as Jim's tongue gently touched him, fluttering against him quickly. He shifted his hips, the feeling unexpectedly intense. His muscles tightened, raising his hips slightly, almost trying to get away from the persistent stimulation. How the hell had Jim stayed as still as he did for this? Finally, Jim pulled back and Leonard relaxed, his hips dropping back down.

The relief lasted only seconds, though, because Jim was again tonguing him, moving over him relentlessly, gripping his hips with strong hands to brace him as he tried to rub himself against the pillow. It wasn't long before Leonard was panting and gasping harshly, biting at the pillow beneath his head in an effort to contain himself. He'd never felt anything like this…it was incredible and it made his whole body thrum with tightly suppressed energy. Dimly, he felt Jim reach a hand under him and grip his cock, gently pulling it back so his cock was pointed at Jim, all while keeping his mouth attached to his asshole.

"Ah…god! Uh…uh…" Leonard shuddered hard when he felt Jim's tongue on the head of his cock. Jim licked from Leonard's cock, over his balls and back up to his hole. Bones bit his lip hard, feeling sweat trickle down his temple. He couldn't take it…couldn't stay still anymore. Moving his hips up and down, needing a firm touch, he pushed himself up on his elbows. "Jim, Jim…please, oh god…" He felt Jim press across his back with a forearm to hold him steadier, his lips and tongue still moving against his ass. Bones reached back, managing to get a grip on Jim's hair, but not pushing him away, just desperate for some kind of relief. Leonard's body convulsed, curling inward slightly, when Jim began gently rubbing his cockhead with his fingers…just the head.

Leonard let out a shout and strained up, his entire body tightening, shaking. Relentlessly, Jim mouthed his asshole, alternately pointing and flattening his tongue, and rubbed his fingers in a circular motion over his cockhead. It was exquisite, excruciating pleasure, and it pushed Leonard to the edge. Locked in place for a matter of seconds, teetering for an interminable moment, the combination of Jim's fingers and tongue finally,  _finally_  brought him crashing over the point of release.

With a shout not muffled by the pillow clenched in his hands, Leonard was coming. He writhed and thrust, bucking so hard Jim had to back away or risk possibly biting his tongue. Instead, he focused his attention on Leonard's cock, continuing to firmly rub his thumb over the head as he spurted. After a matter of seconds, Leonard stopped moving enough that Jim was able to go back to his ass, licking as Leonard shuddered hard, hips still bucking…the pleasure turning almost painful in its intensity as Jim refused to let up, touching and licking throughout.

"J-Jim, god, please," was all Leonard managed to get out before Jim felt a change in the way Leonard was moving and stopped on his own. He sat back on his heels and surveyed the man in front of him. He was a shaking, sweaty mess…just the way he should be. A slow smile spread across his face as Leonard turned his head to look at him.

"No reason to be so smug," he said, still breathing hard.

"No?" Jim asked. "Not sure I agree."

"Oh, shut up and get over here. I'm getting cold."

Laughing, Jim reached for a discarded piece of clothing and wiped his hand of Leonard's semen. Jim crawled up to lie next to him as Leonard pulled the pillow out from under his stomach.

"Need to do laundry tomorrow," he mumbled.

"We just had mind-blowing sex and you're talking about laundry?" Jim asked playfully, pulling a sheet over them as he settled next to him.

"One of us has to be responsible," he said.

Bones cut off Jim's retort by turning towards him and wrapping him in his arms, kissing him gently. "That was…" he shook his head slightly. "I don't even know how to describe it…amazing doesn't seem to cover it. Thank you."

Jim smiled softly and brushed Leonard's hair away from his forehead. He kissed him tenderly, loving the security and trust he could see in Bones' eyes. It was there before, he knew, but now…now it was evident. Jim had a feeling that this night had been a turning point for them.

"It only gets better," he said. "As long as we let it."

Bones reached for his hand and closed his eyes, letting the pull of sleep have him. Jim followed soon after.


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim and Leonard have some time together, and learn a little bit more.

Jim woke slowly, registering that he was uncomfortably cold in that disconnected, sleepy way. He reached behind himself for the blankets, snagged a corner of fabric and pulled. Nothing happened. Turning to look over his shoulder, he smiled slightly. No wonder he was cold – Bones was such a covers-hog. Jim pulled harder, trying to work some of the blanket free. He froze when Bones sighed in his sleep and turned so that he was facing Jim. He caught a whiff of the scent of mint.  _He must've woken at some point and brushed his teeth,_ Jim thought _._  That didn't sound like such a bad idea. He had to go to the bathroom anyway.

Moving carefully, so as not to wake Bones, Jim edged his way out of the bed, stopping to snag his boxers. The room was dark and he grunted as he tripped over Bones' sweatpants. Pausing, he shrugged, and dropped his boxers back on the floor. If Bones didn't find it necessary to wear anything, he certainly wasn't going to bother. Kicking the items out of the way, he looked back over at the bed. The Bones-shaped lump of blankets was just visible in the streetlight edging its way in from under the pulled window shade. He hadn't moved. Once in the bathroom with the door closed, Jim squinted in the too-bright light as he relieved himself, brushed his teeth, and cleaned up a little. Finished, he turned off the light before opening the door, and had to stand still in the dark until his eyes adjusted enough to make it across the room.

When he got back to the bed, he found the covers spread out, no longer cocooning Bones, and he edged under them gratefully. Bones was lying on his side, eyes open.

"Hey," Jim whispered, lying down and straightening out his pillow. He rolled to his side, moving close enough to Bones to touch him. "Didn't mean to wake you."

"No problem," Bones answered. "Jesus, your feet are cold!"

"That's your fault," Jim replied dryly. "You stole all the blankets." He moved as close to Bones as he could. Leonard responded by wrapping an arm around him and Jim sighed contentedly as he warmed up.

"Hmmph. Next time, wake me up," Leonard said. "Don't need you coming down with something because you're freezing your ass off. Everything okay?"

Even though the room was dark, this close Jim could see Bones' features fairly well. He reached over and gently traced the line of his brow, down the side of his face. Bones caught Jim's hand in his own and held him.

"So much better than okay…this is going to sound really, really sappy, but I love this. Being here with you like this…just the two of us. I love you," Jim said, still managing to surprise himself at how content he was.

"Mmm…I would say that was sappy, but I know you just like me for the sex," Bones teased, a smile pulling at his lips.

"True," Jim replied seriously, kissing him. He pulled away with a smile. "The sex is awesome." He paused, his smile becoming suggestive as he used a leg to draw the two of them together. "Want to do it again?"

Bones chucked, and though Jim couldn't see it, rolled his eyes.

"You're insatiable, and I'm exhausted," he said.

"Well, okay, in that case you should rest up…can't have you worn out already. We have the whole weekend ahead of us."

Bones hummed in agreement. They traded lazy kisses in the dark, Jim's grip on Leonard tighter than he realized… enough so that after a couple of minutes, Leonard pulled back, frowning slightly.

"You sure you're okay?" he asked. 

Jim nodded against the pillow. "Yeah, Bones…I'm fine. Why?"

"Not that I mind, but it feels like your holding on to me for dear life," Leonard replied. Jim smiled sheepishly and loosened his grip slightly.

"Sorry…I just don't want you to go. Uh…you to let go…you know what I mean. I'm too tired to make sense," Jim said clumsily.

He suddenly felt a little tense in Leonard's arms, and he peered at Jim, recognizing that he was hearing a note of something…doubt? embarrassment?...he wasn't sure what – but it sounded out of place in Jim's usually confident voice. Leonard didn't answer for a moment. He stroked up and down Jim's back, massaging the base of his skull, urging him to relax again. The admission, given while he was tired and sleepy, defenses down more than usual, was probably meant exactly the way he'd originally said it… _I just don't want you to go._

Like his father did, when he was killed overseas.

Like his best friend did, by here own hand.

Like his step-father did, to alcohol over and over again before succumbing to illness.

Like his mother did, to pancreatic cancer.

That was a lot of heartbreak and a lot of loss in a short life.

Jim hadn't spoken a whole lot about his previous relationships, and Leonard recognized that that was largely his fault. This relationship had so far been steeped in his issues, and that let Jim avoid his own. They weren't as…debilitating…as Leonard's were, but they still existed. At one point, Jim had admitted that he'd never pursued a steady relationship because he didn't feel like there was a reason to.

"We had fun with each other, Bones. And it was great while we both wanted the same thing. If that changed, or there was someone new, it was no big deal. Fun while it lasted, sure…but there was no point in making it a long-term thing," Jim had said the last time they talked about it.

Now, with that whispered slip, that mind-set suddenly made a little more sense to him, and it hit Leonard like the proverbial ton of bricks. What was the point of a long-term relationship if one of them was just going to leave, hurting the other? Just like everyone else in Jim's life that he'd loved.

"When we first got together, I always thought that if one of us was going to decide to move on, it would be you," Leonard said quietly. "I had a really hard time believing that someone like you… younger, intelligent, handsome, so confident…would want to spend his time with me. You just seemed too good to be true."

"Bones-" Jim started.

"No…wait, Jim. I can be moody, I'm divorced, I have a daughter, I have – had – well, I guess still have – a lot of issues that I ignored for a long time…it wouldn't have been a surprise to me if you wanted something else for yourself. Someone better. I expected it."  _Still do._

"What brought all this up, Bones?" Jim asked.

"I suppose I just want you to know that I don't have any intention of going anywhere. I love you. You've changed my life. And of course we can't know what's going to happen later…but for now, honestly, I'm still waiting for you to change your mind."

Jim let out a breath between them, eyes closed, and his body relaxed more fully against Bones. Despite his feeble attempt at brushing his verbal slip to the side, Bones had heard him. He'd heard him, and he'd understood him.

"'M not gonna change my mind," Jim whispered.

"Yeah, well, me neither," Bones replied. Jim smiled when Bones kissed him, hand coming up to cup Jim's head. Sleep didn't come quickly, but neither of them felt the need to hurry it along. They lay entwined together, promising each other with words and actions that the other didn't have to worry, until they both started to believe.

 

* * *

 

"What do you want to do today?" Jim asked as he stirred his cereal. It was technically closer to lunch, but their late night, coupled with the  _very_  early morning conversation that kept them both awake until the sky started to lighten, pushed their wake-up time to a little after eleven. It was a luxury Leonard almost never got to indulge in, and they both took advantage of it.

"Uhh…I've got some stuff I didn't finish grading last night…your fault, by the way."

"Please. Didn't hear you complaining then," Jim replied. Leonard smiled at him over his cup of coffee.

"True," he said. "I need to do some laundry, and do food shopping. I'd also planned to give the apartment a cleaning since Joanna's not underfoot. Maybe take the car to get its oil changed. Think I'm late for that…" Leonard looked up in surprise at the sound of Jim's spoon clattering on the table. He threw his hands up.

"Seriously, Bones? We have a  _whole day_  to ourselves…" Jim trailed off catching sight of Bones' twitching lips. "You're kidding."

"Of course I'm kidding. Though, at some point, I really do need to get those papers graded for Monday." 

Jim grinned at him. "Awesome. I thought I was going to have to bribe you to enjoy the day with me," Jim said. "So, what do you want to do today?"

"Jim, I enjoy every day I have with you," Leonard said seriously. To his surprise, Jim flushed and cast his eyes to his cereal bowl. Leonard waited for some witty comeback, but none seemed forthcoming. Normally, Bones spent his weekends with Jim entertaining at least one, and often two, children. Faced with a day that didn't have to cater to pediatric definitions of fun, he was at a loss. "I don't really know. You have any ideas?" he asked, still amused over Jim's uncharacteristically diffident reaction to a simple statement

"Thought you'd never ask," Jim said, looking back up at him with a smile. "Let's go to Golden Gate Park…we can grab a snack there…and then take a walk over the bridge! I'd love to get a picture of the view."

"Only if we're planning to visit the reptile house so you can hold a boa," Leonard deadpanned.

"Oh, come on! It's not like I'm suggesting we bungee off of it… _although_  that would be kinda cool…" Jim trailed off, obviously puzzling over the logistics of the clandestine, and highly illegal, suggestion.

"Jim," Leonard said seriously. "I can't tell if you're actually kidding or not, but you'd better be."

Jim shrugged, giving him another grin. "Anyway…what's wrong with walking over a bridge? It's not like it's a rickety thing in the middle of nowhere." Leonard held Jim's eyes over the breakfast table for a couple of seconds.

"Fine," he said abruptly. Jim blinked in surprise.

"What…really?"

"But I'm not walking the whole damn thing. Just far enough for you to get your picture," Leonard said. Jim beamed at him.

"Awesome! And then afterwards for dinner I thought we could try a new restaurant. You like Italian, right?"

"Sure," Leonard said.

"Great…I'll just need for us to swing by my place so I can pick up my camera and some clothes before dinner."

"I thought you brought clothes," Leonard said.

"Well, I did. But I didn't think to pack anything much more formal than what I'm wearing now."

"Formal? How fancy is this place?"

"Well, okay, not  _formal_ , formal…but you know…a shirt with buttons and pants that aren't jeans. Stuff that you usually wear," Jim said. Bones rolled his eyes.

"You are such a kid. You mean, dress like an adult?"

"I dress like an adult! Adults wear jeans and t-shirts." Leonard caught Jim's eyes with a contemplative look on his face. "What?" Jim asked.

"Nothing. When do you want to go?" 

Jim shrugged. "Whenever you want…I'm ready now." 

Leonard smiled at his exuberance. "Okay, just give me a few minutes. Let's swing by your place first and take care of that, and then we'll go."

A couple of minutes later, Jim wandered back to the bedroom to see what Bones was doing. What he saw stopped him in his tracks. Leonard was in the process of moving the contents of one of his dresser drawers to the shelves in the closet, and Jim could see that a small section of the closet was cleared away too.

"Bones?" Jim questioned. "What're you up to?" Leonard looked up from what he was doing.

"Well, you're always here. I can't spend a whole lot of time at your place because of Joanna, and it's inconvenient for you to keep having to worry about packing a bag. So, I thought you should have some room here." He paused, taking in the expression on Jim's face. "Unless…you don't want to…whatever you prefer…" He trailed off as Jim crossed the room to him and pulled him into a kiss. Leonard was surprised, but he relaxed into it quickly, his hands coming to rest on Jim's waist as Jim gently cupped his face.

"Thank you," Jim whispered, pulling away. "No one's ever…" he stopped and shook his head. Bones pulled him into a hug. He thought he understood why the simple gesture was so significant to Jim. It was just another way for Leonard to show him that he wasn't going anywhere…a physical reminder of Jim's existence in his life.

 

* * *

 

"C'mon Bones…nice, wide sidewalks…high railings on both sides…It's completely safe."

"Don't make fun of me," Leonard grumbled. He peered down the length of the bridge, very conscious of the cars speeding past. Then he took a look over the rail and actually took a couple of steps backwards, backing right into Jim, who grasped his arm to steady him. Jim noticed that Bones actually did look a little pale.

"I'm not making fun of you at all," Jim said with a small smile. "Look at those mountains…gorgeous aren't they?" They really were, and Leonard found himself reacting to Jim's enthusiasm.

"So, are we going to walk or what? You look like a tourist with that camera on you," Leonard observed.

Jim had a Nikon digital camera on a strap over his shoulder. Learning that Jim was into photography was a bit of a surprise to Leonard. He didn't display any of his pictures, with the exception of the one he took of Leonard and Joanna sleeping, but they were all really, really good. Most were taken in and around San Francisco, but some were from Napa, a few from San Diego, and there were some he took the last time he was in Iowa. Jim had a talent for composing a shot, and he had the program know-how to manipulate a picture until it met his idea of perfect.

" _Why don't you have any of them up?" Leonard asked as he flipped through the photo books._

 _Jim shrugged._ " _I take them for myself. I don't care if they're seen by anyone else."_

_Leonard didn't completely understand that, but he let it go._

_"Do you want any of them?" Jin asked._

" _Yes…but I don't want to choose now. Maybe the ones you take today…proof of our foray onto the Bridge," Leonard said._

 _Jim smiled and nodded._ " _Sounds good to me."_

Now, on the Bridge, Leonard moved to the traffic side of the sidewalk and enjoyed the view without thinking too hard about it. After a couple of minutes of walking side by side, Jim caught Leonard's hand in his own. Leonard looked over at him in surprise. They didn't generally broadcast their relationship in public. Jim looked at him with a question in his eyes. Leonard just smiled. It worked for him.


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A scary last day of school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See the note at the end of the chapter for a spoiling trigger warning.

June 1st …the last day of the school year. While technically, school wasn't out yet – for the year or even for the day – the halls and classrooms of McKinley were deserted. Everyone was outside celebrating. The Year's End Festival was a hot, happy,  _festive_  day and the McKinley multi-purpose field was full of parents, students and teachers reveling in the completion of another successful year. Children ran through sprinklers and took turns on slip 'n' slides a few of the teachers had donated for the special occasion; others played supervised games of Red Rover, Red Light/Green Light, and tug-of-war. Other kids and parents wandered around the various displays of showcased student work, booths offering all kinds of snacks, beanbag games for the younger children, and various community groups offering information and sign-ups for almost every type of summer camp imaginable. Some of the older students were grouped around the picnic tables, signing yearbooks with childish promises to "K.I.T" and "never change". Loud and bright and fun, everyone was enjoying themselves.

But the one attraction that currently had the most interest was a yearly favorite…the Dunk Tank. And as she did every year, Principal Uhura was sitting primly on the platform suspended above the water, completely dressed for a regular school day, right down to her high heels. She was egging on the students who were daring enough, and the teachers who were secure enough, to hit the bull's-eye panel from fifteen feet away that would drop her into the water below. The person with good enough aim won bragging rights for the whole next year and a gift card to a favorite neighborhood bakery. This was the only attraction that required tickets to participate, and all the money that was raised went right into the fund McKinley set aside for students whose family needed a little help during the year. Of all the fundraising they did during the year to keep that account on level, this was the favorite.

Jim, of course, couldn't resist and was not-so-patiently waiting his turn behind a few boys who had enough tickets between them for six tries. Leonard just rolled his eyes and stood off to the side, watching. Ms. Uhura looked relaxed enough, but when she saw Jim take his place in line, she narrowed her eyes at him. He waved enthusiastically at her and gave her a thumbs-up.

"Daddy, is Uncle Jim really going to dunk Principal Uhura?" Joanna asked, looking up at him.

"Well, it certainly looks like he's gonna try, Darlin'." He smiled down at her and noticed that she was squinting in the bright sunlight of the clear, cloudless day. Patting his pockets, he realized he'd left her sunglasses in the car when he arrived that afternoon. "Let's go talk to Jim for a second," he said, guiding her over to him by her hand. Leonard shook his head slightly. Jim was cheering those in front of him on in their attempts at soaking the principal.

"Jim, I need to run to the car. Keep an eye on Jo for me?"

"No problem, Bones." Jim took Joanna's hand and swung it between them. "Joanna and I are gonna dunk Ms. Uhura, aren't we?"

" _I'm_  not!" Joanna exclaimed, making Jim laugh. "I like Ms. Uhura!" 

He waved Leonard off and turned his attention back to the little girl. "I like Ms. Uhura too, and Ms. Uhura  _likes_  to get dunked. Really!" Jim exclaimed at Joanna's skeptical look. "I've got four tickets for four tries…do you want one?" he asked, holding it out to her.

Orren used the confusion and noise and relaxed atmosphere to blend in. It was something he was good at – no one ever noticed him – and with all the kids running around, he could easily sidle up to one and act like he belonged at the unsuspecting child's side, without the child ever being the wiser. No one ever remembered him. He made sure of it. He hid in non-descript, common clothes, behind a smile and an open expression, in plain sight. He scoffed slightly to himself. It was almost too simple. The school grounds were fenced in, and while the campus was usually a closed one, he'd noticed that because this was a special day, rules about visitors needing to check in at the Main Office were not currently being enforced. "Security" consisted of just a couple of teachers or administrators with walkie-talkies in the general vicinity of the entrance and exit to the cafeteria's double doors that led out to the field. He'd even waved to one of them who was more interested in eating his hotdog than paying attention to who was joining the party. They practically invited him inside. It should be just as easy getting out again.

Strolling around, he took in the crowds – and he took in the individuals within the crowds. This part was a little trickier…if he was going to go to the trouble and take the risk it had to be worth it; it had to be  _right._  Seeing a larger group at a line for the dunk tank, he headed over there. Distracted people made it easy. Noise made it easy. The right kind made it easy.

"Come on, Jeremy! Use that arm – dunk her!" Jim encouraged the fifth grader. Jeremy took aim…threw…and missed. Cheers and groans came from all around.

"That was my last shot!" Jeremy exclaimed. "Your turn, Mr. Kirk!" Jim turned to Joanna, offering her one of the balls he'd been handed.

"Do you want to try?" he asked. Joanna shrunk back and shook her head. "No? Are you sure?"

"No, thank you," Joanna replied.

"Okay…well, here goes…" Jim turned to aim at the bulls-eye. Nyota was glaring at him, but he ignored that. All around them, people cheered.

Joanna stepped back slightly, watching. Uncle Jim threw the first ball – and it missed, stopped in the net behind the target. Joanna jumped a little on her toes, clasping her hands under her chin. She didn't know who to root for…she wanted Uncle Jim to win, but she really did like Ms. Uhura. And she didn't want Uncle Jim to get in trouble. Ms. Uhura didn't look very happy right now. Joanna felt a presence come close beside her, and without really taking her eyes off of Uncle Jim – missed again! – held out her hand.

"Daddy…Uncle Jim only has two chances left….wait, where are we going? I want to watch!"

Looking over her shoulder, she allowed herself to be led quickly along until Jim threw his third ball and she couldn't see what happened. Was Ms. Uhura safe, or did she fall in the water? She wanted to go back. She pulled on her father's hand, and received a tight squeeze in return.

"Daddy…" looking up for the first time, Joanna trailed off. That wasn't her daddy.

 

* * *

 

Leonard made his way back to the dunk tank in time to see Jim throw his last ball – another miss. Principal Uhura laughed and waved, still safe. Kids were all around him as he shrugged, smiling, and stepped away for the next person to try.

"I thought you'd have better aim than that," Leonard said, coming up behind him. Jim just laughed and rolled his eyes.

"Can't be good at everything," he said. Leonard grunted as he scanned their immediate area.

"Where's Joanna?" he asked, glancing around.

"She's right here…" he turned to look, and his heart stuttered in his chest. "She was right here, right next to me."

"Jim-" Leonard started.

"No, it's okay, Bones. She's here…the crowd probably got too loud for her. She's probably still just right here." Jim looked around, trying to remember the last time he'd seen her. She'd still been there after he missed the first two times…hadn't she?

"JOANNA!" Leonard yelled, eyes sweeping the crowd. "JOANNA!"

Both men moved off in separate directions, looking around the closest booths for where Joanna may have retreated. Leonard was trying to stay calm, but he was never very good at that when it came to his own daughter, and his heart was slamming in his chest. He swallowed against the panic he could feel bubbling inside of him as he looked around. Joanna was wearing a McKinley t-shirt today, along with every other damn kid here. Every dark-haired child was sought out and dismissed. He met Jim's eyes across the line of people waiting for a turn to try their luck at dunking Ms. Uhura and shook his head. Jim pressed his lips together and went back to checking the area – and started calling for Joanna, too.

 _She's here. She wouldn't walk off. She didn't do things like that._  Leonard's mind kept recycling these facts about his daughter, but he refused to let his thinking go one step further. He just couldn't – couldn't fathom it. She was too intimidated by crowds and strangers to just walk away and become engrossed in something else. But this time she did…she  _must_ have. Because otherwise, oh, god. Leonard moved through the crowd, circling the area, thinking that any second he would see her…and he was definitely going to have a talk about just walking off. Unsure where to look next, he found himself turning in a circle – running a hand through his hair agitatedly. The next thing he knew, Jim was back with him…his voice cutting through the rushing in his ears.

"Bones," Jim said, grasping his arm. "She's here. She just wandered off. We'll find her."

Suddenly, with a swiftness that took Leonard by surprise, the panic was gone and was replaced with anger. He wrenched his arm away.

"You were supposed to be watching her!" he yelled, ignoring the way Jim flinched. Anger was easier than fear. "How hard is it to keep an eye on one child for ten minutes?"

"Bones, calm down," Jim said, making a placating gesture with his hands. "She'll be okay."

 

* * *

 

All of Joanna's annoyance at being pulled away from seeing if Uncle Jim succeeded in dunking Ms. Uhura or not dissolved into queasy nervousness. She breathed quickly as she was dragged along behind this man who was not her father, blinking as her eyes filled with tears. She knew what she was supposed to do if anyone ever tried to get her to go with them…a policeman had visited her class not too long ago…she was supposed to yell and scream and kick and cause a commotion to attract attention. She pulled feebly on her trapped hand and tried to call out…but her voice wouldn't come. The man yanked on her hand and she tripped as she tried to keep up with his fast walk through the busy field.

The cool air in the cafeteria washed over her as the hurried through the double doors. She was being taken somewhere…and she didn't want to go. A sob shook out of her and he squeezed her hand hard enough to hurt her fingers. 

_He's hurting me._

"No, stop. Where's my daddy and Uncle Jim?" she asked, pulling back. Frantically, she looked around. The cafeteria was almost empty…there were some older girls and boys sitting at one of the tables…and a mommy with her baby. She wanted to call out, but she couldn't breathe… couldn't talk. The man didn't look at her, but gave her another quick yank. "Wait…no…stop. I want-"

"I know you want to stay, sweetie, but we've been here all day. We have to get going. Don't make me have to put you in time out," he said loud enough that the people closest to them would hear him. She focused on the mommy and baby, but they were on the other side of the cafeteria and weren't paying any attention to them.

"No, no…" Joanna started to cry. She wanted her daddy…she wanted Uncle Jim. Finally, the paralysis was wearing off, and her temper started to kick in, counteracting her fear. "No, I don't want to go with you! Let me go!"

"Miss McCoy?" A cool, familiar voice caught her attention, and she felt a rush of relief. She didn't know what he was doing here, but she's only ever met one person who called her that. Dr. Spock was walking through the cafeteria from the doors that led to the parking lot and cut the man off. He took in her tears and the way her hand was being gripped. "Are you in distress?"

"She's fine," the man answered for her. "She just doesn't want to leave, but it's time to go."

"Pardon me, but I do not believe that you and I are acquainted," Dr. Spock said. "How are you related to Dr. McCoy's daughter?" Suddenly the pressure on Joanna's hand was gone and the man was walking off, hurrying out of the cafeteria doors towards the parking lot. Joanna sobbed again, and clapped her hands over her mouth, shaking. She felt Dr. Spock place a gentle hand on her shoulder, and then he was kneeling in front of her, his dark brown eyes traveling over her face.

"Joanna, are you unharmed?" he asked. Joanna nodded and took a deep breath. She looked up and noticed that now few people in the cafeteria were paying attention to them. The mommy with the baby got up and hurried over to where they were standing.

"You okay, sweetie?" she asked, casting a glance at Dr. Spock.

"I'm okay," she whispered. "Dr. Spock, will you help me find my daddy?"

"Yes, but before we do that, we need to inform the proper authorities of-"

"Joanna!" A voice rang out across the cafeteria and Joanna recognized it right away.

"Daddy!" She turned and ran towards her father, who met her closer to where Spock was standing. When he reached her, he picked her up and held her to him tightly, feeling the way her small body trembled. "Daddy," she said again, pressing her face to his shoulder as she cried. "He was trying to take me somewhere."

"Take you somewhere? Who?" he asked, eyes immediately going to Dr. Spock. "What the hell are you doing here?" he demanded. If Spock had tried anything with his daughter, so help him…

"I invited him to attend on Jim's recommendation," Principal Uhura's voice came from behind him. "To work with the school nurse in doing some end of the year screenings."

"Not Dr. Spock, Daddy," Joanna said. "There was a man…"

"What?" Leonard asked, alarmed. Ms. Uhura met Dr. Spock's eyes.

"Can you provide a description of him?"

"Yes I can," he replied. Nodding, Nyota took a couple of steps away to speak into the walkie-talkie she was holding.

Leonard had to sit…his little girl had almost been walked right out of the school with some sicko who would do god knows what to her. If Spock had come a second later… Clutching Joanna to him, she squeaked a little and he responded by loosening his grip.

"I'm sorry Baby…I'm just glad you're okay," he whispered.

"We found her, but there was an intruder on campus trying to lead her out. Close the cafeteria doors and make an announcement about parents doing a child check. Jean," she continued, addressing the secretary in the office who kept a walkie on her desk to monitor situations. "Find the resource officer and call the police. Send everyone to the cafeteria." Nyota turned back to Dr. Spock. "He went out to the parking lot?"

"I believe so," he replied. Nyota nodded.

"Dr. McCoy, please wait here with Joanna until the police arrive…I'm sure they're going to want to speak with her. Dr. Spock, please walk with me – let's see if we can find him."

"Of course," Spock replied. Moving at a fast pace, Nyota led him out the way the man had gone and just as Nyota and Spock left, Jim bounded in, followed closely by a resource officer.

"Bones!" Jim called, hurrying over to them. "What happened?" Still clutching Joanna to him, he looked up at him anger in his eyes. Jim came to an uncertain stop a few feet away. "Bones?"

"What happened," Leonard said, in a low, tightly controlled voice. "Is that you were more interested in playing around than making sure Joanna was safe, and someone…some-" He broke off, conscious of little ears. "Person," he managed to spit out, "almost walked right out of here with her."

"Bones-"

"No, Jim. Just – no. I can't. Not right now." Turning away from the anguished expression on Jim's face, he didn't look up as Jim turned and quietly walked away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has an attempted abduction.


	34. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happened after the attempted abduction.

A grape flavored snow cone had gone a long way towards calming Joanna down and putting a purple-stained smile on her face, her tears and fear from earlier all but forgotten. Unfortunately, there was no such quick fix for her father. Leonard wanted to get Joanna out of there, take her home, and keep her there. Preferably until she turned thirty. He stayed where he was, though, holding her in his lap, while they waited in the cafeteria as he'd been asked so that she could talk to the police. On one hand, he hoped she could help – the next child may not be so lucky. On the other, he just wanted this day to be over more than he wanted almost anything else at this point.

Besides still feeling the remnants of panic, Leonard was also heartsick, the look on Jim's face as he'd coldly sent him away replaying itself over and over in his head. He'd been so scared – and Leonard just didn't do scared well. Scared always turned out one of two ways. Either he would completely shut down and run, or he would lash out at the nearest target. In this case, Jim was the nearest target. And, at the time, Leonard had firmly believed that what had happened was his fault. That he'd taken his eyes and attention off of Joanna – that he'd forgotten about her. And he'd been so very angry. But now, after having the opportunity to calm down and take a step back from the edge, he was regretting what he'd done and how he'd acted. He was still angry – Jim should have been paying more attention – but the desire to assign blame to what could have been a tragedy was gone.

When the school resource officer arrived in the cafeteria, he quickly stopped Leonard from asking Joanna any questions about what happened to her.

"It's very, very easy to accidentally ask leading questions that might make a young child give details that aren't necessarily true. Let's wait for the police to get here – someone with experience in interviewing children will talk to her."

Leonard nodded, but was concerned about whether or not Joanna would actually talk to them, or if her typical reaction to adults she didn't know – shyness and reticence – would be an obstacle. The police arrived just a couple of minutes later and two of them came over to talk to Joanna.

"Hi Joanna. I'm Lilly, and this is my friend, Tom. Can I ask you some questions about the things that happened this afternoon?" Wide-eyed, Joanna shrunk back against him, nervously fiddling with her hair. Lilly looked at Leonard in askance, and he just shook his head helplessly.

"Joanna," he said. "Can you be a big girl and answer some questions for Lilly?"

"Daddy," she whispered. "Where's Uncle Jim?"

He sighed. In hindsight, it had been a mistake to dismiss Jim like he had. Not only had it been a knee-jerk reaction that had undoubtedly hurt him, it was also a stupid decision. Jim could have helped with this if he were here. He would know how to interview a child, and Joanna would talk to him.

"I don't know, Baby…but it's very important to help the police and answer their questions. Can you do that for me?"

As Joanna was prone to one-word answers and shrugs when she was feeling bashful, it had taken quite a while to pull the whole story out of her. In the end, though, Leonard had a pretty good idea of what had happened, and it made him feel even worse about how he'd treated Jim.

Standing right next to Jim, Joanna watched him throw two balls and miss both.

"What happened next?" Lilly asked, keeping her voice friendly and gentle. Tom stood silently by, unobtrusively taking notes as they spoke.

"He tried again," Joanna replied. Lilly smiled at her encouragingly as she fiddled with her father's watch on his wrist.

"And then what happened?" she prompted after a moment. Joanna shrugged.

"Did you see what happened?"

"No," she answered quietly, shaking her head.

"How come?"

Joanna bit her lip and kept her eyes down. Lilly exchanged a glance with Leonard. "Joanna, you're doing so good, and being such a big help. It's okay to tell me everything that happened. You're not in any trouble and your daddy's not going to be mad at you for anything." Lilly looked up at Leonard, giving him a significant hint. He caught it immediately.

"That's right, Darlin'. You just tell Lilly everything that happened. Nothing that happened was your fault and you're not in any trouble at all."

"I'm sorry Daddy," she said quietly, leaning into his chest while keeping her eyes downcast. He stroked her hair gently, and dropped a kiss to the top of her head.

"About what, Baby?" he asked, ignoring the warning glance Lilly shot his way. He was supposed to keep quiet and not ask her questions.  _Screw 'em,_  he thought. She was his little girl – he'd do as he damn well pleased. And right now, he wanted to comfort her.

"I know I'm not supposed to go with strangers," she said.

"Is that what happened?" Lilly asked. 

Joanna nodded. "But I didn't know it was a stranger. I didn't see. I was trying to watch Uncle Jim," she explained. Leonard felt a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. It sounded like this was even less Jim's fault than he'd even originally thought.

"What made you go with him?" 

Joanna shrugged again. "I don't know…I just thought it was Daddy standing next to me and I just held out my hand," she said.

Leonard sat numbly, rubbing his daughter's back gently. She was there for the first two throws, and had seen them both miss the target. She'd seen him throw the third, but didn't see what happened. Leonard came back just in time to see Jim throw and miss the fourth and final ball…how many seconds between the second miss and the third throw? Or what about between the third throw and the fourth miss? Leonard swallowed against a suddenly dry mouth as he realized he'd probably walked right by the man leading his daughter away.

When they were finally done, Leonard stood, holding Joanna in his arms. She rested her head on his shoulder.

"Are we going home Daddy?" She sounded tired.

"In just a few minutes, Baby," he answered. He could see Dr. Spock talking to another police officer. He headed over there – he needed to thank him for saving his daughter.

"Dr. McCoy."

He stopped and turned when he heard Nyota Uhura's voice behind him. "Ms. Uhura," he said. "Did you find him?"

"No, unfortunately. But Dr. Spock was able to provide a very detailed description. The police are canvassing the surrounding area and looking at all the footage from the security cameras. They'll find him."

She paused, reaching a hand towards Joanna's back. She let it hover there uncertainly for a moment before pulling back without touching her. Nyota's tightly suppressed stress at the situation, and relief for her student's safety, was palpable.

"I just wanted to say how sorry I am that this happened. Nothing like this-" she broke off, and Leonard nodded tightly in understanding. But it didn't matter that it never happened before. All it takes is for it to happen once for lives to be forever changed. The school should have been more careful – the entrance and exit to the field guarded more closely. He was tempted to give Nyota an earful…but now, with his daughter in his arms…was not the time. And, if the look on Nyota's face was any indication, it was a lesson very well-learned anyway. "There are no words to express to you how relieved I am that she's safe." Nyota said, emotion in her voice and her eyes.

"Thank you," he said sincerely. "If you'll excuse me, I need to talk to Dr. Spock."

"Of course," Nyota replied. She hesitated. "I hope you have a good summer."

"You too," he replied distractedly, already moving away. Gently, he shifted Joanna slightly in his arms. If she wasn't already asleep, tired out by the activity and stress of the day, she was going to be soon. She felt completely limp against him.

"Dr. McCoy," Spock said when he caught sight of Leonard. "I trust Miss McCoy is well?"

"She's fine – just tired. I just wanted to say thank you, so very much for intervening the way you did."

"No thanks is necessary. I did only what anyone else would have done in a similar situation," Spock replied.

"Be that as it may," Leonard said. "It wasn't anyone who stopped the guy from walking out of here with her. It was you. Thank you." 

Spock inclined his head. "You are welcome."

 

* * *

 

"Hello?"

"Sam."

"Jim, you okay?" Sam asked, concerned. Jim never called his cell phone in the middle of the day when he was at work.

"I fucked up Sam. He's gonna leave me," Jim's voice cracked and he had to stop. He took a deep breath and wiped his eyes. Hunched over his kitchen table, head supported by his hand, Jim felt crushed by guilt and misery. "And I don't blame him."

Sam was alarmed by how despondent Jim sounded, and moved to the office, closing the door so he could talk to his brother in private. "What happened Jim?"

Haltingly, Jim told Sam about the events that had taken place that afternoon. How Leonard trusted him to watch Joanna, how he was more focused on the game than on the child. How someone had just taken her away, right from under his nose, and he hadn't even noticed. How, if Dr. Spock had arrived just a second before or after, this day could've ended as a nightmare.

"How could I do that Sam? How could I be so, so  _stupid-_ "

"Jim, man, come on. Stop it. You're not stupid. It was an accident – it could've happened to anyone. It could've happened to Leonard."

"No, it would never happen to Leonard. She's…Sam, she's his life. She's more important to him than anything,"  _More important to him than I am_ , Jim added silently. "And I almost took her from him." Jim squeezed his eyes closed, and wiped his cheeks. "He was furious…he's never looked at me like that before."

"Jim, he was scared. But you listen to me. What happened was not your fault. It's not like you walked away or left her somewhere. She was next to you, and then she wasn't. Once Leonard calms down he'll realize that. Do you remember when Janie got away from me at Six Flags?"

Oh, yeah…Jim remembered. Two years ago, an otherwise fun family trip had been marred by two terrifying hours when Janie disappeared while Aurelan was in the restroom. Jim was with Kimmie on one of the water slides, and Sam lost sight of her in the crowd when she darted away from him. Sam had been frantic, and Aurelan inconsolable. Luckily, she was a plucky three year old, and she knew to go to a park employee and inform him that she lost her family. He'd taken her to the security office and there she played while park officials made announcements in the area where she asked for help.

"Aurelan was so angry with me," Sam said. "I thought we might actually be in real trouble. We weren't, of course. But it did take her a couple of days to get back to normal. It's the scariest thing a parent can go through. And this was, well, this was worse than what happened with Janie – but it still wasn't your fault. Give him a couple of days, Jim. He'll come around."

"What if he doesn't?" Jim asked. "What if I've lost him?"

"Then he's an absolute idiot who doesn't know how lucky he is." Sam paused, listening to his brother's hitched breathing on the line. It had been a while since he'd heard him so upset. Probably not since their mother died. Jim really loved him. "But Jim," Sam continued. "You know he's not an idiot. And, I've seen the way he looks at you as clear as day. It'll be all right." He injected as much assurance into his voice as he could. It wasn't difficult. He really believed Leonard would come around.

"So what should I do?" Jim asked. "How can I ever make it up to him?"

"Just give him some time and space," Sam advised. "It'll be okay."

 

* * *

 

Though it was still relatively early, Leonard was exhausted. After putting Joanna to bed, he'd stayed in her bedroom until she'd fallen asleep, and then he stayed longer, just watching her and thanking that god he was coming closer to believing existed for watching over his little girl today. Finally, when it was fully dark outside, he stood up and made his way quietly out of the room, his footsteps and the quiet click of the door closing inaudible over the sound therapy machine.

He collapsed on the couch with a glass of bourbon. He didn't drink often, but if there was ever a time it was appropriate, this was it. The rest of the day had passed in a blur. Undeterred by the events at the festival, Joanna had woken from her brief nap on the drive home, and immediately asked where Uncle Jim was. Originally, the plan was that Jim would spend the afternoon with Joanna so Leonard could go to the hospital. That wasn't the case anymore. Although he felt badly about how he'd treated Jim, he wasn't ready to talk to him yet. It was too soon, his feelings still too raw. That hadn't set well with Joanna, who'd been looking forward spending time with him, and didn't understand her father's need to keep her close to him right now. He'd managed to compromise with her by taking her to the community pool himself and having pizza for dinner with ice cream for dessert. But all afternoon and evening she'd asked why Uncle Jim didn't want to play with her.

"Is he mad at me Daddy?" she'd asked. "Because I left? I didn't mean to."

"No, Baby. Uncle Jim isn't mad at you at all. Nobody is. You didn't do anything wrong. He just…something came up that he had to take care of." Joanna had seemed to accept this answer, for which Leonard was grateful. He just didn't know how to explain what was really going through his head to a five year old. Even one as astute at Joanna.

He frowned into his drink, uncomfortable with the way things were left today. Jim was a part of his life, and Joanna's life. It felt wrong to not have him here, with them. Maybe he should call him, ask him to come over. He needed to fix this with Jim – but after he'd treated Jim that way, so dismissively, maybe Jim wouldn't be interested in hearing from him. That possibility made Leonard's stomach clench. And then there still the issue of what had happened. He knew know that it wasn't really Jim's fault, but his mind kept returning to the fact that he'd left Joanna with him…and he hadn't realized that she wasn't there until Leonard asked. Granted, they were talking about a matter of seconds, but still, this was his _daughter._ With all of this tumbling around in his head, the sound of the phone ringing startled him. Sighing, he reached for the handset on the side table. Glancing at the caller ID, he frowned. It wasn't Jim.

"Leonard McCoy," he answered.

"Mr. McCoy, this is Lilly Carmichael. I spoke to you and your daughter earlier today."

"Of course, officer," Leonard replied, immediately concerned. "What can I do for you?"

"Please, call me Lilly. I just wanted to let you know that we got him," she said. Leonard closed his eyes and his whole body relaxed from tension he hadn't even realized he was holding.

"Thank god," he murmured. "Where? How?"

"Dr. Spock was able to provide a very detailed description of him. He lived in a neighborhood a few miles away. Someone recognized him and called it in."

"So what happens now? Is Joanna going to need to testify?" Leonard wasn't sure how he felt about that.

"Well, it's still early, but I don't think so. There are other…victims…whose testimony is going to be more applicable. He's being charged with things more serious than kidnapping."

_Oh, god._

"How many?"

"Mr. McCoy, I can't really discuss the case with you, but it appears he's done this before…used the confusion of fairs, field days, and other large groups to gain access to children," Lilly said. Leonard closed his eyes, swallowing around the bile that was rising in his throat.

"How?" Leonard croaked.

"I'm sorry?" Lilly said, not understanding what Leonard was asking.

"How does he just – walk in and get a child to go with him?" 

Lilly sighed. "These predators are very, very good at what they do. They're good at appearing normal, friendly even. They're good at hiding in plain sight, and you wouldn't know what they were if you met one on the street. And…they're good at choosing the children they take. They look for kids who seem quiet, less assertive, less likely to make a fuss – easier to intimidate and control. They observe and make their selection carefully." She paused, remembering the other man she'd spoken to after the father and daughter had left. "The person watching Joanna-"

"Jim. Jim Kirk," Leonard supplied.

"Yes. He was extremely distraught over what had happened…blamed himself for it. I told him the same thing I'm telling you now. I've worked cases where children are taken out of the stroller their mother was pushing them in when she stopped to sneeze. It's disturbing. It's disgusting. And it's no one's fault but the criminal who spends his life perfecting his crime."

Leonard nodded, then remembered she couldn't see him.

"Thank you," he said, voice hoarse. "For letting me know he's off the street."

"You're welcome."


	35. Chapter 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Making it right.

"I'm going to call him."

"Aurelan…" Sam paused in his preparation of the vegetables for the salad and looked up with an exasperated expression on his face.

"What? I've never seen Jim like this. Leonard should know."

Sam sighed and looked back down to the cutting board. Yesterday, Jim called him at work and last night Sam shared with Aurelan what had happened. Earlier today, Aurelan took it upon herself to visit Jim at his place, just to check in on him. She stayed for a while, making tea that Jim didn't drink and trying to engage Jim in a conversation he wasn't interested in. Jim was polite, but it was obvious he wanted to be left alone and she was intruding. Aurelan didn't take it personally. This was just the way Jim was – he pulled away when he was upset. She'd seen it before. But this was different; not even when their mother died had Aurelan seen Jim like this. It wasn't just that he felt sad or hurt, but that he also looked _lost_ , and that was so much more disturbing.

"Like I told Jim, Leonard just needs some time. He'll come around. But  _calling_  him to talk about Jim, Aurelan, that would be a mistake. Neither of them would appreciate that, and they'd both end up angry with you for stick…" Sam trailed off, catching himself before saying something that would undoubtedly land him in trouble. Not fast enough apparently. Aurelan raised an eyebrow and folded her arms, meeting her husband's gaze across the kitchen before turning back to what she was doing.

"For what, dear? Sticking my nose in?"

Sam dumped the vegetables into a bowl atop the lettuce. He regarded his wife as she set the dinner table. He loved that she was concerned for Jim, but sometimes she wanted to be more involved than was probably a good idea. He knew it was because she cared and wanted to see Jim happy – and he hadn't been, for so long – but still.

"Yes. They're grown adults…they can work it out for themselves," he said.

"But-" She was interrupted by the phone ringing. Putting down the silverware, she picked up the handset.

"Hello?"

"Hi Aurelan, it's Leonard."

"Leonard!" she exclaimed, glancing up at her husband. He paused briefly, sending her a warning look. She waved him off. "How are you? How's Joanna?"

"Fine – we're fine. Uhh…did you hear about what happened at the school?"

"Yes…Jim called yesterday."

"Ah. Well, you know how resilient kids are…we were pretty much back to business as usual by last night as far as she is concerned. It's like nothing happened."  _And she has no idea how much danger she was actually in_ _._

"Well, and thank God for that. I could hardly believe it when Jim told us how fast it had happened," she replied. There was a pause on the other end of the line.

"So…you've talked to Jim." Not quite a statement or a question.

"Yes, he called Sam yesterday and I went over to his place today."

"How…how is he doing?" 

Aurelan met Sam's eyes over the kitchen island. Leonard brought it up. She wasn't going to lie to him. "He's really upset," she answered. Sam rolled his eyes at her. "About all of it. He feels guilty as hell." She paused. When Leonard didn't say anything, she figured she may as well continue. He had asked, after all. "And he's worried that you won't forgive him for what happened."

Leonard sighed. He could hear the accusation in Aurelan's voice. He wasn't endearing himself to them by making Jim feel this way. The Kirk family was nothing if not loyal to each other.

"I'm not proud of the way I reacted, Aurelan," he said. "But you must understand how…how-"

"I get it, Leonard. I really do. It's terrifying. Especially when all you can think about is what  _could have_  happened. It happened to us…Sam lost Janie for two hours at a theme park when she was three – and I was furious. But it happens. All it takes is a second for them to get away from you. We were just glad Janie was safe."

"Yeah. Terrifying doesn't even begin to cover it. I just can't even imagine…" Leonard trailed off, unwilling to let himself complete that thought. "Listen…I know it's really short notice, but I was wondering if you would mind taking Joanna for the night? I can pick her up in the morning and drop her at daycare, but I need to go talk to Jim."

Hearing that, Aurelan's voice softened.

"Of course Joanna is welcome to come over. And you don't have to worry about picking her up tomorrow…I know Janie would love to spend the day with her."

"That would be fantastic. I know she'd much rather spend the day with Janie than at the hospital daycare."

"Janie will be thrilled to have a playmate tomorrow. Has Joanna had dinner?"

"No, but I could feed her before bringing her over."

"Oh don't worry about it – we haven't eaten yet either so I'll just set her a place."

"Aurelan…thank you so much for – well, for everything."

"Not at problem Leonard. Joanna is welcome here anytime," she paused. "We all love you two. You've become part of our family."

"And ya'll are part of ours."

 

* * *

 

Leonard parked in Jim's lot and turned the car off. He sat there for a minute, trying to gather his thoughts, and try to coax his heart out of his throat and back where it belonged. He had no idea how Jim was going to react to his announced visit. The longer he thought about how harshly he'd acted, the worse he felt. He could just imagine how Jim was feeling right now. Probably pissed. Would Jim even want to talk to him?

 _Come on Leonard. Man up_ _._  Taking a deep breath, he exited the car. He knocked on Jim's door, resisting the urge to shift his weight from foot to foot nervously. Jim opened the door after a couple of minutes, and Leonard registered how his tired eyes widened in surprise. He looked like he hadn't slept properly since it happened. He probably hadn't. Neither had Leonard.

"Bones," Jim said.

"Hey," Leonard replied quietly. "We need to talk…can I come in?"

Jim let his gaze fall and his shoulders seemed to slump, but he opened the door wider and stepped back.

"Where's Joanna?"

"At your brother's." Leonard made his way in to Jim's apartment, bypassing the kitchen. Jim followed him into the family room.

"Really?" Jim asked. Leonard registered his tone and looked over at him curiously.

"Yeah, why?" Jim shrugged and sat on the couch, rubbing a hand over his face. Leonard sat, too, eyeing him. This was not what Leonard expected at all. He expected Jim to be angry, or at least annoyed. He even expected that he would start getting all psychologically technical about the way Leonard had overreacted. He didn't expect this.

"So…did you talk to Detective Lilly Carmichael?"

Jim nodded. "Yeah…after you left with Joanna she spoke with me," he answered. His voice was soft, his eyes downcast. Not Jim at all.

"No…I mean, did she call you yesterday?"

"No, why?"

"She called me last night. They caught him. Spock gave a good description and they caught him."

"That – that's good news," Jim replied, looking up to meet Leonard's eyes for the first time. It was just a brief glance, but he could see the relief there. "Thank God," he added quietly.

"Yeah," Leonard sighed. "Carmichael said they were going to be charging him with crimes more serious than kidnapping…that there were other children who were his victims." Leonard watched all the color drain out of Jim's face and his fist clenched in his lap as he absorbed this information. "Jim – she's my  _daughter_  and he could have…just-"

 _This is it. It's over_ _._ "I know – oh, god. I know. I'm so sorry." Jim leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, holding his head in his hands. There was no way Leonard would ever forgive him for this. How could he?

Leonard quietly observed Jim. He'd figured that Jim felt guilty, but this didn't even come close to what he'd imagined based on what Aurelan described on the phone earlier. He never meant to make Jim feel like this, never really expected that he would, and he couldn't stand that he was the reason Jim was so miserable. He didn't deserve that. Jim loved Joanna – and of course it was an accident. An accident that could've ended horribly, but didn't. It was obvious that Jim was living under that knowledge and guilt, and that it weighed heavily on him.

Leonard wanted to reach out to him, but he wasn't sure how he would be received. After a moment of indecision, he decided that he didn't care, Leonard reached out to grasp Jim's arm. He sat up, looking at Leonard uncertainly. Drawing Jim to him, Leonard wrapped his arms around him and rested his head on Jim's shoulder.

"I'm sorry," Leonard said.

Jim's arms came up around Leonard automatically, but he didn't return the embrace. Not really. Leonard's heart sank…Jim always responded to him. What had he done? Had he managed to hurt him so badly, push him away so effectively, that Jim finally decided he wasn't worth it?

Jim squeezed his eyes closed and swallowed hard. This was it. Leonard was saying goodbye. He'd tried to prepare himself for this, knowing it was a real possibility. He'd screwed up with Joanna…how could he expect any other outcome? Still, even knowing this was probably coming, it hurt. It hurt more than Jim expected it would. It felt like there was an empty hole in the center of him. But, he would be okay. He would fill that emptiness with friends, his family, his work…he'd be okay.

"Jim, I'm so sorry…" Leonard was talking to him, but he could hardly hear what he was saying he was concentrating so hard on keeping it together. He wouldn't fall apart now, like this. He wouldn't let himself. "Jim…please. Say something."

 _Say something?_  Jim thought.  _What is there to say?_ Leonard's arms tightened around Jim even more. He wished Leonard wouldn't. It just made it worse.

"I never meant to hurt you," Leonard said, when Jim remained silent. "I was just scared and I wasn't thinking straight. I'm so sorry. Can you forgive me?"

 _Wait, what? Forgive_ him?

"Y-you're…" His voice came out hoarsely. He cleared his throat and tried again. "You're not breaking up with me?"

Leonard grasped Jim by his shoulders and pushed back so he could look in his eyes.

"Breaking up with you? No, you idiot. I'm trying to apologize for being such an asshole."

Jim stared at Leonard for a second, trying to comprehend what he was saying while holding off a rush of relief…because if he was mistaken it would be devastating. He gently pulled away as he ran that sentence through his head again. Leonard was relieved to see a tentative smile pulling at the corners of his mouth after a moment; his blue eyes clearing of the sadness that had clouded them earlier.

"You're…not breaking up with me, but you're calling me an idiot?"

"Yes." Leonard paused, realizing how that sounded. Whatever. "And I'm apologizing for the way I treated you. You didn't deserve that…" Leonard trailed off as Jim shook his head.

"No, I'm sorry. You were right to be so angry. I should've been paying more attention," Jim said. Leonard didn't stop him; he actually agreed with him. But he could see that Jim really understood and believed that. There was nothing he could say to drive the point home any further. Jim took a deep breath and looked away. When he looked back up, his eyes were wet. "I can't imagine what I would've done if anything happened to her. I-" he broke off, swallowing hard and looking away again, embarrassed by his tears. "I thought you were here to break it off…and I wouldn't have blamed you."

Leonard moved closer to Jim, placing his hands on his shoulders. He ducked his head a little to catch Jim's lips with his own. He kissed Jim, drawing it out, coaxing Jim to let go of the cloak of guilt and sadness that had weighed so heavily on him, and come back to himself. Leonard used his thumb to gently wipe the moisture from Jim's face. They parted, resting forehead to forehead.

"I love you," Jim breathed. "And I thought I'd lost you."

Leonard held Jim tenderly, guiding them down, squeezing together on the couch. Legs entwined to make room for the both of them, and Leonard toed off his shoes, letting them fall to the floor one at a time.

"I told you I wasn't going anywhere. I was angry, but breaking up with you never even crossed my mind." He looked down into Jim's eyes and leaned in to kiss him again. "I'm sorry I made you think that, but you need to know that I am not going to leave you."

Jim shifted his gaze and flushed slightly. He was self-aware enough to know that he'd not only jumped to that conclusion as quickly, and as certainly, as he had because of his abandonment issues. He also knew that Leonard knew that. When he brought his gaze back to Leonard's he found him smiling slightly. "I love you, too, you know."

Jim nodded. "I know." He brought his hands to Leonard's head and guided him for another kiss. Jim pulled away and gently nipped at his jaw, licking over the spot to soothe the sting. He felt Leonard shift over him and they moved together, enjoying the feel of each other's presence.

"Do you have to get Joanna?" Jim asked.

"No, she's sleeping over."

"Mmm…good," Jim whispered.

"Yeah."

Jim let out a groan as one of Leonard's hands pressed over the front of his jeans, causing him to thrust up as much as he could with the weight of the other man on him.

"You know," Jim said, sounding slightly breathless. "I have another place to lie down in this apartment that's much more comfortable than this couch."

"But that would mean getting up…and I kinda like that I can do this…" he pressed again, this time rubbing firmly, watching as Jim arched as much as he could into the pressure until he stopped again. "…and keep you in place."

Jim smiled at him, thrilled with how bold Bones was becoming.

"Getting a little kinky, there, Bones?" Jim asked, trying to get a reaction out of him. To his surprise, it wasn't the one he was expecting. Bones flushed slightly, but smiled and shrugged.

"What can I say, Jim. You're the one who was always talking about broadening my horizons when we first met," he replied.

"True," he said. And he was so happy that they were going to have more opportunities to do that together.


	36. Chapter 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That night and the next morning.

The stress of the last couple of days, culminating in the events of this evening, made Leonard feel…restive; and if it had that effect on him, he could just imagine the effect on Jim. It was a real eye-opener for Leonard, how much Jim had been affected by the way he'd acted, and he realized that despite the fact that Jim was often the one taking the lead and acting like he hadn't a doubt in the world, sometimes it  _was_ just an act, and sometimes he needed Leonard to fill that role. And though he didn't much care for the way it had come about, Leonard found he was gratified to be the one providing the comfort and care for a change – that he could be for Jim what Jim so often was for him.

Eventually, they did move to Jim's room, pulling off clothing until they were down to underwear; letting shirts and jeans stay where they fell. Lying down together, Leonard wrapped his arms around Jim and held him close; relishing the content feeling he'd been missing since everything happened. Jim returned the embrace eagerly, almost desperately, as if he were afraid of letting go.

Despite the playful actions and words on the couch, by the time they reached the bedroom, the mood had changed. Leonard didn't think that Jim would ever actually say no to sex if he'd pursued it, but he could tell that what Jim really wanted tonight was intimacy. That was fine with him – he always felt he was better at that anyway. Sex was still a challenge for him personally, even though he was fairly adept at getting past that now, for the most part. And though it was  _always_  worth it, to give and receive that pleasure, this was perfect, too.

They traded lazy kisses, pressing close to each other. Leonard felt Jim gently rubbing his foot along his calf, and Leonard trailed his fingers up and down Jim's bare back. They didn't say anything else – it wasn't necessary to talk out loud. Every touch spoke the relief, every kiss an act of reclaiming the other.

After a little while, Jim sighed and tucked his head against Bones, feeling overwhelmingly safe and contained in his arms. And, yeah, he may have been hiding a little. This was new for Jim, and it was more than a little disconcerting. In all of his dating life, he'd never cared so much whether or not he was part of someone else's life. It was…unsettling. The grown up in him recognized it as the first serious relationship he'd ever been in, and serious relationships led to permanence. Little things, like being able to let himself into Bones' home with his own key; to bigger things, like being invited to move some of his stuff into Bones' drawers and closet – they all added up to a feeling of permanence that he'd never attached to a relationship before. It also all meant that there was so much more to lose…and that was what really scared him.

He wondered why Bones didn't seem to be apprehensive about the way their relationship was developing. Jim thought that after having been in a marriage, he would be more tentative about getting into another one, especially considering there hadn't been anyone in between. But he didn't seem to be. For Bones, it was the physical aspect of their relationship that was still a source of stress, though he was really making great strides at getting over that.

The irony of the situation was not lost on Jim. As Bones became more comfortable with the two of them together physically, he didn't need Jim in quite the same way as much anymore. And that was a good thing – they were becoming equals in that way. On the other hand, that allowed Jim to spend more time focusing on the rest of their relationship, and his own insecurities, which had been pushed to the side when he was focused on Bones, were at the forefront in his mind. What a pair they made…like two halves, they really did complete each other…with their physical and emotional issues. He took a deep breath that shuddered in his chest a little, determined to forget about what he almost lost and focus on what he had.

"What's wrong?" Bones asked softly. He pulled back, trying to get a look at Jim's face. He tightened his arms around Bones and kept his head down. Not wanting to get into a discussion about this stuff tonight…especially not tonight…he shook his head.

"Nothing at all," Jim replied. "Just thinking about how lucky I am." Leonard didn't buy that for a second. He moved a hand to Jim's hair, stroking gently.

"I'm the lucky one," he said. "I moved across a continent, and I happened to enroll my child in your school. I wonder what the odds of that are?" 

Jim chuckled. "You're right. You are lucky."

"Trust me, I know."

 

* * *

 

Hours later, Leonard woke to room dimly lit by early sunlight. He didn't often wake this early on his own when Joanna wasn't around to need his attention, but they'd gone to bed and fallen asleep rather early. They changed positions sometime in the night, and Jim was still and quiet behind him, pressed up against his back tightly. Leonard was very, very aware of Jim's presence behind him – they were lined up so that he could feel Jim's morning erection against him.

He lay there, feeling his heart rate react to the excess adrenaline that was being dumped into his system as a result of a reflexive, involuntary reaction. His mouth was dry and he swallowed, breathing quickly. Recognizing the signs of irrational fear for what they were, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath, willing himself to calm. He ignored the impulse to move away and focused on the fact it was _Jim_  behind him. And he was safe.

It took a few minutes, but he was able to relax, the tenseness in his muscles slowly releasing as his heart slowed. He could still feel Jim, but he was okay.

Behind him, Jim lay still, waiting to see what happened. He'd been drifting somewhere between asleep and awake, warm and comfortable, vaguely aware of his arousal but not nearly conscious enough to do anything about it. He hadn't even registered their position until his eyes blinked open, woken when Bones' hand clenched around his in front of him.

He felt Bones' body tense and felt his breath quicken, but he didn't move away or announce he was awake. If Bones wanted to move away he could. He wanted to see what would happen. At first, he didn't think Bones was going to be able to handle the way they were touching, but after a few minutes he seemed to get himself under control and his breathing slowed. And a few minutes later, Jim felt him relax, the grip on his hand loosening. Jim smiled slightly, proud of him for what he'd just been able to do. Steps in the right direction.

He lay there, tucked up against Bones, for a little while longer, until he found himself wanting to rub against something – he didn't think Bones was ready for that and didn't want to freak him out. He took a deep breath in, and gave Bones' hand a squeeze before removing his arm and rolling onto his back. He turned his head on the pillow, smiling a good morning when Bones rolled over met his eyes.

"Hey," Leonard said.

"Hey yourself," Jim replied. He reached out, pushing Bones' hair away from his eyes. He caught Jim's hand and brought it to his mouth, pressing a kiss to his knuckles. "Sleep well?"

"Better than I have in a few days."

"Mm…me too." Jim watched as Bones' eyes traveled down his uncovered body, stopping at the erection pushing against the material of his underwear. A slow grin spread over Jim's face at Bones' attention. After a moment, Bones eyes met Jim's again.

"Can I take care of that for you?" he asked, a faint flush on his face. Jim nodded and spread his legs a little in invitation. Bones moved to him and kissed him deeply, stroking Jim's tongue with his own, letting his hand trail down the center of Jim's chest and stomach, raising goosebumps, and stopping when he hit the waistband. Jim reached up and gently held Bones' head, threading his fingers through his hair at his nape. Bones pulled back slightly, smiling against Jim's lips. "What do you want?" he asked.

Jim shrugged. "Whatever you want," he answered. "Do whatever you want." Bones looked away, a small, shy smile on his face. "Bones, you are so hot," Jim said, reaching out to run a hand down his face. Leonard bit his lip and looked away.

"Nothing like you," he replied.

Jim huffed slightly, shaking his head. He still didn't get it. He would. Jim resolved to keep saying it until it sunk in.

Bones reached out and gently touched him over his underwear, alternating between squeezing gently, rhythmically and dragging his fingers over his length. Jim had started off more than half hard, and under his hand, it didn't take long before he was completely aroused, his cock still contained in his briefs, pressed against his belly. Bones kept his eyes on Jim's face, leaning in to kiss him again. Jim kissed back, raising his head, to deepen the contact. Bones caught the waistband and pulled them down. Jim sighed, and lifted his hips slightly, allowing Bones to pull them down further.

Leonard looked up at Jim's face. His eyes were closed, his mouth open slightly as he breathed a little heavier. Taking Jim in hand, he gave a couple of gentle strokes. He glanced at the bedside table, looking for that little bottle of lube. He didn't see it out, and he didn't really want to interrupt what he was doing. Shifting his position a little, Leonard gently touched his tongue to the tip of Jim's cock, registering the hitch in his breath and the way his stomach muscles jumped at the contact. He circled the head a couple of times, then licked down the underside, flicking his tongue back and forth at the base of his cock against Jim's sack. Jim sucked in a breath and pressed up a little. Leonard placed his right hand on Jim's stomach and his left arm across the top of his thighs. Slowly, he dragged his tongue back up and sucked gently on the head. He felt Jim twitch, and one of his hands came up to gently cup Leonard's head.

Jim bit his lip as Bones continued to use his lips and tongue gently on him. Too gently, almost. Turning his head, he placed one hand on Bones' head and twisted the other in the pillow. Bones took another teasingly slow lick down the underside again, and his hips pressed up when he lingered at the head. His body relaxed when Bones pulled away, but then he felt him use the hand that was splayed on his stomach to hold his cock straight up and he tensed again.

Leonard raised himself up slightly and changed positions so he could run his tongue up and down the other side. He went up one side, spent a moment sucking on the head, and down the other. Jim removed his hand from Bones' head, not trusting himself, and grabbed a fistful of sheets.

"Uh," Jim grunted and thrust his hips a little, shifting his legs. "Bones, god…so good," he moaned. Bones chuckled against him, the vibrations making his toes curl. He pulled back and took a look at his handy work. Jim was thrusting his hips slightly, wanting more contact, firmer contact. He'd kept his eyes closed, for the most part. Leonard wondered if Jim knew he was more comfortable when he wasn't being watched. Probably. Jim seemed to know an awful lot about how he felt.

Jim's cock was glistening with his saliva, and precum was gathering at the tip. Leonard used one hand to stroke the shaft, rubbing over the head every couple of passes – Jim arching up with a grunt each time he did. With his other hand, he gently rolled Jim's balls. "Bones…" Jim panted, pressing his heels into the mattress as he arched. Leonard felt his balls draw tightly to his body, and knew that Jim wouldn't last much longer. He circled the head with his tongue again and then drew it into his mouth, sucking slightly, and then a little firmer, while keeping up the constant rhythm of stroking the shaft.

"Bones…c-coming…uh, oh, god!" He arched a final time and Bones pulled off the head, continuously stroking him through his orgasm. Bones watched Jim, totally enthralled by the most beautiful expression on his face, loving the sounds he was able to pull out of him.  _This_ was the best part of sex with Jim…getting to see him like this, knowing that he was the one to bring him such pleasure. He loved that he was one to get to see that expression and get to hear those sounds. No one else.

Leonard moved up Jim's body and kissed him again, drawing Jim's gasps into him as his body trembled. Leonard settled beside him, closing his eyes and putting off the beginning of the day for a little longer.

 

* * *

 

"What are you and Joanna doing tonight?" Jim asked, following Bones out of the apartment to his car. Bones shrugged, smiling.

"Having dinner with you, I hope," he replied.

"Definitely…want me to go shopping for stuff?" Jim asked. Leonard hesitated, doing a quick inventory in his head.

"Sure, that would be great. Dinner's your choice."

"Any preferences?" he asked. 

Leonard shook his head. "Surprise me." He paused for a second, thinking. "Well, not pizza. We've already had pizza this week."

"Great…so, what time?"

"Come around five. Jo and I'll be back by then."

"You know, I could-" Jim cut himself off, without finishing the thought. Bones looked at him quizzically.

"What?"

"Uh, nothing. I was just going to say I could cook…but we'd probably all be better off if I left that part of it for you."

Leonard chuckled and leaned in to kiss Jim. He wasn't going to say it, but he was completely correct.

"Love you. See you later."

"Love you too." Jim watched as Leonard got into his car, then headed back to his apartment, turning to watch him pull out and drive away. What he'd been about to suggest was picking Joanna up from Aurelan's, taking her food shopping, and then meeting Bones at home with her, saving him the extra trip from the hospital that was a little out of his way. He'd stopped himself though, thinking it might be too soon, and not wanting to put Bones in the awkward position of having to tell him no.

He knew Bones forgave him, but forgiving didn't automatically equal trusting, and Jim felt like he had to prove himself again. It wasn't anything Bones said or did to suggest that, it was just what he felt. So, he would work on it. Prove to Bones again that he was trustworthy when it came to the most precious thing in Bones' life.

Show him that she had become the most precious thing is his life, too. If what had happened three days ago had taught him anything, it taught him that.


	37. Chapter 37

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things start getting back to normal.

"Jim?"

The unexpected voice in the quiet of his previously empty classroom made him start slightly. He turned to look behind himself, throwing a smile over his shoulder at the young woman. He smirked as she cautiously entered the discombobulated classroom.

"Hey Nyota. How're you doing?"

Nyota didn't answer, but made her way through the messy space, eyes roving over the boxes strewn about, some full, some empty, and some somewhere in between. She focused on the man sitting in the center of it all.

"Moving out?" she asked lightly, coming up to where Jim sat cross-legged on the floor, surrounded by piles of books. Jim hadn't said anything to her about leaving…but principals weren't always the first to know. Jim looked up at her, his expression a clear enough answer to put her at ease. Of course he wouldn't do something like that to her.

"Just doing end of the year cleaning and packing up," Jim replied. "It's amazing to me how much damage a book can endure in a school year and still be technically in one piece." He dropped that particular specimen in the "reject" pile. "Little monsters," he added affectionately. "That one was one of my favorites."

"Are all your final assessments in?" she asked, looking around at the organized mess.

"You know they are," Jim replied. "Not that I don't enjoy your visits to Munchkin Land, but what's up Nyota?"

Sighing, she folded herself gracefully and joined Jim on the floor – what were jeans for anyway? For the first time Jim realized she was carrying something with her; a newspaper. Specifically, a section of today's newspaper. Silently, she held it out to him. Taking it from her, Jim grimaced as he scanned the page, the article of interest jumping out at him:

_"Lax Security, Questionable Policies Put Children in Danger at McKinley Elementary"_

"You've got to be kidding me," Jim murmured as he read through the relatively short article. Heavy on opinion, light on facts, the writer didn't even have one quotation from any of the people actually involved. What it did have, though, was a brief biography of the guy who was arrested, the charges brought against him, as they were public record now, and a standard statement from a SFPD spokesperson. It also had a statement from Tracy Keefe, worrying about whether her two children would be safe there next year. "How does this shit pass for a news story?"

Nyota shook her head, shrugging slightly.

"I wasn't even called for an interview. Were you?" she asked, eyeing him as he read.

"Nope," he answered distractedly, his face broadcasting his annoyance at the "story".

"How about Mr. McCoy?"

Jim frowned slightly and shook his head. If anyone had contacted him, Jim was sure he would've said something. No, not said. Yelled something about it, definitely. It was also quite probable Nyota would already know as well.

"No, no one's contacted him. Thank god." Looking back over the article, he was extremely grateful to see that along with factual reporting, it also lacked names. The only people connected directly to McKinley who were named was Nyota as the principal, and Tracy Keefe, the "concerned parent". Rereading Keefe's quotation, he snorted in disgust. "Is there any way you can retract Tracy Keefe's daughter's acceptance and kick her son out, too? I swear that woman is more trouble than either of her kids is worth," he added, something more than simple annoyance coloring his tone.

Hearing the contempt in Jim's voice, Nyota raised her eyebrows in surprise. It was very out of character for him. He looked up and caught the expression on Nyota's face.

"Sorry. She just rubs me the wrong way. Did you know she was trying to rile up the PTA about me and Leonard?" he asked. She nodded and leaned back on her hands.

"Jim, I'm the principal. Of course I knew. I also knew that Mrs. Wei talked to Mr. McCoy and basically assured him there was nothing to worry about."

"Oh…well, good. And you can call him Leonard," Jim added.

Nyota rolled her eyes. "I don't know him, Jim," she said flatly.

"He's my friend. You're my friend. Therefore, he's your friend by default."

Nyota smiled slightly and shook her head. In all the time she knew Jim, his disregard for boundaries had made for an…interesting…relationship. It was also part of his natural charm. Everyone was a friend. Unless and until someone did something that hurt someone he cared about.

"So what are we going to do about this?" he asked, raising the paper slightly and refocusing his attention on the problem at hand.

Nyota sighed heavily. _What indeed._

"Well, a local news channel has contacted me, so I'm going to do that. I'll do my best to keep your name out of it. And of course the McCoys'. But I wanted to give you a head's up. If anyone does contact you, please just direct them to me. And…tell Mr. McCoy the same thing."

Jim nodded, fervently hoping that no one would ever bother Bones with questions about this. He didn't think a firm redirection would be the only thing they got.

"Will do," he said. Sick of looking at it, he handed the paper back to Nyota.

"How are they doing?" Nyota asked, lifting a book that was still waiting to be sorted, keeping her eyes down.

Jim hesitated for a moment, observing her. He knew that Nyota held herself responsible for what happened, and that she took any threat to her students personally and seriously. Especially something like this. He reached out and took her slender hand in his larger one, squeezing slightly until she looked up at him.

"Joanna's fine. Leonard was freaked out…and pissed at me, but he's okay now, too. Nyota…what happened wasn't your fault," he said, reading her expression correctly.

"Jim, everything's my fault. Everything that happens with this school is my fault."

He didn't say anything. There was nothing to say. She was right. For good or for bad, that's what being a principal was. He gave her another squeeze, offering what he could.

"Are any of the other kids…his victims…McKinley students?" Jim asked quietly.

"Not that I know of. I got the sense from one of the detectives that he crossed city lines pretty often. But, it's not like names are being released," Nyota replied. Jim nodded. He'd expected as much. It was very possible names of the victims would never be released.

"If anything comes up, I'm happy to offer my services and help anyway I can," he said.

"Thanks. I really do appreciate that, though I hope to god it remains unnecessary. Well, I've got stuff to do…will you be here tomorrow?" she asked as she moved to stand.

"Yeah – oh," Jim placed a hand on her knee, stopping her from getting up. "Before you go, I've got a question for you." She eyed him warily and he smiled at her, amused. "Relax. It's not like I want a raise or anything."

"Oh, that's a relief," she teased, sitting back down. "What'd you want to ask, then?"

"How do you feel about me conducting an official assessment of Joanna?" he asked.

Nyota didn't answer for a second, considering that request from all sides. An official assessment meant it would be entered in her records with his name attached to it. Not that she  _necessarily_  anticipated anyone challenging it, but the fact that he was involved with her father might become an issue. They were being incredibly discreet – much more so than Nyota had thought was going to be possible with a child involved – but news of their relationship was slowly getting around, as she knew was inevitable.

"Why couldn't Christie do it?" Nyota asked, referring to one of the other teachers on staff qualified to perform educational assessments. Jim shrugged.

"She could," he said easily. "I just don't know think we'd have a very accurate end product. Joanna might not be able to cooperate as fully as is necessary if she's with someone she doesn't know. She's better, but she still struggles with initially pronounced shyness and introversion." He paused. "She's really intelligent, Nyota. Whoever she has next year has to know up front the type of student they're dealing with because she's not likely to tell them herself, and it would be a disservice to her if we're not on top of her educational needs."

Nyota nodded, recognizing the truth in that statement.

"Maybe she should stay with you for another year," she replied.

"What? Move me up a grade?" he asked, puzzled. He didn't mind that suggestion, but that wasn't what the agreement was. 

She shrugged. "Not necessarily. What do you think about keeping her in your kindergarten class? She's the youngest in your room, and we are a Montessori-based education program. You could give her whatever level of work she should be doing, and she'd have the benefit of more opportunity to develop socially with kids in her age group," Nyota replied.

Jim didn't interrupt her, but he was already shaking his head by the time she was finished.

"No, I don't think that's a good idea. She's been absolutely amazing with keeping our relationship outside of school separate from the teacher/student dynamic, but she has slipped a couple of times and called me Uncle Jim in class. And, I don't think keeping her back is necessarily the right call – not for social development reasons. She could end up feeling more like an outsider if she's never working on the same stuff the rest of the class is. And she's more mature than a typical five-year-old. First grade will be good for her…it'll be more academically challenging, and she'll benefit from being around kids she already knows instead of having to start over with a whole new class," Jim explained.

"I see your points," Nyota said easily. "So, she moves on to first grade with another teacher, and yes, go ahead and make the arrangements to do her official assessment. And then let me know which teacher you think she'll benefit the most from."

Jim nodded, pleased. This was one of the reasons he was so willing to work for the school. Nyota listened to her teachers. She respected their expertise. Jim never felt like "just" a kindergarten teacher here, even though, technically, that's what he was. Nyota made it feel like it was a group effort, and she acted accordingly. He wasn't sure what else might be in the cards for her, but he was certain that she'd always excel at any type of leadership position.

"So…Uncle Jim, huh? That's very – family-oriented," she teased gently.

Jim flushed and cleared his throat, a fond smile on his face.

"It wasn't my idea. She picked it up from Janie," he said, turning back to the books.

"You really love it, don't you? Being part of her life like that…sharing Leonard's life," Nyota said. "And you really do love him." She sounded almost…surprised. "I never thought you'd be so open to such a…settled…way of living."

Jim shrugged, knowing that he'd given her plenty of reason to find it more than a little uncharacteristic.

"I guess Leonard was the only person I've ever thought was worth it. And what about you?" he asked, wanting to redirect the conversation. "Find anyone who was worth it?"

"Me? Please. When would I have the time? Besides, men are threatened by intelligent women," Nyota replied, flipping her ponytail over her shoulder.

Jim leaned back, stretching his legs out in front of him, and studied her, his blue eyes twinkling with mischief.

"Dr. Spock doesn't seem like the kind of person to be easily intimidated. And I thought I saw him on campus earlier. Was he here for a…meeting?" he asked suggestively, making it clear that his definition of meeting in this case had nothing to do with school business.

"He…that was about the screenings," Nyota said quickly, a flush visible on her pretty face. Jim grinned at how obviously flustered she was. She stood up, putting her hands on her hips. "That's harassment, Jim," she accused.

Jim laughed at her, swatting a leg.

"No need to get so defensive…it just makes you sound like you're hiding something."

"Well, I'm not."

"All I'm saying is that Spock seems like a good guy. I wouldn't have recommended him otherwise. And if something  _else_  should come of it…" he trailed off, a smile closer to a smirk still on his face. Nyota rolled her eyes and huffed, turning away from him. He watched her walk across his classroom and didn't bother to contain a wider smile.

She hadn't denied it.

 

* * *

 

"Daddy, is Uncle Jim here?" Joanna asked, excitedly splitting her attention between trying to get herself unbuckled and peering out the window as they pulled into their allotted parking space. Leonard smiled at her, catching her eyes in the rearview mirror.

"Well, his car is here, so he must be, too," he replied. Joanna nodded and went back to trying to extricate herself from her booster seat. "Hold on Darlin'. I'm coming." He made his way to her side, juggling her overnight bag and his computer bag and briefcase. The second the seatbelt unlatched, Joanna was out of the car. She ran up to the door, leaving Leonard to shake his head in amusement.

Jim paused what he was doing in the kitchen when he heard the front door open.

"Uncle Jim?"

He grinned at the sound of the little girl's excited voice. He walked out of the kitchen and saw her standing by the front door, one hand on the wall to balance herself as she took off her shoes one at a time.

"Hey, Joanna! Did you have fun at-" He was cut off when she ran across the living room, her newly-bare feet smacking the tile, and jumped up to him, just like he'd seen her do so many times with her father. He lifted her easily, and she wrapped her arms around his neck. Leonard came in, shutting and locking the door, in time to see this and Jim's surprised expression. He hadn't been sure what to expect – it'd been a few days since he'd seen her, and their last day together hadn't gone so well – but it certainly wasn't this enthusiastic greeting. He supported her with an arm under her rear end and his other hand gently rubbing her back.

"I missed you," she said. He closed his eyes, the simple statement affecting him a lot more than he thought it would. "I thought you were mad at me."

"What?" He pulled away to look at Joanna directly. "Why did you think that? I'm not mad at you for anything." He glanced at Leonard as he walked by, briefly meeting his eyes, and Jim felt him gently trail a hand across his back; the small gesture both comforting and familiar. In his arms, Joanna shrugged.

"'Cause I went with a stranger. But I didn't know it was a stranger. I thought it was Daddy," she said, little fingers plucking at the collar of her shirt. He sighed and walked over to the couch. He sat, and settled her on his lap so she was facing him, her legs resting on either side of his.

"I was worried when I couldn't find you, Jo-Jo. But I wasn't angry. I know you didn't do it on purpose. But you know," he continued. "I was very proud to hear how you told the man you didn't want to go and asked Dr. Spock to help you find your daddy. Just like the policeman who visited the classroom told us to do." He held Joanna's eyes, only slightly lighter than Bones', and smiled at her. He wanted to make sure she understood him.

Joanna nodded solemnly.

"I know I was supposed to yell and make a fuss. But I couldn't get my voice to work. I was pretty scared," she admitted, leaning close to whisper the secret to him.

Jim swallowed hard and closed his eyes for a moment. The thought of her being frightened and at the mercy of that  _monster_  was enough to make him physically sick. He thought he'd sort of understood what Leonard went through before, but hearing it from Joanna herself made it real for Jim in a way that he'd not experienced before.

"I'm so sorry you were scared, sweetie," he said, the term of endearment slipping out. "I was scared too, when I couldn't find you. But I was never mad."

"Because I didn't see you for a long time after that day," she said, obviously still not entirely convinced. Jim gently tugged on a tendril of hair that escaped her ponytail.

"Well, I had some things I had to take care of at school…clean up the classroom, go to some meeting with Ms. Uhura…stuff like that. That's all. I was pretty busy for a couple of days, but I'm mostly done now. Okay?"

She nodded and looked up at him shyly.

"It's summer now," she said. "Are you going to be my teacher anymore?"

Smiling slightly, Jim shook his head.

"Nope – next year, when you're in first grade, you'll have a new teacher. What do you think about that?" he asked, gently rubbing his thumbs over her knees.

"I think I don't have to call you Mr. Kirk any more, right?"

"Right."

"Not even at school?"

He hesitated, and then shrugged. Whatever. Kids with teacher parents still called them mom or dad at school. Who really cared if she called him Uncle Jim?

"Right," he answered. She treated him to a rare, full and unrestrained smile that showed off her little teeth and the dimple on her left cheek. God, she was cute.

"Good, because you don't feel like my teacher and I keep forgetting to call you Mr. Kirk," she said.

"No?" he asked. "What do I feel like to you?"

Joanna searched his eyes seriously, pursing her lips in thought.

"I don't know," she said finally. "But I'm glad you're here."

Jim smiled as she leaned against him for a hug. That was more than acceptable to him. He wasn't so sure himself…and he pretty much had the same overall feeling. He twirled her ponytail around his fingers and rubbed her back, both content to share this moment.

"I'm glad I'm here, too."

Leonard leaned against the doorway of the kitchen, arms crossed over his chest as he listened to their exchange, a small smile on his face. It sounded to him like they managed to win each other over completely, even with the uncertainty of the role Jim had in her life. In theory, that made the next part much easier for Leonard. He and his daughter were accepted into Jim's family. His daughter accepted Jim…it was probably time for the rest of his family to have the opportunity to accept him, too...beginning with his mother.

This would be…interesting.


	38. Chapter 38

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leonard and Jim discuss meeting the McCoy family.

"Goodnight Daddy," Joanna said. She held her brown dog up in front of her face when Leonard leaned down to kiss her. "Kiss Benji goodnight first." She giggled when Leonard rolled his eyes at her. But, he acquiesced, as she knew he would, kissing Benji noisily, sending her into a fit of giggles.

"There. Now can I have a kiss from you?" he asked. She nodded and puckered her lips. He leaned as if to kiss her, and at the last moment angled his head to blow a raspberry on her neck. Joanna shrieked and laughed, little hands pushing against his cheeks. Pulling back, he did finally drop a kiss on her lips, and another on her nose. She settled and hugged him tightly around his neck. Slipping his hands under her back, he gave her a little squeeze back. "Love you Darlin'," he said. Her response was muffled against his shoulder. Releasing her, he brushed her hair away from her forehead. "So, one story, okay?"

"Umm…how 'bout two? Please Daddy? It's summer!" Joanna bargained.

He leveled a stern look at her.

"Okay – just two. Then lights off. Got it Missy?"

"Got it!" He stared at her until she giggled again. "I promise Daddy!"

"Okay, then. See you in the morning." He pushed himself up from the bed and headed out of the room, stepping over various toys and clothes that didn't make it back to where they belonged. He caught Jim's eyes where he stood in the doorway, leaning against the frame with his arms crossed over his chest. "Don't let her talk you in to more than two stories," he said, looking back over at his little girl.

"Daddy!" she exclaimed. "I promised! Just two."

Turning back to Jim, he murmured, "It's never just two."

Jim chuckled and placed his hand on Leonard's shoulder as he left her room, heading back towards the living room.

"Okay Joanna-banana…what two books are we reading tonight?" Jim asked, coming into her room fully. She sat up to look around the floor, and pointed to one, then the other.

" _Where the Wild Things Are_ and _Stellaluna_ ," she said. Jim picked them up and settled on the edge of her bed.

"I love these two," he said.

Joanna smiled at him. "They're your favorites," she said, keeping up the joke.

"Yes, they are," Jim said. "So…am I reading, or are you?"

"You, this time," she said, turning on her side.

"Yeah, you sure?"

"Yes," she said, trying to hide a yawn.

Leonard listened outside the door as Jim started reading. Pushing away from the wall, he headed back to the kitchen to continue cleaning up. To Jim's obvious delight, Joanna had spent the evening very focused on him. She wanted him to play with her while Leonard made dinner, wanted him to give her a bath (though he still wasn't comfortable with that, so Leonard had done it), and now wanted Jim to read to her. He was happy to oblige, for which Leonard was grateful. He was pretty sure she was making sure that Jim wasn't upset with her, despite his assurances. She was a sensitive little girl and although Leonard had never said anything, staying as evasive as he could when the subject came up, he knew that she'd already drawn her own conclusions about why her mother was not around. It hurt him to see that anxiety transfer to someone else in her life.

Finished cleaning the kitchen, he opened his laptop and settled at the table. Opening Outlook, two reminders popped up.

"Oh, damn it," he murmured. He'd accidentally overlapped two appointments. Sighing, he opened an email, intending to send in a request to the secretary in order to reschedule one of them. Fingers poised over the keyboard, he hesitated. Maybe Jim was available… He decided to set that to the side until he could ask about it, and turned back to his inbox, clicking through the junk mail quickly. He paused when he reached an email from his mother.

The subject was "I'm not dead you know". He rolled his eyes and clicked to open the message.

Reading through it quickly, he found that she was basically scolding him for not calling more often, for not sending pictures of Joanna, for not generally keeping her in the loop since moving across the country. He felt a pang of guilt about that, because for the most part, she was right. He'd talked to her a few times each month, and made sure Joanna had the opportunity to talk with her as well, but he hadn't sent her many pictures, or even really spent much time thinking about how his moving away would affect her. He'd been so focused on Joanna, and then himself and his new work, and then everything that happened with the whirlwind with Jim…and he really hadn't been fair to her. In Georgia, they'd lived merely five miles from each other, and she'd been a big part of Joanna's life. In the blink of an eye, and for only just over three months, that had changed drastically. Of course it would affect her and take some time getting used to. He should've been a little more sensitive and made more of an effort.

On the other hand, he felt he was in a tricky situation with her, and the rest of his family too. They were old-fashioned. They had old-fashioned values and ideas. And, for the most part, so did Leonard. With one fairly significant exception. He sighed and leaned back in the chair. This was going to be tricky no matter what, but his relationship with Jim wasn't something he could keep from his family forever. There would be trips home, holidays spent together – it was bound to come up, even if by accident. And while he may be able to avoid talking about who he's spending his time with, he would never ask or expect that of his child.

So, what to do about this? He didn't really want to travel to Georgia this summer. He felt it was too soon for Joanna, and he didn't want to revisit any of the homesickness that she'd struggled with when they'd first moved here. Also, if he was going to introduce his mother to Jim, it would probably be…safer…to do it here, at his home. At the very least, it would keep his properly-mannered mother from throwing a fit and throwing them out. She would keep it together for Joanna's benefit, if it was really going to be a problem for her.

Leonard really didn't know how she was going to take the news of his relationship with another man. She did teach in a high school in Atlanta, so it's not like she was some sheltered Southern belle with delicate sensibilities. But when he was younger, he was so sure his family wouldn't accept what he knew and felt about himself, he'd kept it quiet. To his own detriment, especially when all that crap with Michael happened. He was an adult now, though. And, yes, his mother's acceptance of him was important, but it wasn't crucial in the way he felt it was when he was younger. It would be nice if she could just be happy for him, whether or not she liked it, but it wouldn't devastate him if she wasn't. One thing he was certain of, though, is that she would not let it get in the way of her relationship with Joanna. He would bet his life on that, and not bat an eye. And that knowledge made this whole thing a lot easier to contemplate.

Even though they really didn't have a lot of choices, he and Jim were going to have to talk about this, and they were going to have to make a decision about what to do and how to handle it. He put off writing an email back until after they talked. Ideally, he would like to offer to fly her out here and visit with them for a while, but should he tell her about Jim before she came out, or when she was here? He really didn't know and wanted Jim's opinion.

Moving on, he read through a few other emails, then logged on to the hospital's system to do the same thing with that email as well. When he was finished, he glanced up at the clock. Jim had been in with Joanna for nearly twenty minutes now. Leaving the computer on, he made his way down the hall, wondering how many more stories she'd talked him in to reading. He paused outside of Joanna's door, head cocked curiously as he listened. Jim wasn't reading…he was singing to her. Leonard couldn't make out the words over the sound therapy machine. The room was dark, the only light coming from Joanna's night light and the hall. Peering in the doorway as Jim finished, it looked to him like Joanna was already asleep, or was well on her way. Jim leaned over and placed a tender kiss on her forehead, and Leonard turned away to head back to the living room to wait for him.

A few minutes later, he heard footsteps in the hall, and set aside the magazine he was reading as Jim sat down beside him.

"Doing a little light reading?" Jim asked, gesturing to the magazine, the  _Journal of Neurology_. Leonard didn't answer, but turned so he was facing Jim and kissed him soundly. Jim was obviously surprised, but rallied quickly. Leonard was forceful, keeping control of the kiss even as he felt Jim respond in kind, pressing him to the back of the couch with his weight. One arm went around Jim's shoulders, his other hand framing his face. When the need to breathe broke them apart, Leonard still hung on, holding him. "Bones?" Jim said breathlessly. "What-"

"Just realizing again how much I love you," Leonard said, answering before Jim could even fully ask. He eased back, sitting beside Jim, his body turned towards him. He smiled, his eyes crinkling slightly, as he raised a hand to draw through Jim's hair. "How important you are to me. And I just wanted to make sure you knew, because I'm not always great about saying so."

Jim took a deep breath and slowly exhaled, trying to get himself back under control; he felt like all the blood in his body had rushed south. It was ridiculous how quickly Bones could turn him on with just some kissing and that voice. Or maybe it had more to do with what that voice was saying.

"And not just to me." Leonard continued. "I see how much Joanna means to you, too – and how much you mean to her. So, I have something I want to talk to you about. And it might be a touchy subject, and I don't really have a lot of tact when it comes to touchy stuff, so just so you know – I love you, no matter what, okay?" He held Jim's eyes intently, obviously waiting for confirmation.

"Uh, okay…" Jim replied, suddenly feeling a little wary. He eyed Bones, took in his posture and the way he shifted his gaze to land somewhere on the living room floor. "Bones, I gotta be honest here…you're kinda freaking me out."

"Sorry," he replied immediately, looking back up. "I don't mean to…and it's nothing bad, really. It's just…a little awkward. It's about my...well, it's about my mother."

"Your mother," Jim repeated, wracking his brain about what he knew of Leonard's mother. Not much, beyond the facts that she was a teacher, and that when Leonard was younger he didn't feel he could confide in his parents what he'd been through for fear of how they would react to news that their son was attracted to his own sex.  _And that right there is probably the issue_ , Jim thought.

"Yeah. I think I'm going to offer to fly her out here for a week or so. You know, to visit with Jo and do the tourist thing with us…she's never been to California," Leonard said, gesturing while he spoke. He only ever did that when he was nervous.

"Oh," Jim said weakly. "That sounds…nice."

"And, well, I'm not sure how she's gonna take the news that I'm involved with a man," Leonard added.

Jim nodded. He understood, but he didn't like it. Bones was trying to ask him to stay away while his mother was in town. Well, he could be adult about this. Pushing away his own feelings on the matter, he smiled, hoping to ease some of the tension Bones was obviously feeling.

"It's not a problem Bones; I get it. Just let me know when she's going to be in town, and I'll make sure to keep away." He looked back up, surprised by the expression on Bones' face. "What?"

"Wait – you think I want you to…" Bones started, trailing off uncertainly.

"Stay away so you don't have to explain me to her," Jim filled in slowly. He was starting to think he'd missed something here.

"You'd do that for me?" Leonard asked incredulously.

Jim frowned. Didn't they already establish that he would?

"Well, yeah. You've said your mom wouldn't approve, and I don't want to cause problems with Jo's grandmother. So…yes. I'd stay away. Don't get me wrong, I'm not thrilled about it. But I do understand."

Leonard shook his head, a smile on his face. "You're amazing, you know that?"

Jim puffed out his chest a little, taking on an exaggerated air.

"So I've been told," he replied. Leonard ran a hand through his own hair, mussing it up. Jim wanted to do that…and more…but he had a feeling they weren't done yet.

"I appreciate how much you're willing to compromise for me, Jim, but that's not what I'm saying here."

"It's not?"

"No – the opposite, actually."

"The opposite. Okay…let's try this again. Using plain English this time," Jim suggested, an amused smile pulling at his mouth.

"Not my fault if you go and jump to conclusions," Bones said.  Jim didn't actually have anything to say about that. Bones was kinda right on that account. "What I'm trying to say is, I want to invite my mom here to visit, I have no idea if she's going to be able to accept you and me, and do you want to meet her anyway?"

Jim blinked.

"Oh!" he exclaimed. "That is different from what I'd thought."

Leonard rolled his eyes. A full smile spread across Jim's face.

"You want me to meet your mother?"

"Well…yeah. You're a part of my life, and both Joanna and I are better for it. It would be great if you could be as much a part of my family as Sam and Aurelan has made us a part of yours. Of course, like I said, I don't know what my mother is going to say, but I want to give her the chance to know you – if you want to," Leonard said.

"Well, of course I want to, but do you think it's a good idea? I mean, is the fact that we're in a relationship going to come between your relationship with your mom…or your mom's relationship with Joanna? And – please don't take this the wrong way – but is it worth the risk of those things?" Jim asked, reaching to take Bones' hand. "That's a lot to drop on someone all at once: 'Hi mom, good to see you, even though I was married for years, I'm in a gay relationship now, and here he is!' Don't you think she might be more...likely to freak out?" Jim asked.

Leonard sighed, moving over so they were pressed together, taking comfort from the contact.

"Well, I don't think I'd tell her like that," he said teasingly. "But that's one of the things I wanted to talk to you about. Do you think I should tell her over the phone? Because, I think that's more of an in-person conversation actually."

Jim shrugged. He had a point.

"I think that depends on the person getting the news. And…you know…that's pretty big news, Bones. You were  _married._  For years. And – well – what if she doesn't, you know, doesn't approve…of, of me?"

Leonard turned his head to look Jim in the eye.

"She may not approve of  _us_. But that will be her problem. I love you. I want you in my life. Even if she doesn't approve of us, she still has the choice to keep it to herself. And if she decides she can't, then I will be her loss."

"What about Joanna?" Jim asked.

"My mother will not let this get in the way of her relationship with Joanna," Leonard answered. "Joanna is her only grandbaby – she loves her too much."

"Are you sure?" 

He nodded. "Yes."

Jim was quiet for a moment, thinking. Bones was willing to put a hell of a lot on the line for him. He had his "take it or leave it" attitude on, but still. This was about his  _mother._  Jim honestly wasn't sure he would be able to do the same if their situations were reversed.

"That…that's a lot to risk, Bones," Jim said quietly, his eyes on their clasped hands. Leonard nudged him gently with his shoulder.

"Hey," he said, waiting for Jim to meet his eyes. "You're worth it to me."

Jim smiled, reaching a hand behind Leonard's head to draw him down for a kiss.

"I don't think anyone's ever said anything like that to me before," he said, barely separating from Leonard's lips.

"Idiots," came the matter-of-fact reply.

Jim laughed and kissed him again, his other hand pulling at the bottom of Leonard's shirt, trying to get to skin.

"Wait, wait," Leonard said, grasping Jim's wrist. "What should I do about my mother?"

"We should definitely talk about her later," Jim said, levering himself up and pressing Leonard to the couch, kissing him again.

"And there was another thing…with an appointment tomorrow…" Leonard trailed off on a breathy moan as Jim leaned down to kiss and lick a sensitive spot on his neck. "Later, huh?" Leonard said, giving up on the conversation. He settled his hands on Jim's waist. Jim nodded, fingers going to the buttons on his shirt as he rocked against Bones. Leonard gasped at the contact. "Later works for me."


	39. Chapter 39

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That night.

Jim kissed Bones, pressing against him, his hands roaming under his shirt, fingers gently tweaking his nipples. Settled over Bones' lap, Jim could feel him getting hard and he loved how responsive he was. And he wanted to keep going, but not out here.

"Bones," Jim said, pulling back a little. "Let's go to bed."

Leonard opened his eyes and took in Jim's disheveled appearance. He settled his hands on Jim's hips and let his head roll back against the couch, breathing hard as he caught his breath.

"Getting tired?" he asked teasingly, a smile pulling at his lips. Jim smirked and leaned down to kiss him again, as Leonard's hands came up to run through his hair.

"No," he murmured.

He reached down and squeezed Leonard through his pants, causing him to moan and arch upward slightly, pressing against Jim's weight. "I have something else in mind."

After another moment, he pushed himself up and headed down the hall, Leonard right behind him. At Joanna's room, Jim quietly opened the door and peered in at her. He felt Bones place a hand on his waist as he looked over Jim's shoulder. Joanna was sound asleep, curled up around her stuffed dog.

"She loves you, you know," Leonard whispered.

Jim leaned back against Bones, feeling his solid warmth at his back. He was quiet for a moment, sorting through the emotions that seeing Joanna evoked in him.

"I love her too," Jim replied. "I wasn't expecting that, but I do."

Leonard smiled slightly and ran his hand up and down Jim's arm, nuzzling his neck. He gently tugged, pulling Jim away from the door, closing it softly behind them.

In Bones' bedroom, Jim made quick work of his clothes, stripping down to his underwear. Then he turned his attention to Leonard, watching as he removed his shirt and stepped out of his pants. It was amazing and gratifying to see how much Bones had changed, how much confidence he'd gained. It thrilled Jim to know that he had something to do with it. He bit his lip uncertainly, the enormity of what they'd talked about earlier really registering with him. The fact that it might come down to a choice for Bones, between Jim and his mother, and knowing what Bones' choice would be, was humbling.

"I can't tell you how much it means to me, how much you're willing to risk," Jim said, referring to their earlier conversation.

Bones shrugged slightly, understanding in his eyes.

"You're that important to me, Jim. You're worth it to me," he said again. He smiled softly, reaching out to him. "I love you." Bones drew him into an embrace, holding him tightly.

"I love you, too," Jim replied. He hesitated for a moment, wondering what Bones would think of what he wanted to do tonight. He'd come a long way since their first time together. Maybe what had been so intimidating to him earlier wouldn't hold the same trepidation now. "You've always been so attentive to me; made me feel so good, so loved, from the first time we were together. Will you let me show you how much I love you tonight?" Jim asked.

Bones didn't answer right away, aware of what Jim was asking for. Up until now, Jim had, for the most part, been the one to submit to what Bones wanted to do, starting with the night he asked to explore him. Of course Leonard realized from the very beginning that Jim was giving him all of the control when they were together because that's what he needed. That had slowly changed, to the point where Leonard had been able to let Jim reciprocate a particularly intimate act that made him blush whenever he just thought about it.

But, what Jim was asking for now was more than Leonard had ever been able to give. At one point, not so long ago, the idea of being at the receiving end of that kind of focused, direct attention would have been enough to want to come up with some excuse and redirect Jim's attention in order to keep himself hidden, and safe. He'd tried to give himself to Jim in that way a couple of times, but had never really been able to follow through with it. The fact that he didn't feel quite that level of discomfort at Jim's request tonight was really a testament to how careful and considerate and patient Jim had been with him. He'd gone out of his way to make sure Leonard was comfortable, to give him what he needed in order to let him rediscover his sexuality at his own pace. And he knew that he'd come quite far in that respect.

But was it far enough, in order to let Jim do what he was asking now? Leonard wasn't sure. But for the first time, he found that he  _wanted_  to in a way that was somehow different from the other times they'd been together. Before, he'd wanted to do what Jim wanted  _for_ Jim. He wanted it for himself, too, but his desires were secondary. He would've been just as happy simply lying together and cuddling. But this time, he wanted it for himself, as much as he wanted to show Jim that he loved and trusted him as completely as he always said he did. And that made it different…and maybe that was the final thing he needed in order to make it possible. So standing there, held securely in Jim's arms, and knowing that he'd be loved no matter what he said, Leonard realized the answer was quite simple.

"Yes," Leonard replied quietly. Jim pulled back to look him in the eye, making sure that the 'yes' was his own, and he wasn't agreeing for Jim's sake. Bones held his gaze firmly, despite a flush on his face. Reassured by what he saw in Bones' eyes, Jim pressed a kiss to his lips, holding him tightly. He didn't feel any tension in Bones' frame, didn't hear anything in his breathing that indicated he was feeling stressed. Bones was giving him the control tonight, but Jim still wanted to make sure that he knew everything was his choice.

"Come sit with me," Jim said, leading them to the bed. Jim paused to turn the blankets down, and they settled next to each other, kissing softly, hands wandering. Jim pulled away with a final kiss and reached up to thread his fingers through Bones' hair at the base of his skull. "If you start feeling anxious, or if you want me to stop, just tell me. Okay?" Jim said.

Leonard nodded, not trusting his voice to remain steady. He took a breath and blew it out slowly, feeling a little shaky. Apparently, wanting something didn't automatically alleviate the nerves that went along with it.

"I – I'm actually feeling a little nervous now," Leonard admitted, looking away. He was embarrassed by his nervousness, knowing there was no reason for it. Jim smiled softly, loving that Bones trusted him enough to be honest with him about it.

"Nervousness is okay," Jim said. "It's normal, and as long as you still want to do what we're doing, we can work through it."

"I still want this," Leonard replied, catching Jim's eyes again. "I want  _you._ " He leaned forward to kiss Jim again, and Jim met him eagerly.

After a couple of moments, Jim gently pressed him back, urging Bones with his body to lay down. Jim followed him down, shifting so that he was lying next to him. Pressed together as they were, Jim could feel Bones trembling slightly. Looking down the length of his body, Jim realized the trembling was probably the result of equal parts arousal and nerves.

"It's okay," Jim murmured, nuzzling his neck, gently mouthing the pulse point, being careful not to leave a visible mark. Bones turned his head to hold his gaze and Jim smiled at him. He looked down to where Bones' hands had clenched the sheet in a tight grip; Jim thought he probably didn't even realize he was doing it. Carefully, Jim worked at Bones' fingers, urging him to relax his grip, then caught his hand and brought it up between them, fingers laced together.

Jim's eyes were the clearest blue in the dim light of room, and in them Leonard could see his love and compassion. The nervousness he was feeling lessened slightly, and tension he didn't even realize he was holding in his frame released slightly. His other hand, the one not held in Jim's relaxed and he let go of sheets altogether, shifting slightly so he was lying more on his side, face to face.

Jim felt the difference in Bones and let go of his hand. He brushed his fingers over Bones'chest, rubbing over his nipples. His chest and stomach muscles tensed, though he stayed quiet, trying to keep his breathing even and steady. Jim smiled to himself…he was determined to win that particular contest tonight, and make Bones realize that not only was it okay to lose that control he was always so tightly holding on to, it was gratifying for him to, for both of them.

"Lie back?" he whispered, the tone of the words letting Bones decide what to do. When he was lying flat on his back, Jim kissed him deeply, then moved down to suck and lick at one nipple. His right hand slid down Bones' stomach, feeling the muscles there jump with ticklishness. He stroked right above the waistband of his underwear, feeling Bones tense as his breathing came in little gasps through his nose, his lips pressed together. After a couple of moments of teasing Bones with the gentle tickling, he let his hand slide down further, slow enough to give him plenty of time to stop him, though Jim didn't really expect he would. While still rubbing his tongue over the same nipple, Jim lightly massaged Bones through his underwear, his touch firm enough to arouse, but soft enough to tease.

Bones was doing a good job of staying relaxed, despite the dual points of pleasure, but it wasn't much longer before one of his hands came up to cup the back of Jim's head. Jim chuckled against his chest, knowing the stimulation was getting to him, even though he was remaining stubbornly quiet. When Bones' hand tightened in Jim's hair, he pulled off the nipple he'd been paying such lavish attention to. Looking up at Bones' face, he took in the line between his furrowed brow as his facial expression slowly relaxed. Jim carefully maneuvered Bones' hard length, still trapped in his underwear, so that it was lying flat against his lower belly, the head visible above the waistband. Held in place as it was, Jim was able to firmly rub up and down the underside through the fabric. Bones curled upwards slightly at this, pulling his bottom lip between his teeth as his breath came a little faster. Jim leaned up to kiss him, using his lips and tongue to get Bones to release his lip.

"Don't," he whispered against his mouth. "I want to hear you."

When Jim finally lstopped licking his left nipple he almost gasped in relief, and muscles in his arms, stomach, butt and legs relaxed. It was getting harder to control himself, though, with Jim touching him like that. The feel of his hand rubbing against his penis over the fabric and the way the waistband rubbed just  _there_  on the sensitive underside made him want to reach down and either bring himself off, or urge Jim to get on with it and stop teasing him. Leonard squeezed his eyes shut tighter and pressed his head into the pillow when he felt Jim's mouth latch on to his other nipple, giving it the same treatment as the first. There seemed to be a direct line between his nipple and his penis, and the combined feel of both was making him want to thrust and move. Instead, he bit his lip again, the slight pain on the tender flesh not nearly enough of a distraction.

Finally,  _finally_ , when Leonard didn't think he could take it another second, Jim pulled away from his chest. He blew a stream of air over the highly-sensitized nub and Leonard shuddered, goosebumps raising on his skin.

"How you doing, Bones?" Jim asked, kissing him, then mouthing his neck. "You still awake?"

That earned a surprised huff of laughter that turned into a groan when Jim let his thumb drag over the head of his penis for the first time. Unable to stop himself, he thrust his pelvis up, desperate for a firmer touch.

"Like-" he gasped and swallowed, opening his eyes to watch what Jim was doing to him before turning his head, his hands once again clenched in the sheets, though for a different reason this time. "Like I could fall asleep with you doing  _that_ to me. I think you've exposed all the nerves in my nipples." Jim looked down at him, an indulgent smile on his face. He swiped his tongue over the left and the right again, earning himself a sharp gasp.

"Just checking," Jim said. "In a minute I'm going to take your underwear off."

It wasn't a question, Leonard realized. Jim was just informing him of what he planned to do while giving him a chance to object.  _Not likely_ , Leonard thought. He nodded, indicating his agreement with the statement. He felt Jim move down his body, and Leonard opened his eyes, raising his head slightly so he could watch as Jim settled himself between his legs.

Jim raised his eyes, meeting Leonard's gaze with a playful challenge. Leonard smiled back at him, raising an eyebrow.

"What?" Leonard asked.

"Just wondering what it'll take to make you lose some of that control you're so fond of," Jim replied teasingly. He loved how Bones held his gaze despite the color that was creeping up his neck and into his face. He didn't give Bones a chance to respond before opening his mouth and gently tonguing the head of his cock while he continued to massage the shaft.

Leonard let his head fall back, his hands clenching the sheets again. He grit his teeth and curled up slightly. Jim's weight on his legs kept him from moving his lower body too much. He was gasping for breath, his head turning from side to side as he tried to deal with the intense stimulation. When Jim slipped a hand inside his underwear, so they were finally touching skin on skin, Leonard did lose it a little. He arched, his legs going stiff, and he felt himself getting close, the sensation rushing him towards orgasm.

Jim felt the way Leonard's whole body tightened and he pulled off of him, not wanting him to come yet. Leonard gasped, his hands coming up to finish himself off automatically. Jim easily deflected him, though, with a chuckle.

"Not yet, Bones. I'm not done with you." He sat up to survey his handiwork. Bones' chest was rising and falling quickly as he tried to get his breath back. He propped himself up on his elbows to look down at Jim. He gave Bones a cheeky smile as he hooked his fingers around the waistband. Bones raised his butt a little so Jim could pull them down and off, dropping them on the floor. "You're so incredible, Bones," Jim whispered. "Your body is amazing." He swept his hands as far up Leonard's torso as he could, down his strong thighs and calves, and back up. He gently grasped Leonard's erection and gave it two light strokes before leaning over to lick the underside from his balls to the head.

" _Oh!_... _Jim-_ " Leonard gasped, letting his head fall back down to the pillow. Jim chuckled against him, the vibrations making his toes curl. He was already so worked up, he knew it wasn't going to take much for him to reach orgasm now. Except Jim was mouthing him so damn  _slowly_. The next lick up his penis and around the leaking head had him bringing his hand to his mouth, biting at it to help him keep his silence. He felt hot, the sheets beneath him damp with his sweat. He felt like Jim was playing with him, and he wasn't sure whether to be annoyed or lucky. At this point, having been denied orgasm once, and being tortuously brought to the edge again, he could barely think enough to distinguish the two.

The next pass of Jim's tongue ended with him taking Leonard into his mouth and sucking. One of his hands was gently rolling his balls, the other was wrapped around the bottom half of his penis. Leonard arched and cried out, unable to take it anymore.

" _Uh_ … _oh_ …god, Jim, please,  _please_!" He groaned and thrust his hips, his legs bending at his knees and drawing towards his chest. "Please, please…" He couldn't take it…it was too much. He grunted and gasped, using the leverage of his feet on the mattress to thrust as much as he could, trying to get Jim to move faster, harder. He cried out when Jim pulled off of him again.

"Please what?" he asked, voice a little hoarse.

Leonard looked down the length of his body, trying to get his brain to work. He was breathing hard and fast, shaking, sweaty. Jim looked amazing, his lips a little swollen, hair darkened with perspiration…his own arousal evident in his flushed face and lust-darkened eyes. And that was when it hit Leonard…he wanted to be able to share this pleasure with Jim. He wanted Jim to be able to take part in the pleasure they were capable of giving each other; he wanted Jim to come with him, in him. He found he  _wanted_  that so much, it took his breath away. 

_But not this time_ , he recognized.  _This time I give Jim what he wants from me, because I want him to have it_.

"Oh, god, Jim. Please,  _please_  make me come. I can't take it anymore!"

He felt Jim take hold of his ankles and push his knees to his chest. Leonard had a brief moment of not-quite-panic that was almost completely over-ridden by intense arousal, until he felt Jim using his tongue again. In his over-sensitized state, this was more than he could take, and Leonard felt his muscles clamping and relaxing rhythmically as Jim licked and sucked him there. He ran his tongue up and down the length between the base of his cock, sucking balls into his mouth one at a time, while stroking his cock firmly, but very deliberately.

Leonard writhed the best he could, giving in to his body's demands to  _Move! Let me move_! Before, he was trying to keep himself quiet because he was embarrassed about being too noisy. Now, though, he was trying to keep himself from being too noisey because he didn't want to wake his daughter. Jim seemed to understand that, though, and he paused what he was doing for just a moment to toss the one of the pillows towards Leonard's head. Taking it, he placed it over his face, biting at the fabric in an effort to contain himself.

"Oh, god! Please, please,  _please_ ," Leonard gasped into the pillow. He felt his whole body tighten, muscles shaking with tension. Jim felt him clamp down on his tongue, and Leonard's legs squeezed around him. For just a few seconds, Leonard was mostly still while Jim continued to work his shaft, now sucking at the head.

Jim felt it the second Bones let go, his orgasm crashing over him with incredible force, the weight of Jim's body the only thing keeping him even a little still, his cries caught in the pillow. Jim stroked him through it, not letting up even as Leonard's back arched, legs kicking slightly, milking every drop of come out of him that he could. It hit his chest and Leonard's stomach, and was all over his hand. Finally, Leonard's body started to relax, the stroking making him twitch. He let the pillow fall away from his face as he gasped for breath, his chest heaving with exertion.

Jim looked up at him, kissing his way up Leonard's body. Leonard raised his head a little to meet him, kissing him first, despite the fact that he was obviously wiped. Jim pulled back and smiled at what he saw in Leonard's eyes: love, trust, and something else that Jim couldn't quite name. Maybe understanding. Jim pushed Bones' sweaty hair from his forehead and kissed him again, deeply and fully. Leonard raised his arms to hold Jim over him until he pulled away again.

"We're kinda sticky," he said. "I'm gonna go get a washcloth." Leonard made a noise of agreement in the back of his throat, but reached down and squeezed Jim through his underwear, his hardness pressed against his hip.

"What about you?" Leonard asked, his voice low and rough. Jim shook his head. This night was about Leonard.

"Later," he said. He pressed one more kiss to Bones' lips then got up, heading for the bathroom. Once there, he brought himself off quickly and quietly. Then he cleaned himself up and washed his hands. Finally, he dampened a washcloth with warm water. Coming back into the bedroom he wasn't surprised to find that Bones was already out cold. Back at the bed, he gently cleaned Bones off, wiping his stomach and spent penis, causing Bones to move restlessly and murmur in his sleep. He threw the used washcloth in the direction of the open bathroom door, satisfied when he heard it hit the tile with a soft _thwack._ He set the alarm so that they'd be awake before Joanna came looking for them, snapped the light off, and then he drew the sheet over them as he lie down beside Bones. Even though he was asleep, Bones instinctively turned towards Jim, and Jim rolled so they were lying on their sides in their customary positions.

Jim was pleasantly tired, but sleep didn't come to him right away. Something had changed for Bones tonight. He could feel it; he could see it in his eyes. So much had happened so quickly, and with every day and every night, Jim felt himself falling further and further. He couldn't imagine himself without Bones in his life – didn't even want to, if he was honest with himself. Lying there in Bones' arms he realized that this life he had with Leonard and Joanna now, this is what he'd been waiting for. He thought Leonard felt the same way; prayed that he did. Behind him, Leonard sighed and tightened his arms around him.

"Love you," he murmured in a whisper.

Jim closed his eyes and swallowed, overcome with how much that meant to him to hear, every time.

"Love you, too."

 


	40. Chapter 40

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Decisions about Mama McCoy's visit.

In the gray hours of the very early morning, Jim and Leonard woke slowly, basking lazily in the comfortable warmth of each other, trading soft kisses and quiet endearments. After a little while, they got up, and moving easily around each other, cleaned up a bit in the bathroom. Leonard found his underwear; Jim was still wearing his. They still had at least a couple of hours before Joanna woke, so they lay back down, Leonard on his back, Jim resting his head on his chest, held securely against his side.

Jim could not get the events of the previous night out of his head. Being with Bones was always fantastic…but last night was different because it was the first time Bones actually let Jim have all of him. He felt it, the moment Bones just allowed himself to let go and be with Jim, fully and completely, without holding onto anything to keep any part hidden or controlled. He rubbed his hand over Bones' chest, down his side, mapping his body with his fingertips, committing all of it to memory. He was in a strange place in his own head…feeling protective and possessive of Bones in a way that was unfamiliar to him, bolstered by the knowledge that he was the only one Bones had ever fully given himself to. He kind of felt like he should say something…make some comment about what happened between them last night – but he held back. He wasn't sure what to say, and he found he was feeling a little overwhelmed by it all. That he had the capacity to love someone so much, to not just want, but  _need_ to that person in his life was simultaneously frightening and exhilarating.

He tightened his arm around Bones' middle and entwined their legs, wanting to be as close as possible. Bones responded by letting out a sleepy sigh and bringing his other hand across his body to catch and hold the hand Jim was resting on his chest. Jim raised his head to look at Bones, loving how relaxed his features were; knowing Bones didn't wear this expression around anyone else.

"You okay?" Leonard asked, surprising Jim. He'd thought he was mostly asleep.

Jim nodded and laid his head back down.

"Yeah," he said. "Just thinking."

"We do have a conversation to finish," Leonard said quietly.

Jim groaned and chuckled a little.

"Bones, do we have to talk about your mom while we're in bed?" he asked.

"We could get up," Leonard suggested, and Jim could hear the smile in his voice.

"Nah – too comfy," Jim sighed, closing his eyes. He didn't really want to talk about this, but not because of their current position. He thought back to where they'd left off, and after a moment, Leonard prodded him.

"So…your opinion? Call her and tell her, or invite her out here and tell her? What do you think?" he asked. Jim bit his lip, and after a moment decided that he owed Leonard the honesty that Leonard had given him du

ring their time together. Instead of answering Leonard's question he confessed a worry that had been slowly growing ever since he first mentioned what he wanted to do. Despite Leonard's assurance the previous evening, Jim was concerned that Mrs. McCoy's reaction _was_  going to have an impact on them.

"I understand needing to tell her, Bones," Jim whispered, feeling uncharacteristically vulnerable. "I – I just don't want…" Jim sighed and shrugged.

Leonard frowned slightly, gently trailing his hand up and down Jim's arm. It was obvious that he had something he wanted to say, but he was holding back. Probably because he was worried Leonard would take it badly. He didn't want that. He wanted,  _needed_ , them to be honest with each other. There was no way he could've gotten this far in the relationship without that.

"Jim, you can tell me anything. Especially about this. It's no small thing, obviously, and you're too important to me to not take into account whatever you're thinking," Leonard said.

Jim sighed and shifted so he could reach a hand up to draw his fingers through the hair at Leonard's temple. He turned his head he could meet Leonard's eyes as his hand traced down the edge of his jaw.

"It's just…not long ago, you were talking about letting things go as they were for a while, because of my age, because I might change my mind…and then here you are, ready to do something that might have a negative effect on your family…with hardly a second thought."

Leonard drew in a breath to reply, but he didn't get the chance. Jim wasn't done.

"And, I can't help but wonder if you think that we're still new enough for you to be worried that I'm going to have second thoughts, what's going to happen if your mother just isn't willing to accept us? I know you said it'll be her loss, but when it comes right down to it, if you're still not sure about me, how can you be sure that you'll still think I'm…worth it?"

Leonard was quiet for a moment, heart aching with the insecurity he could hear and knew was the cause of Jim's concern. But he didn't brush it off as a result of his insecurity. Bones seriously considered Jim's points, because they  _were_ valid ones. And honestly, he hadn't really thought of it that way, and he hadn't realized what it looked like from Jim's point of view.

"I think," Leonard finally said. "It's because telling my mother about us, it's well, it's really-" He stopped and shook his head in frustration. "I don't know how to say this without sounding really self-centered," he said.

Jim shifted his body, turning so he could look up at Leonard, his blue eyes smiling comfortingly.

"It's okay to be self-centered about this, Bones. It's an incredibly personal issue and decision. I love you, and I want you to be happy. You're not going to hurt my feelings… tell me anything, Bones," Jim said, echoing his words back to him.

Leonard smiled and leaned down to press a kiss to his forehead, the only part of Jim he could easily reach in this position. Jim stayed like that, holding his eyes, waiting. Leonard's first instinct was too look away – it was just easier that way – but didn't, determined to hold Jim's gaze. No more hiding.

"I think it's really more about telling her about me," he said softly. "I've been someone other than who  _I_ am for so long…and I just don't want that anymore. What she says or thinks about _us_  isn't going to effect us, because it isn't going to effect  _me_." Leonard stopped and took a breath, wondering how that was going over with Jim. It was an incredibly egocentric take on an issue that had effects that were going to reach beyond Leonard… but it was the best – most honest – explanation he could offer.

After a couple of moments of silence, Leonard was starting to think that maybe Jim had taken what he'd said badly. As he was trying to think of something he could say to apologize and try to explain again, he felt Jim move against him. Jim propped himself up on an elbow and looked down at Leonard, an expression on his face that he just couldn't put a name to. Leonard held Jim's eyes until he leaned down to kiss him. It was such a tender, sweet kiss that Leonard felt tears behind his eyelids, and he kept them closed so that Jim wouldn't see, embarrassed that he was reacting with such emotion to something as simple as a kiss. He felt Jim pull back and trace his lips with his thumb.

"Call her…invite her here," Jim said, and it took a moment for Leonard to realize that he was answering the original question. "Spend the first day with her alone…I'll keep Joanna…tell her, and then – well, I guess what happens next is up to her."

Leonard opened his eyes and focused on Jim's, who was still looking down at him. He curled a hand around Jim's shoulder and urged him down. Jim went easily, tucking his head against Leonard's neck. Jim slipped his arms around and under him, as Leonard held him tightly.

"Thank you," he whispered against the top of Jim's head.

Jim didn't answer. There was nothing that needed to be said.

 

* * *

 

"So…you're sure you want me to take Joanna?" Jim asked, for probably the third time this morning. Leonard looked up at him over the kitchen table, a spoonful of cereal half-way to his mouth. Jim's eyes were on his coffee – that was being stirred with quite a bit of vigor. He put his spoon down, keeping his eyes on Jim. 

 _He looks uncomfortable_ , Leonard thought, puzzled.

"Jim, if you're busy, or if you're not comfortable taking her, you certainly don't have to. I can reschedule my appointment with Chris," Leonard replied.

This was the other thing he'd wanted to discuss with Jim before they got…sidetracked…last night. Today Joanna had an appointment with Dr. Spock for her second of three checks on her progress with modulating her sound sensitivity. Problem was, Leonard had accidentally scheduled his appointment with Chris to overlap with Joanna's appointment. Of the two, he'd cancel his own first, but he figured if Jim was available both could still happen. Jim had been to every appointment from the very beginning, and Leonard trusted that he'd be able to get Joanna through the diagnostic part of the visit and then absorb all of the information Dr. Spock had for them. Jim's hesitance, though, was making Leonard think maybe he was imposing.

"No…no, I'm happy to take her. I just didn't think-" Jim trailed off, looking up at Leonard and away again.

And suddenly it clicked. This was the first time Jim was taking Joanna out anywhere since what happened at the school when she was almost ushered right out of the schoolyard by a dangerous child predator. Leonard clenched his jaw. It still gave him chills to think about it. But, he didn't want Jim doubting himself. It was an accident, Joanna was fine, and the guy was caught.

"You're not planning on losing her, are you?" Leonard asked lightly.

Jim raised his eyes to Leonard's quickly, looking faintly horrified.

"No! God, Bones, no…"

"Jim." Leonard reached across the table and placed a comforting hand on Jim's arm. "Relax. I'm sorry – I was kidding. I completely trust you. If I had any doubt at all, I wouldn't have even considered asking you to take her." Jim smiled slightly. He figured that was true enough. Bones would never do anything with Joanna he wasn't totally comfortable with. "Okay?"

"Yeah, okay," Jim replied. He sat back, his body language going from tense to relaxed that quickly. "So…you're going to drop her off at Sam's on your way to the hospital, and I'm going to get her at 3:30. Appointment's at 4:00, right?"

"Yes. I should be home by the time you guys get back here," Leonard replied. He held Jim's eyes for another moment. "So, I figured I would call my mom tonight."

Jim took a sip of coffee too quickly and scalded his mouth. He winced and cleared his throat.

"So soon?" he asked as lightly as possible.

Leonard wasn't fooled. Despite Jim's acceptance and support, he was still nervous about it…definitely more nervous than Leonard was. He shrugged slightly.

"Well, I thought I may as well. I need to give her time to choose when, and I want to buy the tickets as early as possible," Leonard replied.

Jim nodded, eyes on the table. Of course it made sense, but he couldn't help feeling like it was some sort of deadline looming in front of them. It made him want to put it off as long as he could. But, it wasn't his decision.

Leonard took another bite of his cereal, chewing while he kept his eyes on Jim, who still looked…concerned. "Jim – it'll be fine," he added.

He looked up at Bones, a rueful smile on his face and a comment on the tip of his tongue about who should be comforting who in this situation. He was interrupted, though, by the sound of Joanna running through the apartment.

"I'm ready!" she announced, bursting into the kitchen. "Can we go now?" She looked between Jim and her father, practically bouncing with excitement. Aurelan was going to be taking all three girls to a ranch where they could interact with the animals and ride horses. Jo was actually the only one who knew how to ride a horse and had been looking forward to this for a couple of weeks.

"You need to eat breakfast first, Jo," Leonard replied.

"Joanna!" Jim exclaimed. "You're the most adorable little cowgirl ever!"

Joanna looked down at herself – white shirt, jeans tucked into riding boots that were a little big last time she wore them, and actually fit better now – and of course a proper hat…smaller than the one Daddy had, but still proper. Nothing special. What did Uncle Jim think she'd wear to go riding? She looked over at her father who had a grin on his face as he shook his head slightly.

"Uncle Jim, you're such a city-slicker," she said.

Jim looked up at Leonard as he chuckled.

"I guess if you take the boy out of Iowa, he becomes all citified," he teased, thickening his accent. He tapped the edge of her waiting plate with his spoon. "Come on. Don't want them to leave without you."

Rolling her eyes in a very Bones-like manner, she settled herself in her spot.

Later on, while Joanna was brushing her teeth, Bones kissed Jim, his hand lingering at the back of Jim's neck, stroking gently.

"I didn't say anything earlier," he said, flushing slightly. "But last night was incredible."

Jim smiled, his eyes crinkling at the corners.

"You were incredible," he said, pressing another kiss against Bones' lips.

"Kissing is gross," Joanna announced, exiting the hallway.

Jim startled and moved away from Leonard quickly. Leonard smiled at the look on his face – like he'd been caught stealing out of the cookie jar. "Janie says boys have cooties. I told her there wasn't such a thing, Daddy – but if there is, it doesn't matter because your both boys and the cooties will be the same." She seemed totally unconcerned as she made this little declaration, picking up her backpack and coming to stand in front of Leonard. "Can we go now, Daddy? Bye Uncle Jim!" She opened the door and headed down the walk. Leonard hesitated, taking in Jim's slightly shocked expression, and offered him a smile.

"She comes up with…interesting…things sometimes," he said. "Stay as long as you want today…do laundry, whatever. I'll see you later." Leonard gave Jim another quick kiss.

"Later," Jim replied. He shut the door behind them, reveling in a sense of, of well, wholeness and _belonging_  he hadn't experienced for years before meeting Leonard. Now, he couldn't imagine his life without it.


	41. Chapter 41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leonard's mom visits, and he comes out to her.

One week later, Leonard was helping Joanna pack to stay at Jim's place overnight. This was a first for them; Joanna had only ever stayed overnight at Aurelan and Sam's. But, Kim was away at Girl Scout camp with Janie and her mother and wouldn't be back for a couple of days. It had been Joanna who suggested she stay with Jim – to his surprised delight. Leonard didn't have a problem with it, Jim assured him he was fine with it, so that's what they were going to do, so they could stick to the plan. "Operation: Dropping the Bomb", as Jim had come to call it.

His mother was coming in later today, and as he and Jim discussed, Leonard would have some time alone with her right off the bat. They needed to talk, because he wasn't going to spend the whole time she was there hiding Jim and monitoring Joanna's every word for an accidental slip. How that talk went would determine the rest of the visit. She was welcome to stay with them, but Leonard had also made a reservation at a nearby hotel, in case she ended up preferring that. Leonard felt ready for this, but neither he nor Jim had thought it was going to be this fast. He thought he'd have more time to really figure out what to say…and despite his words of reassurance to Jim, and despite the fact that he was ready, he was nervous.

When he'd called her to invite her out, she'd happily accepted, and then informed him that she'd already made her own travel arrangements. Apparently, she was planning on coming whether she was invited or not. At the time, Leonard found himself both annoyed and amused…probably more amused. Now, though, he was torn between being glad to get it over with and wishing he'd had more say over timing. But there was nothing for it now.

"But Daddy," Joanna said, as she tried to decide which stuffed animals to take with her. "Why can't I see Gramma?"

"You are going to see Gramma, Darlin'," Leonard replied. "I just need to spend some time alone with her first."

"Why?"

"Because we have some things to talk about."

"Oh…about Uncle Jim, right?" Joanna asked, stuffing her brown dog into her backpack.

Leonard froze for a second, surprised by her guess.

"Uh…what – why do you think that?" he asked, instead of answering her.

Joanna shrugged and went to sit in front of her bookshelf, tilting her head to study the titles on the spines.

"Well, maybe she'll think it's weird that you love Uncle Jim and that he's your boyfriend. Because he's a boy too," she added innocently, completely unaware how much she was freaking her father out with her simple, yet surprisingly on point, observation.

"Hey, baby, come here for a second," Leonard said. She got up and went to him, easily fitting right in his arms on his lap facing him.

"You know…we've not talked about it in a really long time, but what do you think about me and Uncle Jim? Do you think it's weird because we're boys?" he asked. He practically held his breath as he waited for her answer. This was a conversation he probably should have had with her earlier, but honestly, he didn't realize she was cognizant enough of the situation to know that their little family unit could be considered "weird". Leonard realized he'd better stop underestimating his little girl. Joanna looked up at him, her little hands on his shoulders.

"Well…almost everyone has a mommy and a daddy," she said. "And I only ever had you, Daddy. But now I have Uncle Jim too, and it's better that way."

"Why is it better, Darlin'?" he asked, interested at this glimpse of her reasoning. 

She shrugged. "Because you're happy," she said simply.

"I was happy before Uncle Jim," Leonard said, drawing a finger down her face and tapping her on the nose, making her giggle. "When it was just the two of us." 

"But you're my daddy…and now you have a friend," Joanna explained. "I like that you have a friend. And I like that he's my friend, too."

Leonard nodded, smiling. Good enough for him.

"That's absolutely right, Joanna…you're a very smart little girl," he said, giving her a squeeze. "So you got everything you want to bring?"

"Hello?" Jim called from the other side of the apartment as he let himself in. "Where are you guys?"

"We're in my room!" Joanna shouted, right near Leonard's ear.

He winced and gently eased her off of his lap. A couple of seconds later, Jim appeared in the doorway.

"Hey there!" he said brightly. "You just about ready to go, Joanna-banana?"

"Yup! I have my stuffed animals, some books, my Barbie and Ken – you can be Ken, okay? And I chose some movies," Joanna said excitedly.

Jim looked amused as he picked up the duffle bag.

"Does she have any clothes packed?" he asked Leonard as he stood. Leonard smiled, and ruffled Joanna's hair.

"Two outfits, pajamas, extra underwear, sandals, and her bathing suit. As well as what she's wearing now," Leonard replied.

"Two outfits?"

"You never know, Jim."

"Okay…well, I think we've got everything we could possibly need. Guess what we're going to do today, Jo?" Jim asked.

"Umm…go to the beach?" Joanna suggested. Jim smiled and shook his head.

"Not quite…we're going to a place where we can see all the animals that live in the ocean, though – the Aquarium of the Bay!"

"Oh, thank you!" Joanna said, throwing her arms around Jim's legs. "I've been wanting to go there for so long! I'm going to get The Little Mermaid too because there's lots of underwater animals, so we can watch that one tonight!" She pulled away and hurried out of her room. Jim rolled his eyes at Bones' amused expression.

"That sounds good, Jo!" he called after her.

Alone now, Leonard stepped up to Jim and pulled him into a hug.

"Thanks for doing this," he said quietly.

"Of course Bones," Jim replied. "Like there's any reason I wouldn't. So," He pulled away to look Leonard in the eye. "You ready for this? Because if you changed your mind and wanted me to just stay out of sight, I wouldn't be offended."

Leonard kissed Jim and shook his head.

"I'm not going to change my mind. I'm a little nervous, but I'm sure. It's the right thing to do. We shouldn't have to lie to the people we love. That's not something I want to teach my daughter. And I love you too much to keep you hidden like that." He paused. "By the way, she figured out why I need some time alone with her Gramma before she sees her."

"Really? How? What did you say?"

Leonard shrugged.

"She's an intuitive, sensitive kid. She said that maybe my mom will think it's weird because we're both boys. We talked about that a bit. She recognizes that it's a different situation, but she's always lived in a different situation…when it was just me. And she's fine with it. But I wanted to give you a head's up, just in case she says something or asks any questions."

Jim was looking at him with wide eyes.

"If she does ask questions, what do you want me to do?" he asked.

Leonard shrugged.

"Be honest with her. Keep it, you know, simple. And if there's something you're not comfortable talking about, just tell her she should ask me. But, listen Jim…I want you to be a part of her life. I trust you with her, I trust you to have these types of conversations with her. Okay?"

Jim nodded.

"Yeah, okay. Well, I guess we'll be going. Umm…call me later, if you can."

"Of course. I need to get going too – her flight lands in a little more than an hour. Have fun today," Leonard said, distractedly tossing a few items of clothing towards the hamper. He straightened up and was taken by surprise when Jim wrapped him in his arms, and hugged him fiercely. Leonard brought his arms up, holding him, conscious of the almost desperate quality to his grip. "Jim, I love you. It's going to be fine."

"I love you, too," he replied, wishing it didn't feel so much like goodbye.

 

* * *

 

Leonard stood in the approved area for traveler pick up, too nervous to sit down. His mother's plane had landed about ten minutes ago, so he started to really pay attention to the people coming in from the terminal instead of just staring into space. A few more minutes and several more people passed, but then they spotted each other. He smiled and waved, amused at her enthusiastic gestures to him as she excitedly waved back. He'd missed her – he hadn't realized how much until now. Her mahogany hair, streaked with silver, was pulled back into a ponytail. She moved with the ease of a young woman, and in her jeans, sneakers and green tunic that caught and magnified her green eyes, Hannah McCoy easily looked a decade younger than her nearly 65 years.

"Mom," he said, walking forward to meet her as she crossed the line into the main part of the airport. He ignored the uniformed security guard watching him suspiciously, as if waiting for Leonard to cross a foot over the yellow demarcation on the floor that indicated an off-limits area to waiting friends and family. He folded her into his arms, her head just underneath his chin, as it had been since he was about 17. Carefully, he walked them to the side so they weren't in the way of the people behind them.

"Baby," she said, squeezing him tightly. "It's so  _good_  to see you!"

"You too, Mom. I've missed you."

She pulled back, looking into his eyes.

"Hmph. If you missed me, you'd call more. But that's good, Leonard. You look happy. I like that. Where's Joanna?"

"She's sleeping over a friend's house tonight, and today they're going to the Aquarium. I didn't want her to miss out on that, but she'll be back tomorrow, and I thought we could spend some time together." Leonard urged her to hand over her carry-on item, and he put it on his shoulder. "Jeez, Ma…what do you have in this thing, bricks?"

"I didn't check a bag…did you know they charge $25 just to check a bag now!...so I had to fit everything in there. Packing for all those camping trips came in handy," she replied as they made their way to the elevators. "Unfortunately, the stuff I wanted to bring for Joanna wouldn't fit, so there should be a package arriving at your place this afternoon." She checked her watch. "It may already be there."

Leonard looked down at his mother fondly.

"You didn't have to do that, Mom. We're happy just to have you."

"Don't try to deny me the right to spoil my only grandbaby, Leonard." He chuckled. As if he could stop her.

"Yes, Ma'am."

He drove them back to his neighborhood, taking the slightly longer, but more scenic route. She commented on the mountains, and though they didn't cross the San Francisco Bridge, they did see it spanning the length of the water.

"It's beautiful. Have you been on it?" she asked.

"Yes, I've driven across and I've walked a little bit of it."

"Really?" Hannah said, looking over at her son in surprise. His fear of heights was a long and well-established fact. She winked at him when he glanced over at her, slightly flushed. "She must've been pretty convincing."

Leonard rolled his eyes and changed the subject, a move Hannah gracefully allowed, and before too long he was pulling up to his apartment.

He placed her duffle bag in his room (he'd be sleeping on the pull-out, if she stayed) along with the package that had already been delivered, and gave her a quick tour first of their apartment, then the complex itself. It was a clear, warm day, and they settled on a bench by the pool under some shade to enjoy the air. It was later afternoon, so they weren't alone at the pool area, but it wasn't overly crowded, either.

"It looks like you've made a good life for yourself out here, Leonard. And you did good by Joanna, finding a school that could help her grow and come out of herself like she has. I'm proud of you, Son. I know it wasn't easy for you to uproot your lives and move here all by yourselves. Your daddy would be proud of you, too."

Leonard smiled slightly, but kept his eyes averted, and reached for her hand. She grasped his tightly.

"Are you hungry?" he asked. "I made your tarragon/chicken salad…or we could go out, if you want to try a restaurant."

"Thank you Baby. I'm not ready for dinner just yet." Hannah paused, looking at her son, and recognized what was right in front of her. "You got something you want to tell me?" she asked.

Leonard looked at her in surprise, which she countered with an expression that clearly told him he should know better.

"I can always tell," she said with a small smile.

Leonard hesitated for a moment, his eyes traveling over his mother's sweetheart face, taking in her open expression. He hoped it would stay that way.

His heart in his throat, Leonard said, "You're right Ma. Let's go inside."

 

* * *

 

Jim let go of Joanna's hand so she could insinuate herself between the line of adults and taller kids who were right up against the glass. Why some of those adults couldn't step back and allow the smaller children a clear view was totally beyond him. He kept his eyes on her, though, feeling hypervigilant about making sure she was within his eyeline at all times. He knew it was an after-effect of the trauma of losing her that day, but it wasn't necessarily one he wanted to try to get over. It was also a hard-earned lesson about the dangers of even well-behaved children and crowds.

At the glass, everyone _ooh-ed_ and _ahh-ed_ as the bat ray glided through the water just inches from the spectators.  Jim could see that Joanna was getting pressed to the glass by a couple of adults in particular, and he felt a rush of annoyance at their blatant disregard for her. After a couple of moments, Joanna looked over her shoulder at him. She had a pinched look on her face, obviously uncomfortable with the way she was being crowded, but unable to speak up about it – and that did it. When Jim took Janie here, she had absolutely no problem loudly telling people they were too close, but Joanna wasn't like that. She needed him.

Jim strode over to the area, and using his elbows, plenty of "excuse me's" and false smiles, managed to stand right behind her, using his body to force people to move to the side. Someone on his left muttered something and threw him an annoyed look, but Jim completely ignored him. Joanna looked up at him and smiled. Reaching up, she hooked her fingers through one of the belt loops on his jeans. He'd seen her do that with her father, on more than one occasion, but she'd never done it with him. Intellectually, he recognized how silly it was to be so overjoyed and filled with such a sense of warmth by such a small gesture. Didn't stop him from feeling it though.

"Look, Uncle Jim – it's so pretty! Like it's flying in the water," Joanna said excitedly, her eyes locked on the ray.

Jim smiled down at her, totally taken by her innocent delight. Always able to focus more intently than other children her age, and older, they stayed at the glass for quite a while. A couple of the sharks swam by a couple of times, once close enough that Joanna backed up instinctively, bumping into Jim and he placed a comforting hand on her shoulder.

After a while they moved on to other exhibits, taking their time to enjoy them at their own pace. Going to places like the aquarium and Zeum with Joanna was so different from how it was when he took Janie and Kim. They darted around, things holding their attention for hardly longer than a few minutes. Joanna wanted to know what the exhibits said, she wanted to listen to the people who worked there talk about the area they were in. It was nice, and Jim felt like he got to enjoy it too, which wasn't always the case. He enjoyed that Janie and Kim had fun, but this time, he actually got to enjoy himself, too.

"Would you like to eat dinner here, or do you want to stop someplace on the way home?" Jim asked after a while. He could hardly believe it was already almost 5 o'clock.

"Umm…" Joanna said, distracted by the jellyfish tank. "Can we eat at home and watch a movie?"

"Sure, that sounds good. Is there something you want to do one more time before we head out?"

"Touch-tank!" she said. Swinging their hands between them, Joanna led them back over to the favored attraction. As he did before, he lifted her so that she could reach all the way to the bottom, carefully stroking a starfish. After a moment, he realized her lips were moving. Leaning down, he heard that she was whispering, but he couldn't make out what she was saying.

"What're you doing Jo?" he asked curiously.

She looked up at him, pulling her arm out of the water.

"Making a wish," she said. "I know it's 'when you wish upon a star' and I did that too, but I wanted the wish to be everywhere. It's important."

"Oh…okay," Jim said, slightly taken aback. "What was the wish?"

Joanna rolled her eyes at him.

"I can't  _tell_ you, Uncle Jim!" she exclaimed. "That's not the rules."

 

* * *

 

Leonard sat across from his mother, cups of tea in front of them. Hannah had automatically started making the tea when they returned from their walk. A habit, Leonard knew, that she'd had for years. If anyone was ever upset, or had to talk, they did it with a cup of tea. He had his eyes fixed on the clear, brown liquid in his cup, struggling with how to start.

Hannah eyed her son critically, wondering what had managed to work him up to such a state. The only other time she'd ever seen him like this was when he was coming to grips with the decision to raise Joanna by himself. She ran through the possibilities in her head, some more horrible than others – maybe he was expecting another child from another woman; maybe he'd lost his position and needed help he just didn't know how to ask for; maybe there was something seriously wrong – either he or Joanna being ill. 

 _Oh, please God, don't let it be that_ _,_ she thought.

"Leonard," she said after a few moments of silence. Hannah waited until he looked up at her. "You're my son. I love you. Just tell me."

He nodded and cleared his suddenly dry throat nervously. Remembering the tea in his hands, he took a sip, taking a moment to try to calm himself a bit.

"I love you, too. I always want you to be a part of our lives…and I want to make sure you know that…because I – I've met someone, Mom. I still can't believe it happened…that we found each other the way we did. And it feels like it all happened so fast, but it also feels like we've known each other forever. And we love each other – we're in love with each other. And…he's a man. His name is Jim."

Sometime during his admission his eyes slipped back to the table. But now that he was finished, he looked back up at his mother. She was looking at him with a somewhat blank expression on her face, but Leonard knew that was just a very well-practiced method of covering much deeper emotion that was betrayed by her eyes. The silence dragged on, and Leonard wondered if he should say something else…

"I don't understand," Hannah finally said. Her voice had the same blank quality to it.

"I – uh, I'm g-"

"No, Leonard." She cut him off, her voice sharper now. "I understand what it means when you tell me you love a man named Jim. What I don't understand is why, or how. You dated women. You were married. You have a child."

"I only ever dated one woman, Mom," he said, keeping his voice calm.

"Don't play a semantics game with me, Son. You know exactly what I mean."

"I'm not Ma. It's an important distinction. My whole life, I only ever dated one woman – the woman I married. Doesn't that…tell you anything?"

"Yes!" she not-quite-shouted, slapping her hands on the table. "It tells me you were shy. It tells me you were too smart for the people you were surrounded by every day in that small town. It tells me you were a good boy who was raised to respect women and who knew better than to treat them as playthings there for your convenience. It doesn't tell me you're  _gay_."

Leonard nodded, trying to see things from his mother's side. He could easily concede those points.

"You're right, Mom – about all of those things about me. But this, this has always been a part of me too. I just...didn't want to tell you and Dad."

Hannah's eyes filled with tears and she got up from the table, turning her back to him at the counter.

"It's because of what happened to you your first year in college, isn't it?" she asked, her voice wavering with emotion she was trying to control.

That hit Leonard like a punch to the gut. He literally felt the color drain from his face and knew that he was a sickly shade. He realized it was a good thing he was sitting down. He swallowed hard and tried to remember to make himself breathe.

"Wh-what do you know about what happened to me?" he asked hoarsely. Hearing the distress in his voice, Hannah turned around, arms folded over herself protectively.

"Nothing. Because you never told us anything, even when we asked. But I'm your mother; I can always tell. And it was obvious that something was very wrong. This is because of  _that_ , isn't it? This is my fault. I should've pushed harder…gotten you the help you needed then. You don't have to tell me about it, Leonard, but we can get you help-"

"No. Mom, no. I – I've gotten help for that, and I don't need to be fixed. This is me whole. More whole than I think I've ever been." He paused, watching as she wiped tears off her cheeks with her hand. "Marrying Jocelyn was the result of what happened to me, Mom. I married her because I was hiding."

After a couple of moments, Hannah appeared to draw herself up. She fixed her son with a pointed stare.

"What about Joanna?" she asked. Leonard sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

"Mom, can you come sit? You look like we're fighting, and this isn't a fight. This is a discussion." Hannah stiffly made her way back to the table, looking as if she were moving against her will, and sat on the edge of her chair. "Joanna…knows Jim. She understands our relationship in very simple terms…and she's okay with it."

"Okay with it? Of course she's okay with it! She's five! She's not old enough to know that it's wr-" Hannah cut herself off, taking a deep breath, and stood back up. She just couldn't sit right now. "How could you expose your daughter to that – to that  _l_ _ifestyle_?"

She spit the word like it had a bitter taste in her mouth, and Leonard felt his own temper rising. Surprise, shock, and even disappointment he could deal with. But she was getting dangerously close to being unacceptable.

"I don't like what you're implying Mom. I'm her father – I love her more than anything, and she comes first in my life. But there is  _nothing_  wrong with her seeing two people love and respect each other. And she doesn't know anything more about my lifestyle than I did about yours and Dad's at her age."

"Don't you dare, Leonard! Don't you dare compare what your father and I shared for 35 years with whatever it is you're doing with him."

"It's a relationship, Mom. A loving, respectful, reciprocal relationship. We're good for each other, and he's been good for Joanna."

"Where is Joanna now?"

"I told you-"

"Is she with him?"

"His name is Jim, Mom. Yes, she is."

"I want to see Joanna tonight. And I want to meet Jim."

Leonard hesitated. He wasn't sure that was a good idea right now. His mother was still highly emotional, and he didn't want to expose Joanna to that. Or Jim.

He shook his head. "Not tonight, Mom. They were spending the day at the aquarium, and they're probably having dinner right now. She's staying at his place tonight, and she's been looking forward to that." He paused. "I love him. I trust him like I've never been able to trust anyone. Joanna loves him. And he loves us. Joanna is fine where she is, and I think – I think you need some time."

"Time is not going to change the way I feel about this Leonard. I know you never cared much about religion or really believed in God, but you know I do." He nodded, swallowing. He held the cup of tea in his hands, the liquid mostly cool now.

"I do, Mom. And I want you to know that I knew when I decided to tell you that I might be changing our relationship forever. But I love you, and I love Jim, and I'm not going to choose between you. If things change between you and me, it's going to be your decision."

Mother and son were silent for a couple of moments, each reeling in their own way. Leonard closed his eyes and propped his head up on his hands. He swallowed around a lump in his throat and roughly rubbed his eyes.

"Give me your keys," Hannah said suddenly.

"What?"

"Give me your car keys," she repeated, moving towards him with her hand outstretched. "I need to calm down and think."

Slowly, Leonard pulled his keys out of his pocket, and placed them in her outstretched hand.

"You don't know your way around…" he started.

"I'm not a man, Leonard. I know how to ask for directions." She headed to the door without looking back at him. Leonard got up and followed her.

"Are – are you coming back?" he asked, his voice sounding a lot smaller than he'd intended. He sounded like a kid who wanted his mother. That was basically what he was.

Hannah turned around to look up at him.

"Of course I'm coming back. McCoy's don't run – you know that. I just need to think."

With that, she let herself out, and Leonard was left standing in the middle of his foyer. The house suddenly seemed very, very empty – and it had nothing to do with the fact that his mother had just left. Heading back into the kitchen, he checked the time. Joanna was probably still awake, but he desperately wanted to talk to Jim. Hell, he wanted Jim to be here. The last wasn't possible, but…

Giving in, Leonard picked up the phone and dialed. It rang three times before Jim answered.

"Hey," he said.

"Hey, yourself," Leonard replied, trying to keep his voice light. "Did you guys have fun today?"

"Yes, we had a great time," Jim said. He paused, listening to the sound of Bones' breath over the line. "How are things going over there," he asked slowly. "I didn't think I'd hear from you so early."

"They're…going. Mom needed to go for a drive – to think. It's what she always does when she's feeling overwhelmed about something."

"Hm. That good, huh?"

Leonard sighed deeply. "Yeah."

 _"Is that Daddy? Can I tell him about the aquarium?"_  Leonard heard Joanna's voice in the background.

"You hear that Bones? Just a sec…" Leonard listened as Jim handed the phone over.

"Hi Daddy!"

"Hi Baby, did you have a good time?"

"Oh yes!" Joanna launched into a play-by-play of the afternoon, and after a few minutes of conversation, Leonard said goodnight to his baby girl, feeling better. His daughter was happy and healthy. When it came down to it, those were the things that mattered. Joanna passed the phone back to Jim.

"Bones?"

"Mm?"

"I love you, and everything's going to be fine." Leonard closed his eyes and held on to that as tightly as he could.

 

* * *

 

Hannah didn't drive around for long. It didn't work the same way here as it did at home. At home, she could drive and think, and not have to devote too much of her thought processes to where she was going, because she knew the area like the back of her own hand. Here, though, she found she was paying too much attention to street signs and her rights and lefts to really be able to get herself to focus the way she needed to. And did she ever need to.

Luckily, though, even in this small corner of the city, there was no lack for diners and cafes, so Hannah chose one. She asked for a booth at the end of a long row of them, and chose to sit so she was facing the wall. Not as private as being in a car, but it would have to do. She ordered a cup of coffee she would probably stir more than she would drink, and a slice of apple pie that she didn't really feel like eating. What she wanted was the time and solitude the order bought her. She murmured a quiet and distracted thank you when the server put her pie on the table in front of her.

 _Your parents are going to love you no matter what_. That phrase chased itself round and round in her head, threading through the memories of the hundreds of times she'd said to students over the years. She wasn't certain why, but she seemed to attract the confused and frightened kids, and something about her made them want to talk to her. And it was always the same. Although they were at their wit's end, and too young to handle what was happening in their tumultuous lives alone, they all believed, with that special brand of egoism teenagers of every generation experienced, there was  _no way_  their parents would ever understand them. Whatever it was…pregnancy, bullying, being pressured to have sex, not making it on the team, not wanting to stay on the team, being tired of things the way they were, thinking they were gay…they all believed they were alone, that their parents had never experienced what they were experiencing, and that they wouldn't understand.  _Even if they don't understand because it never happened to them, they'll support you because they love you. Your parents are going to love you no matter what_.

That, Hannah realized, was a hell of a lot easier to say when it wasn't about your own child. Was she a hypocrite? No, she didn't think so. She loved Leonard no matter what, and it was because she loved him so much, that this…news…had thrown her for such a loop. She was scared for him. Because the life he was choosing was not going to be an easy one…for him or for Joanna. Yes, it may be easier out here, rather than somewhere in the slow-to-acclimate South. But she had not lived a sheltered life in a small town, and she had life experience that her son simply did not have.

Prejudices existed, whether or not people openly acknowledged them, and they had an effect. Just because they may not have yet, doesn't mean they Leonard and Joanna were safe. And it may take some time, but he would come to realize this life was going to have negative consequences that are specific to his situation…consequences that a single father, or a man and a woman, would not have to deal with.

And she was scared for him after they were done with all of this on Earth, too. For the most part, Hannah was Catholic. She was baptized Catholic, she identified as Catholic, she went to a Catholic church, when she went. However, she'd married a non-practicing Baptist. And because her non-practicing Baptist husband had such an influence on their son, he grew up as a non-practicing Baptist, too, despite the fact that Hannah had insisted that he, at the very least, be baptized and then attend Sunday School until he was old enough to make his own decision about whether or not he wanted religion in his life. When he was twelve, he made that choice, and Hannah respected it.

Now, Leonard celebrated Christmas in that he put up a tree, took Joanna to sit on Santa Claus's lap, and opened presents Christmas morning. But even that bit of celebrating was only because he had a child. There was no Spirit of Christmas in his adult life, and when midnight rolled around, Hannah went to Mass alone. Same thing for Easter. And otherwise, science was more important than God in his house.

Did she agree with it? No. Was she happy about it? No. But she respected it. She was of the opinion that a person's relationship with God was between God and that person. God didn't need her to act as enforcer. He could handle it fine on His own. But, that didn't mean that she didn't hope to have a little sway. So, she prayed, for her husband and her son, to a god who knew what it was like to have a child have to make difficult decisions, and she took comfort from that.

 _So, why then, is this so different?_   She asked herself.

She had a couple of gay friends. She'd had gay co-workers. She'd had students who were openly gay, holding hands in the hallways with whomever their boyfriend or girlfriend was that week…and it changed a lot, because they were teenagers, and really, what did they know? Not nearly as much as they thought, that was for damn sure. She'd never cared before, because again…it was between that person and God. But this was her  _son_  and she loved him, and the Bible wasn't clear about a lot of things, but in her opinion, it was pretty damn clear about this.

But Leonard wasn't some teenager stumbling around, trying to figure out who he was. He was a grown man, though Hannah couldn't help but wonder how much of the man was still trapped and confused by whatever had happened when he was nineteen. Leonard had said he got help for that, and she believed him, but who's to say it was the right kind of help, or that it had happened fast enough? Using a napkin, she blotted her eyes and cheeks as she remembered how Leonard had changed midway through his freshman year. It made her heartsick to know that something horrible had happened to him, and he hadn't felt like he could tell them, that he had lived with it in silence for however long.

And that, that right there, was the real source of pain for Hannah. That had she been better, more persuasive, more…something. Trustworthy? Caring? Loving? Whatever it was her son thought she lacked…maybe,  _maybe_  she could've helped him earlier. And maybe things with Jocelyn would have worked out differently. On the other hand, maybe things with Jocelyn wouldn't have worked out at all, and they wouldn't have Joanna in their lives. Hannah couldn't imagine Leonard without Joanna in his life. She was a gift, a beautiful, precious, gift…and her existence wasn't an accident, or a twist of fate. So no matter what Leonard said about Jocelyn and his relationship with her, it hadn't been a mistake. Because God's gift to them wasn't a mistake.

Leonard wouldn't see it that way, Hannah knew. Things were as black and white in his mind as they were in his medical journals. She sighed and took a sip of her coffee. It was cold now. She'd been there, sitting in that booth, for a lot longer than she'd realized. Glancing over her shoulder she saw that it was full dark outside. Surprised, she looked at her watch – nearly ten.

So, it appeared she had a decision to make. Leonard made it clear that the ball was in her court. She could carry on pitching a fit like that little spectacle before she left, or she could do what she's always done…let go and let God handle it. It wasn't even really a decision, she realized. She just needed the time and space to get there. She didn't like it, didn't know if she would ever be able to accept Jim into her life the way Leonard had into his, but that was her problem. And as far as Jim himself went…well, Leonard trusted him enough to leave Joanna with him. That said enough about him as far as she was concerned. Obviously he was a good person. The rest wasn't her concern. It would be difficult, knowing the type of relationship he had with her son, but Leonard had made it clear that there was no choice for him. Since she wasn't willing to lose him, there really was no choice for her either.

Feeling a little more in control of her emotions, she checked her watch again and sighed. She was exhausted. She didn't know how much of that was due to the time change, and how much was just emotional exhaustion, but she felt like she could sleep for a week. Time to go.

Leaving her untouched pie and mostly untouched coffee, she got up, check in hand, and made her way to the cash register. The young woman who served her was at the register.

"Is everything okay, ma'am?" she asked, glancing back at the table where she'd sat for the last few hours.

Hannah smiled wanly.

"It's getting there," she answered. She tried to remember her route as she waited for her change. "Honey, I need to get to Palm Court off of Tapper Boulevard. What would be the quickest route?" Armed with directions quickly scribbled on a scrap of paper, and a lighter heart, she got back in her son's car and headed back to his home.

A few minutes later, she was letting herself in. It was nearly eleven now, and she smiled slightly at the sight of Leonard sprawled on the couch, light on, cell phone resting on his chest. He'd been waiting up for her, probably expecting her to call because she got lost. Shaking her head in amusement, she sat on the coffee table in front of the couch, watching him sleep. That worry line between his eyebrows, that she swears he was born with, was more pronounced now than it usually was when he slept. She felt bad knowing that, more than likely, she was the current cause. She reached out and gently smoothed his hair back from his forehead, a soft smile on her face. He murmured and shifted slightly, but didn't wake.

"Leonard," she said softly. "Wake up, Son. You're going to hurt your neck if you sleep there all night."

He stirred again, and his eyes blinked open, squinting in the lamp light.

"Mom – glad you came back," he said sleepily.

"I told you I was coming back…anyway I had your car. What was I gonna do?" she asked, leaning moving back slightly as he sat up.

He looked at her, running a hand over his head, trying to get his hair to smooth down.

"So…are you just dropping the car off?" he asked, quietly. She didn't look particularly upset anymore, but still. Hannah smiled softly and reached a hand out, gently cupping his face.

"No, Baby. I'm here to visit you and Joanna. And…I want to meet Jim," she replied.

Leonard nodded slightly, relief mingled with confusion on his face.

"So…uh…are you…okay…with all of this? Because I love him, Mom. I care about him and his feelings…and Joanna loves him, and I don't want her-"

"Leonard," she cut him off, gently gripping his chin. "I will respect your choices. And I will respect Jim. I know you would never let Joanna be close with anyone who wasn't a good person, and I trust your judgment." She paused, letting him go, and watched his eyes clear of some of the concern. "However," she continued. "I expect you and Jim to respect me. Like it or not, think it bigoted or not – I really don't care – I am not ready to see you two being…familiar…with each other. Are you understanding me, Son?"

Leonard nodded. This was…better than he thought things were going to be. He felt his body relax as the tension he'd been holding released. He didn't think he would be as  _relieved_  as he was. Reaching out, he gathered his mother in his arms and held her tightly.

"Thank you," he said against her hair.

She held him, guiding his head to her shoulder like she did when he was younger.

"Nothin' to thank me for," she replied. "It's how it's supposed to be."

 

* * *

 

Leonard met Jim and Joanna outside in the parking lot. When Jim parked he went around to his daughter's side to help her out of her booster seat, and removed in from Jim's car, putting it back in his own.

"Daddy! Is Gramma here?" Joanna asked excitedly, throwing her arms around his waist. He lifted her and gave her a kiss.

"Yup, she's in the kitchen making lunch. Guess what she's making just for you?" Joanna stared into his eyes for a moment, but then she got it.

"Strawberry cake?" she asked. "Yay! Put me down, Daddy!"

He let her slide down to the ground and she took off.

"Gramma! Gramma!" she called, banging through the front door.

Smiling, Leonard shook his head. He decided to let them have their moment. Turning his attention to Jim, who was pulling Joanna's overnight bag out of the car, he smiled widely.

"Hey," he said, walking over to him. "Missed you." They hugged, and Leonard pressed a quick kiss to his lips, conscious of what he'd promised his mother. To his amusement Jim pulled away quickly, glancing towards the windows. "Relax…she's in the kitchen. Can't see the parking lot from the kitchen." Leonard said.

Jim looked at him, a tight smile on his face.

"Sorry…I just want to make sure this goes well," he said.

Leonard searched his eyes for a moment.

"You're nervous," he observed.

Jim shrugged and scuffed the toe of his sneaker on the ground like a little kid. Leonard longed to reach out and hug him, but he knew that probably would not make him feel better right now.

"Mom has already decided you're a good guy…she knows I wouldn't trust Joanna with just anyone."

"Yeah, but…"

"But nothing. She's decided to handle the rest of it in her own way…and that's that. Okay?"

"Okay," Jim said.

Leonard knew he wasn't convinced. He was simply going to have to see it himself.

"Should we go in?" Leonard asked after a moment.

Jim stood there, clutching his keys. He looked just as likely to leave as he was to walk into the house, at this point. Leonard gently worked his fingers into Jim's clenched hand, urging his grip to relax.

He pulled Jim's keys free and smiled softly. "Come on, let's go in."

Entering the kitchen, Leonard smiled at a familiar sight he hadn't seen in a long time. His mother and daughter were standing side by side at the counter, Joanna on a chair turned backwards, working on something together. Jim was a step or two behind him, feeling like an intruder. He swallowed, and tried to relax his expression into something more open and friendly than he was sure he was currently wearing.

"Mom," Leonard said. Hannah glanced over her shoulder.

"Just one second, boys," she said easily. "This is a delicate process we're starting here." She kept her attention focused on the way Joanna was spreading the white frosting. "That's it, sweetie. Good job. Can you do the other two?"

"Yes," Joanna replied, totally engrossed in the task in front of her.

Hannah dropped a kiss on her head. "Good girl."

She turned around, a smile on her face, and took in the two men. Leonard was pulling plates and cups down to set the table for lunch. Jim standing by the table, looking supremely uncomfortable.

"Mom, this is Jim Kirk. Jim…my mother, Hannah McCoy," Leonard introduced. Jim extended his hand to her.

"Hello Mrs. McCoy. It's nice to meet you."

"Hannah. It's nice to meet you as well, Jim." They shook, and she held his hand a moment longer than necessary as she searched his eyes. After a moment, she offered him a full smile that he tentatively returned.

"So…" she said, sitting down at the table and motioning for Jim to do the same. "Leonard tells me you're teaching elementary school now, but finishing a degree in educational psych."

"Yes, Ma'am," Jim said.

"Hannah," she corrected gently. Jim flushed. "Have you ever considered teaching in secondary school? So many of those students could really use someone like you."

Leonard moved to the counter beside Joanna while his mother and Jim talked. Joanna was finishing icing the cakes and he finished the chicken salad sandwiches his mother started. They shared a smile and Joanna indicated he should bend down so she could whisper to him.

"And I'm not sure which one worked," she finished. "But the next time I wish for a puppy, I'm going to use the stars  _and_  a starfish."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To everyone who enjoyed The Basics of Primary Ed. and are waiting for some of those loose ends to be tied…
> 
> There is a completed sequel called Learning As We Go that will also be available on this site. Like TBoPE, it's a long, multi-chaptered story, and I'll be cleaning it up as I post. I expect to put up a few chapters each week.
> 
> It does pick up exactly where this story leaves off.
> 
> Thank you for reading, and for all your wonderful comments and kudos. I very much appreciate hearing from all of you.
> 
> Sincerely,  
> Caera


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